Chapter 77: Lex Talionis

[Scene: The Midori household. Chief Midori opens the door and Esmeraude shoulders past them and lets herself in. Saffir follows after her.]

[She stops when she sees Kunzite.]

Esmeraude: Oh, good, you're here. I guess I'd better give this to YOU, then.

[She hold out a ring to drop into Kunzite's hand. It's the ring he bought Zoi in Japan. Kunzite takes the ring with a stricken expression.]

Esmeraude: I'm afraid we had to hurt him a little to get that ring off of him. Oh how he fought and screamed. It turned out he cared at lot more about that ring than he did for the finger he had it on.

[Esmeraude laughs a madwoman's laugh until Chief Midori advances toward her. Esmeraude whips a gun out of her purse and Saffir pulls a gun from his pocket and they both point them at him.]

Esmeraude: I wouldn't get any ideas, Daddy-o. Your brat's not the only one around here who can get a bit trigger-happy.

[Chief Midori backs away and Esmeraude and Saffir walk over to the couch. Kunzite just stands facing the mantle looking gloomy.]

Esmeraude: Make myself comfortabler? Don't mind if I do. [Sits on the couch with her legs crossed at the ankles] Some host you are. Aren't you going to offer us some refreshments?

[Chief Midori says and does nothing]

Esmeraude: No problem. I figured as much and came prepared.

[A tea set and a tiered platter of petit-fours appears on the coffee table.]

[Saffir sits on the couch and Esmeraude pour out cups of tea for the both of them. Then holds up the teapot.]

Esmeraude: Would either of you gentleman care for some tea? It's an excellent African Red Rooibos.

Chief Midori: What have you done to Zoi?

Esmeraude: My my, where, oh where, are your manners?

Saffir: We haven't done much of anything to him.

Esmeraude: [she takes a tea cake] That's right. He's still sleepy. It seems that when Calveras ruffied him on the airplane, she failed to take into consideration he's the size of a hummingbird. [resumes her witch's cackle] So we've just been keeping him locked in his suitcase…[to Chief Midori] don't look at me like that. We've drilled him some airholes.

[Saffir kicks Esmeraude under the table, but this doesn't escape Chief Midori's notice.]

Chief Midori: Why are you here? What do you want?

Saffir: After we captured your son, it occurred to me that you are something of a loose end. So I'm here to explain to you why it would not be in your best interests to bring your son's current situation to anyone else's attention.

[Saffir sets his teacup down and steeples his fingers]

Saffir: Your son killed six people, including a judge—

Chief Midori: A judge that tried to kill him first! My son had a right to defend himself!

Esmeraude: [to Kunzite] And how many people have YOU killed for just trying to defend themselves!

[Kunzite doesn't answer]

Saffir: As I was saying, my father is…was, a public figure and an elected official. We haven't made his death public knowledge, but his disappearance won't go unnoticed–

Esmeraude: Oh, cut to the chase already! [to Chief Midori] You don't know where we've buried the bodies, but we do, and if someone were to exhume those bodies, they would find bullets can be traced to your service revolver. [laughs] So, you see, involving the FBI would do you more harm than good, given the fact there is nothing you can do to save your son.

Chief Midori: [staggered] Nothing?

Saffir: Oh no. Your son has to die. This isn't revenge. This is justice. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. A life for a life.

Esmeraude: Or in this case six lives.[laughs] It took us forever to come up with a suitable means of execution–

Saffir: Quiet.

Esmeraude: I suggested that we force him to eat rat poison since there really isn't a more painful way to die, but that wasn't graphic enough for the other Blackmoons who wanted to see him spatter.

Saffir: Enough.

Esmeraude: Saffir here suggested we beat him to death with crowbars. He wouldn't shut up about it, it's almost like he has a crowbar fetish, but I pointed out that would only be fun for about ten minutes or so.

Saffir: I said, be quiet.

Esmeraude: [sighs happily] But then trust my sweet King Demande to come up with a plan that would make everyone happy for hours on end.

Chief Midori: So Demande–

Esmeraude: Doesn't like your son anymore? Oh,no. He killed his father, so now he's as revolted as the rest of us. [sighs happily] What a wise and sweetnatured man he is. He will usher the Blackmoons into an age of unparalleled peace and prosperity. [laughs] AFTER we bust your kid apart like a pinata, of course.

Saffir: Esmeraude, would you kindly SHUT UP!

Kunzite: What are your terms for his safe release?

[Esmeraude just puts down her teacup and laughs harder]

Kunzite: If you know of my feelings for him, you must be aware I'll give you everything you ask for.

Esmeraude: There are no terms. He murdered our king. He's going to die.

Saffir: He killed my father. If I were to walk into your house right now and kill your mother, would you and I have a rational discussion about how we can make things right again?

Esmeraude: In the words of the great Tarantino: "We're about to get medieval on his ass."

Saffir: But we are now ruled by my brother, who is neither heartless nor unreasonable, so we came prepared to make a deal.

Chief MidorI: A deal? You said my son has to die!

Saffir: [nods] The deal is this: you don't cause any trouble for the Blackmoons for the next twenty-four hours, and in exchange we will hand over your son's body when we've finished executing him, so you can give him a decent burial.

Chief Midori: [red with fury] There is no way—

Esmeraude: [picks up the gun] Then we have to go with Plan B, which is my plan for tidying up the loose end.

[Saffir pushes down her hand until she rests the gun on the table]

Saffir: Now, now, cousin, give him time. It's a lot to sink in, and there's been enough bloodshed already.

[Esmeraude laughs as she picks up her teacup]

[Kunzite turns around abruptly]

Kunzite: Take the deal.

Esmeraude You're not allowed to interfere!

Kunzite: How am I interfering? Take the deal.

Chief Midori: Are you out of your mind? I'm not going to—

Kunzite: TAKE THE DEAL. [through clenched teeth] We'll need his corpse if we're to give your son a decent burial.

Esmeraude: [nearly drops her teacup] Oh my god! You're going to ask your mother to resurrect him, aren't you? [jumps to her feet in a panic and waves her hands about] You're going to try to turn him a Shitennou! One that may not be bound by the covenant! He'll murder every single one of us! [to Saffir] The deal is off! We need to burn that shit to ashes!

Saffir: Oh relax. Metalia's not going to let that happen.

Esmeraude: You mean like she didn't allow Neffy to take my knife through his hand?

[Kunzite's eyes go very wide. His shock is so palpable that the room becomes so completely silent for several seconds that all that can be heard is breathing.]

Kunzite: How is that possible?

Esmeraude: [laughs but there is a bit of nervousness] Even if I knew that, you think I'd tell you? Safety first, and by that I mean my own safety, of course. Not his. Sorry, jackass, but I value my own skin a lot more than your little boyfriend's.

[Kunzite grins an evil little grin and points his hand at the TV set.]

[The screen comes to life, and shows what looks like a video of Neffy O'Sama bound in the snow with barbed wire. There is a green symbol on his forehead and he is chanting in a long forgotten language. He stops chanting and the symbol vanishes.]

[As the image on the TV freezes, Kunzite bursts into hysterical laughter.]

Esmeraude: [nervous] What's so funny.

Kunzite: You stupid girl. You just told me how to kill you.