Tony had given up on ever having a relationship with anyone from NCIS again. He had accepted that they did not want him in their lives anymore. It was a bitter pill to swallow and he still struggled with that revelation, but there was no sense in dwelling. He attended his appointments with Rachel, spent time with Valarie, and took Tali to her follow up appointments. Tali was doing great and Rachel said he was doing "better", that could mean anything. He had settled into his new life but that did not make it any less depressing.
"You aren't going to wake up one morning and be better. This isn't a bad break up or a little accident. Your family washed their hands of you and you were driving the car in a fatal accident." Rachel reminded.
"That's why I'm in this office instead of at the park with my daughter." Tony mumbled.
"I know you know why you are here. I also know that you are expecting it all to go away. You are expecting Tali's head injury to have healed completely and the fear to be gone. You expect your heart to magically be healed of the hurt you endured. You expect to have your relationship with your NCIS family repaired." Rachel explained.
"I told you that I accepted they were out of my life." Tony argued.
"Have you? Have you really?" Rachel questioned.
"No" Tony admitted.
"Let's talk about that." Rachel replied.
"What's there to say? That hasn't been said?" Tony questioned.
"Fair point and our hour is up. I would let you stay late but I have an appointment. Uh elsewhere. We will be meeting at ten tomorrow morning and I want you to think about what I said. Really think about it and see if there are any new feelings." Rachel explained.
"Yeah I'll do that." Tony replied halfheartedly.
Valarie had taken Tali to the park but pulled into Rachel's parking lot just as Tony was exiting the office. Tony opened the passenger side door and climbed inside. Tali was playing with her fidget spinner but looked up when she heard his voice.
"Abba!" Tali cried.
"Hello Baby Girl" Tony greeted.
"See I told you we would see him soon. He just had to go to the doctor." Valarie told Tali.
"Was she good?" Tony asked.
"For the most part. We had to have a little talk about safety but nothing too alarming." Rachel explained.
"Did anybody say anything about her helmet?" Tony asked.
"The park we went to has a bike path. So I put mine on too and people just assumed we had ridden to the playground." Valarie explained.
"I wish I could think of stuff like that. I just pray I don't have to fight any dads." Tony laughed.
"You are recovering too. Fighting would not be a good idea." Valarie reminded.
Rachel arrived to her appointment. She had been talking to Team Gibbs for the past two weeks but it was falling on deaf ears. Vance had paid for thirty days of sessions but it was hardly worth her time. Some patients would not recover because they couldn't. She did not write them off and giving up on them was not easy. Patients like Team Gibbs did not get better, because they did not WANT to get better. They were easier to give up on. If they were paying out of pocket or their insurance, then she would cut them off, but Vance had paid for the sessions. That meant she had to have a follow-up conference and give him her honest opinion. It also meant that she could not just give up. At the end of the thirty days, she would tell him the truth. She would advise he not pay for anymore sessions and from there, they would be on their own.
"He doesn't care? Why should we?" Abby demanded upon hearing Rachel's observation.
"He does care. You guys don't care about him. You wrote him off without even trying to hear his side of the story. You know the side that was reported on the news and the side that Breena gave you. The news wrote that Tony was driving and that they were investigating. Later it was published that Tony was not distracted or under the influence of anything. He was just in a tragic situation." Rachel explained.
"Breena told the real story. She knows the real story. Maybe there was no direct connection between Anthony and the accident but something went wrong." Ducky explained.
"Breena suffered a nervous breakdown. Half the time she lies in her own filth talking to Jimmy and Tori like they are live. The rest of the time she rampages around the house talking to herself about killing Tali." Rachel explained.
"That is her now but she was clear headed when she told us the real story." McGee countered.
"So you are saying that Breena is crazy? Try losing a child. Then you will see and no Breena is not crazy. She did not lose her mind. She lost her child." Jethro explained.
"That actually brings me to something I was going to discuss with you after the group meeting. Jethro you broke down after your girls were killed. By all accounts you recovered from the breakdown but the more I talk to you. The more I see that you did not." Rachel explained.
"It's not something you get over!" Jethro spat.
"I know and that is why I am going to recommend that Vance removes you from the field." Rachel explained.
"Excuse me?" Jethro questioned.
"I am going to recommend you be removed from the field. There are numerous incidents of you violating protocol when a child is involved. Several of which put your people and innocents civilians at risk. The most notable being your encounter with Luke Harris. When you allowed him to shoot you. With your former Senior Field Agent standing nearby." Rachel explained.
"Son of a bitch DiNozzo was on the phone with his latest whore. I wish Luke had put one square in his head. I would have figured out a way to save Luke and the Palmer's would still be alive." Jethro explained.
"Are you telling me that you would have allowed your agent to be murdered? And then gone on to defend the shooter?" Rachel questioned.
"That's what I said doc." Jethro spat.
Valarie had gone home for the night and Tali was in bed. Tony expected her to come running back into the living room. Even though she had not done that since the accident. Ever since returning home from the hospital, Tali would just lie on her bed. Not moving but not crying out either. Still Tony expected it, because he yearned for normal. He yearned for his old life. Saturdays with the Palmer family at the zoo, park, mall, a museum, or sometimes just at home. For the nights he would leave Tali with Valarie and meet the old gang at a bar. Now he just existed. He talked to Rachel, he talked to Valarie, and he played with Tali. He only went to Rachel's office and on the errands that Valarie took him on. He existed and he was desperate for a break. There was a knock on the door and Tony pulled himself from the couch. He was terrified of knocks, terrified of more hurt or bad news. To his surprise Leon and Kayla Vance stood on the other side.
"Everything OK?" Tony asked before even a pleasantry.
"Get your wallet we are going out." Vance instructed.
"Tali" Tony reminded.
"That's why Kayla is here. She is needing money for her mission trip this summer. Don't worry I am paying her." Vance explained.
"It's late." Tony commented.
"Kayla's done with school and going to be up all night anyway. Same goes for me." Vance assured.
When Vance said they were going out. Tony imagined a bar or an all night restaurant. Instead they stood at the site of the accident. The grass on the side of the road freshly mowed. Two small wooden crosses were planted in the ground, Jimmy's picture sat in front of one and Tori's in front of the other. A teddy bear was placed in front of Tori's and the white coat Jimmy had worn in medical school was folded in front of his. In an almost sickeningly poetic way, rain had started to fall.
"I should be that." Tony said pointing to the crosses.
"No you shouldn't you deserve to be alive." Vance insisted.
"Why am I here?" Tony asked.
"Rachel wanted to take you but she is worried about Breena seeing you in the day light. I agreed to take you tonight. You need to confront this. Say what you need to say." Vance explained.
"I'm sorry" Tony whispered before turning, climbing back into Vance's SUV, and completely breaking down.
A/N: Will Tony ever be able to confront the accident? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.