Chapter 85: The King of the Sparrows

[Scene: the Hen Tie Hospital. Metalia's private quarters are always guarded against any sort of outside magic, so Kunzite is carrying Zoi's body toward a door with a placard that says Dr. Metalia O'Sama.

Beryl: Kunzite! Stop! Think about what you are doing!

[Kunzite just gives her a baleful stare and keeps walking.]

Beryl: Please. Don't do this. Don't you remember what happened with Endymion?

Kunzite: Endymion was a traitor. A traitor and a whore.

Beryl: And mother respected that about him!

Kunzite: She will elevate Zoisite. I will make her elevate Zoisite.

Beryl: Kunzite, please, stop and think. He's been dead for several minutes. If mother thought there was any possibility she could make Zoi into a Shitennou, she would have made him into a Shitennou by now.

[Kunzite keeps walking]

Beryl: You are going to make things worse for yourself.

Kunzite: Nothing could be worse than this.

[The door to office flies open and Kunzite walks in. Beryl hesitates then follows him in]

The inside of Dr. Metalia's office smells like eucalyptus and is filled couches and recliners, with floral slipcovers that match the floral wall paper. There is a platter of homemade sugar cookies on the coffee table. The walls are decorated with diplomas, photos of what Beryl and the Shitennou would have looked like as children, cross-stitch samplers, turkeys handpainted from palm prints, and tiny plaster molds of handprints labeled Kunzite, Beryl, Nephrite, and Jadeite, respectively.]

[A woman who looks exactly like Mary Worth in a lab coat, heels and pearls is tapping a birdcage that contains a sparrow. The sparrow flutters its wings as Beryl and Kunzite enters and flies to the far side of the cage and picks at birdseed.]

Metalia: Go on. Tell mommy that you love her. Tell mommy that you love her….bah, you stupid thing!

Kunzite: Mother.

Metalia: [takes her time turning around] What? Can't you see I'm busy right now? I have a new baby and I'm teaching it how to talk.

Kunzite: You're not busy. You're playing with a stupid bird.

[Beryl looks like she's about to swoon.]

Beryl: Mother. Before this goes any further I just want you to know I have nothing to do with this. I just came here to try to talk him out of bothering you with his problems.

Metalia: Clearly, you aren't doing a very good job of it. [To Kunzite] What do you want? Make it quick.

Kunzite: My husband is dead. I need you to resurrect him.

Metalia: No.

Kunzite: [incredulous] No?

Metalia: No. I will not resurrect him. I don't know how to make myself any clearer. Now go away.

[focuses her attention back on the sparrow]

Metalia: Tell mommy that you love her. Tell mommy that you love her… oh, my little love. Why must you be so stubborn?

Kunzite: It can't talk! It's a damn sparrow!

[Beryl clamps her hand to her mouth]

Metalia: It can talk, you fool! It just chooses not to!

[Beryl backs away to distance herself from Kunzite and bumps into Neffy, who is watching with great amusement.]

Kunzite: Elevate him!

Metalia: The sparrow?

Kunzite: No, not the sparrow!

Metalia: Oh, so you think you can tell me what to do? A major goddess of chaos? I made you! I can unmake you just as quickly!

Kunzite: [Enraged] For ages upon ages, I have served you tirelessly! I have destroyed nations! I have ground empires into sand! And in all this time I have asked you for nothing! You owe me this!

Metalia: You are a slave. And an unruly slave, at that. I owe you nothing.

Kunzite: You have three Shitennou. You need a fourth. I have in my arms the only candidate I will ever tolerate.

Metalia: He was ill-suited to become a Shitennou. He was too weak. And he made you too weak as well.

Kunzite: He is not weak. He killed six Blackmoons on his own initiative.

Neffy: [waves his hands in mock terror] Ohhh… the little boy picked up a gun to save his daddy from the big scary space monsters! That's the stuff nightmares are made of.

[Kunzite gives him a look that makes him take a step backwards. Metalia narrows her eyes at Kunzite and hisses between her teeth]

Beryl: [steps in front of Kunzite and drops into a low curtsy] Please mother. Go easy on Kunzite. He's gone mad with grief and he's not thinking clearly.

[Metalia smiles at the show of submission]

Metalia: it appears I've humbled the wrong child. [turns her eyes to Kunzite and her gaze hardens] I've spoiled you, Kunzite, and it's made you arrogant. I should have humbled you the way I humbled Beryl. She's been as meek as a lamb since I punished her.

[Kunzite continues to stare back with absolutely no repentance]

[Jeddy walks in.]

Jeddy: There you all are. What did I miss?

[The room is silent]

[Jeddy sees the sparrow picking at seeds at the back of the birdcage]

Jeddy: Oh, you got a bird. [whistles at it and taps the cage] Pretty bird, pretty bird… What's its name?

Metalia: [annoyed at Jeddy] It doesn't have a name. It's a sparrow.

Jeddy: Ah…It needs a name….how about Captain Jack?

Neffy: [under his breath at Jeddy] What are you? Three?

Metalia: No, Jadeite is correct. I've adopted him so he should have a name….

[Metalia stares right at Kunzite]

Metalia: I know. I'll call him Tanzanite..after my beloved son who was so foully murdered. As I recall his murder was never avenged. I think it's high time we corrected that.

[Kunzite doesn't even blink]

[Metalia turns her gaze to the sparrow]

Metalia: You hear that, Tiny Tanzanite. I do need a fourth Shitennou, after all. Would you like to be the First Among Kings? To make that big arrogant fool bend at the knee to an itty-bitty thing like you? Wouldn't that be funny? A fluffy little cheep-cheep as a Shitennou. All you have to do is tell mommy that you love her.

[The sparrow picks at seeds]

Metalia: Beh, you're even dumber than the rest of my kids.

Kunzite: Enough of your games ,woman! I demand you bring Zoisite back to life!

[The room goes quiet as Beryl, Neffy, and Jadeite cover their mouths and prepare to run away to safety]

Metalia: [steel eyed] You…demand..I bring Zoisite bring back to life?

Kunzite: YES! Bring him back to life and grant him eternal youth.

[The others are backing away]

Metalia: [evil grin] Very well. If you put it that way…set him down on the couch.

[Kunzite places Zoi on the couch. Metalia approaches.]

She reaches for his temple and draws the bullet out of his skull. Then she raises her hands over him.]

[Dark energy washes over him, but nothing else seems to happen Then Metalia raises her arms to the sky and her eyes glow black and her skin glows blue and she crackles with magic.]

[Zoi's body shimmers and vanishes]

Metalia: I've done what you've asked, and I've cleaned up the mess you've made of the Blackmoons. Now all of you. Get out.

[Her children turn to leave]

Metalia: Oh, and Kunzite?

[Kunzite pauses]

Metalia: Enjoy being married to your corpse husband.

[Beryl staggers and looks like she is about to faint.]

[Kunzite waits until he is out of the room before he allows himself to smile.]