Chapter 71: This Will Not End Well
[Scene: The Midori kitchen. The Black Moon Clan is getting ready to eviscerate Zoi on his kitchen table.]
[Zoi is not frightened. He's angry. His lip is curled and his hands are balled into fists. He's angry that they've enslaved his father. He's angry because he knows that none of them are going to be punished or even miss a wink of sleep over his murder. He's angry that Kunzite fled and they decided to to kill him anyway so that he had to spend the last couple weeks of his life miserable and alone. But mostly he's angry that everyone– his father, his friends, the Shitennou, the Blackmoons– they all dismiss him as a delicate little flower, not good for anything but looking pretty and getting rescued, and he's never done anything to prove them wrong.]
[Zoi rethinks his inability to kill, even in selfdefense. Death wouldn't be so bad if he could take a few Blackmoons with him.]
Zoi: You'd better let my dad go, you inbred droogs!
Rubeus Blackmoon : Or what? [places the point of the machete under Zoi's chin] You'll jump off that table and go all "Black Widow" on us?
Chiral Blackmoon: Yeah, you're more like "The Girl With One Pearl Earring."
Rubeus Blackmoon: [furrows his brow then looks at Chiral] That doesn't even make any sense at all.
Chiral Blackmoon: …they're both Scarlett Johansson movie references.
Rubeus Blackmoon: Oh. [doesn't even crack a smile]
Achiral Blackmoon: [To Chiral] If you have to explain a joke. It means it's not funny.
Chiral Blackmoon: Oh, well. I guess something was "Lost in Translation."
[The two Blackmoons who get the reference groan]
Achiral Blackmoon: I guess we all know who Chiral has been spanking it to lately.
Perrydough Blackmoon: Could we please stop with the lame jokes and got on with butchering this piglet! I want to go on YouTube and find out what happened to Talky Tina!
Chiral Blackmoon: Oh, I've already seen it. Telly Savalas–
Perrydough Blackmoon: Hey! If you spoil it for me, I'm killing you next!
Justice Blackmoon: Quiet boys. I'm sure little Zoi-zoi here doesn't want to spend his final moments on Earth listening to you bicker.
Zoi: No. I'd much rather spend my final moments kicking all of your asses.
Rubeus Blackmoon: [utterly without humor] Good luck with that. You couldn't even last one minute against Esmeraude's loony ass without your one of your boyfriends jumping in to save you. What makes you think you can do anything on your own against all six of us?
Zoi: [sneers at Rubeus] You look even more inbred than the rest of them.
Rubeus Blackmoon: [brandishes the machete near Zoi's eyes] I'm going to start by messing that face up, prettyboy.
Justice Blackmoon: Wait… don't.
[The younger Blackmoons look up in surprise]
Justice Blackmoon: Don't damage the face or the hair. When you're done tearing his guts out, I'm going to cut off his head and keep it in my library in a jar of formaldehyde. Should make quite the conversation starter if Kunzite O'Sama dares to show his face around here again.
Rubeus Blackmoon : [Brandishes his machete over Zoi's navel.] I'll just cut him right here in the stomach.
Zoi: That's not where my stomach is, you gingerbread mutant.
[The other Blackmoon are desperately trying to keep a straight face]
Rubeus Blackmoon: Be quiet!
Zoi: No need to get defensive. Not everyone can have an IQ in the triple digits.
Rubeus Blackmoon: It's just a figure of speech. I know where your stomach is.
Zoi: Oh, really, Einstein? Then where is my stomach?
Rubeus Blackmoon: It's…Shut up!
Zoi: This is what happens when siblings marry. Maybe you'd know where my stomach really is if your family tree wasn't a bonsai.
Rubeus Blackmoon: I said shut up!
Zoi: Or what? What are you going to do? Kill me a second time? [Giggles mockingly] I'll bet your mother won't let you touch her, so she doesn't make the same mistake twice.
Rebeus Blackmoon: [holds the machete over Zoi's navel in both hands like a spear] Oh, I'm going to make this as slow and painful as possible.
Zoi: Not stabbing right there you won't. That's where my abdominal aorta is. Stab me there and I'll die almost instantly. Though the fountain of blood should be quite impressive.
Rebeus: I said, shut up!
Zoi: [gives Rubeus a disdainful frown] Honestly. I'm just trying to help. If you're trying to make a mess, I'd suggest slicing open just the skin and pulling out the organs with your hands. However given what a mental midget you are, I'm certain you'll find a way to botch that as well.
Justice Blackmoon: [chuckles] My, my but our Zoi-zoi is one little feisty spitfire. What a pity he couldn't have been born a Blackmoon. If I had a daughter I'd want her to be sassy, just like him.
Zoi: I wouldn't laugh if I were you. You're not any smarter than he is.
Justice Blackmoon: I'll have you know I graduated Magna Cum Lauda from Harvard Law.
Zoi: Clearly at Harvard Law they don't teach you that when you're murdering someone who is suicidal, you shouldn't try to make it look like a murder.
Rubeus: He's not suicidal. He's just a loud-mouth little punk.
Zoi: I am so suicidal! When Kunzite left me, it broke my heart, so now I have nothing left to live for. [grins angelically] As a matter of fact. I should be thanking you for this. I've been trying to work up the nerve to shoot myself in the head for about a week now, but I didn't want my dad to find my body, and know I used his gun to kill myself with.
[Zoi lies back and smiles in triumph]
Zoi: Problem solved, wouldn't you say?
Rubeus: [To Justice Blackmoon] Don't listen to him. He's trying to trick you.
[Not seriously, Zoi thinks. He's just having fun in his final moments. Justice Blackmoon can't be that twisted and gullible.]
Justice Blackmoon: He's right you know. Whether he's trying to trick me or not, it doesn't matter. You're not a father yet, so you don't know this, but there could be nothing more devastating for a parent than knowing a beloved child took his own life. [looks at Chief Midori] To actually witness such an act… [thinks about it and smiles] Why that's the sort of thing that makes a father drive off a cliff in despair.
[Zoi is shocked. Justice Blackmoon is that twisted and gullible.]