Happy Holidays!
This chapter was, by far, the hardest one I have ever had to write. I've rewritten nearly all of it about three times. I am forcing myself to put it up now, just to get it over with. I want long time readers to know how very sorry I am that it took so long to get out but life these past few months has been a rollercoaster and focusing on my imaginary world is not always so easy.
Rest assured I am not giving up on Evening Falls, and I hope you all don't give up on me.
This chapter's format is slightly different from the others. Part of my rewriting process was my struggle to decide whether it should be from Edward or Elisa's POV. Neither one of them would shut up, so it had to be both. Because there are several changes of scene, instead of my usual Elisa/Edward heading, POV breaks are indicated by a line.
To brush up on what's happening before you read this chapter, I recommend re-reading Chapter 17, Repercussions. For extra credit you might also want to re-read Wedding Daze part 2, Edward, and Miles To Go. :D
See a/n at end of chapter as well for info on an Evening Falls extra or two.
Chapter 18:
Vigil
The vision came, like thousands before it, without warning.
What was different was the carnage this one left in its wake. With a few flickered images, Alice's foresight destroyed everything. Killed the happy, shared camaraderie the seven of us had been sharing in less than a second. Ripped away my hopes, my dreams, my future in a shower of blood and betrayal.
I didn't need to wait now for the rest of the vision that would confirm my worst fears. By the time Alice fell to her knees, screaming Bella's name, I was already running, and as I ran, for the first time in almost a century I began to pray...
"Bella, it's raining," I whispered as I stroked her damp hair.
Bella's head remained cradled on my lap. I could barely make out her features in the dying light. Her open eyes glittered as they stared sightlessly up at the sky. Rainwater had pooled in their empty depths and spilled over, false tears on her ghostly white face.
I didn't know why I couldn't cry.
That the screams forced from my throat had stopped, I understood. It took a certain amount of energy and a voice I no longer had to scream. But that I could just sit there, quiet, calm, as the rain soaked my skin…it didn't make any sense. The tears that I had shed so easily before were out of my reach now.
I reached out and closed her eyelids. That was better. The rain had washed the blood and grime off of her face. She looked peaceful now. Almost like she was sleeping.
She didn't look like she had suffered. Maybe that would make Edward feel better. I wouldn't tell him the rest. I wouldn't tell him how she cried, about the convulsions that had racked her, how scared she had been.
How she had died waiting for a prince who didn't come in time to say goodbye.
But in thinking this, I had gone too far.
It was imagining it, imagining the look on Edward's face when he finally came through those trees, when he saw that he was too late, that broke through the icy veneer of shock I had wrapped myself in. My pain, I could hold off. His, I could not. Not knowing that I was the cause of all of this, that if it hadn't been for me and my uninvited intrusion into their lives, Bella would be safe right now, already immortal, out of Irina's reach.
Was this what I had come back for? Had I overcome death only to pass it on?
To destroy everyone I came into contact with?
I desperately wanted to cry now, to release the pressure that was building inside of me, compressing my lungs and sealing my airway, but the tears I had shed so easily before were out of my reach. All I could do was rock back and forth, choking and gasping, my fingers squeezing Bella's cold hand tightly.
It was unendurable, the weight bearing down on me. I could feel myself being smashed underneath it, unable to resist as the pain morphed into something else, a piece of my nightmares, a memory I'd tried to forget.
The pressure was building, pushing on me, constricting, constraining, squeezing everything out of me. I tried to draw another breath but there was no more air to breathe in. I could feel myself solidifying, like I was turning to ice from the inside out. I couldn't move, couldn't blink but around me the world shifted and twisted. The darkness wavered and I rose and fell with it, like a too small boat on a storm tossed sea. My head was a cracked open chasm filled with the screaming I couldn't voice.
Bella's face swam in front of my clouded eyes. For just the tiniest tic of time, I could feel something besides the pressure that was twisting me and wringing me out. I could still feel her hand in mine and it was the only thing that kept me from giving up and falling into the abyss that was swallowing me.
With that realization, something else kicked in within me, a fiercely strong instinct that I didn't understand, screaming inside me, insisting that no matter what, I had to stay focused on her. I held onto her like a drowning man holds onto a lifeline.
Two things happened very fast. Something slammed into me, tearing Bella's hand out of mine, sending me airborne and smashing me back into the ground a few feet away. As soon as I lost my grip on her the whirling world around me went still once more and air rushed back into my lungs.
But that wasn't my salvation. It was what I had seen right before I went flying.
Bella's eyes.
Open.
If time had ever been my enemy before, if immortality had ever seemed unbelievably tedious or painful, it was nothing compared to how cruelly it punished me as I ran back to St. John's. It had taken us an hour to get to Buchans. It would not take me nearly as long to get home and yet every second was a waste, an eternity of futility. With every step I took, every ragged breath, I heard Elisa screaming my name. The whisper pounded in my ears like a false heartbeat: too late, too late, too late.
It was worse still to smell her blood, far before I was finally breaking through the tree line and skidding to an abrupt stop. To not be able to prevent every single wretched scenario that presented itself to me, to be able to linger on the worst possibilities.
The reality was even worse then I'd feared. A scene from a human nightmare lay before me when I finally broke through the tree line and skidded to an abrupt stop.
Bella was crumpled in Elisa's arms, the two of them sprawled in a crimson rain driven river. They were oddly blurry in my sight, as if I was staring at them through a haze of human tears.
Bella was in my arms almost immediately. I felt oddly calm as I gathered her blood soaked body to my chest, carefully cradling her head. She felt cold…too, too cold. There was a roaring in my head, like I was standing next to the ocean during a storm, listening to the surf pound the shore. It drowned out everything else as I stared down at her.
"Edward?" My name was a pitiful croak coming from several feet away. I looked to see Elisa amidst the rubble of the destroyed garden wall, painfully pulling herself upright. Too late I realized I had thrown her out of my way, and I hadn't been gentle about it.
There wasn't room in my head to care.
I couldn't make myself accept what was right in front of me. Bella's eyes were half-lidded, uncomprehending. The wound on her neck wasn't real…the slow crimson trickle down her throat wasn't real, none of this could be real. The God that I believed in would not, could not be this cruel. Even if I was damned, even if I deserved to suffer, what had she ever done to anyone?
"Bella, please…Bella…" I was babbling now, nonsensical, and holding her far, far too tightly. It wouldn't matter now -
And then I heard it through the rush of nothingness in my head.
Her heartbeat.
Far too slow…too weak…but it was there. Bella's heart was still beating.
"Bella! Look at me now! Bella!" My voice was too loud, too hard, calling her back from a path she was halfway down. For a moment there was nothing to indicate she heard me. When her eyes finally moved, sought me out, it brought forward a rush of indescribable, almost painful relief.
She couldn't move, couldn't speak, but she knew I was there. I saw it in the warmth of her eyes.
"Stay with me, Bella. Don't leave. Wherever you go, I will follow."
"Son," Carlisle's voice spoke into my ear and I felt a magnificently weakening rush of relief. He was here, they were all here. I could hear the rest of our family rushing in through the trees, their thoughts horrified at the sight before them. Immediately the relief was gone as I saw Bella again through their eyes. Her hold on life was precarious at best.
"Carlisle…" I begged, trying to force myself to release my grip on Bella's limp body so he could work on her.
"No," Carlisle shook his head. His sorrowful golden eyes held a message I could not – did not want – to comprehend. I can't help her now. You have to do it, Edward.
I stared down at Bella. She struggled to keep her eyes open but it was a losing battle. Even as I watched, her gaze clouded over.
"Edward!" Alice screamed next to me. She grabbed my shoulder and shook frantically. What are you waiting for?
Everything in my being was screaming along with her but there was still that part, that minute but powerful part, raging at me that I would be robbing Bella of the last bit of her that she had left…her soul. I stared desperately at Alice, begging silently for a piece of the future, a magical sign that I was doing the right thing.
No comfort came from my sister's thoughts, as raging as a storm tossed sea. She grabbed me again, around the collar this time, her face twisted with fury and terror. DO IT NOW!
I didn't need to make sense of the future she was seeing now. I could imagine it myself, perfectly. I could see the mourners, could see Chief Swan's grief stricken face, could see Bella's white casket being laid to rest in the soggy Forks ground. I could see the universe, stretching on endlessly, years and decades and centuries of pointless living. An empty existence, without rhyme or reason.
I could not bear it.
There was no more time to be gentle. No more time at all. I picked Bella up, holding her close to my chest, flipping her lank, blood soaked hair away from her ravaged throat. Her eyes rolled back in her head, unseeing. She would feel nothing…at least for now.
And then, finding a tender spot right above her collarbone where the flesh remained whole, I bit.
Bella flinched in my arms, the instinct for self preservation that I'd often feared that she lacked kicking in at this inopportune moment. Her struggles were brief; she was far too weak to muster up a real fight. She went limp in my arms, and I reared back in alarm. It was only the reassuring pressure of Carlisle's hands on my back that gave me the courage to try again.
It seemed an eternity ago that I had been in danger of being overcome by the taste of Bella's blood. It was bitter gall now in my mouth, only a reminder of what I stood to lose.
My goal was to inject venom, not take what little blood was left. As quickly as I could, I stopped and sealed the wound. I didn't want to do it again, afraid the shock and pain would be too much for her, but her head still hung back limply. The place where I bit had healed somewhat but her throat wound was still horrific.
Carlisle touched my shoulder. "Again," he urged. We have nothing to lose now.
So I bent again. To kill her. To save her.
"Edward," My voice was a near soundless sob as I struggled up on my hands and knees. I couldn't quite believe that he was really here, that I wasn't imagining him.
At my strangled croak, Edward looked up and briefly met my eyes. The complete terror in his face was my anchor back to reality. If this was just a daydream, he would be calm and assured in his ability to save her, the knight on the white horse I'd desperately imagined. Instead his gaze was wild, panicked, leaving me trembling all over again.
Yet…she was alive! How was it possible? I'd watched her die.
The world was spinning around me again and I swayed. Distantly, I was aware that I was about to pass out for the first time in my life.
"Elisa!" Rosalie's voice called me back from the haze that was trying to overtake me. I blinked and she was before me. All around me blurred shapes were solidifying…Carlisle and Alice were crouched down next to Bella. Emmett and Jasper were standing by the fountain, staring at Dax's remains. Esme and Rosalie were next to me, their whisper light touch all over me, looking into my eyes, examining my small wounds, parting my hair to look at my scalp.
"Who did this, Elisa?" Emmett demanded, his gaze on me now. It took a few seconds to focus on what he was asking me. I was too busy staring at Bella, or what little I could see of her now that she was surrounded. Edward was kneeling over her but I couldn't see –
"Elisa!" Rosalie's impatient voice reminded me that they were waiting on an answer.
"Irina," The name came out a garbled whisper.
Emmett, Esme, and Rosalie all wore identical expressions of stunned disbelief at my words.
"No," Rosalie shook her head. "You've never met Irina. You must be mistaken. It couldn't have been – "
"It was," Jasper's voice was deliberate, yet pained. "Alice saw her."
Esme was shaking her head. "I don't believe that. Irina would never be a part of this! What reason would she have to hurt Bella?"
I couldn't stand to listen to them try to reason it out. How could they even carry on a conversation at a time like this? Who cared about Irina when Bella was –
"Bella!" I choked and Esme's attention snapped back at me. I struggled to push my way past her but she caught me by the waist. The place where Bella had lain was empty. "Where is she?!"
"They've taken her inside," Esme's expression was distraught now, as if it all was finally catching up with her.
Rosalie said something to Esme that I didn't hear, and was at my side in a second, gripping my shoulders. "We're going to get you cleaned up, Elisa." Her voice was strained, and I realized that she was trying to speak and hold her breath at the same time. Bella's blood still soaked the ground and belatedly I realized that all of their eyes were still black. The hunting trip hadn't been productive after all.
I didn't move and Rosalie gave me a gentle shove. She was the only one with me now – the others must have gone to check on Bella. Rosalie turned me towards the house and led me quickly through the lower level to the staircase, her cold hand on my back. I was shaking as I walked, babbling nonsense, no control over my own words.
Rosalie's hand stopped me and she turned to face me. "Elisa, stop it. You have to pull it together now. This is not the time to fall apart."
It felt like my brain was working too slowly…I didn't process her words until her hands gripped my shoulders and my feet left the ground. We were halfway up the staircase before I could blurt out a protest. Rosalie ignored my garbled words and I found myself being stripped off in the bathroom before I could take another breath. She shoved me into the shower before I could really complain. I stood under the spray, shivering violently despite its warmth. The door clicked shut behind her as she left the room.
Underneath the flowery scents of the bathroom came another smell, stronger, mixed with the warm spray. I made the mistake of looking down to see the rivulets of pinkish red blood running down my body and swirling down the drain. Blood – I must have been covered in it. I held out my hands and the water cascaded over them, washing the crimson off the skin. My stomach lurched as I saw the reddish tinge to my fingernails. I turned my hands over to see that blood still filled the insides of my nailbeds. Bella's blood. Just like in my dreams.
My stomach heaved then and I doubled over, retching.
"Elisa!" I heard Rosalie knocking on the door, calling my name. "Are you alright?"
I choked for a minute before I could reply. "Fine." My voice was an unconvincing tremor.
The door opened again as I was rinsing out my mouth. "Hurry, Elisa." Rosalie tapped on the glass shower door. "I'm putting clean clothes on the counter."
I got out of the shower almost immediately but even the simplest tasks like wrapping a towel around my dripping hair or buttoning my jeans seemed to be beyond me. My hands shook so badly I dropped or fumbled with everything I touched. Rosalie must have been right outside the door listening because she was back in seconds, sighing as she tugged clothes over my head, waving away my stammered apology.
"What's happening? How is Bella?" I asked her as she quickly toweled off my hair.
"She's downstairs. Carlisle is taking care of her."
"Can I see – " I started to ask as she nearly dragged me out of the bathroom.
Esme was waiting just beyond the doorway, holding a black shoulder bag. I recognized the sleeve of one of my own sweaters peeking out of the top, and realized immediately what it meant.
"Where are you taking me? I can't leave, not now!"
"You can't stay here. It's not safe any more, with Bella…" Esme didn't finish.
At the same time that I shrank away from what she was saying, hope revived within me. "So she's changing? She's going to be OK?"
Esme and Rosalie exchanged looks before turning back to me.
Rosalie sighed. "We don't know yet."
Esme threw Rosalie a reproving look. "It's just a matter of time, I'm certain."
I nodded but my mind was back on that bag full of my clothes and what it meant to me. "You're sending me away?" Despite myself, my voice cracked. "Will I ever see any of you again?"
Esme gasped. "Oh, Elisa! That's not what we meant. I'm going with you. We just need to stay away for a few days. As soon as Bella is able, she and Edward will go to Alaska just like they planned, and you can come home. You didn't really think we would just abandon you now, did you?"
I couldn't speak. It was all too much. I was sobbing again as Rosalie and Esme shepherded me outside and into Esme's black SUV. I had wanted to ask to see Bella one last time, but I couldn't stop crying long enough to find my voice. Esme looked even more worried over my hysterical fit, but Rosalie ignored it, picking me up and putting me in the front seat when I didn't move fast enough for her. Esme was instantly in the driver's seat.
Rosalie leaned into my open door. "Call me and let me know where you are," she told Esme. "Emmett and Jasper have gone after Irina. I'm going to try and catch up with them. As soon as there is news I'll be in touch."
With that, she slammed the door closed and was gone, and we were speeding out of the driveway, turning towards town. I craned my neck and stared out the darkened window towards the house until it disappeared from my view.
She was far too quiet. Too still.
Bella was lying on the bed in the guest suite downstairs, motionless, paler then the sheets she lay on. Alice had cleaned her up the best she could, redressing her in one of Esme's nightgowns.
"She's not healing," I was trying to keep my voice calm as Carlisle checked again underneath the wrappings around her throat that were slowly being stained with blood. "Why isn't it working?" The panic broke through, making my voice crack.
"The venom is keeping her alive," Carlisle assured me. "We can't ask for much more at the moment. It took a while with Esme too. As much blood as she lost, it's a miracle that –" he stopped speaking abruptly but his thoughts gave him away. It was a miracle that she was alive at all.
"You can't guarantee me that it will work, can you? It could go either way." I looked up at him.
Carlisle took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He didn't need to answer. I knew already that the venom couldn't save everyone. If her heart wasn't strong enough to keep beating, to keep it circulating through her system, she was lost.
"Will you be alright with her for a few minutes? I need to try to contact Denali, and I want to call and check on Elisa as well."
"Elisa," I whispered, shamed once again that I had been so short-sighted. "I am so sorry. I didn't think to ask if – "
"She's fine,' Carlisle assured me. "Physically,anyway. Just some scrapes and bruises. Rosalie and Esme are taking care of her."
I nodded, my eyes back on Bella's face.
Once he left, the silence of the room was maddening. Alice had crept onto the windowsill on the other side of Bella's bed. She sat there with her knees folded to her chest and her chin resting on them. Her face was grim.
"Alice,"
I shouldn't ask her, I already knew that, and yet I couldn't stop myself.
She tensed, but didn't look up, refusing to acknowledge me.
"Alice, please. Look again." My whisper was hoarse, pleading. Alice's face stayed carefully blank, but her slight tremor gave me away.
Reluctantly, she met my eyes. "No. I don't want to see it anymore."
"Alice…" I didn't have the words to beg her, but the crack in my voice was enough.
She steeled herself, straightening up, her hands gripping her knees tightly as she searched for Bella's future. She struggled for a moment and then it was there…Bella, strong, ruby eyed, marble skinned. The same tiny bit of vague imagery that used to haunt me so. Now I clung to it; my one beacon of hope.
But it still wasn't set, distinct. Almost as soon as it appeared, it was washed away. Replacing it was the glimpse we had both dreaded seeing. A grave, freshly dug. Mounds of unfairly cheery flowers covering the dirt. The name on the tombstone; Bella Swan Cullen.
"It could still go either way," Alice's voice broke into my despair. Her hands were shaking. She saw me looking and her façade crumbled. "Don't ask me again. Please."
I wanted to tell her I was sorry but I couldn't find the words.
There came a quiet murmur of voices…Rosalie and Carlisle were talking just outside the open door.
"They're gone," Rosalie was telling him, referring, I knew, to Esme and Elisa. "I was planning on trying to catch up with Emmett and Jasper but –"
She broke off to look through the doorway at me before she continued, this time directing her words at me. "I do understand why she has to die. If it was Emmett, lying in there, I'd want Irina dead too. But she's been our friend so long… I just can't help them kill her. I'm sorry, Edward."
The mention of Irina's name had me clenching my fists but I struggled for a calm tone, shaking my head. "I understand completely. I don't blame you. I wish that Emmett and Jasper didn't' have that burden either. I should be the one, but I can't leave Bella now –" I broke off again as I saw the grave in my mind once more.
Carlisle walked in, his smooth skin crossed with rare lines of stress and pain. As soon as he saw me watching his expression smoothed. "I finally got hold of Eleazer and Carmen. They're in South America – they're catching the next plane back. I haven't been able to reach Tanya or Kate and neither have they. I suspect they already know and have gone after Irina themselves."
"It's a bit late for that." My tone held the full weight of my bitterness.
"Edward, we can't hold them responsible for what Irina has done," Carlisle began.
I couldn't bear it, to hear him speak Irina's name. To listen to him defend her sisters, innocent though they may be. Before he could continue I broke in with the first thing I could think of to stop him.
"Sebastian was involved as well."
Carlisle froze before the next words were out of his mouth. As fresh pain crossed his face I immediately regretted dropping the bomb on him like that
He closed his eyes. "You're sure?" he asked finally.
"Yes," Alice answered for me. "I saw him here, with Irina. I don't know who the other one was. He's dead anyway."
"His name was Dax," Rosalie volunteered. We all looked at her in surprise and she tapped the pocket that held her cell phone. "Esme called a few minutes ago. Elisa told her everything. Irina had some insane idea about killing Bella as revenge on the Quilleutes. She thought it would start a war."
Carlisle's calm broke and he uttered an oath under his breath, turning away from us.
I put my head in my hands, stunned by the sheer insanity of it all. "Such a waste," I whispered into my fingers. "All this for Laurent. She would have sacrificed us all for her empty vengeance."
"I don't know how Sebastian could have allowed himself to be involved in this," Carlisle whispered. I looked up to see him shaking his head, his eyes far away.
I felt a surge of renewed hatred when he mentioned Sebastian, and it was only the great love I bore Carlisle, and the desire to not hurt him more, that kept me from retorting. Over the years, I had frankly been bewildered by Carlisle's relationship with Sebastian. The man I considered my immortal father wasn't one to be fooled easily by pretense, and Sebastian's supposed charm was an easily pierced front. Yet Carlisle insisted on seeing the best in him, opening our doors to him again and again, despite my warnings. What I had observed from the time he'd spent with us had only lowered my estimation, but Carlisle held on to his belief in Sebastian's innate goodness with a stunning naiveté that I could not fathom.
It was a belief I did not share. I'd been in Sebastian's mind enough to know that he was out for himself, and there was not a single attachment that he had that he wasn't willing to betray to gain what he wanted. No, I wasn't surprised by his betrayal. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to suffer for it. Even if it took years, I would find him. When I did, I would make sure he died slowly.
I was so lost in thought that I hadn't noticed Carlisle and Rosalie leaving the room.
I leaned over the bed. "Bella? Can you hear me?"
There was no response. No nothing. Tentatively, I touched her face. She had warmed only slightly, and I pulled the comforter up from where it had been hastily tossed aside, tucking it around her.
Alice was huddled back in her corner once more, watching us. Her thoughts were like a black sea under a moonless sky, reflecting my pain back at me, magnifying it. But I couldn't ask her to leave. This waiting would be unbearable without her.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, none of it. We had so many plans…I was supposed to help Bella prepare for her change, make it as safe as it could be. Carlisle and I had plans to make it as easy as possible for her but now it was all in ruins. I took Bella's limp hand and squeezed it between both of mine.
And as I waited, I finally had a moment to think. To try and understand. .
I took my time, sorting through everything I had pushed away for the past terrible hour. The secondhand information from Rosalie, the near delirious images I had gleaned from Elisa's head, the details of Alice's vision I now sorted and sifted through, struggling to put the pieces together and understand.
Most of all, I was tallying, planning.
For someone had to pay for this.
The one called Dax, to my everlasting disappointment, was already dead. And I had read clearly in Emmett and Jasper's mind that they had no intention of bringing Irina back in one piece. They would kill her where they found her and burn the pieces.
Even as I rejoiced in that image, I grieved for the necessity of it. This unknown Dax, from the little I had been able to glean about him, was nothing more than should be expected from the lowest of our kind. A murderous thug for hire, who took his payment in blood. He undoubtedly had only survived as long as he had by virtue of his one gift; strength.
But Irina…there was part of me, that understood Rosalie's disbelief. I also wanted to refuse to accept our betrayal at her hands. From any of our Denali brethren would be difficult to accept, but that it was Irina was unfathomable. Not her – I pictured her now, as I remembered her. The Irina that I knew was warm, loving, almost maternal in nature. And when had I ever known a vampire who loved humans more, with the exception of Carlisle? It had been her compassion for them that had first spurred her sisters to attempt to stop living off of their blood, a nearly impossible feat. There was not a single note in my hundreds of memories of her that explained this.
I understood so much more now. When Tanya had shown up so unexpectedly at my wedding, she hadn't come all that way in a feeble attempt to seduce me away from my bride. I thought back now, remembering her words, and cursed myself for my hindsight. I'd been so blind. Tanya had been terrified. She had been asking for my help, and I hadn't understood. Why hadn't I realized…?
Even as I cursed myself for my ineptitude, I hated Tanya all over again for being too stubborn and proud to ask for help outright. For not doing something, anything, to prevent Irina's descent into madness. I was being unfair, I knew. Yet I still burned to punish her for the same lack of foresight I was guilty of myself.
"Edward!" Alice's gasp jolted me out of my reverie and I was immediately inside her mind.
Another vision shimmered like a reflection in the water…uncertain at first, and the solidifying. Bella, glorious and strong. Immortal.
"Do you see it?" Alice's voice shook.
At first I didn't understand. It wasn't anything we hadn't seen before...and then I realized what she meant.
"It's gone," Alice's voice cracked into a sob. "The other future, the funeral, the grave…Edward, it's gone!"
And just as the purest joy I'd ever felt shot through me like a beam of light, Bella reared up from the bed, eyes bulging, her mouth opened in a soundless scream.
"Bella!" My own scream woke me out of a sleep I didn't remember falling into. I sat up abruptly, gasping and staring around the dark, unfamiliar room in panic. The night sky outside the window told me that quite a bit of time had passed. Where was I? What was happening?
"Elisa?" Out of the darkness, Esme's voice sounded and the second scream that was building in my throat was instantly silenced. She was sitting in an easy chair in the corner, lit by a dim, old fashioned lamp. "It's alright. I'm here.''
"I…where…" My head swam as I struggled out from under the covers and swung my legs over the side of the bed. My whole body felt oddly numb. "Where are we?"
"Don't you remember?" Esme looked worried.
I jumped as the bedroom door swung open and Rosalie appeared, carrying a steaming mug that she sat down on the bedside table. "Drink that," she ordered me as I stared at her. "It's tea. You're feeling a little off from the sedative Esme gave you. It should wear off soon."
"Sedative?" I followed Esme's guilty gaze to a small wicker trash basket beside the bed. An empty vial and a used syringe stared up at me. Any other time I would have been feeling totally betrayed and thrown a huge tantrum, but it barely registered now.
It was slowly coming back to me. Esme had driven us not to a hotel, as I'd assumed she would, but instead to a quasi-campground, an enclave of cabins nestled next to the forest for tourists who wanted to say they had camped out without the uncomfortable camping part. It was closing for the season, but Esme's dazzling smile and the roll of bills she'd pressed into the caretaker's hands had him quickly unlocking one of the more isolated cabins for us.
Once we'd gotten inside, she'd asked me to tell her what had happened. I did my best, but speaking about it brought it all back and I had quickly fallen apart. I didn't remember much after that. She must have dosed me at that point.
As clarity returned, so did the full horror of everything that had happened. I jumped out of the bed, fear returning in waves. "Bella! What's happening? How long has it been? Is she ok now?" I looked at Esme and Rosalie for confirmation. They exchanged looks again like they had earlier.
"She's just fine," Esme's voice was placating. "You've been through enough for one day. Try to stop worrying."
I took a deep breath, shaking all over again. "Really."
Rosalie nodded. "Really."
I drew in a deep, trembling breath, feeling the tears gathering in my eyes once more. To keep from shedding them, I looked around at the rustic wood paneled walls of the small bedroom. It was neat and clean, but the faint smell of wet fur and old fish lingered, a bygone of hunters and campers past. The furnishings were the bare minimum, the wooden table the bed frame and saggy mattress all had seen better days. I was fairly certain the rest of the cabin didn't look any better. All in all, it was not the type of place I imagined Esme and Rosalie willingly choosing to stay.
"I hate hotels,' Esme said in response to my look, smiling more sincerely now. "This is better. We have our own kitchen so I can still cook for you and it's handy for discreet hunting. We won't be here long, regardless."
"How long have I been asleep?" I asked, looking out of the window at the darkened sky beyond.
"About eight hours. It's just two in the morning. You should try to get some sleep." Esme looked back at the bed. I gave her a disbelieving look in response. As if I could really sleep anymore.
"What about the others? Have Jasper and Emmett found Irina yet?"
Rosalie's face hardened at the mention of Irina's name. "They haven't called. They'll catch up to her long before she gets to La Push, don't worry about that." Her voice was ice.
"Drink your tea, Elisa," Esme urged, seeming to want to change the subject. Reluctantly, I picked it up and followed Esme into the main room. She nodded her head towards a worn red plaid couch, tossing me a green fringed throw blanket. I curled up on the rough sofa and gratefully pulled it over me to ward off the chill. It didn't seem like the cabin had a heat source other than an ancient looking iron stove in the corner.
There was silence for a moment as I sipped my tea. Rosalie was watching out the window.
I still felt horribly off-center, like I was balancing on a tight rope with no safety net underneath. Nothing felt right, or real. Fiercely, I wished Emmett was with us. I needed him right now and his unshakable optimism. I wanted to feel safe again, a seemingly impossible concept.
But thinking of Emmett brought a fresh wave of alarm.
"What if they don't?" I said suddenly.
Esme turned to look at me, her eyebrows raised.
"What if they don't catch Irina in time?" Abruptly, I was terrified all over again, my voice rising in pitch. Tanya and Kate had gone after her too, and they had the lead. What would stop them from turning on Emmett and Jasper? "What if there's a fight? She's strong and she was totally out of her mind! She killed that other guy so easily - what if she hurts them or maybe she'll double back and – "
Esme flinched, her expression crumpling. Rosalie turned from the window to give me a scathing look. I felt instantly horrible. I'd been so caught up in my own worry and desperate need for reassurance that I hadn't thought about how horrific this was for Esme. She loved Bella like a daughter and to nearly lose her must have been agony. The last thing she or Rosalie needed was for me to make them worry about Jasper and Emmett too.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm just…" I pushed the throw off of me and jumped up, crossing the room to Esme, hesitating for a moment before I reached up and put my arms around her. "It's going to be alright. It has to be." My words were for myself just as much as her.
Esme immediately hugged me back. "Of course it will, Elisa. Of course."
I didn't respond and the false smile didn't linger long on either one of our faces. There were no more words exchanged as we all settled in, gazes darting from the clock to the too silent cell phone.
All that was left to do now was wait.
Two days. Two days in complete, utter hell.
I didn't know what was worse, when Bella had flailed in my arms silently, unable to give voice to her agony, or when her throat had finally healed and she was able to scream. I did my best to soothe her, holding her hand, wiping the endless tears that streamed down her face. I hummed her lullaby, promised her it would be over soon, talked of our future, and none of it made the least bit of impact. The fevered eyes that stared up at me held no sign of recognition at all. When she still had the strength, she fought me, clawing at me until my shirt was in shreds, cursing at me with words I had never thought would sound from her lips. She screamed for mercy, for death. In the face of her misery, I was helpless.
Yes, if there was a hell for me, this would be it.
On the evening of the second day Alice could bear watching us no longer. When I wouldn't budge from Bella's side she called in reinforcements. Rosalie returned briefly to assist. She and Carlisle had to physically pry me away from the bed, and Alice took my place.
I cursed them myself as Carlisle and Rosalie forced me outside. It wasn't until Carlisle gave into a rare display of anger that I could be reasoned with.
"You're no good to Bella like this, Edward!" The frustration that rang in his words was enough to silence me at last. "I know it's horrible to watch her suffer but you knew this would happen! You cannot afford to fall apart now. Newborns are unstable at best, and you're the one who's going to have to hold Bella together until you can get her safely out of all populated areas. You can't do that half starved and out of your mind with grief!"
He was right, I knew he was, but asking me to stay away from her when she needed me so badly –
"Hunt, Edward." Carlisle saw the protest in my eyes. "We will take care of her until you get back. Please – this is too important to take chances with."
He turned and disappeared back into the house. I nearly defied him and followed, but Carlisle was right. Bella had one more day at most before she woke to her new life. I had to be prepared to help her the best I could, especially on the long journey to Alaska, where she would be exposed to so much temptation. I needed to be as strong as I could be for her.
I was only gone long enough to take down a couple of small deer that had lingered too close to our property. It wasn't enough to sate me but it took the edge off. As my hunger eased, so did some of my mental anguish.
When I returned to the room where we were keeping Bella, I was surprised to see Rosalie still there. She was sitting in my vacated chair, holding Bella's hand.
Alice saw me first. She was back on the windowsill, and she turned her gaze from Rosalie to shrug at me. Interesting, isn't it?
I shuffled slightly as I stood in the doorway and Rosalie looked up. Immediately she dropped Bella's hand. "I was just – I thought I'd sit with her a while. She's been quiet since you've gone."
I looked at the sweat pouring down Bella's face, the dark circles under her tortured eyes, and knew that wasn't because her suffering had eased. She was simply too exhausted to keep screaming.
"Edward…" Rosalie's voice was quiet now, thoughtful. She looked at Bella on the bed and I saw her visibly blanch. "I am so sorry it happened like this."
Her sincerity rang through both her words and thoughts. I nodded, grateful for the gesture. "Thank you, Rose."
She smiled faintly at me and got up so I could resume my seat.
"Have you heard from Emmett?" I asked her quietly as she passed me.
Rosalie stiffened as she reached the doorway. "No," she whispered. I heard the worry in her thoughts.
"They're alright," Alice whispered. "I've seen them. They've just had a hard time finding her. Irina plays a good game of cat and mouse."
"Can you see anything else?" I asked her.
Alice shook her head, sighing. "No. I've tried but there's just too much – " she touched her head and didn't finish, frustrated. It's been hours since I've been able to see them. I'm frightened. Don't let Rose know.
But Rosalie had seen our unspoken communication and guessed what it meant. "I'm going to go back to the cabin," she turned abruptly and left the room, not wanting us to see her worry turn into full blown panic.
"They're fine, Alice," I assured her as I took Bella's hand once more. The words rang with false optimism.
Alice wasn't fooled. She jerked her head in acknowledgment and we fell silent once more, listening to the tick of the clock.
It was nearly an hour before the silence was broken again.
"NO." Alice's voice was a malevolent hiss. I lifted my head to see her face taut with anger. Too late I saw the images in her head and I shot up, knocking the chair over, just as the front door opened.
There was no rationale left in Alice's mind. As the voices sounded, she tried to launch herself out the door with an incensed growl. I barely managed to grab her in time.
"Let me go, Edward!" Alice fought me with an unexpected ferocity and if Carlisle hadn't taken that moment to enter, I would not have been able to keep her in my grasp. Jasper and Emmett were right behind him, but it wasn't their sudden reappearance that was provoking Alice's fury.
As I looked into the faces of the two people that were following my brothers into the room where my dying wife lay, shedding her mortal life like a snake's skin, Alice's fury jumped to me and ignited, became my own.
Jasper already had his hands full with Alice, so it was left to Emmett and Carlisle to grab me as I leapt forward, snarling. Tanya and Kate's faces were dull, haunted. They couldn't even bring themselves to be shocked by the strength of our reactions.
"STOP! Edward! Alice!" Carlisle's voice rang out, laced with all the power he wielded as our father, our teacher. It didn't douse my fury, but the loyalty I bore him was a force in itself. It welded my feet to the ground instantly, even as I seethed.
"How could you bring them here, Carlisle?" Alice's voice was a mere hiss. She was in Jasper's arms now. His hands encircled the small band of her upper arms as much in restraint as comfort.
"They've brought us news." Carlisle was looking at me now, his face grim. "Irina is dead."
"Good," Alice bit off the word. Kate flinched. Tanya, still leaning against the wall, didn't appear to have heard. Her eyes were closed. Slowly, she slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. Her thoughts were a looped recording, playing over and over in a blackened abyss. My sister is dead. My sister is dead. My sister is dead.
"You killed her," I stated quietly, looking at Emmett and Jasper's grim faces. Their minds were a barrage of images rather than words…the smoke, rising from a pit hastily dug deep in the forest, the sounds of Kate's grief, Tanya's desolate expression.
"No," Emmett looked at Tanya. He didn't need to say anything else.
Carlisle's intake of breath was audible. Tanya lifted her head then, and the eyes that met mine were dark, haunted.
"I had to," she whispered. "She wasn't going to stop….I couldn't get through to her. She would have destroyed everything that came across her path. I think that… that it was what she wanted." Tanya stared down at the object she held in her hand. It was an unpleasant jolt to realize it was Irina's necklace, identical to the ones that Kate and Tanya wore. The pain that ravaged her features as she spoke was as familiar to me as if I were looking in the mirror.
The memory of who was responsible for that pain burned away the fragile flame of sympathy I'd been feeling, and my lip curled as I looked at Tanya and Kate. "If that's all you had to tell us, you know where the door is."
"Edward, please," Carlisle's face was aghast. Alice hissed. I ignored their censure but then Kate was pushing her way forward to stand in front of me.
"It's not all," her voice was ragged, but forced, as if reading lines from a script. "Edward, we can't even tell you how sorry we are – "
"Sorry?!" It was not my voice that rang out. Alice's voice vibrated with fury; her hiss of a moment ago hadn't been for me after all. Abruptly, she jerked herself out of Jasper's grasp; I hadn't even realized he was still restraining her. She was in front of Tanya and Kate immediately, bitter, near hysterical laughter spilling from her lips. "That's funny, coming from you."
"Alice, stop this," Carlisle's voice held a deep note of pain. "What Irina became is a tragedy. No one can be blamed."
Alice ignored him. Her attention was still fixed on Tanya's hollow face. "I saw what you did." Each word was a deliberate, measured accusation.
Tanya had no reaction to Alice's words, her face remaining as lifeless as before. Kate, however, flinched.
The pictures were pouring into my mind now, the pieces that Alice had tried to keep from me as I struggled to save Bella's life. But she had no control now. The barrier broke down and every piece was delivered to me. I saw Elisa on her knees, pleading for Bella's life.
She was pleading with Tanya. Tanya, my friend. Tanya, part of my family.
And Tanya had refused to help them.
"You left them," The words almost didn't want to leave my lips, as if only speaking out them out loud cemented it as truth. "You were here, Elisa begged you to save Bella, and you just left her to die."
I wasn't the only person stunned by this revelation. The shock and betrayal marked Carlisle's face too. Emmett's expression was stone fury. I couldn't process Jasper's reaction…he was drowning in a deluge of raw emotion, barely able to keep from going under.
I didn't care why they had done it. I didn't try to understand. All I knew now was fury beyond anything I had ever known. It made my earlier anger towards them seem laughable. This was beyond what I had felt for James, even Victoria. The mantle of wrath fell over me like a cloak. It settled into my veins, into my bones, making all the world fall away, silent and meaningless.
All I saw before me was my prey. Kate would die first. I would break her in half and tear her head from her body. It would destroy Tanya to watch…two sisters in one night. I wanted that, wanted to hear her screams of anguish so badly that I could nearly taste it, as if hate were the sweetest nectar. She'd attack me then…God, I wanted her to attack me. It was just the excuse I needed to lose the last bit of my humanity. I wanted to rip into her and tear out her cold, dead heart, just to see if she actually had one.
The growls and snarls reverberating through the room weren't just coming from me. The threat I posed had finally snapped Tanya out of her apathy. She faced me, crouched as I was, braced for attack. Her teeth were bared. And at my side, Alice's eyes glittered with fury, her thoughts synced perfectly with mine. We'd kill them together.
"Edward…please…"
At first I thought the pathetically croaked sound of my name was my imagination. Like an inconveniently conjured Jiminy Cricket, perched on my shoulder to be the voice of my rapidly disappearing conscience. I tried to block it out, but it sounded again, louder and more desperate this time, rasping into a scream.
"Edward!"
Her voice was the only thing that could recall me and it did, a hook dangling in the depths of my inhumanity to reel me back to shore. I turned and ran back through the bedroom doorway.
Bella had managed to pull herself to a sitting position. I could barely see her eyes; they were so swollen red from the hours of screaming and sobbing.
I tried to gather her close to me but she was fighting me now, still rasping out my name. Her words all ran together. ", please…!" Her fingernails dug into the cloth of my shirt, tearing it and scrabbling useless trails across my skin.
A near silent intake of breath had me looking up. Unbelievably, Tanya and Kate had followed the rest of us into the bedroom. Now they stood, eyes fixed on Bella as she shook and gasped.
I clenched my teeth as another wave of fury nearly overtook me, seeing them so close to her. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper wince.
"Get out," I nearly growled the words. I closed my eyes to spare myself the sight of them but Kate's voice sounded.
"Edward, there is nothing we can say to change what's already happened. Please believe that we are both so happy to see that Bella is alright."
"Does she look alright to you?" I snapped my head back to stare at them.
"You should go." Carlisle's flat tone didn't mask the heavy censure in his voice as he turned to face the two sisters.
"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out," Emmett added, his voice granite.
I opened my eyes to see Kate give me one last mournful look, her thoughts laden with worthless, far too late regret, and then she was gone. Tanya turned to follow, stopped, and looked back. Her eyes met Carlisle's before turning to the rest of us.
"I'm sorry. I truly am. But I had to try. She was my sister."
"What about Bella? What about my sister?!" Alice's fragile control snapped. Before anyone else could react, she launched herself at Tanya. Caught by surprise, Tanya screamed, flailing wildly as Alice's fingernails ripped into the skin at her throat.
I jumped up, but I didn't know myself whether it was to stop Alice or to help her. Jasper leapt in front of me, sparing me the decision. He, Emmett, and Carlisle were on Alice instantly, prying her off Tanya.
Alice didn't make it easy. She was a blur of kicking, thrashing limbs, her banshee like screams turning the small room into a madhouse. Tanya lurched upright, her hands around her own throat. Her eyes were shocked, knowing how close she'd come to death herself. She stumbled backwards and was gone as fast as Kate had been.
No one paid any attention to her departure. Jasper was fighting for mental dominance now. It was painful to be in his mind as he summoned up every bit of willpower he'd ever possessed, trying to fight back our culmination of rage and grief. Slowly, the room quieted as his emotional elixir took effect. My entire body felt heavy, almost numb. I nearly fell into the chair besides Bella's bed.
She was still now, under Jasper's spell as well. Her eyes had fallen closed. For one wistful moment I imagined she was sleeping. But her breath came in agonized pants and tears still leaked slowly from beneath her closed eyelids. The hands that twisted the sheet beneath her was white knuckled. The pain would not allow her even this brief respite. It was crushing to be so helpless, to only be able to watch.
Edward, for God sake's, you're making this nearly impossible for me to keep up.
Jasper's silent admonition stung me out of my fog. "Sorry," I mumbled, unable to meet his eyes.
"It will be over soon," Carlisle reassured me. His hand dropped onto my shoulder. "Twelve hours maybe, another day at the most. She'll be fine. In a decade she'll barely be able to remember what pain was."
It was an exaggeration, of course. None of us ever forgot the burning days. But he was trying to be comforting and with Jasper in the room, it was easy to be comforted. "Thank you," I whispered.
"Let me go now, Jazz." Alice's voice was weary. I looked to see that he was still holding both of her arms, though she had long ceased struggling.
"No," Jasper shook his head. "I'm taking you hunting. No arguments. You've already gone far too long and it's showing."
Alice was too far under Jasper's influence to be able to muster any anger, but her eyes still flashed stubbornly. "I'm not leaving."
Carlisle sighed. "Alice, just go. You've pushed yourself far enough for the time being."
Her face crumpled slightly and she looked at me, eyes pleading. "But I want to be here when she wakes up."
"Then hurry," I suggested, as unmoving as she had been with me earlier.
Alice sighed in defeat. "Fine. But we're not going far."
Jasper exhaled in relief and dropped her arms. Alice nudged me with her foot as she passed. "I'm taking my cell. We shouldn't go out of range. Call me if there's any change."
"Of course," I reassured her.
"I'm leaving too," Emmett announced as Alice and Jasper disappeared out of the doorway. "I'm going to check on Rose and the others. Give me a heads up when Bella's…better." He paused at her bedside. "Can't wait to see how you turn out, little sister," he murmured softly before he too was gone.
Carlisle was leaning over Bella again, checking her vital signs though I knew this was more from habit and needing something to do than anything else. "Yes, it won't be long now," he said quietly as he straightened up.
"You should hunt too," I murmured as I looked at his too dark eyes. "None of us got a chance to before. We'll be fine here as long as you come back quickly."
Carlisle shook his head firmly. "I want to be close by. Don't worry about me." He smiled faintly. "I'll be in my study if you need me."
With that, he backed out of the room.
A small, tortured cry broke from Bella's lips, calling my attention back to her. Her face was bone white.
"Bella?" Carefully, I took her hand in mine. She whimpered and tried weakly to pull it away, but I held it fast, desperately clinging to the belief that my presence was of some comfort. Quietly, I began to hum her lullaby once more.
And as the hours wore on, the vigil continued.
--
Just after midnight, everything changed.
"Bella? My head shot up. I wasn't sure what had so suddenly seized my attention. Maybe it was the sudden quiet…too quiet. I stared at her. Bella was completely still, motionless. Her heartbeat was slow…so slow.
It was happening. Now.
Bellas eyes were tightly shut, and she began to struggle, her head whipping from side to side as if fighting to save the mortality that was so rapidly leaving her. As if her own force of will could keep her heart beating. I jumped up from my chair, pulling her up into my arms as I sat down on the bed, cradling her. "It's almost over, love. I am right here."
Bella moaned, her eyes rolling in her head before she squeezed them tightly shut again. Her body began to spasm. She was gasping for breath. The sight was terrifying. It was too familiar; the sight of a human in their death throes. I knew it was necessary but watching her struggle, her pain and confusion, was nearly unbearable. I leaned in again to whisper reassurances as the beat pounding in my ears got slower…slower…
There was a pause. Her heartbeat staggered, stopped, started again. Bella clawed at my arms, fingers digging uselessly. Her eyes pleaded for me to do something, to save her. I could only hold her close and whisper reassurances. "Don't be afraid. You know what this is, Bella…you wanted this…" My reassurances were weak, empty, and they fell on deaf ears, yet I continued to speak them. Maybe the words were only for me after all.
Her arms fell back at her sides. The pauses between beats were longer now. I began to count them down in my head.
Ten…nine…eight…seven…
Bella stared up at me blankly. With a jolt I noticed that her eyes were no longer brown but a rapidly brightening maroon.
Six…five…four…
Her eyes fell closed. Her body went limp in my arms.
Three…two…one…
Full stop.
Bellas body shuddered lightly and then, she was perfectly motionless. Not a particle of her moved, not her chest, not an eyelid, not a finger. Her eyes were closed again. It was like watching a corpse in repose.
"Bella?" I whispered. "Bella, love, it's over now. Open your eyes."
No response. I wondered briefly where Carlisle was, but of course, he would want to give us privacy. He'd be nearby, just in case.
I reached for her hand, lacing our fingers together marveling at the touch. She felt silky smooth now. Not warm and delicate, but marble and silk.
I hadn't expected this, had felt too guilt stricken to ever imagine this moment, so I could have never guessed at the strength of my happiness and relief. Never before had I realized how very much her mortality terrified me. How I counted her every breath and obsessed over her every human frailty, so afraid of how easily she could be taken from me. Now she was safe. She was unbreakable. And she was mine. Forever.
And at the height of my ecstasy, at this glorious, unparalleled moment, my cell phone, carelessly tossed on the bedside table, went off.
Not now! I tried to ignore it, stroking Bella's face. She could hear me now, I was sure of it. "I know it's a lot to take in. I have so much to show you. Don't be afraid."
The ring tone began playing again, over and over, and the vibration shook it to the edge of the table before it fell, clattering noisily to the floor. There could be only one person calling me. Alice. So she wanted to share in this moment. I owed her that much.
I flipped open the phone and put it to my ear. Bella still did not move. "Alice –
Instead of the triumphant, happy sound I'd expected, Alice was nearly screaming into the phone, her voice hysterical. "Edward, you have to stop her before – "
At precisely that moment, Bella opened her eyes.
To be continued…
a/n
Thanks so much for reading. Reviews, as always, keep me going.
Because I cut so much this time around during the writing process, I have a few extras. The scene during the hunting trip where Alice had her vision was fully written out, and if you'd like to read it I've 'hidden' it in one of my Passions stories. (Yes, Passions. Shut up. You're reading TwiFic. You have no room to judge. =P ) It's called the Ex Factor and you can find it in the final chapter titled TEST.
Also, Edward's memory of the last time he saw Irina (in Denali, when he ran away from Bella in Twilight) has been posted as its own one-shot, titled Weak.