Chaoter 59: Diabolical Plans
[Scene: Kunzite's castle in the Dark Kingdom. Jeddy has just suggested they fake Zoi's death.]
Neffy: That's not a bad idea, actually.
Zoi: Yes it is! It's a terrible idea!
Jeddy: All we need to do is order a youma with chameleon powers to take on Zoi's appearance and DNA. Then we snap her neck and mash up the body a little to make it look like Zoi died in a car accident.
Beryl: Jeddy, that's actually brilliant. I'm in shock.
[Zoi is in shock too, but for entirely different reasons]
Neffy: Yes. [smiles] It might work. If everyone thinks that Zoi is dead, we don't have to worry about anyone coming around looking for him. That would solve all of our troubles in one fell swoop.
Zoi: No it won't!
Jeddy: Why not!
Zoi: Because my parents will be DEVASTATED!
Kunzite: That's irrelevant. We need to make sure you're safe, and that's all that matters.
Neffy: Zoi, listen to him, he's right.
Zoi: NO, HE'S NOT!
Beryl: Yes, he is.
Zoi: No! I can't do that! I couldn't live with myself if I tricked my parents into thinking I died!
Kunzite: You don't have to do a thing. We're going to do this for you.
Neffy: Go on, Jeddy.
Jeddy: After we kill her, we'll prop the corpse up in Kunzite's Maserati, or better yet, Neffy's Ferrari.
Neffy: My Ferrari?
Jeddy: Since it's not a convertible, people won't be able to see she's already got a broken neck.
Neffy: Oh, no! You're not using my Ferrari!
Jeddy: Oh, come on. Let us use your Ferrari. The windows are tinted and everything.
Neffy: No! Why should I? What's he to me? Other than an annoyance Kunzite decided to inflict on the rest of us?
Jeddy: Fine. We'll use the Maserati. Once we get the corpse in place, we just need to bewitch some random motorist to plow into it. If we use the convertible it should be near a bar. It will be mostly drunks on the road this time of night anyway. Even better if there are drunken witnesses.
Zoi: [appalled] Do you even hear yourselves?
Kuzite: Won't people wonder why he's dead and I'm completely uninjured?
Beryl: You just watched the love of your life die in a tragic accident. I doubt anyone would be insensitive enough to bring it up.
[Beryl's face takes on a troubled expression]
Beryl: I just thought of something. It won't work.
Jeddy: Why not?
Beryl: Once the youma is dead, she will no longer have Zoi's form.
[There is a moment of silence and the Shitennou all exhale at once]
Neffy: Damn. I knew if Jeddy came up with an idea, there had to be something wrong with it.
Jeddy: [desperate] We'll keep her alive then, and have her mimic being dead.
Neffy: That won't be much fun during the autopsy.
Beryl: True. If she's alive at the beginning of that, she won't be at the end.
Neffy: Oh, well, back to the drawing board. Does anyone else have a brilliant idea?
Zoi: Stop it! You're wasting time! You need to take me home before my father calls the FBI! …Look, after the beating he took from his father, Demande Blackmoon's not going to try anything! At least not tonight!
Beryl: Yes, but when he realizes what you mean to Kunzite, he'll come after you for entirely different reasons.
Zoi: I don't think so. I don't think Demande Blackmoon wants to stir anything up with the Shitennou. He thought I was seeing Jeddy, and he said something about not wanting to rattle his cage. So I don't think it's going to be a problem.
Jeddy: He thought you were seeing me? Why would he think you were seeing me?
Zoi: Um…I don't know…
Kunzite: I'm not sending you back! It's too easy to say nothing is going to happen until something happens. And then it will be too late!
[The others are silent]
Zoi: [sighs] Take me home, and if anything happens, I'll sell my dad on the idea of sending me back to Phoenix.
Kunzite: And if Demande Blackmoon follows you?
Zoi: Good luck with that. There are several million people in Phoenix.
Jeddy: It's not that hard to look up an address.
Zoi: He'd have to know my mother's married name. I don't even think my father does.
Kunzite: What are you going to do in Phoenix?
Zoi: Disappear.
Neffy: I kind of like it.
Kunzite: Shut up Nephrite!
[Kunzite takes Zoi by the shoulders and looks him in the eye]
Kunzite: Zoisite, if you let anything happen to yourself, anything at all, I am holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?
Zoi: *nods*
Kunzite: And I'm staying in your bed tonight, to keep an eye on you, regardless of whether your father wants me there or not.
[Zoi brings his fingers to his mouth to try to hide his smile]
[Meanwhile…]
[The Blackmoon Bentley on the long drive back to Olympia, WA from Hen Tie. Demande is behind the wheel and Justice Blackmoon is in the passenger seat smoking a cigar. Demande is still cringing.]
[Justice Blackmoon looks over and ruffles his hair.]
Justice Blackmoon: Oh, lighten up! You understand why I had to hit you, boy? I had to hit you for being stupid. How many times do I have to tell you—don't get caught on camera!
Demande: I'm sorry, dad.
Justice Blackmoon: Ah, don't worry about it. All's well that ends well, and he had it coming to him anyway.
Demande: He did?
Justice Blackmoon: Well not him personally, but…[blows a puff of smoke] Don't get me wrong, Zoi-zoi a sweet kid, but his father's been chafing my hide lately. If he keeps it up, I may have to teach him a lesson.
Demande: Oh?
Justice Blackmoon: Chief Midori won't take my money anymore and he's arrested three men he's not supposed to. He claims it doesn't feel right being on the take since his son's such a good boy. He's been working hard, getting straight A's, keeping his nose clean, and making lots of nice friends, so he's has got to set a good example for his little golden-haired angel.
[Justice Blackmoon blows a smoke ring]
Justice Blackmoon: Poor little Zoi-zoi. I love the kid to death. But I've got to admit it puts a song in my heart to see the little goodie-two-shoes taken down a peg or two.
Demande: [grins] Oh, he's been taken down more than a peg or two. I know for a fact that Chief Midori's little golden haired angel has been taking it in the rear from some cowardly sleazeball.
Justice Blackmoon: [lets out a wheezing laugh] You don't say?
Demande: He was in there in the pharmacy picking out condoms for his sugardaddy. I got it all on video.
Justice Blackmoon: [chortles] Any idea who it is?
Demande: Probably some drug dealer. He looks like he's my age or younger, but he drives a Maserati.
Justice Blackmoon: Oh, this is just too precious for words. That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Demande: Think we should tell his father?
Justice Blackmoon: Nah. It's funnier if he doesn't know.
[The come to a railroad crossing with the lights flashing and the arms coming down]
[They sit and watch the train going by for a while and then Demande pulls out his cellphone.]
Demande: Hey dad. I've got a question for you.
Justice Blackmoon: What is it, boy?
[Shows him the screen]
Demande: Do you have any idea who this guy is?
[Justice Blackmoon almost drops his cigar into his lap as he looks at an image of Zoi handing Kunzite a bottle of lubricant.]
Justice Blackmoon: [nearly has a heart attack] HOLY SHIT!
Demande: You know him?
Justice Blackmoon: THAT'S KUNZITE O'SAMA!
Demande: [breaks into a cold sweat at the very mention of the name] THE Kunzite O'Sama? The evilest of Shitennou, Kunzite? The monster under the monster's bed, Kunzite? The finish-all-your-vegetables, or-Kunzite's-going-to-kill-you-in-your-sleep, Kunzite?
Justice Blackmoon: The one and only! And it appears he's gotten his dirty meathooks into our Zoi-zoi!
[For a minute they just stare at one another.]
Justice Blackmoon: Turn the car around. We've got to go back to Hen Tie.