Chapter 58: O'Sama Family Meeting
[scene: The Dark Kingdom, it's not a nice place to visit, and Zoi has no intention of living there]
Zoi: I demand you take me home!
[Kunzite presses his fingers to his temples and squeezes his eyes shut.]
Zoi: …please?
Kunzite: No! You're not going back and that's final!
Zoi: Kunzite. You can't do this. I'm only fifteen. People are going to start looking for me. They'll hand out fliers and print posters with our faces all over them.
[Kunzite says nothing]
Zoi: Kunzite, dammit! You need to take me back!
Kunzite: We need to keep you away from the Black Moon Clan. Far away.
Zoi: You can't just expect me to vanish into thin air like this!
Kunzite: They can't come here. You will be safe from them.
Zoi: No, Kunzite, you can't do this to my dad! He's going to be worried sick!
Kunzite: I have to, Zoisite, now please be quiet.
Zoi: I won't! You have to take me back! My dad has probably given himself an ulcer by now! He'll call the FBI! They'll be all over your family! Your mother, the other Shitennou–!
[Zoi's eyes go wide]
Zoi: Oh, my God! No he won't! He'll go barging into your house, demanding to search every square inch of it! Your family will kill him for sure!
Kunzite: [smirks] See. Problem solved.
Zoi: Kunzite! How can you even–
Kunzite: That was a joke.
Zoi: [horrified] Oh, my God! You're hilarious!
Kunzite: I'm reasonably sure my family won't kill your father.
Zoi: Yes they will! Then they'll have to leave, to hide from the FBI forever!
Kunzite: [places his hands on his shoulders] Calm down, Zoisite. We've been there before.
Zoi: Not over me you didn't! You're not ruining everything over me!
[Beryl materializes in a long indigo gown.]
[Kunzite is aghast that Beryl would teleport inside his castle uninvited.]
Beryl: Kunzite–
Kunzite: What are you doing here?
Beryl: What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Why haven't you taken Zoi home?
Kunzite: Demande Blackmoon attacked Zoisite at the pharmacy. I'm not letting that happen again.
Beryl: That's all well and good, but Zoi's father keeps calling the house. He wants to know why his son isn't home yet.
Kunzite: What did you tell him?
Beryl: I told him you called and said you had a flat tire, and you're waiting for AAA, but that excuse isn't going to work for very much longer if you don't call him and let him know you are on your way.
Kunzite: Call him back and find some gentle words to inform him he will never see his son again.
Beryl: Kunzite!
Kunzite: Demande Blackmoon has decided to go after Zoisite. I need to keep him here where he'll be safe.
Beryl: [shaken] Kunzite, let's talk this through.
Kunzite: You don't understand! He's a Blackmoon, Beryl! Don't you see that? He's a Blackmoon! They have a fifteen thousand year grudge against us, and now they have discovered a way to take their revenge.
Beryl: [holds out her hands to Zoi] I'll take him home, Kunzite. I can protect him from the effects of teleportation better than you can.
[Kunzite pulls Zoi closer and tightens his arms around him.]
Beryl: Give him to me.
Kunzite: Listen to me Beryl! The Blackmoons are sick and depraved. They're sadistic animals, and Demande Blackmoon wants him, Beryl. He wants him specifically. This won't stop until he's done horrible things to Zoisite. It may not even stop after that. And that's if he doesn't figure out who I am and what I feel for him! If he does, he'll find a way to make Zoisite die right in front of me!
Beryl: He doesn't know—
Kunzite: How long do you think it will be before he tries something like this again?
Zoi: Kunzite? [tugs his sleeve] I don't know how much you saw, but he was completely put off once he found out I'm only fifteen.
Kunzite: Yes! So was I! For about three minutes!
[Jeddy and Neffy appear]
Jeddy: Kunzite. Zoi's father won't stop calling us. He's freaking out because Zoi won't answer his cellphone. [to Zoi] I told him your phone ran out of juice right before you left, but he insists you call him on Kunzite's phone and let him know you're alive.
Zoi: You need to let me talk to him! Otherwise he's going to think I've been abducted!
Neffy: I don't know how to break this to you, kid, but you HAVE been abducted.
Beryl: He's right. Let's just look at our options for a minute.
Kunzite: There are no options!
Zoi: I'm not leaving my dad!
Neffy: We have to take him back.
Kunzite: No! If Demande Blackmoon tries something we won't be able to stop him!
Jeddy: I have an idea.
Beryl: Kunzite. We need to stop and think–
Neffy: [shrugs] I don't see what the big deal is. These are the Blackmoons we're talking about, they're not looking for anything longterm or meaningful. So why don't we just let him play with wifey-boy for a few days until he gets bored?
Zoi: Why don't we just let him play with YOU for a few days until he gets bored!
Beryl: There's another option.
Kunzite: There is no other option!
Jeddy: [hurt] Doesn't anyone want to hear my idea?
The other Shitennou: No!
Zoi: You take me back!
Kunzite: No!
Jeddy: Here's what we need to do… [Beryl and Neffy roll their eyes] …we need to fake Zoi's death.
[The other Shitennou stop talking and stare at Jeddy in surprise]