Chapter 56: Enter Tybalt, Stage Right
Scene: The O'Sama house. Kunzite and Zoi are coming down the stairs at the O'Sama house. It's nearly ten at night. Chief Midori has extended his curfew to reward Zoi for his good grades, so he doesn't have to be home until eleven on Saturdays. They usually stay upstairs until the last minute.]
Jeddy: Where are you going?
Kunzite: To the pharmacy to buy more supplies.
Jeddy: What kind of supplies?
Neffy: Don't answer that. We don't want to know.
Beryl: Couldn't you just conjure everything you need?
Kunzite: That won't tell me what his preferences are.
[The others watch as they go out the door]
[Later at the store. It's fairly dead at this hour. The woman at the pharmacy counter is listening to her iPod and reading a romance novel. Kunzite is putting bottle of haircare products in the shopping basket he's carrying. Zoi is examining bottles of bubble bath.]
Zoi: I'm not sure if I should get apple or Love Forever. Which would you like, since you'll be in there with me?
[Kunzite takes both and puts them in his basket and then puts his arm around Zoi]
Kunzite: Get anything you want. I could buy you the entire store if you like. Money is the least of my worries, and I have nothing to spend it on but you.
[They walk with their arms around each other until they get to the section on reproductive health. Kunzite stops and puts four bottle of lubricant in the basket.]
Zoi: [Picks up another bottle of lubricant and hands it to Kunzite] You're going to need a lot more than that.
Kunzite: [takes the bottle and puts it in the basket] True. We go through this pretty quickly.
Zoi: [giggles] It is a shame they don't sell this in Costco sized buckets… That would be enough to get us through a month.
[Zoi scans the rest of the shelf and picks up a pregnancy test]
Zoi: [laughs] Look. This can detect a pregnancy as early as two days after conception.
Kunzite: I'm afraid I don't see the humor in that.
Zoi: [still laughing] I was just thinking, since the two of us go at it like jackrabbits every Saturday, it's a good thing I don't have to worry about you knocking me up.
[Zoi stops laughing abruptly when he remembers that Kunzite has never been fully human]
Zoi: Wait… You can't knock me up, can you?
Kunzite: [grins] I shouldn't imagine it's possible, but I never gave it much thought.
Zoi: You'd better give it some thought. I can't have your cthulhu babies eating their way out of my abdomen!
[Zoi throws a pack of spermicidal condoms in the basket]
Demande Blackmoon: And that's a wrap. In more ways than one.
[Zoi and Kunzite turn around to see Demande Blackmoon recording them with his smartphone.]
Demande: [smiles warmly] This is going right on my YouTube channel.
Kunzite: Zoisite. Don't.
Zoi: [snarls as he charges at Demande] Give me that phone!
Demande: [grins] Hush. I'm sending an email to your father.
[Zoi grabs the phone out of Demande's hand and tries to delete the video. Demande grabs hold of him but before he can pin his arms, Zoi dashes the phone against the floor as hard as he can.]
[Demande is stunned for a bit, then tightens his arms around Zoi.]
Demande: [unfazed] You little brat. That's a brand new phone.
Zoi: Let go of me!
Demande: [sniffs the top of Zoi's head] Damn you smell good.
Zoi: [struggles] Stop smelling me!
[Zoi tries to stomp on Demande's foot, so Demande lifts him off his feet. Zoi tries to slam his heel against Demande's shin, but if it has an impact, Demande doesn't react to it. If anything he seems to enjoy Zoi's frenzied struggle.]
[Then Demande abruptly freezes.]
Demande: Oh my god, what a jerk.
Zoi: What?
Demande: That guy you were with? The one you'd been saving yourself for? He took off.
[Zoi looks and sees Kunzite is nowhere to be seen.]
Demande: He just left you here. If you were mine, I'd never leave you alone with a guy like me.
[Demande looks around, sees there is nobody else around and then pushes Zoi up against a wall.]
Demande: You're lucky I'm a nice guy. This would be a very easy situation for someone to take advantage of, but I'm willing to let you off lightly. Here is the deal. I'll delete that video without posting it on the internet if you make out with me for two minutes.
Zoi: No!
Demande: Oh, come on. I'm not going to do anything bad to you. I just need something interesting to think about while I'm putting babies in my cousins' bellies.
Zoi: No!
Demande: [wounded] You'd rather have that plastered all over the internet than kiss me for two minutes?
Zoi: I'd rather perform the Superbowl Halftime Show in the nude than kiss you for two seconds!
Demande: Why? Because you have a boyfriend? Newsflash: He doesn't care about you. He's a big guy, he could have taken me. But instead he decided you're not worth the trouble and he took off and stranded you here.
[Zoi's seeing red. Then he sighs with resignation.]
Zoi: Fine. One kiss.
Demande: For two minutes.
Zoi: No tongue.
Demande: Oh, there is going to be tongue.
Zoi: Then you have to erase the video and stop bothering me.
Demande: That is the deal.
Zoi: And then this never happens again and we never speak of it.
Demande: [nods] agreed
[Zoi closes his eyes and parts his lips]
[Demande leans in tilting his head to the side, relaxing his grip]
[As soon as Zoi can feel Demande breath on his face his eyes snap open and he grabs both of Demande's earlobes and pulls them back as hard as he can. Demande screams in pain.]
Zoi: [laughs] You stupid idiot! Like I would kiss you in a million years!
[Zoi tries to twist free, but Demande grabs hold of him again and pins Zoi's arms behind his back.]
Demande: That was cruel. I should punish you, but I'm too nice a guy.
Zoi: Let go of me!
Demande: What a spoiled little brat you are. You know what you need? You need to be spanked.
Zoi: [Horrified] Don't you dare!
Demande: [grins] I should put you over my knee and smack the brattiness right out of you….but I won't. You know why? Because I'm too nice of a guy. [pauses in thought] But there has got to be a way to punish you without hitting you…
Zoi: [struggles] Let me go!
Demande: Tell me, Zoi-zoi, are you ticklish?
Zoi: [Zoi's face takes on a look of horror] No.
Demande: I think you are…
[Demande burrows his fingers into Zoi's armpits and strokes lightly with his fingernails. Zoi screams with laughter.]
Demande: You are!
Zoi: [shrieking] No! Stop!
[Demande does not stop but instead tickles Zoi vigorously, to the point of torture. Zoi's laughing so hard it hurts him to breathe, and the terror that causes only makes breathing increasingly more painful.]
[Demande pauses with his fingers in Zoi's armpits to let him catch his breath.]
Demande: Do you have something you want to say to me?
Zoi: Stop! Or I'll tell!
Demande: You'll tell what? That I tickled you? Do you think anyone is going to take that seriously. You think there is a single prosecutor in this state that's willing to cross Justice Blackmoon over a tickling? Especially when they see what a sultry little minx you are?
[Demande goes back to tickling him vigorously and now Zoi is in so much pain he's starting to fear for his life. When Demande stops tickling this time, Zoi doesn't say or do anything.]
Demande: Are you ready to be a good boy now?
[Zoi nods]
[Demande backs Zoi into the wall and shoves his tongue into his mouth.]