Hi, another chapter! I really enjoyed writing this one. Fair warning, I'm a bit of a wistful Sam/Jess fan and it shows in this chapter for sure! I hope you guys are on board with that. If not then... oops.
Aerosmith are awesome and I've managed to turn 'Don't wanna miss a thing' into an emotional destiel anthem in my own head through writing this, even though the focus of that song in this fic isn't even destiel... also oops.
And yeah I did go for a vaguely biflag shirt with Dean... not even gonna 'oops' that, that was entirely deliberate.
Anyway, enjoy! And please review! Big thank you to my reviewers so far :D
The shopping mall is an interesting place. It's not a very big mall, but it seems to have a wide range of human interests covered in a small area. Sam is chattering about seeing if they've got some decent seasonal fruits in store and Dean is teasing him about being a 'health freak'. I watch them as we walk across the parking lot, enjoying the relaxing familiarity of their argument. I don't even realise that I'm smiling until Dean catches my eye and grins at me, looking as happy as he's ever looked. I'm smiling far more since I became human, and he's doing the same.
Our first stop is a clothes store, where Sam and Dean spend minutes at a time arguing over different colours and types of plaid shirts. They pick out plain t-shirts in white, black, blue and grey as they debate this and I watch them with interest, hugging the growing collection of shirts to my chest. Finally they agree to pick one plaid top each - with Sam choosing a red and black and Dean settling on a blue and purple - and they instruct me to pick one for myself. I cast my eyes over the rails until one in various shades of green catches my eye. Dean frowns at it as though he doesn't approve.
"Green is my favourite colour. It's like your eyes," I explain to him and he immediately blushes, while Sam smirks behind him.
"Dude, that's fuckin' gay," Dean remarks, but waves his hand airily when I go to put the shirt back. "Nah, it's actually not that bad though, keep it."
Sam grabs two pairs of dark blue jeans that look similar to the ones the two brothers always wear. Taking them over to the fitting rooms, he drapes one pair over a chair outside the curtain and gestures for me to dump the various shirts on top. Pulling out a blue t shirt and the blue and purple button-up that Dean picked, he hands them to me with the second pair of jeans.
"You don't need to try all of it on, just try these on to make sure we got it right," he instructs. I nod happily. I'm wearing the same shirt and jeans from last night. Taking my new outfit into the fitting room and pulling the curtain shut behind me, I strip down to my boxers and idly examine the flat planes of my vessel; no, my body. It's quite attractive, to my untrained eyes. I wonder what Dean's nude body looks like through human eyes as I lift one foot and start dragging the jeans on. The thought is unexpectedly distracting and I yelp as my balance fails, toppling me into the wall with a loud crashing noise.
"Cas?" Dean's worried voice is immediately at the curtain and I feel an absurd rush of horror at the thought of him opening it and seeing me slumped on the floor, legs tangled up in denim. I hurriedly assure him that I'm fine and I pull the jeans on properly before donning the two shirts, leaving the plaid one open. I cock my head at my reflection. I look like a Winchester. Grinning at the thought, I pull open the curtain and step out, coming almost nose to nose with Dean.
He steps back quickly and opens his mouth to speak but then looks me up and down, his lips remaining parted and silent. I spread my hands and look down at myself before smiling back up at him for approval, remembering when I made the same gesture after returning from Purgatory. He's wearing the exact same odd facial expression, surprised and slightly dazed with flushed cheeks and wide eyes.
"Better?" I say softly, although he probably doesn't even recognise that I'm quoting myself. He shuts his mouth and runs his green eyes over me one more time, lingering on the snug t shirt. Then he meets my gaze and gives an almost shy smile.
"Yeah," he says huskily. "Better. You, uh, look really good."
Sam appears at that moment, holding a bunch of underwear and socks. He briefly scans my outfit and nods with a grin.
"Looks like it all fits! You wanna wear it straightaway? They'll probably let you."
The shop assistant who serves us seems happy to cut the tags off on the spot and we leave after Sam pays on what I know to be a false card. It's quite immoral but I'm not in a position to preach. I thank him quietly and he shrugs with a smile. I'm trying to get used to the slightly stiff texture of the new jeans. I notice the pockets and slide my hands in experimentally before fiddling with the buttons on the sleeves of my shirt. Undoing them as we make our way through the sparse crowd in the mall, I roll them up my arms as I've seen Dean do; I always liked the way it looked on him. I glance up and Dean is watching me, but he quickly looks away.
As we weave through the steady traffic of people doing their shopping, Dean announces that he has to go buy some new motor oil for the Impala. Sam makes a scoffing noise.
"Boring," he says lightly. "Cas and I will do the food shopping while you geek out over car stuff, yeah?"
Dean dithers as we reach an intersection in the mall and Sam goes to tug me away from him. He stares at me, biting his lip. I look between the brothers and Sam raises his eyebrows at Dean, laughter in his eyes. They look more bluish grey than hazel today. I've never noticed before that they change.
"Dean, what's the problem?" Sam asks, his voice light and amused. Dean shrugs and steps back, dropping his gaze.
"No problem. Meet you guys at the grocery store."
With that, he turns and strides off, sidestepping two rather large women pushing a stroller. Sam snorts, shaking his shaggy head, and guides me by the elbow towards a large food store.
"Dean is so screwed," he mutters. I stiffen as we walk into the store and Sam pulls a trolley out of a storage bay.
"How so? Is Dean in danger?"
Sam grins at me, eyes crinkling merrily. "Nah, Cas. He's fine. I just think that he's going to have to come to terms with some truths about himself if he wants this to work."
I'm confused and I open my mouth to ask what 'this' is, but Sam carries on talking before I can do so. He's explaining the different vegetables and fruits to me and it's interesting and useful information, so I give him my full attention. We pick up carrots, zucchini, watermelon and bananas. We then move on to the canned food aisle where Sam teaches me about all the 'easy' foods, disapproval in his voice, although he still selects some beans and some pasta sauce. We've barely started on the dairy section when Dean shows up, swinging a shopping bag from his hand and scowling at the fresh food in the trolley.
"Goddamn rabbit food," he mutters. I smile at his expression and Sam rolls his eyes, continuing with his explanation of differing cheese varieties. Dean goes away and comes back with four steaks and a large pack of beef mince, nodding decisively. He then puts chocolate milk into the trolley and a tub of 'neopolitan' ice cream, then drops in a packet of candy labelled with 'Reese's Pieces' as we're nearing the checkout. Sam frowns as Dean dithers before grabbing a pack of 'Twizzlers' too.
"Dean, that's too much sweet stuff..."
I perk up at the word 'sweet'; that was the flavour I liked, from sugar. I look at Dean's additions to the trolley with renewed interest and Sam shuts his mouth, smirking at me. He turns to Dean, who's avoiding my eyes.
"Oh," is all Sam says before pushing the trolley into place at the checkout. Dean continues to determinedly not look at me as he packs the food into bags and passes one to me before hoisting the other into his own arms. It's heavy but I'm stronger than I initially thought upon falling from Heaven. At first, I felt impossibly weak and helpless, used to my angelic abilities giving me strength far greater than any human. Sam pays and we head towards the parking lot, but Dean lingers as we're about to leave the building.
"You guys go ahead," he mumbles, passing the grocery bag to me and the keys to Sam. I heft it into my arms with the other one, still not finding them too difficult to carry although my shoulders ache in a foreign way. Sam looks puzzled but shrugs, leading me to the car. We load the bags into the trunk and then climb into the car; Sam politely insists that I ride shotgun. Dean has been gone for a few minutes when Sam stretches forward to turn on the radio. Two people seem to be having an animated conversation but barely thirty seconds go by before they announce that they're about to play a song. Sam chuckles in the backseat as the opening music starts up, filling the car with the smooth, grand sound of string instruments.
"Good old Aerosmith" he grins at me as I twist around to face him. I cock my head quizzically and he explains further. "This is Dean's kinda music, you've probably heard him play this sorta stuff before."
I listen to the song, trying to hear how it's similar to the other music I've heard Dean play. It sounds too slow right now, but then a strong, throaty voice cuts in and I listen to the words with interest:
I could stay awake
Just to hear you breathin'
Watch you smile while you are sleepin'
While you're far away, dreamin'
I tilt my head and remark that the singer appears to dislike pronouncing the letter 'g' on the ends of words. Sam snorts in reply and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. The lyrics so far are a little too relatable for me; I've watched Dean sleep many, many times.
"I kissed Jess for the first time listening to this song," Sam suddenly says, voice quiet and face wistful. He glances at me and then looks away. I've heard of Jess, and I'm aware that she was Sam's romantic partner whose death spurred him to reunite with Dean in the 'family business'. I wonder if he's still in love with her. I used to spend long, lonely hours thinking about how it would feel to love Dean after his death, how painful and horrible and empty it would be. Despite the downfalls of being human, part of me is almost glad that I'm mortal now. Living without Dean may not end up being a problem after all. I clear my throat, knowing that I should respond to Sam's words.
"Is it customary to listen to music whilst initiating close physical contact with a potential partner?"
Sam relaxes and grins at me. "Not necessary, but yeah, I guess it's a nice touch. That's why we have so many love songs, I suppose. Anything to help people get laid, huh?"
I cock my head again, thinking. "So in order to maximise the chances of sexual contact with a person, it's best to play a love song in the background?"
Sam nods. "Yep. Helps if it's a song you already know is special to them. I took Jess out for a drink at the campus bar to make my move. They had a jukebox there and I knew that this was her favourite song at the time. So I went and put it on. She smiled so big and we were kissing by the end of the song..."
Sam has closed his eyes in memory and the smile on his lips is faint and sad. I feel my chest tighten in pain, surprising me. Strengthened empathy must be a human thing. I watch with furrowed brows as he starts to mouth along to the words of the song:
I still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing...
The trunk opens and we both jump. Dean is putting something in there; a moment later, he slams it shut and strides around to the driver's door, sliding in with a standard greeting. He looks at the radio and grins, pleased.
"Hell yeah, bit of Aerosmith!" he exclaims. I smile at Sam, who rolls his eyes, and I turn back to the front. The song pauses as Dean starts the engine but resumes quickly, and Dean starts to sing along under his breath as he pulls out of the parking space.
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever
Forever and ever...
He bites his lip and drums his hands on the steering wheel as the chorus bursts in. I watch him in fascination; he barely seems aware that he's doing it.
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Dean closes his eyes and shakes his head for emphasis on the last line and as he opens them, he seems to become aware of my perusal. Glancing across at me, he blushes and shuts his mouth. But then, from the backseat, comes Sam's off key warbling:
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing-
Dean's grinning broadly by the last line and with a chuckle he joins in, eyes twinkling at his brother in the rear view mirror before he glances back at me. He winks and then holds my gaze for a moment before looking back at the road.
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be wit' you
Right here with you
Just like this
Sam and Dean are both singing loudly and quite badly now, matching the radio for volume, their smiles betrayed in their voices. I find myself wishing I knew the words so that I might sing along too, but it's nice enough to just be feeling this carefree and cheerful. I grin at them both, glad that Sam's memories aren't ruining this moment for him. It's moments like this that make humans so amazing.