Previously in Evening Falls, Carlisle and Esme went to Seattle to meet with the wolf pack and re-negotiate the treaty. Sebastian sent Elisa a card that put the whole family into a tailspin. To make life even better, Elisa confessed to Alice that she'd been having visions of her human life and Jasper jacked everything up even more by revealing he'd known about it all along, causing Alice to split. Also, Elisa is crushing even harder on Jimmy after much hand holding and bonding at the mall.
And here's the next chapter! This was my attempt at writing a short one. *headdesk* Hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 24: Sacrificial
In my former life, I'd attended plenty of family meetings. Some of them were to talk about chores and who kept leaving the toilet seat up. Sometimes they were to discuss where we might go on vacation. Usually they were held to talk about the latest way in which I had managed to epically screw something up.
How could I have ever imagined, even in my rather vivid dreams, that one day I'd sit down with a family full of vampires and discuss topics like werewolf peace treaties and how to keep sociopathic frenemies at bay?
And of course, the latest way in which I had managed to epically screw something up.
These random thoughts occurred to me as I sat down at the dining room table for our third meeting in as many days. Between Sebastian's stalkery and Alice's unscheduled bail, we were in definite crisis mode. At least Carlisle and Esme, who'd made it back from Seattle late last night, were helming this one, so it probably wouldn't be as dramatic as the last two. I fervently hoped.
I was the last one to be seated and Carlisle waited patiently to speak until I'd settled in. Rosalie and Emmett sat on either side of me. I tried my hardest to not notice the empty side of the table across from me, wher the four unoccupied chairs sat. How could we even call this a family meeting if half the family was gone? No Edward, Bella, Alice...no Jasper.
I had no idea where Jasper had gone and no inclination to ask. No one had mentioned him since I'd last seen him the day before yesterday, when Alice had left. I supposed without her here, he hadn't felt any need to stick around. As much as that hurt, I hoped he'd gone after her. Perhaps they were together now. I wanted that for them, to know that they still had each other even if they'd chosen to leave us. To believe I hadn't ruined that for them after all.
"First of all, I'm sure you all want to know what happened in Seattle,' Carlisle was saying now, and I was grateful for the distraction from my own morose thoughts. "The meeting with Sam and the elders went well. We were able to agree to amend the treaty. On our end, we have given our word that we will stay away from both Forks and La Push unless there is an emergency and we've been granted permission to return. On the wolves part, now that they know where we are, they have agreed that none of them will set foot on Newfoundland soil at all, not that I can imagine any of them having a need to, unless again, there is an emergency. We will share information back and forth concerning any threats on either end."
Emmett nodded. "Sounds reasonable to me."
Rosalie exhaled, looking irritated. She'd been very against letting the werewolves know where we were, and I could tell by her expression that her stance on the issue had not wavered at all.
Carlisle took a deep breath now and I was startled to see he was looking directly at me. "There was something else brought up in Seattle, and it concerns you, Elisa. And Jacob."
My head shot up. "What? Did you see him? Is he OK?"
Esme and Carlisle exchange worried looks before Carlisle turned back to me. "No, we did not see him, and I am afraid to say that from what Sam had to tell us, he is not doing well. He took Bella's departure much harder than his pack had hoped for, and when the news came about what had happened to her, and that she is now...changed, he completely lost control. Apparently, in his opinion Bella is dead, murdered, and the responsiblity for this lies in our hands."
Rosalie glared now. "I told you both this was a bad idea! What, is he coming after us now too? As if we didn't have enough to worry about already!"
Esme looked at my pale face and reached over to put her cool hand on mine. She began where Carlisle had left off. "Sam has ordered him not to. In fact, that was the only reason why he was willing to tell us so much about what he certainly considered a private pack matter. He was concerned that with this latest development that Jacob would use his new knowledge to try and circumvent his orders somehow."
Carlisle was still looking at me. "The one loophole that Sam is concerned that he may not have been able to close is you, Elisa. We all agree that if Jacob can find the means to contact you, he will do so, whether it's for information or even to use you against us. It's important that you be on guard, and if he does manage to reach you, we must know immediately."
I nodded. "Of course. I promise." The tears that had begun to form in my eyes were rapidly drying, and white hot fury was blazing through me now, chasing away the pity I'd been feeling just seconds ago. What the hell was wrong with Jacob? He'd let Bella go! I thought he'd finally realized it was for the best, that he loved her enough to want her to be safe. How sad that he couldn't find it within himself to at least be happy that his best friend was still alive. And just the idea that he would use me, if he got the chance, against my own family all for empty, pointless revenge disgusted me. In a way, I almost hoped he try, because there was more than a few things I had to say to him.
Esme gave my hand a comforting squeeze before she let it go. "He's been ordered not to contact you in any way. It's very unlikely that he will be able to get around that, Elisa, but he's managed it before, so we needed to let you know."
"Let's move on," Carlisle's face became even more solemn. Suddenly Sebastian's card was on the table in front of him. "We have another serious matter to decide. We need to come to a decision about what to do about Sebastian."
"Let's kill him,' Emmett suggested immediately.
Carlisle looked pained, but it passed quickly, to be replaced by his usual calm expression. "Rosalie?" he looked at her now.
Rosalie was slower to respond, but after a few seconds, she nodded. "I have to agree. We can't predict what he'll do next, especially without Alice here. It's too much of a risk."
"Esme?"
"You know him the best. What do you think, Carlisle?" Esme was winding her fingers through her husband's now, watching him carefully.
"I think..." Carlisle looked down at the card and sighed. "I think that Sebastian could be a danger to all of us, as much as it pains me to say it. And yet - " he studied the card closely again. "I think his promise is sincere."
"You can't bet on that, Carlisle!" Rosalie burst out. "Look at what happened to Bella! And this is Elisa's life we're talking about here. We can't take chances and hope for the best!"
"I understand that," Carlisle held up a placating hand. "But please, hear me out. I don't believe he sent this message to threaten Elisa. He's bargaining with us. He'll keep our secret if we don't try to kill him. In his own perverse way, he's extending an olive branch."
"If I may interject," The flat words came from the doorway, and when they sounded I gasped and jumped so violently that my chair tipped back and would have dumped me on the floor if not for Emmett's quick intervention.
"Jasper1" I choked out. "Sorry,' I gasped as the attention in the room briefly turned to me. "I just didn't realize you were still.. never mind. Go on with what you were saying."
They had already turned back to Jasper, who was speaking again. "Forgive me. I'm not trying to be impolite by interrupting, Carlisle, or with what I'm about to say, but I have to be honest. I don't know that we can trust your judgement when it comes to Sebastian. I know how you feel about him, and love can cloud one's perception immensely."
Although Rosalie had just been saying basically the same thing a few seconds ago, she and Emmett were immediately defensive on Carlisle's behalf. "How dare you - " Rosalie hissed at the same time Emmett growled at his brother in a way frighteningly reminescent of their recent fight.
"Stop."
It was amazing, the power that Carlisle's quiet edict had. Rosalie and Emmett went silent so fast that it was as if someone had pushed the mute button on a remote control. Jasper remained where he was, leaning against the wall. He did not continue.
"Please, just listen to me. All of you' Carlisle indicated the three of them with a tilt of his head, "are free to make your own decisions. However, you all made the choice to stay with me. You've looked to me as the head of our household, not always a position I wanted and yet I've taken it as my place because I have been honored by the trust you've placed in me. If you still respect me, listen to what I'm saying now. I realize I have regarded Sebastian with sentimental eyes. I always believed that we were the one line he would not cross. Now I know better and I regret my lapse in judgement greatly. If we had lost Bella, or Elisa, because of my foolishness...'
He broke off and changed direction. "We all know Sebastian will not go down easily. I believe, if we were to go after him, we would best him in the end, but at what cost? Which one of us would he kill first?" Carlisle stopped for a moment, staring downward, before he looked up again. "We nearly lost Bella, and Edward would have surely followed. Irina is dead. We can no longer count the rest of her brethren as friends. Have we not lost enough? Who else can be sacrificed in the name of revenge?"
"What about Elisa?" I jumped as Rosalie spoke. "Sebastians' promises are worth nothing. What is to stop him from going to the Volturi and revealing her?"
"Because Sebastian will not do anything unless it benefits him, Rosalie. I know the Volturi's terms for accepting Sebastian into their ranks. Giving them Elisa will not satisfy their requirements. All it would do is incur our wrath. He stands to lose much more than he gains by giving her up."
"And he would lose the enjoyment of holding her over our heads," Jasper's mouth quirked into a bitter smile. "It's always about the game for Sebastian. This one could entertain him for years."
"So he might not be coming after me after all, " I spoke before I meant to. "He just likes screwing with you guys, is that what you're saying?"
Carlisle's mouth quirked. "In a nutshell, yes." His face sobered. "Sebastian is not known for hunting humans. Please don't misunderstand me. He's killed his share. What I'm saying however, is that he would definitely enjoy using you as a bargaining chip, but unless it benefitted him in some way I cannot even imagine what purpose it would serve him to risk his life by coming after you."
I looked down at the patterns in the wood grain, processing this for a moment.
"So, Elisa,' Carlisle spoke after a moment. "What are your thoughts on this?"
"I get a vote?" I burst out, startled.
"Of course, Elisa. This affects you as much as any of us." It was Esme who spoke now.
"Hold up,' Emmett raised a hand. "Sorry, Elisa, I don't mean to interrupt, but I have to ask. Carlisle, what about Bella? She almost died, and Sebastian had a hand in it! Edward's not here, but we all know what he wants. He wants Sebastian dead, and how can any of us blame him? If he wants me to help him do it, I'm there. No question."
Carlisle nodded. "Edward and Bella have as much right, no, more so than any of us, to be heard on this. However, they are not here and we aren't able to contact them at the moment. This decision needs to be made now, but when they do return, we will certainly re-address the matter." He turned back to me. "Elisa?"
I took a deep breath. As much as I was gratified that I would have a say in this decision, it was also terrifying. So much rested on this...
After a moment, I forced myself to speak. "I personally think that Sebastian should be burned at the stake. But you asked who we could sacrifice for revenge. I say no one. I do trust your judgement, Carlisle, and I don't want anybody to risk their lives, especially not now."
"I agree," Esme folded her hands together. "Jasper?"
Jasper sighed. "We're too divided to act right now. It makes us weak. So...let him be. Only for now, however. I'm with Emmett. If Edward and Bella decide differently, I stand with them."
I am certain we are all agreed on that," Carlisle said. "For now, however, we stay our hand. Are we all in agreement?"
I looked at Emmett and Rosalie. Neither one of them looked comfortable with the decision, but slowly, both of them nodded.
"Thank you," Carlisle said. "I've said what I need to say this evening. Does anyone else wish to speak about anything?"
Before anyone spoke, Jasper turned towards the doorway, apparently feeling his part in all this was finished.
Esme clearly felt differently. She was behind him immediately, placing a restraining hand on his shoulder. "We do still have some unfinished business here, and as a member of this family, you are expected to stay and participate."
Jasper had stopped in the doorway as she spoke, his back to us and his frame still rigid.
Esme continued, still speaking to his back. "I have never believed that Alice was the only one holding you here. I hope I wasn't wrong."
With that, she resumed her seat. There was a moment of quiet that was broken only by the sound of Jasper's chair scraping back.
"Good," Esme smiled slightly, turning back to the rest of us. "So, now that I have your attention, does anyone want to tell me the full story of what happened while we were gone? Including, of course, details on the destruction of my dining room table. Hmm?"
I exchanged nervous looks with Emmett and Rosalie. I knew without asking that none of us wanted to detail the screamfest and family fisticuffs that had ensued before Alice's departure.
I didn't know if Jasper felt the same concern. His face was still impassive.
"We bought you a new one!" Emmett beamed brightly at Esme, clearly deciding that avoiding all acknowledgement of responsibilty and piling on the charm was the best way to get us out of this.
Esme shot him a 'nice try' look and looked down at the shiny wood table that we were gathered around. "Yes, and your pretty, mass manufactured, soulless plank of wood is by far the perfect replacement for the antique, hand made table I have carried from home to home to home for the last fifty years."
I couldn't help but snicker at that. I hadn't realized sweet Esme even knew what sarcasm was, much less that she could use it so effectively.
"Not to mention the stained glass panels that were original to this house and now are in pieces in a trash bag on the back porch. I don't suppose any of you want to tell me what happened there, either?"
Emmett sighed. "That was me. It was an accident. I was just a little...upset."
Esme's face softened at that. "Of course. I understand." She was quiet for the next minute and I knew she was thinking about Alice.
When none of us said anything else, she sighed.
"I am well aware that the four of you are not telling us everything." She included me in her reproachful gaze. "Since none of you seem to want to be more forthcoming, let me tell you how you're going to make this up to me,"
Now she smiled widely. "It will undoubtedly take me many, many weekends of going to every antique store, estate sale, and flea market not only in this province but possibly in the states as well until I find a table I actually want. Each one of you will take turns accompanying me until I'm satisfied, even if it takes years."
I was pretty sure that I heard Emmett whimper. Esme's catlike grin grew even wider at the sound. With that, she rose, looking at Jasper. "By the way, you're first."
With that, she kissed Carlisle's cheek before she exited. As she left the room, I heard her deliberately loud stage whisper to him. 'Perhaps we shouldn't leave the children at home alone anymore, hmm?"
Everyone else was dispersing now too. Relieved that nobody had mentioned what I'd been afraid would come up, Alice, my strange ability to steal her memories and how it had caused her to leave us, possibly forever. I prepared to beat a hasty retreat before Carlisle realized what he'd forgotten.
"Elisa, a word please." Carlisle's voice stopped me. I knew I couldn't be that lucky. Resigned, I slumped back down in my chair.
"Don't be so nervous, Elisa. I promise there will be no waterboarding with this interrogation," Carlisle smiled at me.
He leaned forward. "I just wanted you to know that I realize how frightened and confused you must have been these last few weeks, with everything that's happened. It's understandable that you wouldn't know how to deal with...well, the strange incidents that you've been experiencing. I'm not upset that you kept it from us. We are so very sorry that Jasper was able to intimidate you under our noses the way that he did."
I bit my lip. "Jasper didn't actually -"
Carlisle stopped me before I could finish. "You don't need to cover for him any longer, Elisa. He came to us himself and told us everything. How you had wanted to tell Alice and he threatened you to keep your silence."
His face was grim now. "I know that he thought he was doing the right thing, but rest assured, we have made it abundantly clear how reprehensible his actions were. He's also aware that if he were to ever do something like this to you again, he would no longer welcome as a part of this household."
I gasped. "What? No, Carlisle - "
Carlisle stood up then. "Elisa, this particular decision is out of your hands. Let us watch after you." He watched me steadily for a moment. "I can see that you need some time to process everything. We don't have to talk about what has been happening between you and Alice right now. But at some point, we will need to talk about it."
I nodded. Carlisle gave me one last smile, patted my head, and exited.
I followed after a moment later, feeling much more tired than I had before the meeting started.
As I reached the top of the stairs, a flicker caught my eye, and I hurried over to check on Alice's candle that was still set in front of the window looking out over the immense front lawn. Rosalie had kept her promise about not letting it go out. As I watched the bright flame dance in front of me, I had to wonder if Alice really could see it at all, or if it was just another futile gesture, a way to keep hoping as the weeks passed and we continued to wait.
I couldn't think about this anymore All I wanted to do was go to my room, hide under my covers, and pretend none of this was happening. And that was exactly what I proceeded to do.
The next week passed much like any other. We were all waiting, but the phone didn't ring. No messages were delivered. Alice's candle stayed lit throughout every day and night.
And she didn't return.
It was strange how something as devastating as losing her didn't make time stop for us all. It seemed wrong to be able to get up in the morning and worry about mundane things like whether Jimmy would sit next to me at lunch, or why Tandy Newmeier continued to suck. It was even stranger to be able to laugh with my friends at school or lose myself in a tv show, or have an hour pass where I didn't think about her. When I realized I was doing these things, I always felt bad. What if she saw me adjusting to life without her? What if she thought that meant we didn't want her back?
I was thinking all this, for the umpteenth time, the following Wednesday night as I stood in the kitchen in front of the open refrigerator, forgetting what I had wanted because I was so busy riding the guilt train. After a moment, I sighed and gave it up. Obsessing was not going to do anything except give me yet another sleepless night, and I'd had enough of those already.
Deliberately I turned my thoughts away from Alice and on to other topics. Immediately, I was thinking about Jimmy again. I'd thought our day at the mall might have been a turning point for us. In a way, perhaps it was. We were nearly inseparable at school, we'd gone to the movies and he and his friends Connor and Mercer were trying to teach me how to skateboard. We called each other every night too. There was a very satisfactory amount of hand holding as well, which was even more pleasurable because of the way Tandy turned green every time she caught us at it. In many ways, it felt like I had a boyfriend. Except hand-holding was all we were doing. It's not like I wanted to jump his bones behind the school, but shouldn't we have tried the whole kissing thing again at some point? He'd never even once brought up our near miss, and I hadn't had the chance, or the courage, to bring it up. But I was getting tired of waiting for him to define our relationship. It was becoming clear that I was going to have to be the one to make the first move.
A movement that I barely saw out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I turned my head, realizing that Jasper was standing inside the doorway. Whether he'd been in the kitchen all along or only just showed up I didn't know.
The desolate look on his face was a icy reminder that I wasn't the only one with a love life in dire need of resuscitation. His eyes were flat and dead, – I honestly didn't think he even knew I was in the room.
Before I could plan it out, pity had me speaking. "Hey Jasper, do you want me to get you something to – eat?" The last word came out a croak when my brain finally caught up to my mouth and I realized what I was saying. I looked at the contents of the full refrigerator, the cold air coming from it not enough to cool the flame of my cheeks. "Um, I didn't mean -er, me. Maybe…I could get you a…um..rat…or – something." Oh. My. God. Just when I thought I'd ascended the heights of Mt. LameAss I realize I've only begun to climb.
Jasper's dark eyes were fixed on me now and consternation had him looking almost as dumbstruck as I felt. He seemed to take a long time to process what I had asked and then his mouth quirked. Amazingly, it actually looked like he was fighting the urge to laugh, his expression suddenly more alive then it had been since Alice had left. "Anne Rice again, Elisa?"
"Um...maybe just a little,' I admitted, thinking now of the copy of The Vampire Lestat that was currently under my pillow.
I was sad to see his amusement fade almost immediately, to be replaced with the hollow expression that had been permanently etched into his features. I knew just how he felt. Well, maybe not exactly. Jasper was probably the only that time had actually stopped for.
"Jasper..." I couldn't stop myself. "Do you think she went to Alaska?"
Jasper didn't look nearly as upset at my question as I thought he would. Of course, because he must have spent days wondering himself.
"Edward has always been her port in the storm,' he answered quietly. "So it's highly likely, yes."
"Good,' I breathed, and then mentally punched myself. "Um, I mean that - "
"It's alright, Elisa. I know what you meant." He sighed quietly. "It relieves me as well, to think that she's not alone." With that, he went back to staring at nothing, making me feel worse for him than ever.
It was such a bizarre feeling to realize that out of all of them, Jasper was the one I had the most in common with now. He didn't know if he belonged here without Alice and I didn't know if I belonged here at all.
I turned back to the refrigerator, figuring Jasper was about to make a quick exit, and perused its contents once more.
"Do you want to play the Wii with me?"
I heard the words but couldn't connect them with their meaning at first. I even looked behind me to see if Jasper was actually speaking to me or someone else who had come in without me realizing. But no, it was still just the two of us and he was staring at me expectedly, waiting for a reply.
And then it became clear. All the grief was too much for him, and Jasper had lost his damn mind.
"Um...sure," Cautiously I followed him to the TV room, and took the controller he offered. Might as well humor the crazy vampire, plus that was just a good plan for surviving here in general.
For the better part of an hour we played a golf game, speaking only occasionally. I completely decimated him, and I was pretty sure he wasn't just being nice and letting me win. It was obvious that he was desperately trying to kill some time, but his mind was no where near on what we were doing.
Finally, he set down the controller and said goodnight. As soon as he was gone I decided I'd better go to bed before he came back and offered to watch Gossip Girl with me, which would be far too much weirdness for me to handle in a single night.
Maybe it was the close proximity to Jasper that had done it, or just that being so close to him made me think of Alice all night long that brought the dream I tumbled into nearly as soon as my head touched the pillow.
It was the oddest sense of deja vu, the realization that I knew the house that I stood in, a house that had probably ceased to exist decades before I was even born. But I had been here before, in a memory that didn't belong to me . The music room that I had been in that time I knew was just through the doorway to the left. If I looked I could see a glimpse of the piano bench where I'd - she- sat.
I knew what this was now and yet it didn't ease the strangeness. I was still me, I still had my own awareness, but I was her too, looking out of her eyes, feeling what she felt. We were all tangled up together and I couldn't tell where she left off and I began.
So we stood there, Mary Alice and me, locked together in this memory.
These clothes that we were wearing, the heavy tights, the long black dress, the tightly laced up boots and overcoat covering us were far heavier than what I was used to, and I felt like I was suffocating. I wanted to tug the collar away from our throat to get some air but these were not my hands to control.
In front of us, looking down as puffs of smoke rose from the pipe in his mouth, a gray haired man observed us impassively from behind his spectacles. His appearance was so benign that I didn't understand the jolt of terror that rushed through us when our eyes met his. At least not until I heard the word hissing through Mary Alice's mind, painted with a sickening dread in the pit of her stomach. Doctor.
The doctor...I remembered now that that his last name was Radcliffe - pulled a pocket watch out of his waistcoat now. "Come, Mary Alice, say your goodbyes. We have a train to catch."
Mary Alice looked back at him stonily, not speaking, until he was the one who dropped his eyes and looked away. I had to marvel at her composure. I was horribly aware of what was happening now, and if I had been alone in this, I would have been a sobbing, pleading wreck. But steel wound through every fiber of Mary Alice's being, keeping her cold and expressionless even as I could feel the pain of betrayal and the fear of the unknown breaking her apart on the inside.
We looked up then at the two silent figures standing at the foot of the staircase, waiting. For the last eighteen years, we'd called them Mother and Father but now we saw them as they truly were. Judas and his fifty silver pieces. Brutus clutching the bloody dagger. Neither one of them displaying the slightest trace of remorse.
We knelt and picked up the suitcase at our feet, ignoring the doctor's request to say goodbye. But just as we reached the doorway, Mary Alice turned us around to face them one last time.
"From the moment you made this decision, you were as dead to me as you'll pretend I am. From tonight on, I'll never think of you again. You, however, will realize what you've done some day, when it's far too late. I hope it chokes you."
Mother and Father stayed silent and expressionless. Our rush of anger and frustration at their cowardice almost broke us. It was only Mary Alice's fierce determination to not give them the satisfaction that kept the tears inside and us on our feet. We yanked the front door open now, nearly hitting Dr. Radcliffe as we did so. It opened onto black night and a completely silent, nearly empty street. In front of the house a driver waited in front of a shiny motorcar.
Of course; they would be sendng us away in the middle of the night. Can't let the neighbors see, after all.
Just as we were about to step over the threshold a voice at the top of the stairs had us spinning back around.
"Mother?" Cynthia had appeared at the top of the stairs, clad in a long nightgown and rubbing her half open eyes. "I thought I heard voices...' she broke off into a wide yawn.
"This is none of your concern, Cynthia. Go back to bed this instant," Mother's voice was sharp.
Cynthia dropped her hands, first looking at her mother in surprise, then turning to look down over the balcony. She stared first at Dr. Radcliffe and then at us, noting the suitcase we held, her blue eyes widening.
"What's happening? Who is that man? Where is Mary Alice going?"
"NOW, Cynthia!" Her father's voice was thunderous.
Cynthia shrank back for a moment, but just as quickly, stepped forward again, starting to descend the stairs. Her eyes clashed with her parents. "No! Not until you tell me where Mary Alice is going!"
I could feel Mary Alice's shock at this. Never once in the last twelve years had she ever seen her younger sister defy her parents so openly.
Her parents looked as stunned as Mary Alice felt. For a second, heavy silence reigned and then Father cleared his throat. "There's no need to upset yourself, darling. Mary Alice is just going away for a little rest, that's all. She'll be back before you know it."
Cynthia read her parents' expressions and her eyes turned back to Mary Alice's. Then she looked again at Dr. Racliffe, a long, hard stare. I almost felt the click in her mind as the puzzle pieces slid together, and horror filled her expression, not only at what was happening, but at the recognition of her own complicity in it.
"NO!" She ran down the stairs, only to be blocked by her parents before she could get to us. She fought wildly against their restraining figures. "No! Don't do this! Please, don't do this!"
"Cynthia - " We stumbled forward, only to be caught by Dr. Radcliffe, who grabbed us around the arm, squeezing hard enough to force a gasp of pain from our throat.
"Mary Alice..." Cynthia was sobbing now, all the tears we couldn't shed spilling from her eyes to pour down her cheeks even as she continued to struggle against her parents' restraint. Her hands were stretched out through the gap in her parents, trying to reach us, and we couldn't help but reach back, even as Dr. Radcliffe pulled us away.
"Cynthia, I'll come back, I promise I'll -' The lie burned our throat, closing it before we could finish. Cynthia heard it too, the falseness, and her face blazed. With a surprising show of strength, she shoved her parents out of the way, and then she was running. We were fighting now too, pulling our arm out of Dr. Radcliffe's grasp, and our fingers had barely brushed hers before Mother leapt forward and grabbed Cynthia by her plaited hair, brutally yanking her back, and slapping her so hard across the face that Cynthia was knocked into the stair railing and from there fell heavily to the floor. She stayed there, her hand clasped to her rapidly reddening cheek, her eyes burning into Mother's. Her next words were hard and deliberate. "I hate you!"
Mother's face went from stone fury to shock at our sister's words.
Dr. Radcliffe had us back in his grip now. He tossed a dismissive glance at Cynthia and then addressed Mother and Father. "I see now the full burden that you have carried. Fortunately however, the younger one's lack of discipline can be quickly remedied with a sound whipping."
With that he forced us around, and into the black night. But we hadn't even begun to ascend the porch steps before the closing front door swung back open and Cynthia was framed in the doorway, her eyes wild.
"I'll find you, Mary Alice!" Her scream rent the night. " No matter how long it takes, I swear I will find you!"
Unseen hands yanked her back then, and the door slammed shut, leaving us alone in the dark.
With a gasp, I came awake in my bed. Before the dream had truly left me, before I could even quite remember where I was, I pushed the covers away and jumped out of bed, stubbing my toe in the process. A frantic search of my school back pack later, I clutched a pen in my hand and yanked open the drawer of my bedside table to pull out the journal that Jasper had given me. After a second's hesitation, I put it back in the drawer and ripped a page out of one of my school notebooks instead, writing as fast as I could for the next several minutes, putting down every single detail that I could recall.
That done, I got up and opened my window, the chill night air immediately rushing in and making me shiver. "Jasper," I called.
There was nothing but silence and the rustling of the wind. I waited a minute, but it had taken all of my courage to call his name once and I couldn't bring myself to do it again.
I turned away and nearly had a heart attack. Jasper stood right inside my doorway, his face impassive. "You called?"
I moistened my dry lips as my heart stopped trying to pound its way out of my chest. "I had another dream...it was about Alice." I handed him the folded sheet of notebook paper. "When you...when she comes back..." I broke off. It hurt too much and it was double the pain knowing it was hurting him too. "Her sister fought for her. She has the right to know that."
"I understand," he looked down at the paper and back at me. "If it's ever in my power again, I promise I'll make sure she gets this."
"Thanks," I whispered.
A crystal fragile silence hung in the air between us as I waited for him to make one of his hasty exits. Instead he looked up from the paper, his eyes puzzled. "Why didn't you use the journal I gave you?"
"Oh,' I gave a nervous chuckle. "It was just...too nice. I didn't want to ruin the pages with my terrible handwriting. Here, you can have it back," I started to cross the room to my bedside table but a shake of his head stopped me.
"No. Keep it. Maybe you should write your own stories in it."
"What?" I gave him a puzzled look.
"Write about your parents. Your life before you came here. All those memories you've been fighting so hard to keep," he explained. "If you can do it for Alice, you should do it for yourself as well."
.At that, he was gone, leaving me with what I knew would be another sleepless night and far too much to think about.
Everything that had happened the night before, the dream, what Jasper had said to me about my memories, lingered with me all day. I was so distracted I forgot all about my plan to semi-seduce Jimmy, which might have been a good thing since Tandy stuck to us like a burr all day and making my move in front of her would have been more than a little bit awkward.
After I'd come home from dance class late that afternoon, I went into the kitchen to make myself dinner, thankful that Esme didn't feel the need to cook six course meals for me anymore since we'd discovered unexpectedly that I could cook rather well for myself. I was just starting to put what I would need on the counter when the phone on the wall rang.
"Cullen Residence," I could barely keep my tone impersonal and polite as I answered. What if it was Alice? Finally?
"Elisa?"
I could barely hear him; the connection was terrible and filled with static. Yet there was still no mistaking that voice.
"Edward!"
The line crackled loudly as I struggled to hear what he was saying. All I caught were random phases...'wanted to call...no service...hunting...pay phone...Elisa? Hang on..." His crackled voice sounded impatient. In the background I heard the crackling get even louder, then a loud snap and metal grating, followed by a thud. The line crackled so bad that for a second I thought we were going to lose the connection, but then it cleared and I could hear him almost perfectly. "There. That's better. It won't last though; we'd better speak quickly."
"What did you do?" I couldn't help but ask.
"I moved the phone booth." His voice was cheerful. "And some of the wires."
Figured. "Where's Bella?" I asked now, excitement exploding within me now, almost unable to believe that it was really him talking to me, after so many weeks.
"Hunting," I could hear the smile in his voice. "She shouldn't be too far but she didn't want to get too close to the town yet. We've been experimenting with testing her, letting her experience human scent, and she's doing so much better than I ever could have anticipated. But we still have a ways to go..." his happy voice suddenly turned regretful. "Elisa, you have no idea how she's torn herself up about what she nearly did to you - "
"Edward, I know,' I hoped he could hear my sincerity. "Really, I do. Please tell her that I don't blame her at all."
"I will,' his voice still sounded sad though, and I didn't understand why until he spoke again. "I owe you an apology too."
"Edward,' I rolled my eyes. "Did you really call all the way from Alaska to angst over not being able to stop Bella from throwing you through a wall and running off to eat me? You need to practice this happily ever after thing a little bit more. I'll bet when Prince Charming carried Snow White off on his white horse, he didn't moan the whole way back to the castle about not being able to stop her from eating the poisoned apple in the first place."
He laughed at that. "That wasn't exactly what I meant." His voice sobered again. "I know you thought that I didn't care about what nearly happened to you, that my concern was only for Bella."
"No, I didn't,' I lied automatically.
"Really?" Edward's voice was torn between skepticism and amusement. "So that wasn't you thinking that 'apparently the worst thing about your second untimely death would have been the detrimental effect it would have on Bella's delicate psyche' ?" He quoted exactly the melodramatic mental moan that I'd nearly forgotten having.
"Oh," I muttered. "That."
"Yes, that. It just makes me feel...that perhaps I haven't made it clear how important you are to me. I was terrified, not just for Bella, but for you. Losing you would have been...rather devastating to all of us. I'm sorry that you didn't understand that."
I took a deep breath, absorbing his words as tears welled in my eyes, waiting until I could speak without crying. "Thanks. I miss you both. A lot."
"We miss you too,' he assured me. 'Bella's going to be upset that she missed the chance to speak to you. I don't think we're going to have cell phone reception where we're living anytime soon, but now that we can get closer to town we'll have the opportunity to call sometimes and send you letters. We meant it when we said we weren't just going to disappear out of your life."
I smiled at that. "Thank you. And I want pictures too. TONS of pictures."
He chuckled. "Hundreds, I promise."
Then he sighed. "I hate to rush off, but I have to get back to Bella. May I please speak with Alice a moment before I go?"
I couldn't help my gasp. "You mean, she's not - " I nearly strangled myself trying to stop myself from finishing that sentence. "Um, sorry, I mean. She's out at the moment."
"Elisa, what's going on? Where is Alice?" The instant concern in Edward's voice told him my terrible voice acting wasn't fooling him at all. Dammit, I used to be so much better at this.
"Nothing's going on. She's just - not here right now. I'm sure she'll be back soon." I crossed my fingers and hoped he was still so lost in his honeymoon haze that he'd buy my lame lie.
Clearly, he wasn't. "Elisa Anne Cu - "
"Elisa, give me the phone," Carlisle had appeared beside me before Edward could finish using the full name card. I handed him the handset and nearly ran from the room.
"Jasper!" I gasped out when I had burst into the living room.
He was already there, and I could tell by his face that he'd heard. It was a good thing, because I was far too panicked to try and keep it from him. "She's not in Alaska! Where is she, then?" A almost too grim to be spoken out loud thought occured to me. "Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no." I suddenly felt like I was going to faint. Abruptly, I sat down on the floor. "She wouldn't have gone after Sebastian by herself, would she? Please tell me she wouldn't have done that!"
Jasper knelt down next to me, and I could see how hard he was fighting to stay in control. "No, I don't believe she would have."
I gaped at his expression. "Oh my God! You totally do! Can't you lie better than that? Now I'm really freaked!"
"Join the club," Jasper's whisper was so soft that I almost didn't hear it, but the point was, I did. Our eyes met, and before I could stop myself I burst into tears.
"Oh, Elisa," I hadn't even realized that Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme had appeared beside me. Rosalie pulled me to my feet as she spoke. "It's going to be ok. Calm down."
Beside her Emmett shot Jasper a significant look. Jasper closed his eyes and I saw the effort it was causing him to create the soft blanket of calm now descending over us.
"Stop it,' I half snapped, half sobbed and it retreated immediately. "I'm scared, you're scared. We can't pretend this isn't happening!"
"We're all scared, Elisa," It was Esme's gentle voice that sounded now. Sadness and fear shadowed her entire face.
Rosalie let go of me, crossing her arms over her chest. Her eyes flashed. "No more of this waiting. I'm going after her. No, I'm going after HIM and I'm going to rip his head off for even imagining he could lay his hands on any one of my sisters - "
She was interrupted as Jasper's head shot up. He was staring at the front door and then we heard a distant car door slamming. I saw the bewildered look on every one's face as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. The next thing I knew, our front door shot open so hard that the replacement glass around the frame shattered once again.
"Jasper!" It was Carlisle's voice that sounded, and like a shot, he was after him. More blurs as Esme, Rosalie and Emmett all disappeared. What was going on? I ran after them immediately, relieved as I made it onto the porch that they were still in sight, moving almost at a human pace as they rushed towards something at the end of our long drive.
I was still far too slow to catch up to them quickly. I cursed my human limitations as I ran after them, jumping over the pile of broken glass in my way.
As I got closer, I saw what had captured Jasper's attention. A mail truck had pulled up at the end of the long drive, and Jasper had the terrified postal carrier pressed up against it as he held out his hand impatiently. "Give it to me!" I heard him practically growl, gesturely furiously at the man's mailbag, slung over his shoulder.
Despite how scared he looked, the middle aged, balding man was brave enough - or stupid enough - to answer back. "Sir, you're just going to have to wait until I sort yours - "
Now Jasper did growl, and I thought the poor man was going to have a heart attack. He went stark white, ducked under Jasper's arm with surprising speed and turned to run, but Jasper yanked him back by the handle of the mail sack. It torn off in his hands, and the mail carrier went stumbling back down to the ground with a grunt of pain.
"Jasper! Stop this!" Carlisle was kneeling down next to the postal worker, who looked like he was going to pass out. Jasper ignored him, and everyone else as he upended the torn bag, spilling the neighborhood's mail on the soggy ground. He paused then, taking another deep breath, then tore through the mess and came up with a damp postcard.
The briefest of glances at it, and he closed his eyes, murmuring something in a language I didn't know.
Everyone gathered around him, and I saw the relief spring from face to face.
"Hey, I'm here too!" I half gasped the words, out of breath as I finally got to them. "What is going on?"
In answer Jasper held out the post card so I could read it.
There was just one sentence, written in miniscule, perfect handwriting that I recognized immediately.
'I'm not that stupid.'
"Alice," I whispered, going so weak at the knees with relief that I almost sat down on the ground again, but luckily Emmett was there to lean on now.
At the same time that I was feeling so happy that she hadn't gone on a suicide run and let Sebastian kill her, I suddenly felt angry. If she'd seen this, then she had to know how terrified we all were. How could she let us go through this? So she didn't want to be here; it didn't mean she couldn't call or text or something. I mean, was at least a 'hey, look who's not dead' facebook status update really too much to ask for?
"Jasper," Carlisle's brief smile faded and his tone became stern as he looked down at the still trembling mail carrier, cowering against the bumper of his truck. "You need to fix this."
"Of course," Jasper looked at the man and stretched out his hand for the man to grasp. "Please, sir, let me help you up."
The man ignored Jasper's outstretched hand, giving him a look reminscent of a fly who'd just been invited into a spider's web.
Jasper sighed and looked at the man in concentration. After a moment, I could see him visibly relax, and he allowed Jasper to pull him to his feet.
"What's your name, sir?" Jasper was keeping that gentile southern tone in his voice.
It was beginning to rain again, and I was shivering slightly as I watched but there was no way I was going back inside yet. I just had to see how Jasper was going to make his almost victim forget the snarling monster that was terrorizing him just moments ago.
"David Jessup,' was the man's hesitant reply.
"Mr. Jessup, allow me to apologize for my unforgivable behavior. I lost my head there for a moment. You see, we've been waiting to hear from a relative who's been stationed in Afghanistan for the past several months. We've all been very worried. It is such a relief that they were able to contact us at last."
"Oh, of course," Mr. Jessup smiled compassionately now that Jasper was pumping him full of calm and contentment. "I quite understand," his smile wavered as he looked down at the pile of ruined mail getting more and more drenched by the light rain. "I wish I could say the same for my supervisor. I'll get in trouble for this for certain."
"Oh, I'm sure it won't be that bad," Emmett's smile was jovial as he chimed in. "I mean, how mad can they get at a great guy like you, out here every day, doing your job just like you should. It was an accident, that's all." He kicked Jasper lightly to get him to play along.
Whatever vibes Jasper sent at Mr. Jessup now had the portly man nodding in agreement. "I am a great employee, aren't I?" His voice seemed surprised at this new, vampire enhanced hit of self esteem. "I'm the best carrier they have! I always finish my routes on time and never complain about the weather, or the dogs that chase me, or the screeching housewives that didn't get their Cosmopolitan and they don't appreciate me at all!"
Jasper patted the man on the back sympathetically, clearly ready to go back to the house. But apparently he'd tapped into something that Mr. Jessup had been suppressing for a long time, because the man couldn't seem to stop talking. "Did you know that last year I was suspended without pay, despite all my years of service, because a customer accused me of stealing a package from them? And when it was found in the back of a mail truck a month later, no one even apologized!"
Emmett looked genuinely disgusted at this. "Dude, that's messed up. You should quit!" Suddenly he grinned, giving Jasper another significant look. "I'm serious! Go back to the post office right now and tell your boss to take his job and shove it where the sun don't shine!"
"Emmett!" I heard Esme whisper, exasperated. "Stop it!"
But even Jasper was smirking now, the relief over Alice's postcard clearly putting him in a grand mood. I saw him narrow his eyes at Mr. Jessup slightly and the mail carrier immediately nodded in agreement.
"I will! I'll quit right now! I can't believe I didn't think about it before!"
Carlisle sighed and took Esme's hand. "Let's go back to the house so I can pretend I didn't hear any of this," he murmured to her quietly, and they turned to walk back at a careful human pace. Esme shot Jasper and Emmett another reproving look as they went.
"And after you quit, you should do something nice for yourself! Go on a vacation, maybe. I'll bet it's been a long time since you've done that, right?" Emmett was clearly on a roll.
"Yes, it has been a very long time! I've been wanting to take my wife on a second honeymoon, but after last year's debacle, there was no way we could afford it." Mr. Jessup looked downcast and I think even Rosalie felt sorry for him at that point.
"Then you should go! You deserve it! You should go to..." Emmett thought for a second and then smiled triumphantly. "..Bermuda! Yeah, you should absolutely go to Bermuda! Leave tonight, even!" Emmett was practically bouncing on his feet with enthusiasm.
"I should? Bermuda?" Mr. Jessup looked uncertain for a moment and then Jasper hit him up with a strong sense of adventure and apparently, a deep longing for suntanning on white sand beaches. "You're right, I should! After I quit, I'm going right home to tell my wife to pack!"
"Awesome! That's the spirit!" Emmett clapped Mr. Jessup on the back. "You're the man, and don't you forget it!"
"I am the man!" Mr. Jessup repeated happily. He jumped back into his truck and a few seconds later two more full mailbags were thrown out of the back to join their fallen kin on the muddy ground. "Screw the mail, I'm going to Bermuda!" With that, the truck roared to life and made its way down the road.
Emmett turned to Jasper and high fived him. I watched, slack jawed with amazement at what I'd just witnessed.
Rosalie rolled her eyes as the truck turned a far away corner. "You two are such children," she shook her head. "Now that poor man is going to be out of a job and probably stuck on a plane before he comes to his senses and realizes he just got tricked into destroying his entire life."
Emmett looked deeply offended. "C'mon, Rose, would I let that happen? I'll have the plane tickets and hotel reservations for him within the hour, and by the time he gets back, not only will his boss be groveling to re-hire him, he's going to give him a promotion. Right, Jasper? Plus I bet he's going to have the happiest wife in the entire province."
Jasper nodded, still smiling slightly. "Sounds like a plan."
"And..." Emmett threw one arm around me and the other around his wife as we turned to walk back to the house. "Best of all, we don't have to worry about him saying a thing about Jasper's little slip back there The only thing Mr. Jessup is going to remember about this day was that it was the greatest day of his life. You all may now marvel at my awesomeness."
"That would be our awesomeness," Jasper corrected pointedly.
Emmett grinned. "Couldn't have done it without you, bro." This was followed by a fist bump.
"I suppose we have some arrangements to make,' Jasper stopped just before we reached the porch. "To town, then?"
"Let's go!" Emmett was clearly enjoying himself. As he and Jasper turned away and headed towards the garage, I could still hear his enthusiastic voice. "Should we make his boss cry? Because I really, really want to..."
Later that evening, as I walked past the living room on my way upstairs, I was surprised to see Jasper, barely visible throught the open doorway, sitting on the couch in the dark. I guess he and Emmett had finished up their fairy godfathering for the evening.
After a moment's hesitation, I stepped through the doorway. He did not react to my presence.
"Um...do you mind if I turn on a light?" I asked finally.
Jasper just shrugged, not looking at me. His euphoria of earlier had clearly faded. My own was gone too; the temporary jolt of adrenaline caused by finally hearing from Alice gone now, swallowed up by the undeniable fact that whether she was alright or not, she still wasn't here.
After I snapped on the lamp, I sat down next to him on the couch. "Where was the card sent from?" I asked after a moment.
"Boston." His expression was desolate.
"Boston? What is she doing in Boston? Wait...Boston isn't that far away, at least not for a vampire. Do you think she's on her way back?" Hope lifted me for a moment, until I remembered that the postcard had to have been sent at least two days ago. I sighed loudly. "I guess she would have been here by now if that was the case."
"She was just passing through, I'm certain. She could have caught a flight to anywhere from there."
To my surprise, he kept speaking. "We haven't been apart for more than two days since she found me and even that has been rare. And now..I'm lost. I don't know what to do with myself I try to keep moving. I go to our room. I go into the forest. I go into town. Over and over, back and forth, as if it's going to make a difference. As if eventually, I'm going to find something that will make it all stop, make me stop. But I never will. Not without her. I didn't realize..." his eyes turned far away for a moment. "I always felt how much Edward loved Bella. But in many ways, I thought it was best that she was out of our lives when they separated, for us, for him...even for her. I suppose I was scornful of the way that he couldn't function without her. I wish I didn't understand it so much more now."
"I'm sorry,' I whispered.
"Elisa, I'm the one who's long overdue with an apology. What I did to you; the way I bullied you and intimidated you into keeping what happened from Alice, it was inexcusable."
I watched the flames lick the logs in the fireplace for a long moment before I looked back at him. "You didn't have to take the blame for everything, you know. I knew what I was doing. I mean, you did scare me,' I admitted. "A lot. But you didn't force me not to tell Alice."
Jasper looked frankly disbelieving at this, so I continued. "Look, you've probably noticed by now that if I really want to do something, I generally go ahead and do it. Even when I know the consequences aren't going to be good."
"Well...yes, I would have to say I have noticed that," Jasper said drily.
"So if I had wanted to tell Alice earlier, I would have. I just...I didn't want to. I wouldn't have ever told anybody if you hadn't found the drawing." I sighed heavily now. "I never thought about what it would mean to her. I only thought about what it could mean for me ."
Jasper was silent now and I thought I could feel the condemnation in his lack of a response. I didn't flinch away from it; I deserved it. "It's exactly like what you said to me when we first got here. You told me I was selfish, that I didn't think about what I was doing to everyone else. You were right. But I think I might be able to fix that now." This last sentence came out much more slowly, as the ramifications of what I was about to began to hit me.
Jasper's head shot up and he scrutinized my face. "What are you trying to say, Elisa?"
I ignored his question. "You know, that was pretty cool what you and Emmett did today, for Mr. Jessup."
"Why are you changing the subject?"
"I'm not," I was determined to finish. "I just thought it was interesting, how you were able to completely turn him around like that. One minute he's shaking in his shoes and the next, he's happier than a newborn in a blood bank and practically ready to give self-help seminars. All because of you."
Jasper looked perplexed. "How was that a surprise to you? You've always known what I can do."
"Not really,' I shook my head. "I didn't know that you could so completely change someone like that. Make them believe just about anything you want them to, by tweaking how they feel . You can, can't you?"
After a long moment, Jasper nodded. "I suppose so. With some people, like Mr. Jessup, it's fairly easy because I'd tapped into something that was already there. But if I'm manipulating someone with a false belief that's completely contrary to that person's innate truth, it's much more difficult and it will wear off far more easily. But yes, I can make any human believe whatever I want them to believe, or at least I've never failed at it before. Most immortals as well, with a few talented exceptions."
I moistened my dry lips. "Then you can help me. You can help Alice."
"What are you talking about?"
I opened my mouth to answer, then closed it abruptly, looking around. "Jasper,' my voice was a stage whisper now, 'is anyone listening?"
Jasper raised an eyebrow but he did turn his attention away from me, listening for a long moment. "No. No one is nearby at the moment."
"Good," I still kept my voice hushed. "What I mean is, I know Alice is upset, but she has to understand by now, if she's thought about it at all, that the last thing either one of us wanted to do was hurt her. So...what if that's not the only reason she's staying away? what if it's...me and what I've been doing to her? And if that's so, what if we could make it easier for her to come back? Easier for all of you? No more having to protect me from the various psychotic vampires and other beasts that are sure to come around. No more having to worry about the Volturi torching you all as punishment for harboring a human. It would be better for everyone."
Understanding was beginning to creep into Jasper's face but he maintained a deliberate silence, clearly waiting for me to spit it out.
"I could tell Carlisle and Esme that I'm scared, this is all too much for me, too weird. I could tell them I don't feel safe here, that I don't feel safe with any of you. The thing is, if I'm staring down at my feet and crying my eyes out when I say it, they're going to see right through me. But if you make me believe it, just long enough to get me far away, I think they'd go along with it, wouldn't they? Nobody's going to force me to stay here if I don't really want to, right?"
Jasper wasn't looking at me now. "Do you want to leave, Elisa?"
I sighed, knowing he had already felt my answer. "No. It's the last thing I want. But I'll get over it eventually. We both know it's for the best."
"And where would you go? To La Push?"
I snorted loudly. "No way. If I ever lay eyes on Jacob Black again, the first thing I'm doing is kicking him in the balls, and it'd all just go downhill from there. What I was thinking is that Carlisle might be OK with sending me to boarding school, somewhere far, far away. Like, I dunno, Switzerland. Switzerland's nice, right?"
"Hmm." The sound was non-committal.
"Come on, Jasper. It makes sense. You know it does."
Jasper nodded contemplatively at this. "I suppose it does."
I couldn't deny how much it hurt to hear him agree, even though it was what I'd expected. I refused to let myself fall apart now though. There would be plenty of time for that later, preferably when I was continents away. "So you'll help me then?"
Jasper turned to look me directly in the face. "Absolutely not."
"What?" My facade crumpled into ash at his words. "Why not? I thought this was what you wanted!"
Jasper ignored the question, standing up. "Come with me, Elisa." He gestured to me to follow him.
Confused, I did so, and he led me out of the living room and down the hallway. When I realized he was leading me to Esme's sitting room, I hesitated, remembering the last time we were in there and the somewhat terrifying confrontation we'd had. I wasn't looking to repeat the experience.
Jasper looked back at me expectantly over his shoulder until I finally stepped inside. He blurred behind me to close the door. Half a second later, he was across the room, opening a closet door to reveal shelves full of neatly stacked craft supplies, and reaching up for something on the top shelf that was too high for me to see. He came back down balancing a towering pile on one palm. I instantly recognized what he held as scrapbooks.
"Esme is quite sentimental," Jasper was saying now as he set the stack down on the small table where Esme's sewing machine sat. "She was very committed to preserving as many of our memories as possible. Of course, since so many of our major life events are repeated over and over again, it became rather pointless. She only updates ours now for special occasions." With that, he selected the book at the top of the pile and handed it to me. "You might find this interesting."
I looked down at the cover of the scrapbook he'd handed me, and it was instantly clear that Esme had made it herself. It was covered with ice blue silk, and there was a name embroidered on the front in glittering silver thread. Rosalie.
Eagerly, I opened it. On the first page, there was a sepia toned photograph of a stunningly beautiful young woman. She stood by herself on the porch of an unknown house, unsmiling, wearing a style of dress I'd only ever seen in movies, and clutching a pair of gloves in one hand.. Her eyes were huge and dark, staring directly into the camera. It was impossible to tell their color, of course, but I would have bet my pinky nail that they were crimson. This picture had to have been taken shortly after Rosalie had become a vampire. "Wow, " I whispered, awed by this unexpected glimpse into the Cullens' past.
"So all of you have one?" I looked back at the stack.
Jasper nodded.
"Do you think anyone would mind if I looked through them?" This was greatly exciting, almost like being to walk into the past. I was realizing suddenly what it really meant to live forever. All the things they must have seen! My mind was instantly besieged with a million questions for all of them that I couldn't believe I'd never thought to ask before.
"Of course no one would mind."
I giggled. "Hand me Edward's then. I can't wait to see him in bell bottoms!"
"I thought you'd like to see this one first," With that, he handed me a green bound scrapbook.
I took it with suddenly trembling fingers, for with a jolt I had already recognized the material that covered this one. It was soft, emerald green...It was from the outfit that I'd been wearing every time I had crossed into this strange world. Memories caming flooding back as if someone had flipped a light switch. I could recall vividly when I'd closed my eyes to dream that first night and had woken up at La Guardia airport with Bella and Alice, and so much more, seeing Edward for the first time in the alley in Italy, Jane terrifying me so much it was a wonder I'd ever been able to sleep again, Emmett saving me in the forest, laughing with Jasper, Edward, and Emmett in a broken down car...
And there was no way I could stop myself now from recalling the last day I'd worn it, wandering the streets of Forks in the pouring rain, knowing I would never go home again.
I hadn't seen the top that the material was taken from, or the jeans that I'd worn with it, since that day. I guess if I'd thought about it at all, I would have thought that it would have been thrown out, for fear that the sight of it would upset me. And yes, some of the memories flooding back to me were relentlessly painful, but there were so many others that I wouldn't have traded for anything. It was immensely touching that Esme felt those memories should be preserved as well.
I traced the embroidered name on the cover, woven in a delicately pale shade of pink. Elisa.
Slowly, I opened the it and began to turn the pages. It was amazing to see how well filled it already was, considering that I'd only been in their world for a few short months. There were dozens of photographs, a few I remembered posing for, like the one with Esme, Carlisle and I standing in front of Sullivan HIgh on my first day of school. For the others, I hadn't even realized that anyone had been taking pictures at all. There was Edward and me, sitting on the hood of his Volvo in the yard of the Forks house making faces at each other. Rosalie styling my hair on Bella's wedding day. Alice helping me put my new clothes away after our all day shopping expedition. Me leaning out of the mini-van window watching the scenery pass by on our way to St. John's, reading in the library, laying on the bed in my room doing my homework, the giant stuffed bear that Emmett had given me beside me. She'd kept other things too; a card from Principal Wilkers welcoming me to Sullivan, a poem I'd written for English, even progress reports from my teachers, just the ordinary minutiae of my life glued or taped on to pretty patterned paper. Details that would never hold any interest to anyone except for Esme. Because to her, apparently I was endlessly fascinating.
Just like any child would be, as seen through their mother's eyes.
"You're making this really hard," I whispered to Jasper as I closed the book.
"No, I'm making this impossible." Jasper leaned against Esme's desk and studied me with dark eyes. "I've never seen Esme this happy. She's been a mother without a child, at least not one she could take care of and watch grow up. You're a child without a mother. You need each other more than you know, and if you think I'm going to be part of taking you away from her, from anyone here, you've lost your mind."
Of course I was crying by this point. It was several minutes before I managed to speak again.
"So that's it then. I belong here. Is that what you're trying to say?"
"I believe the appropriate response to that, if we translated it into Elisa speak, is 'duh'. "
I laughed through my tears. "Right back at you, Jasper."
He looked perplexed at this, so I sat down my scrapbook and turned to face him fully. "I know you believe that you don't really fit here with Alice gone, and what I don't get is how you can be so dense for someone who's supposedly empathic. Don't you know how everyone feels about you? How can you even consider walking out on Carlisle or Esme, or taking another brother away from Emmett, or not being here to annoy Rosalie as only you can? We wouldn't be complete without you here. You do get that, right?"
Jasper took a deep breath. "Maybe, like you, I just needed to hear it."
"She's coming back, you know," I continued to watch his expression. "Everything you said, about how lost you feel without her, there's no way she's not feeling that too. She'll do whatever it is that she thinks she has to do, and she'll come back for you. I know she will."
Jasper didn't answer - I don't think he could have formed words to respond to that. It didn't bother me. There were no more words for a long stretch after that. I just stared down at the book on my lap, not even trying to sort out my tumultous thoughts or feelings. I thought maybe Jasper would leave, but he stayed next to me, still leaning against the table, gone somewhere else in his head as well.
A distant chiming from the grandfather clock in the dining room finally nudged me out of my reverie.
"So...it's decided then, right?" I looked at Jasper, who waited for me. "I mean, about me. I'm staying, right?"
"Clearly."
"And you're staying," I looked at him for assurance.
Jasper paused for a moment. "Yes. I am."
"Well...if that's the case then, maybe we should both stop acting like a giant pair of Edwards, wallowing in guilt every second of the day. If this is the life that we've both chosen, I think we should probably go on and live it, at least before the Volturi or something else lethal inevitably shows up again."
"So what you're saying is, we should quit our bitching?" Jasper actually smiled without looking like it was going to break his face.
"And the whining and pining."
"Do we have to give up the moaning and groaning too?"
"Definitely," I held out my hand to him. "Deal?"
Jasper shook it. "Deal."
Just then, we heard Rosalie's voice sound from the hallway.
"Oh, thank God!"
To be continued
In the next chapter, Elisa decides to go after what she wants and his name is Jimmy. Later on, she makes a surprising realization about her strange connection to Alice.
Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts.