Chapter 42: Tuxedo Tattletale

[Scene: Zoi buries his face in his hands.]

Chief Midori: Zoisite, I know you're embarrassed but we need to talk about this Kunzite situation.

Zoi: No.

Chief Midori: Why not?

Zoi: [sobs] I don't want to!

Chief Midori: Are you crying?

Zoi: [crying] No.

Chief Midori: Zoisite, why are you crying?

Zoi: [weeping hysterically] Because you're mad at me! Because I'm the worst son in the world! I'm sorry I lied to you! I'm sorry I ditched school! You're the best dad in the world and want you to be proud of me, but I'm no good!

Chief Midori: Hey, hey. [comes over and gives Zoi a hug and start rocking him in his arms] Stop crying. You're not a bad boy. You're a good son. The best ever. I'm not mad at you.

Zoi: [shrill] Yes, you are! You're calling me by my full name! You only do that when you're mad at me!

Chief Midori: I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at Kunzite.

Zoi: [sniffles] You're just saying that to get me to stop crying so you can yell at me some more!

Chief Midori: I wasn't yelling at you.

Zoi: Yes you were!

Chief Midori: No, honey. Listen… [looks him in the eye] You're probably feeling scared and alone right now, but what I'm trying to tell you is that everything you are going through is perfectly normal for a boy your age.

[Zoi stops crying and looks at his father. It's a bit disturbing to Zoi to hear his father being so liberalminded and permissive, given how strict and overprotective he normally is.]

Chief Midori: I was a freshman in high school myself once, you know. Things weren't any different back in my day, though these sorts of things didn't get talked about as much back then.

Zoi: [wipes his nose] So you're really not mad at me?

Chief Midori: Not at all. I'm just feeling a little hurt right now that you didn't feel comfortable enough to come talk to me before you decided to start missing school over this.

[Zoi dabs his eyes and smiles faintly at his father]

Chief Midori: You have nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone should be ashamed of himself it's Kunzite.

Zoi: No, don't blame him. It's not his fault. It's mine.

Chief Midori: No, honey. He wants you to think that. But he's the one with the problem. Not you. I know you're both in high school, but I'm pretty sure he's over eighteen. He's an adult and you're a minor. He's a lot older than you. At his age he should know better. I could have him sent to prison for this.

Zoi: But–

Chief Midori: Besides, the guy is practically a giant. How could you possibly defend yourself against someone like that? There's no way a guy that big should be bullying boys your age.

Zoi: Wait… what?

Chief Midori: I plan to sit down with Dr. Metalia and have a long talk with her about her son, but I figured I'd better discuss this with you first, so I don't miscommunicate, or put you on the spot and make things worse for you.

Zoi: [thoroughly confused] Um, dad? What has Mamoru been telling you, exactly?

Chief Midori: He said that a little birdie told him at the spring dance that Kunzite O'Sama has been slapping you around at school.

[Zoi's jaw drops]

Chief Midori: He said he strongly suspects Kunzite was the reason you were sent home during lunch yesterday afternoon with a hairline fracture in your ankle.

Zoi: Oh, my god! [jumps to his feet with volcanic rage] That stupid, no good jerk, Mamoru! I can't believe he'd pull an idiotic stunt like this! Next time I see him, I am going to kill him!

Chief Midori: Hey, don't take this out on Mamoru Chiba. He's cares about you very much and he's only trying to look out for you.

Zoi: No! Mamoru Chiba is the biggest jerk alive! He coldfishes drunk girls in the back of his aunt's car! He doesn't have any game of his own, so he has to ruin everyone else's!

Chief Midori: So you're saying Kunzite O'Sama doesn't hit you?

Zoi: [puts his hands on his hips] No! Kunzite O'Sama would never hit me! He's the nicest, sweetest guy ever! Why does everyone assume he goes around beating and raping me!

Chief Midori: [alarmed] Mamoru didn't say anything about him raping you.

Zoi: Yes he did! Just not to you!

Chief Midori: So let get this straight: Kunzite O'Sama hasn't been hitting you?

Zoi: That's correct!

Chief Midori: And you aren't living in mortal terror of him?

Zoi: That's correct!

Chief Midori: So much so that you think you have to ditch school to avoid getting beaten up by him?

Zoi: That's correct!

Chief Midori: Then why exactly have you been ditching school?

Zoi: …

Chief Midori: Zoisite?

Zoi: I think I better go upstairs and get caught up on my homework.

Chief Midori: [raises his voice] Not so fast! Sit down.

[Zoi sits with a defiant look on his face]

Chief Midori: You know something, Zoisite? You were a lot better off when I thought Kunzite O'Sama was bullying you.

Zoi: [grumbles] I don't care. Kunzite's a good guy. I'm not going to let him take the blame for MY bad behavior.

Chief Midori: Zoisite? What's going on with you? Why are you mouthing off to me like this? I've never seen you behave like this. This isn't like you at all.

Zoi: I don't want to talk about it. I'm really tired. I want to go to bed.

Chief Midori: You don't look tired. As a matter of fact you look kind of keyed up.

Zoi: Do I? I just want to go to sleep.

Chief Midori: What? No plans tonight?

Zoi: [sullen] No.

Chief Midori: Don't even think of crawling through a window.

Zoi: [sneers] You don't trust me at all, do you?

Chief Midori: Who are you and what have you done with my Zoisite. [looks Zoi over and narrows his eyes] What's that on your thumb?

Zoi: Huh? [puts his hands behind his back] I don't know what you mean.

[Chief Midori yanks Zoi's arm forward and pulls the ring off his thumb. Zoi shrieks in outrage as he holds it up the light to inspect the inside]

Chief Midori: It's heavy…18K gold. From Japan no less. Not cheap. [Tosses the ring back to Zoi] Who gave you this?

Zoi: None of your business!

Chief Midori: Please tell me this isn't from some forty year old guy you met online.

Zoi: [rolls his eyes] I'm pretty sure he's closer to a hundred, Dad.

Chief Midori: Zoisite O. Midori, this is nothing to joke about!

Zoi: Fine. If you really must know. I got it from some kid at school.

Chief Midori: A kid named Kunzite O'Sama, by any chance?

Zoi: *blinks*

Chief Midori: Well?

Zoi: …Maybe.

Chief Midori: [heads for the door] That's it. Now I'm definitely having a talk with his mother.

Zoi: DAD! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

[Zoi runs to block the door]

Chief Midori: Why not?

[Zoi can't very well explain to his dad that Metalia is a soul-sucking flesh-eating chaos goddess who would probably eat his father instead of hearing him out, so he struggles for a plausible explanation.]

Zoi: Because…he hasn't come out to his family yet.

Chief Midori: Oh, that's just great. You're getting expensive gifts from some guy who's still in the closet. Tell me. Does he have a girlfriend?

Zoi: Dad–

Chief Midori: Is he playing kissy-face with the head cheerleader in front of his friends as a smokescreen for when he's luring underage boys like you off campus so he can get into their pants? Is this really the sort of future you want for yourself?

Zoi: Dad! It's not like that!

Chief Midori: Then tell me. What is it like?

Zoi: Dad. I'm still a virgin.

[Chief Midori gives Zoi a long dubious look]

Chief Midori: I wish I could believe that.

[Zoi's jaw drops in outrage]

Chief Midori: What? You've been lying to me all week. Why should I believe anything you have to say right now?

Zoi: [beyond furious] I'm too tired to have this conversation right now. I'm going to bed early and then we can talk about this in the morning.

Chief Midori: You know, I'd feel a lot better if you were dating Mamoru Chiba. He's the same age as you and it's obvious he cares about you a great deal. Plus, he makes no secret of the fact he's bisexual. He used to date a male foreign exchange student from Holland, and they're still on good terms. He's a star athlete, he volunteers at the retirement home and the animal shelter, and he's studying to be a surgeon. I'm not saying I'll die happy if you marry him, but you could do a lot worse.

Zoi: I'd rather die than marry Mamoru Chiba. [heads for the stairs seething] I'll see you in the morning, Dad.

Chief Midori: I'll see you long before that if you try to sneak out of here.

Zoi: Don't worry. I'm taking a long hot shower and then I'm going to straight to bed.

[Zoi goes into his room and slams the door shut behind him]

[Kunzite is lying sprawled out on his bed with his hands behind his head.]

Kunzite: [smiles fondly at Zoi] I guess we'd better cool it on the dating for a while.

Zoi: Oh! [doubles over and clutches his chest in shock]

Kunzite: [sits up in alarm] I'm sorry.

Zoi: Just give me a minute to restart my heart.