Feeling Nostalgic

Hey there! Long time, no talk, I know. It took me quite a bit to even remember how to log into this account. Good ol' password reset, you are my friend.

Anyway, I suspect I am probably writing into the void, but for those still following Evening Falls for updates, this comes as quite a shock, I know. I never meant to leave this story hanging for so long. I very much intended to finish it. Well, after all this time, I think I have to finally come to terms with the fact that unless I win the lottery, can quit my job, and have more than just the tiny bit of writing time I do have, that's never going to happen. And I'm definitely sad about that. There was so much more story I had planned; Elisa's story was far more ambitious than I ever should have let it be.

At the same time, I have to be proud of the fact that this monster of a tale is 280k words long. 280K! Sure, there's a lot I should have trimmed. If I could go back now, there's so much I would have pared down, streamlined, and hopefully been able to finish. But whatever. I'm not here to tear myself down. This story was such a learning experience for me, and I got so much out of it, a renewed love of writing, a great source of escapism at a time I really needed it, great friends, and so much wonderful feedback. Thank you to everyone who was a part of that. I laugh all the time about the embarrassment of being a secret TwiFic writer, but the truth is, I'm not embarrassed by it. I had such a good time in this community. And no matter how much I may now eyeroll elements in the books or movies or rail about how this should have happened and that shouldn't have, blah blah etc, etc, overall this whole experience changed my life. It really did. It made me a writer again, and that's an extraordinary thing. And ultimately, Twilight will always be a happy place for me.

Anyway, part of the reason I've stopped by after so long is I got the sweetest message the other day (and in Spanish too! Thank you, Google Translate) and it made me happy all over again that people are still reading after all this time. Thank you, you lovely soul, for taking the time.

I've also gotten some not so nice comments. Typically they are one word...UPDATE! Occasionally, they go into a bit more depth about how dare I stop writing after all this time and just leave them hanging. I get the frustration. I do. I'm an avid reader myself and how I hate hate hate to be left hanging!

But I am going to point out that the majority of these messages have one thing in common. They were the only comments those users left on this fic. In other words, they got through 26 chapters or so, 280k words, and the only time they felt compelled to leave feedback was when there was no more. So, in all likelihood, if I had finished it, I never would have heard from these readers.

Honestly, that sucks. When I was writing this fic, I took time from my family, myself, my household, and I did it because I love writing, yes. But I also love to share writing. I love to bring other people into my world. It's an accepted part of the writing life, I know. The loneliness of putting it out there and the never knowing that you've been heard. But to throw on top of that the angry messages from people upset that I could not spare more of my free time, my self esteem, my creativity, to entertain them for free? All I've asked for, all any fanfiction author, or any author, really, has asked for, is feedback. To know that you liked it. I love to know that all those hours of writing and rewriting and thinking it sucked and trying to fix plotholes and character development and make it fun and entertaining were not in vain. And if I entertained you, it must not have been. But I have no way of knowing this if I never hear about it.

This is the biggest reason why people stop writing. It's not the only reason why I lost a lot of my enthusiasm for TwiFic but it was definitely a large factor. And I don't know what else to say about that except, if you love a fic, please comment. I'm not talking about for me. I'm talking about for all those currently writing fic writers out there. If you don't write, you don't know how much this takes out of us. How incredibly lonely it can be too. How hard it is to make our friends and family understand how much we need to do this. And if the response is silence, then all the tears and worry and time was pointless after all.

Please tell them it wasn't pointless. If you like someone's writing, leave them a comment. It doesn't have to be paragraphs of analysis (though if that's your thing, PLEASE do it, we live for those!) Just saying something like, 'hey I really liked this; it was funny/sad/sexy/etc' means so much and will probably mean the difference between whether your favorite fic updates or not.

But enough of that. I want to thank all of you who did take the time to compliment, and to apologize for my lack of response. I have poured over every word. To this day, I go back and read years old reviews when I need a lift. I can quote some of my favorite comments by heart. I have treasured every single of them. Thank you, all of you, so much. Because of you, I am still writing, even though I moved on from TwiFic.

And even though, exempting some serious Divine Intervention, I will not be finishing Evening Falls, I still have tons and tons of notes and snippets and a half written chapter and I'm wondering if anyone would be interested in knowing how it ends, even if it's just in note/bullet form. If so, let me know and I'll try to update a chapter or too with what I've got. My goal for doing that will be by the end of next weekend so I'm not keeping people hanging too long. If not, no big. This was a great time for me, regardless.

3 you all.