the outtakes

games

The game of life has two participants: spectators and players. Pick one.

-Unknown

o.o.o

Admittedly, Bella had had better ideas before - but how was she to know that playing games with the Volturi Kings would be just as much as a metaphorical bloodbath as playing games with the Cullens? In particular, it seems that board games are just not designed for vampires.

Her first clue should have been the way Marcus blanched - as much as a vampire could - at her suggestion for familial bonding a few weeks after she'd been in Volterra. Her second clue should have been the way Edward very decisively decided to bow out, choosing instead to keep Marcus and the Volturi Queens company as Aro, Caius, and Bella gathered around Monopoly.

She fights tooth and nail to keep her side of the board - mostly playing to her strengths and negotiating, but ultimately usurping Boardwalk right out from under Aro's nose, only to lose it on the next turn to Caius, who had been sneaky. Tempers flare. It's much worse playing Risk, of course, as Caius is nearly as impossible to play against as Jasper; unsurprisingly, Bella loses her land in Asia and then Aro and Caius spend an entire hour arguing over the finer points of the rules until Caius finally just flips the board in response to Aro's smug declaration that he'd won.

Clue also goes about as well as can be imagined, and by that time, Bella is at a loss - caught between being entertained at the positively immature behavior of two very old vampires, and horrified that she keeps losing. It doesn't help that the Volturi Queens and Marcus are not even bothering to conceal their amusement at the proceedings. Edward, for his part, edges closer each time any of the three players express any amount of aggression.

She sighs when Battleship swiftly resolves in an extremely loud outburst from Caius when Aro does sink his battleship.

Giving up on board games, she then suggests card games and after convincing Edward and Marcus to join - and after she and Aro don silken gloves to prevent transference - and after Bella seals Edward's telepathy off by pushing her shield around the rest of the room - they start in on a game of Blackjack.

Didyme, youthful and downright chipper, is the dealer and it all seems to be going well. That is until Bella wins a third impossible round, beating the dealer and the other players when it just shouldn't have been possible.

Caius throws down his hand, turning to glare at her accusingly. "Are you counting cards?" he demands.

"Um…no?" Bella hedges, trying not to appear too guilty. She had been counting cards, but that was the way Charlie taught her to play and at this point, it's not as if she has any measure of control over it. She can't help but to count the cards.

Groans travel around the table, cards shuffling as they are pushed onto glossy wood in frustration. Didyme hides her giggle behind her hand, but in the background Athenodora and Sulpicia don't bother to hide their bemusement.

"You are counting cards!" Marcus exclaims. "You can't do that!"

"And why not?" Bella returns indignantly.

"It's cheating! We're not supposed to be cheating!"

"Are you telling me I'm the only one that was counting cards? I find that hard to believe," she says hotly.

Caius sneers when Aro's lips twitch and he confesses that he had also been keeping the count. "Hades take me, but it's genetic," says Caius irately.

"You cheat at everything else!" Marcus declares in exasperation. "You're all cheaters!"

Bella leans around Edward, who has resigned himself to silent chuckles at their expense, to smile disarmingly at her uncle. "Is that what this is all about? I could teach you, if you want," she offers with a grin.

"That's not the point!" Marcus cries in consternation but by that point, laughter has dissolved the room from everyone except for Marcus and Caius and it's hard to hear his muttering about playing fair.

Bella snorts.

She really should have known not to play games with vampires - it never ended the way it ought to.

A/N: Outtake request - I did my best to be funny! It's not exactly my strength. Oh, I'm full of one-liners and dick jokes and if you're talking to me in person, I'll probably mow you down with my sarcasm - but it just isn't something I can translate into writing. Go figure.

As always, be brutally honest. I can take it.

~cupcakeriot