Hi everyone I am soo sorry about how long this has taken. Exams are next month so revision is all I seem to have time to do unfortunately. I hope you like this chapter. Well I don't know if you will like it but hey enjoy reading.

Chapter 20

'Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly' Langston Hughes

Livie gasped as everything stopped spinning wincing as she felt a shooting pain in her temple. Weakly she opened her eyes squinting through the pain. After carefully assessing herself she weakly rolled her head to the side trying to figure out what had happened.

She felt a clench in her stomach as she looked over and saw Reid slumped against the window blood trickling from a gash on his forehead. "Spence" whispered as she looked over again to see the other car that had hit theirs a few meters away with the bonnet twisted and bent out of shape. All around them people had stopped and were clambering out of their cars and were running towards them.

Hissing in pain she reached down and managed to unclip her seatbelt and she instantly turned back to Reid.

"Spence" she choked out "hey Spence... Talk to me please... Spence please wake up" she let out a small cry as she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen and she placed one hand over her stomach feeling a sob rise in her throat.

"Please wake up Spence" she sobbed shaking his shoulder desperately "please be ok please" she begged before letting out another gasp of pain bending over her stomach as another deep cramping sensation overcame her.

"Wake up Spence" she whispered as tears began to trickle down her cheeks and the edges of her vision began to go blurry.

She heard shouting and slowly looked over to see someone yanking open the door on her side of the car . "Stay still" they were shouting "an ambulance is on its way... Are you badly hurt."

Livie stared at him blankly not comprehending the question "miss? Are you hurt" the person asked again as the sounds of sirens filled the air and Livie saw flashing lights as the darkness began to claim her.

She turned her head back to look at Reid and reached out slowly trying to take his hand. But the darkness claimed her before she could grasp his hand.

XO

Reid jerked awake gasping in pain as he blinked disorientated as he sat up. "Livie" he murmured as he looked around. "Sir lie back down" a nurse said coming over and putting her hand on his shoulder "you need to lie back down you were in a car accident do you remember?" "Livie" he choked out "where is she" "sir lie back down" the nurse said "but Livie where is she" he gasped "is she ok" he let out a gasp as there was a shooting pain through his shoulder and that was when he registered the sharp pain in his head.

He heard the nurse calling for a doctor and one came running "hey now what's going on" he asked as he pulled on rubber gloves. "Where's Livie" Reid demanded looking around the ward trying to catch a sight of her. "Sir is Livie the girl who came in with you from the car crash" the doctor asked in an even voice "yes please where is she" Reid pleaded "ok ok I need you to sit down whilst I give you an examination and then I will go find out what happened to her ok" the doctor said and not liking it but not seeing another option Reid complied and sat on the edge of the gurney waiting whilst the doctor looked in his eyes with the light and took his blood pressure "Ok what is your name sir" he asked "and what so you do for a living."

Reid bit back a wince as he examined his head "my name is Doctor Spencer Reid… I work with the… BAU… The Behavioural Analysis Unit with the FBI in Quantico" "Ok so you work with the FBI" the doctor said "is that why you are in New York" Reid nodded "We are on a case" he mumbled "Livie too, she works with me" "ok" the doctor said "are you in any pain" "no" Reid said quickly ignoring the pain "I want to know how Livie is."

"Ok ok" the doctor said "I am going to go ask after her now" he said and he turned and headed back to the receptionist desk. Reid sat on the edge of gurney waiting impatiently before he groaned and looked around. He spotted his jacket lying on a chair and he staggered over to it wincing in pain. He rummaged around in the pockets until he found his phone and breathing heavily he managed to lift it and dial a number.

XO

Hotch was sitting in the Chinese restaurant listening to his team chatter when he felt his phone vibrate and he reached into his pocket to pull it out glancing at the number and recognising it.

"Reid" he greeted "how's it going? Is everything ok?" he listened before his face hardened. Seeing him freeze everyone paused and looked at him "Hotch" Morgan questioned "what is wrong."

Hotch didn't answer, he just leapt to his feet and pulled some bills out of his wallet and dropped them on the table. "We have to get to the hospital" he said "what why" Emily asked as she leapt up "it's Reid and Livie" Hotch said "they were in a car crash"

"What" JJ exclaimed "oh my God are they ok" "Reid said he was fine" Hotch said "but he didn't sound it" "what about Livie" Morgan asked as they dashed towards the car "Reid said that the doctors don't know anything yet" Hotch said "at least they won't tell him anything, he sounded freaked out"

Emily and JJ shared a worried look knowing something the others didn't. Something that worried them and made them worry for Livie and even more for Reid, because they knew why he was freaking out.

XO

When they arrived at the hospital they headed to the accident and emergency area and once they had arrived in the elevator it wasn't hard to find Reid. As the doors opened they heard shouting and saw Reid standing in the middle of the waiting room shouting frantically at the doctors who were surrounding him trying to get him to calm down. He was covered in blood and looking very disorientated.

Hotch quickly leapt forward. "Hey" he said to the doctors "I'll handle this." He turned to Reid and caught hold of his shoulders "hey Reid Reid" he said "you have to calm down" "I can't" he said angrily "they won't tell me anything … I want to know that she is ok"

"Spencer" came a voice from behind and they all turned to see Livie's parents running out of the elevator with Kate clutching Kaylee's hand who's eyes were wide and confused. They were all dressed smartly obviously ready for the dinner they had planned. "Spencer" Kate said again looking frantic "we got your message. What happened?"

"I don't know" Reid gasped "we were driving to the dinner and… this car ran a red light and … there was nothing I could do I swear." His eyes filled with tears "Reid" Hotch said "It wasn't your fault ok" "yes it was I should have seen it coming, I should have avoided it … if I had …" he broke off looking around.

"Why won't anyone tell me how she is" he suddenly shouted making everyone start "Reid calm down" Hotch said firmly "I can't calm down I need to know she is ok" Reid shouted again "I know you are worried but the doctors are doing everything they can" Hotch tried to soothe but Reid pulled away "but you don't understand" he yelled "she's pregnant!"

Everyone froze in surprise. Reid stared around at all their faces showing a range of startled emotions. His outburst had some impact on the doctors who instantly rushed off to make sure that the doctors caring for Livie knew of her condition.

"Reid" Hotch said once he had recovered "what are you saying." Reid looked around at them all desperately and JJ moved over to wrap an arm around him "it's ok" she whispered to him as he took a shaky breath and his eyes fell on Livie's family who were all watching him looking startled "I'm saying she's pregnant with my baby" he whispered before he looked at Hotch "please" he pleaded "I need to know she is ok."

Hotch nodded and headed over to the receptionists desk and displayed his badge whilst JJ guided Reid over to some seats and encouraged him to sit down "it'll be ok Spencer" she whispered rubbing his arm "Livie is tough, no way in hell is she going to leave us"

"But the car, it hit her side of the car, it all happened so fast but it was bad JJ, I remember her crying out then everything went black and…" "shh" JJ whispered "it is going to do her no good for you to start getting worked up so calm down ok"

Reid stared at her before realising she was right and slowly he dropped his head unable to look at Livie's family, he felt so guilty that their daughter was in this mess, and no matter what everyone told him, he still blamed himself.

Hotch came walking slowly back over just then and Reid leapt to his feet "where is she" he demanded. Hotch gently pushed him back into the seat he had risen from "Hotch please just tell me" he pleaded not liking the uncertain look in his face. "Reid, she's in surgery" Hotch said gently "there was some internal damage from the crash so they are fixing her up now. They are also worried about a brain injury as she lost consciousness."

Reid let out a choking gasp "is she going to be ok" he asked "hey the doctors are doing everything they can" Hotch reassured "but what about the baby" Reid asked and Hotch hesitated "what" Reid asked panicked "they… didn't know that she was pregnant Reid" he said gently "but now they know they are going to do everything they can to save the baby, they are going to give her an ultra sound now."

Reid stared at him for a minute before dropping his head uncertainly knowing there was nothing he could do now except wait.

Everyone waited uncomfortably. Nobody spoke; they didn't know what to say. Reid stared at the ground until he sensed someone sit next to him. He glanced sideways and saw that it was Kaylee. Quickly he dropped his head again. "Spencer" Kaylee whispered uncertainly and he looked at her. "Is Livie going to be ok" she asked with her big blue eyes wide and uncertain.

Reid stared at her not knowing what to say. He thought about telling her the truth, that there was a chance that Livie might not be ok. But she was only a kid; he didn't want to frighten her.

"I…I don't know" he whispered "but… she's a fighter Kaylee… she won't give up without a fight" Kaylee stared at him uncertainly before she went back to staring at the floor unable to look anyone in the eye.

He sensed Hotch come over with the others though after Kaylee had moved back to her mom and dad. He didn't look up but he knew they were watching him. "How far along is she" Morgan asked gently and he took a shaky breath "eleven weeks" he mumbled "how long have you known" Hotch asked and slowly Reid looked up "about three weeks" he said "we found out after we returned from that case in Texas, after she threw up on the plane… that's when we figured out that she might be… we drove straight to get some tests and we found out they were positive."

"Any reason why you didn't tell us" Hotch asked and Reid shifted guiltily "we wanted to wait till she was through the first trimester, when there was less risks of her losing the baby… and Livie… she wasn't ready to stop working yet… she wanted just a couple more weeks before she ended up finishing her internship early. We were going to tell you all next week" he gave a small smile "she couldn't wait to tell you all" he mumbled.

"She was excited about being pregnant" Morgan asked and Reid nodded noticing that Livie's parents had drifted over to listen "we were both delighted about it once we had gotten over the original shock" he said "we both couldn't wait to be parents… when I found out I realised how much I really wanted to be a father and I was so happy because I had always dreamed about starting a family… with Livie"

He looked up at her parents "we were going to tell you tonight" he confessed "that's why Livie arranged that dinner, she wanted to tell you tonight but…" he trailed off again dropping his head to fight the tears that were threatening to spill out.

A doctor came out just then calling for Olivia Beckett's family and everyone instantly leapt up. "She's my daughter is she ok" Kate asked looking worried. The doctor sighed "your daughter will be fine, she had some internal bleeding due to a broken rib which nicked her spleen but we sorted all that out with only… minor complications, she experienced cardiac arrest in the surgery but we revived her easily. We took her to have some MRI scans and apart from the internal damage she seems perfectly fine though of course she will probably ache a lot when she wakes up" he paused looking around obviously sensing the next question on everyone's lips.

He paused looking around obviously trying to figure out how to say something. Eventually Reid burst out "the baby is ok right?" and the doctor looked at him "are you the baby father" he asked and Reid nodded "everything is ok isn't it" he said.

The doctor sighed "maybe you should sit down" he suggested but Reid shook his head "no just tell me" he said "why won't anybody tell me anything?" the doctor hesitated before he uttered those two words that nobody wanted to hear.

"I'm sorry"

Reid stared at him waiting for someone to tell him that it was ok. That this was some big sick joke. But no one did. They all just stood there silently absorbing the news. He staggered backwards beginning to breathe fast as the doctor continued to speak. "The baby survived the crash but during the surgery when Miss Beckett went into cardiac arrest her body couldn't hold on any longer and she miscarried. There was nothing we could do to save the baby, I'm sorry"

Reid staggered back until he was leaning against the wall. Struggling not to hyperventilate he slid down it to the floor and put his head in his hands struggling to come to terms with that he had just heard. Livie had lost the baby. Their baby had died.

Looking up he saw Kate and Rick standing there looking shocked and worried. Kate had her hand over her mouth like she was struggling not to cry at the thought of her daughter losing a baby. She looked over at Reid and he stared at her unsure of how to react. Slowly she moved over to him as he felt tears slide down his cheeks "I'm sorry" he whispered miserably "hey it's not your fault" Kate whispered gently pulling him into a hug before she looked up at the doctor "may we see her" she whispered and the doctor nodded "only family is allowed to see her though" he said and Kate dragged Reid to his feet "he's family" she said and the doctor nodded and led the way down the corridor to a small room where he stood aside "she's in there" he said "press the call button if you need anything"

"Thank you" Rick said quietly before he pushed the door open and stepped inside. Kate looked over her shoulder at Kaylee who was standing with the BAU team staring at her; she hadn't heard that the doctors had said about her sister and she didn't understand what was going on. "Kaylee you wait out here for a minute ok honey" she said "but I want to see Livie" the little girl protested "you can in a minute" Kate promised moving over to her "but we just have to see her first"

"You can stay with us" Morgan promised crouching next to Kaylee who looked between her mother and Morgan before she nodded.

"Come on Reid" Kate said and slowly Reid followed her into the hospital room. He felt his heart clench as he saw Livie lying in the hospital bed. She looked so pale lying there unconscious with a large gauze on her forehead. She also had a variety of cuts and grazes over her face and arms. He let out a choking breath as he unconsciously moved towards her and he found himself sinking into the chair beside her bed, reaching out to catch hold of her hand staring at her face as he squeezed her hand willing her to squeeze it back. But she didn't, she didn't move.

He saw Kate sit on the other side of the bed and reach out to stroke her daughter's hair out of her eyes before she cupped her cheek. She then looked over at Reid "are you ok" she asked. Reid swallowed "No" he whispered "I don't know how I am going to tell her… she was so excited about having a baby"

"Do you want me to tell her" Kate asked and after a moments hesitation Reid shook his head "I should do it" he whispered and he felt Kate reach across the bed to take his hand. "Livie's tough" she whispered "she has been through a lot, she'll make it through this one too." Reid looked at her and nodded though he doubted he was fooling her.

The rest of the team came in after that with Kaylee who ran to her sister's side reaching out to catch hold of her hand staring at her desperately. "Why's she not ok?" she asked her mom and Kate very gently kissed the top of her youngest daughter's head "she was in a car accident" she said gently "but Spencer was in the same accident and he's ok" Kaylee protested in confusion looking at Reid who instantly dropped his head.

Yes he was ok. It wasn't fair. He wished it was he who was lying in the hospital bed instead of Livie. He would take her place in a heartbeat if he could. But no, he was ok and she was not and they had lost their baby.

Everyone stayed until visiting hours ended and they were asked to leave. "Reid come on" Hotch said taking his shoulder "you should come with us back to the hotel and get some sleep" "No" Reid said pulling away "I'm not going to leave her… I want to stay with her." Hotch looked at the rest of the team before he slowly nodded "get some sleep" he said "we'll be back first thing tomorrow." Reid nodded but he didn't take his eyes off of Livie as he felt them all squeeze his shoulder as they left.

He saw Kate turn to Rick "why don't you take Kaylee home" she murmured and Reid looked at the little girl who had slumped forward on the bed completely tired out. "What about you" Rick asked and Kate smiled "I'm going to stay with Livie" she said "but you need to take Kaylee home, I don't think she should be here when Livie wakes up" Rick hesitated but then he nodded and kissed his wife before he bent to place a kiss on Livie's forehead before he gently lifted Kaylee up into his arms. She mumbled in her sleep but quickly settled down and Rick quickly carried her out of the room.

"Try and get some sleep Spencer" Kate whispered and he looked over at her "it's been a long day and you were in an accident too you know… I spoke to your doctor; he said you dislocated your shoulder and broke two ribs, you need to rest" Reid hesitated; he was exhausted but he didn't want to sleep until he knew Livie was going to be ok.

Kate smiled "I'll wake you if anything happens" she promised so slowly he nodded and shifted in his seat to get more comfortable before he closed his eyes. It wasn't long before he drifted off into a less than peaceful sleep where he awoke regularly with the sound of metal hitting metal and Livie's cry of fear echoing in his ears.

XO

When he awoke early the next morning after reliving the accident for what felt like the 100th time he found that he had fallen asleep leaning against the bed holding Livie's hand tightly. He instantly looked towards Livie. He didn't know whether he was relived or disappointed to see that she had not yet awoken.

Mumbling he sat up before he winced as he felt every muscle in his body scream in protest and he felt a dull ache everywhere. "Hey" he heard and he looked over to see Kate curled up in the chair on the other side of the bed "you ok" she asked. He nodded wincing in pain "here" Kate said standing and holding out a small bottle "the doctors came by earlier and told me to give these to you when you woke up, they are painkillers"

Reid took them gratefully and dry swallowed a couple before he looked over at Kate "has there been any change" he asked and she shook her head "but the doctors who came in earlier said she should wake up soon though" she said gently and he nodded still feeling a crushing sense of guilt inside of him as he looked at Livie lying in the bed.

"Do you want some coffee" Kate asked and he shrugged "I think the adrenaline that I am still feeling will suffice" he mumbled and Kate smiled "I'll get you a de-caff" she said as she slowly uncurled her legs and slipped out of the room. Reid rubbed his eyes tiredly before he reached out and caught hold of Livie's hand again lifting it to gently press his lips to her cold hand before he dropped his head with a sigh.

He didn't know how long he sat there before he heard a mumble and a small whisper of "S…Sp… Spence" and instantly he looked up. Livie was stirring weakly as her eyelids fluttered. He let out a relieved gasp and clutched her hand tighter. "Hey" he breathed "hey it's ok I'm here." Slowly she turned her head towards the sound of his voice letting out a small sigh before she opened her eyes and looked straight at him.

She stared at him for a few minutes before she smiled gently at him "you're ok" she whispered "thank god… I was worried about you" she frowned "I don't remember much" she said slowly "we were… driving to the restaurant… the car… it came out of no where" her eyes filled with worry as Reid stroked the back of her hand struggling to stay strong.

"Spence" she whispered "what happened… what's wrong" she tried to sit up but let out a gasp of pain "hey lie still" Reid whispered reaching out to catch her shoulder "try not to move… you were badly hurt in the crash, you had surgery" she ignored him though and hoisted herself slightly higher up the pillows into a more comfortable position, even that small movement looked like it drained her.

"How bad" she whispered "how bad was I hurt Spence?" He swallowed "you broke a rib which nicked your spleen leading to internal bleeding and you were in surgery for hours" he stared at her as he saw the dread form on her face as she stared at him as tears leaked from his eyes. Slowly her other hand slipped over the blankets to rest over her stomach and he knew what was coming next.

"The baby" she whispered "please tell me the baby is ok Spence" he felt his heart flutter as he struggled to find the words but he didn't know how to say it. "Spence" she whispered as her eyes began to shine with tears "please tell me everything is ok" she begged.

Reid stared at her and his tears finally began slip down his cheeks and she let out a choking gasp "no" she implored and he closed his eyes for a second before he opened them again and nodded. Her breathing got faster and her tears began to fall too "no" she sobbed "no no no" he blinked again but was unable to contain himself as more tears fell.

"Livie" came a whisper from the doorway and he saw Kate quickly drop into her vacated seat reaching out to her daughter who was crying hard. Livie turned her head towards her mom sobbing "mom" she cried "shh it's ok" she whispered but Livie didn't seem be consolable.

She let out a very loud sob and turned away from Reid towards her mother who caught hold of her hugging her daughter tightly rocking her daughter gently as she stroked at her hair trying to comfort her.

Reid stared at Livie trying not to feel too hurt that she had turned away but it was painful to see her turn away knowing that there was nothing he could do to console her. Unable to see her in pain he quickly stood and moved out of the room into the hall. He leant against the wall feeling tears slide down his cheek before he looked through the window into the room at Livie hanging in her mother's arms crying hard.

"Reid?"

He looked round to see that the rest of the team had arrived and they were all staring at him confused. Then they heard the sound of Livie's devastated cries and their faces instantly turned sombre. JJ stepped forward towards him and as the tears began to fall with no way of restraining them she caught hold of Reid and hugged him as he cried. He found himself clinging to her as the grief he felt for the child they had lost and for his Livie overwhelmed him

He didn't know how long he remained there with JJ trying to comfort him but he knew it felt like forever before he slowly pulled away to see Kate standing in the doorway to Livie's bedroom talking quietly to Rick who looked sombre. Kaylee was there too looking very confused not knowing what was going on.

Reid looked back into Livie's room and he saw that she was lying curled on her side with her hands resting over her stomach as tears continued to leak from her eyes. She stared blankly at the wall with only agony in her eyes. He paused before he slowly made his way into the room and drifted towards her sinking into the chair beside her.

She didn't acknowledge him. Reid wasn't even sure if she knew he was in the room. He reached out to touch her shoulder and he let out a shaky breath. "Livie" he whispered and after a moment her eyes flicked over to him but they only stared blankly at him "hey its me" he said "please Livie… let me in" Livie stared at him and her eyes filled with more tears "Spence" she whispered "I lost… I lost our baby" "No" he whispered "no it wasn't your fault… please don't blame yourself Livie please… it wasn't your fault."

But Livie still continued to struggle to choke back her sobs before she turned away again crying miserably. "Livie" he pleaded moving round the bed to face her and he reached out to cup her cheeks "please don't shut me out" he begged "and please don't blame yourself it wasn't your fault" "yes it was" she sobbed trying to pull away but he held onto her wrapping his arms around her. "Let me go Reid" she sobbed but he didn't, he kept hold of her ignoring her attempts to pull away until her grief seemed to paralyse her and she fell against his chest crying her heart out clinging to him as he held her rocking her gently from side to side in an effort to comfort her.

He could feel all eyes on him through the window but he ignored them all trying to focus entirely on Livie.

But he didn't know what he could do to help her when he felt just as broken as she did. But he knew that it was going to be a long road to recovery for her. And not only her…

'As you danced in the light with joy, love lifted you. As you brushed against this world so gently, you lifted us' TC Ring

Thanks for reading.

I deliberated for a long time before I wrote the pregnancy in whether or not to do it. I thought about how I wanted to end this first. Because I knew what I wanted to happen in the very end.

I'll mention this now to justify my actions and prepare you. I am writing a sequel to this with my good friend. Like this it has a twist; it involves four characters we have created. One of which is Livie. They have been mentioned in this story a couple of times; they are Livie's friends. We started it a while ago and if I may say so, it is pretty action packed. A couple of them might introduce themselves briefly in the next few chapters so keep your eye out.

Ok defensive justifying over. Let me know if you want more info about the sequel ;) . don't worry it'll have Livie and Reid in it.

Another reason I wrote this is because all these fics seem to have happy endings when you write them having a kid. But not many people realise that there are unhappy endings for couples. A lot of people lose kids. I for one lost two siblings when my mother miscarried so I guess this chapter is dedicated to my siblings who certainly left too soon. Benjamin and Samantha; we never met, but I have always loved you and wish I could have been your big sister.

Please review and don't hate. I'd love to hear what you think

I'll try to update soon I promise.

Thanks

Mysticgirl