Hey guys. I am so so so sorry about how long it has been. Really there is no excuse. First I had exams then lots to do preparing for university, working at my job and when I did find time to write… I didn't know what to write. It was almost painful. Having this aching sensation in my fingers and not being able to ease it. Anyway among other things going on it is my birthday tomorrow so I finally got to sit down and relax for my birthday weekend and write. Anyway I really hope you enjoy this:

Chapter 22

Who can't relate to the idea of leaving one chapter behind and moving on to the next? Mike Shinoda

It was two days later that the team decided to leave New York. They had offered their services to the prison warden about giving psychological examinations to all the escaped convicts to determine if they were any more of a threat to themselves or others since their freedom. But now they had no reason to stay and there were other cases that needed their attention.

The whole team had been uncertain about what to do with Livie and Reid, wondering if they should leave them in New York for a bit longer. But when they had suggested it to Livie one day she had shaken her head and told them that she wanted to go back to Quantico with them. "I can't stand all this lying around doing nothing" she told them "it makes me dwell, and I can't do that anymore… I need to move on"

So they had respected her wishes and they were now watching her say goodbye to her family. As she hugged her mother and father tightly Reid was hugging her little sister tightly. Kaylee really did like Reid and he had done a remarkable job of keeping her distracted whilst Livie had been recovering. He had dutifully played laser tag with her until neither of them had the energy to lift their lasers and then he had taught her more 'magic' tricks. Livie's poor father had nearly had a heart attack when he had walked into the kitchen to find them each holding a fireball.

It was a shame really; to see how good Reid was with kids to know that he and Livie had lost theirs. No one ever brought it up now. They avoided the subject as though it were taboo.

Livie let out a sigh as she slowly pulled away from her parents "I'll see you soon" she whispered and her mom cupped her cheeks "you had better" she said softly looking her daughter straight in the eyes "and call… if you need anything… even if only to talk" Livie gave a small smile and nodded "I promise mom" she whispered and gave them both one last hug before she turned and scooped her little sister up for a hug "bye Kaylee bear" she whispered "Bye Livie" Kaylee mumbled "come home soon" "I will" Livie agreed kissing her forehead before she stepped away towards where the others were waiting by the cars. She slowly linked her hand in with Reid's before she looked over her shoulder to give her family one last backward wave before they clambered into the car and slowly pulled away.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay a bit longer" Hotch asked looking in the rear view mirror at Livie "we wouldn't mind you know." Livie shook her head "I only have one week left; I want to make the most of it and sitting in the loft all day… it was getting to me… dad wouldn't stop fussing all over me" Hotch eyed her before slowly nodding "you know you are still not allowed in the field right" he said "you can come with us on cases but neither you nor Reid have been cleared to join us out and about; you'll have to work from the station"

They both nodded showing they understood before falling silent. Hotch watched them as he drove. They were both holding up remarkably well and were beginning to move on; it had taken a while for them to stop blaming themselves but once they had they had started leaning on each other for support and that had truly worked to heal them. Yes the pain was still there but it no longer seemed to cripple them.

It was only a short flight back to Quantico and not much was said during the short flight. They all just sat staring out of the windows trying to figure out what to do next. When they landed Hotch looked at Livie "what you going to do now" he asked and she sighed and lifted her arms "I don't know I mean my internship is over now right…?" Hotch inclined his head in confirmation "and I guess the fact that I was in a car crash with Reid and was pregnant might have brought up the fact that we were dating" she checked. Hotch didn't really need to confirm that; she had pretty much guessed that as soon as she had come to her senses, it wouldn't have taken a genius to figure it out; everyone at the BAU knew they were close.

She sighed "guess I can't go applying for a permanent position then" she said before looking around. Hotch looked at Reid and saw that he suddenly looked very panicked – there was suddenly nothing tying Livie to Quantico and once again he was terrified she might leave.

Livie looked around at them all "I'm going to go back to my apartment" she said "I'll come" Reid began but she shook her head "No I need time alone" she said softly "and you have a mountain of paperwork to do… come over later" he nodded and with a small smile she stretched up to kiss him "I miss you already" she whispered "as do I" he responded as she slowly pulled away "I'll see you all soon yeah" she said and everyone nodded and she hugged them all tightly before she slowly headed to where her car was parked.

Reid watched her go feeling restless. He didn't want her to be alone right now, but he didn't really have a choice; he had to go back to work and her time had finished with them. His heart ached to watch her walk away after spending practically six months with her beside him every minute. Now without her there it felt like there was a gaping hole inside of him.

But he slowly followed the others over to the cars and clambered into the back. But he couldn't stop his eyes from following her car as it slowly drove away…

XO

When Livie arrived back at her apartment she moved very slowly up the stairs wincing as the movement made her still sore stomach ache. She placed her hand over the tender area biting her lip as the still painful memories fought to fill her mind. She pushed them aside and dropped her hand away before she moved over to her front door and shoved the key into the hole.

As she opened the front door and stepped inside Livie was struck by a sudden realisation that this apartment no longer felt like home. Suddenly the cream coloured walls with a black feature wall over the old fashioned fireplace looked cold and unwelcoming. The once homey leather sofa seemed alien and forbidding. There was no sense of serenity. There was no relief to see her home.

Because after everything that had happened, this place didn't feel like a place she belonged any more. After all; home is where the heart is.

'No matter though' she thought; her lease expired soon. She'd figure something out then; whether or not she was staying and what she was going to do with her life. Because after her future had died in that car crash, she had no idea what to do now.

She knew that losing her baby might not be the end of the world. After all she was only 25; barely out of school. She still had her whole life ahead of her. Having a baby now would have just stopped her in her tracks before she had even begun.

But she did feel like she had lost a part of herself. She had been so looking forward to becoming a mother, to seeing Reid become an amazing daddy. But no; that had been ripped away from them and she was left fumbling to catch on to the strands of her future that were still within her grasp.

She swallowed and slowly drifted into the apartment dumping her bag on the living room table before she slipped into the kitchen. Whilst she waited for the kettle to boil she found herself staring at the pictures on the window sill. Most of them were old ones of her and her family, but there were a few new ones of her new family at the BAU. Group shots taken on post case drinks or after a big solve. Silly selfies of her and Morgan messing around together. Even a couple of Rossi and Hotch being silly when they had taken the kids out for a fun couple of hours with Sophie who had a picture of her own where she giggled madly at the camera from where she sat in Livie's arms.

Then there were the ones of Livie and Reid. And despite how much she loved those other ones, there was something special about those ones of her and Spence. Whilst the others were silly and posed, the ones of the two of them seemed more natural and relaxed. Often they were shots caught by other members of the team when they were not focused; like one at the park where they were sat side by side in the grass. Reid had his arm around Livie who was leaning against his chest. They were both smiling at something out of camera shot but whenever Livie looked at the picture she felt that she and Reid were both smiling because they knew how happy they were together and how they never wanted that moment to end.

But things were ending and everything was changing and Livie didn't know if it was for better or for worse. She made herself a coffee before she drifted off over to the sofa where she sank down pulling a blanket over herself. She found herself flicking through the TV channels aimlessly unable to find something that held her interest. She was slightly startled when she heard her phone ding and she reached for her bag that still sat on the coffee table and dug around until she found her phone and slowly she opened it.

She smiled when she saw who the text was from and she quickly opened it to read:

"Dad just told me what happened… Are you ok? Here if you need to talk little sis, miss you so call soon. Love Lex"

The smile on Livie's face widened as she read that text from her older stepsister Alexis. She loved Alexis; the fact that they were not biologically related was just a mere technicality to them. They were closer than sisters and loved each other fiercely.

Still smiling she slowly typed out a response, thinking her answer out carefully:

"I'm ok… thanks for the message. I miss you too big sis, hope you are coming home soon"

Alexis was travelling at the moment, she had been for almost a year, coming home every now and then before jetting off to another country with her friends, the last Livie had heard they were in Peru helping in an orphanage. The response from her sister was pretty rapid:

"Only ok? I'll be home very soon Livs I promise, I'll be back for our special surprise for Kaylee and I think I'll stay for a while, I miss you and we need to catch up"

"Indeed we do" Livie responded "I wish you were here Lexie, it would be great to have my big sister here. I'll call you soon I promise, have a great time in Peru, make loads of memories to treasure. Love you x"

"Love you too Livs. And I am always here for you. Always. X"

Still smiling Livie locked her phone and set it on the table before her. She let out a small sigh before she reached for the book she had been reading before they had left on the cases. It helped her to relax as she lost herself in the story as she had done when she was little. She let her imagination run wild depicting the words she read creating beautiful images in her head.

She was so lost in the book that she was slightly surprised when she heard the sound of the front door opening and she looked up to see Reid slowly slipping into the apartment smiling at the sight of her. "Hey" he greeted. "Hey" she said with a smile putting her book down "thought you would have gone back to your own place tonight" "I don't want you to be alone" he said as he dumped his bag and moved over to sit beside her. She rolled her eyes "you can't stay by my side 24/7" she said moving her feet so that he could drop onto the couch beside her. "I know" he said "but I want to make the most of it whilst it lasts."

Livie felt the smile falter slightly and she dropped her head hoping to avoid the elephant in the room between them. Reid seemed to sense that because he didn't bring up their tabooed topic. That or he didn't want to talk about it either. But Livie knew they couldn't avoid it forever.

"Anything exciting happen at work" she asked and Reid shrugged as she shuffled over to lean against him "we have a new case tomorrow" he said "it is in the DC suburbs so we are driving there tomorrow, Hotch said you can come but you are limited in what you can do." Livie pulled a face but nodded knowing that she was lucky to be going.

"Are you sure you don't want to take another couple of days off" Reid asked looking down at her as she leaned against him playing with the edge of the blanket covering her legs. She instantly shook her head "no way, I want to be doing something. I'm going stir crazy having to sit around all day. I need things to go back to normal and for people to stop treating me different; stepping so lightly around me like I am a bomb about to go off. It isn't helping. I just want normal for the last week of my internship, so that I can remember it."

Reid looked at her and saw that there was indeed no stopping her so he relented "ok" he said and she smiled. They sat together in silence enjoying each other's company before Livie quietly asked "are you ok" causing Reid to frown "what do you mean?" he asked.

Livie didn't look up at him at first; she just continued to play with the blanket before she slowly elaborated. "Everyone has been fussing over me" she said "asking me if I'm ok, do I need anything, telling me how I won't be sad forever and that I am strong for getting through this… but no one realises that this has to be hurting you just as much as it hurts me; they think that just because I was the one carrying the baby that I hurt more… maybe I do but… I just wanted to make sure that… you are ok"

Reid looked away for a minute allowing his eyes to travel around the room before he looked back at Livie to find her looking up at him. "I'm hanging in there too" he said "I guess I feel the same as you; like I lost a part of myself when we lost that baby, I feel a little bit lost knowing that we won't ever get to meet he or she… but most of all… I am scared that the fact that we lost the baby will mean that I will lose you too"

Livie sighed "you won't ever lose me" she said "even if miles of ground separate us… I'll always have you here" she caught his hand and placed it over her heart "and I will always be there" she said gently placing her hand over his heart and for a moment they stayed there feeling the gentle thrum of life under their fingertips trying not to think of the life they had lost…

XO

The next morning when Reid awoke Livie was still curled up next to him sleeping soundly. He didn't move from where he lay with her head resting against his chest. She looked so peaceful and there was no need to waken her just yet so he lay still just gazing at her and he found himself trying to imagine life without her. And as hard as he might try, he couldn't bear to imagine it. He couldn't picture his life without her because he felt that his life was here with her right now.

He gave a small sigh and slowly slipped out from under her and headed for the bathroom to shower. He allowed his mind to wonder in the shower. But it didn't stray far from life without Livie.

When he exited the shower Livie was still sleeping but she must have sensed him moving around the room because she soon mumbled and allowed her eyes to flutter open as she rolled onto her back. "Hey" she mumbled "hey" he said pausing beside the bed "you ok?" she nodded and looked up at him before she sat up and caught hold of his arm pulling him down to kiss her. Reid found himself smiling into the kiss; it was taking a while but slowly and surely Livie was returning to him.

"You sure you're ready to come back to work" he checked and she nodded as she sat up and he saw her hide a wince "yeah I'm fine" she said "I can't wait, nothing like a good serial killer to get you back on your feet" she grinned at him before she headed into the bathroom to shower herself.

Reid busied himself making coffee in the kitchen and making sure everything was packed in his bag until Livie came out giving him a sweet smile as she did so. She sat down next to a stack of letters which she shoved aside. The top one caught Reid's eye. "Hey what's that" he asked reaching for it. "Oh nothing" Livie said but he caught hold of it "this is from your landlord" he said "yup" Livie said sipping her coffee "my lease is nearly up so I have to decide whether I want to rent this place for another six months or I have to move out"

"By when" Reid asked "end of the month" Livie said absently and Reid looked at her "you know that is in 10 days right" he asked and she nodded "I know" she said "I just don't know what I am going to do yet"

"Do as in live" Reid asked and she nodded "I don't know where" she whispered "here… New York… DC… I don't know yet." Reid dropped his head "you can stay with me" he blurted out and out of the corner of his eye he saw Livie look up at him "What" she slowly questioned. He looked up at her to find her sat staring at him. "I don't want you to go" he whispered "I want you to stay… with… me"

Livie looked at him before a small smile slipped onto her face "are you trying to ask me to move in with you" she asked and he reddened before nodding his head. Livie stared at him for a long time and he stared at the table until she let out a small amused breath. "Okay" she whispered and his head snapped up. "What" he asked stupidly.

Livie laughed "Okay" she repeated "okay yes I will move in with you." Reid continued to stare at her "really" he said struggling to process this. "You said yes."

Livie laughed and leaned across the table to kiss him "yes" she said. "do you want me to say it in another language? Ci. Ya. Wie. Ken. Yes I will move in with you but only if you don't make me say yes again."

Reid felt his heart sour at her acceptance. He honestly hadn't expected her to say yes. But she had and it made him feel so alive. "Thank you" he breathed and she smiled "no problem" she said stroking at the hair at the back of his neck "you know I love you right" he nodded "I love you too" he said "more than I thought was possible."

Livie's smile widened before she looked at the clock "come on" she murmured "we had better get our things together so we can meet the others to go to DC, we can sort out the rest of the details when we get back yeah" Reid nodded and watched as she dashed off to her bedroom to grab her go bag as he scooped his up things feeling for once that thing were finally beginning to look up for them and that the light was beginning to shine at the end of the tunnel.

'Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.' Antoine de Saint- Exupery.

Hope you enjoyed that. Sorry again about the delay. Please let me know what you think. Reviews really help inspire me to write.

Thank you for sticking with me. You guys are the greatest.

Thanks

Mysticgirl