So this is a new thing I just started because I was rewatching season 4 and missed the fact that there's no more of classic scooby gang at college, definitely some of that missing! Anyway I enjoyed writing the college years and all the dynamics and hopefully there'll be more to come! Also this is my 50th fic on fanfic which is craazy, guess who's an old maid now lol. Hope you enjoy!
Willow walked down the hallway. The carpet curled at the corners of the walls, a questionable stain spread itself onto the wall, a pyramid of light bud glass bottles stood proudly outside one of the doors. She could vaguely hear a bassline escaping from under one of the heavy wooden doors. It seemed as there was always some kind of music hanging in the air. Her feet dragged along the well-trodden carpet, it had been a long day. She'd only just managed to get a seat in the library, practically having to pull it out from under a girl in a questionable felt hat. All she got for her efforts was a scowl and a small patch of desk. After that her laptop had died, she'd forgotten her charger and she'd brought the wrong textbook. On top of that she'd got a last minute text from a friend in her introduction to economy class reminding her about the essay tomorrow. Oh my god what essay? Suffice to say it hadn't been a good day, and the world weighed heavy on her mind. She guessed this was the real college, away from the shiny brochures filled with smiling faces, the unglamourised part, the long hours and constant work. And Willow loved it most of the time, but sometimes the constant nature of it all got to her, she wanted nothing more to take a long nap. Her un-started econ essay hung above her like a chalice. She sighed. How important was economy anyway? It's not like it was one of the pillars of modern society. She pushed the heavy door into her dorm room, with a sigh.
Faith was sat on Buffy's bed, headphones on, a bottle of nail varnish balanced on her left knee, black as always. Willow smiled slightly. Faith was becoming part of the furniture, Buffy's posters, her weapons, her Faith. Willow guessed she had gotten two roommates for the price of one.
"Hey Red," Faith said, removing her headphones, and scanning Willow's limp expression, "Rough day?"
"The universe is out to get me." Willow said, flopping down on her bed, not bothering to take off her backpack, "I've got so much work to do,"
"See," Faith said grinning, "that's why I avoid academia, the oppression of the patriarchy and all that."
Willow rolled her eyes, "You just can't focus," Willow said, staring at the ceiling,
"And there's that."
"Plus you get the college experience anyway, minus all the work." Willow smiled,
"You got that right, I know how to play the game," Faith grinned, shaking her right hand, and blowing on it gently, trying to get her nail polish to try.
"Where is Buffy anyway?"
"In the shower," Faith said, as just on cue Buffy came through the door, a hairbrush in her left hand, a large grey jumper shoved over her white cotton shorts, her straggly wet hair forming a small dark patch.
"Oh hey, Will," Buffy said, taking in her expression, "Rough day?"
Willow rolled her eyes,
"Academia" Faith said, "It's the true evil,"
"It gets to us all," Buffy said, leaning down to kiss Faith,
"Not all of us are on scholarships Buffy," Willow said, standing up and placing her backpack by the side of her bed, rummaging in her bedside drawer for her laptop charger,
"Hey I fight evil, this is my reward,"
"Whatever," Willow said, grinning, "Saving the world isn't that important."
"Hey I died!" Buffy said, sitting down on Faith's lap and wrapping her arms around her neck,
"Less than three minutes doesn't count," Willow said, as she set up her laptop.
"Hey Will," Buffy said, running her hands through Faith's hair, "You said we could have the room tonight," she said, gesturing towards the laptop.
"Shit, it's your anniversary," Willow said, "I completely forgot." She said, shaking her head.
"Don't worry about it." Faith said, turning towards Buffy, "One year since she kissed me on the floor of the crypt."
"Such a romantic story," Willow laughed, shoving her charger into her backpack.
"Maybe we should start making something up," Buffy said, twirling Faith's hair in her fingers.
"No I like it," Faith said, kissing her softly on the lips, "Most confusing signals ever though, I completely thought you were straight,"
"And I thought you were trying to get with Angel," Buffy laughed.
"So what are your plans then?" Willow said, hovering by the door.
"Thought we'd order in takeout, watch horror films, make out," Faith said, making Buffy blush.
"The classics then?"
"Completely broke," Faith said,
"It's not the watcher council's fault you spent their monthly wage on a single leather jacket," Buffy laughed,
"But it looks so good," Faith said, leaning her forehead against Buffy's,
"That it does," Buffy said, leaning down to kiss Faith and Willow took that as her excuse to leave,
"See you guys," she said, as both Faith and Buffy waved her off, still kissing.
So here she was back in the hallway again, she guessed the library it was. She would have to pull an all-nighter anyway, damn econ essay. She wished for once she could blow it off, take herself off to a bar downtown somewhere, meet the love of her life, finally get her life started. She sighed. It was just a daydream. She felt like she had been in a holding pattern for years, hovering right on the cusp of her own existence, life passing her by, like she was never properly living it. She was watching her friends move on, meet people, accomplish things. She hadn't even so much as had a crush since Oz had left five months ago. She didn't need anyone, she constantly told herself in the dull light of the library, and she didn't need someone, but it didn't stop her from wanting someone. It didn't stop her from daydreaming, from imagining that she would lock eyes with the boy across the hall and fall deeply in love, or the girl.
And that was another part of the issue. Looking back, Willow was starting to feel like she'd always had feelings for girls, small crushes she'd thrown away as just wanting to be like them, or as wanting to be their friend, heart pounds she'd put down to nerves. And then she'd met Oz, and it had made sense, just a normal (witch) girl and her normal (werewolf) boyfriend. And then he'd left and she was starting to notice girls again, the girl who sat in front of her in her international history class, her bright green eyes, and hint of a smile, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear before she started talking, the girl who always served her at the coffee shop, their hands lingering. Plus she had recently developed an almighty obsession (crush) on Winona Ryder. She was still attracted to boys, or at least she thought she was. She sighed, it was so confusing.
She wished she could be like Buffy, like Faith. Faith had told her once, in the safety of the darkness, heads against pillows, smores already eaten, that she'd always known she was bi, since she was younger she'd just always been attracted to boys and girls and that was the end of it. And Buffy had had no idea until she met Faith, and then it was clear, crystal. Willow was so jealous of them, they knew, they weren't stuck in this murky holding pen, in the fog of what if? No. But what if? No. And it was all bottled up inside her, rattling against her ribcage, a constant cloud as she stared up at the ceiling, the peeling plaster that she and Buffy shared, not knowing anything about herself. The one person she should know better than anyone. Every night as she stared up, she was super aware of Buffy in the next bed. Buffy. Her best friend. Who was also gay. It probably should have been super easy to talk to her about it, but Willow had internalised everything for so long, just saying it, just letting it fall from her lips seemed wrong, like she was lying, like nothing was real. Plus Buffy was always so busy. Trying to get her alone was like trying to catch a falling leaf. She slayed, she worked hard, she was always surrounded by people, she was always with Faith. Her life was whole, fulfilled, perfect. And obviously that wasn't true, she knew Buffy struggled, had been privy to many a discussion about it. Long nights of what if there's something beyond slaying, beyond the mechanic life, beyond… ? But that's how all her friends lives seemed to her, perfect. Buffy and Faith one year strong, a purpose for their lives, the slayers. Xander and Anya, going on two years, moved in together, Xander with his newly found career in carpentry. Giles and Jenny engaged and wedding planning, Giles with a brand new job lecturing at the university in the next town over. Everyone was moving forward and Willow was only ever standing still. Sometimes everything was just a little bit too hard.
She reached the library, it had cleared a little, and Willow was able to get one of her favourite spots, in the corner, a desk with its own overhead light, right next to a collection of 'supernatural' texts, a large window arching high in the ceiling. People had begun to go home to their families, to their friends, only the dedicated came to the library at night. And the lonely, Willow supposed.
She opened her textbook,
The use of mathematics in economics increased the quantitative analysis inherent in the discipline; however, given the discipline's essentially social science roots, many economists from John Maynard Keynes to Robert Heilbroner andotherscriticizedthebroaduseofmathematicalmodelsforhumanbehaviorarguingthat somehumanchoicescannotbemodeledorevaluatedinamathematicalequation. somehumanchoicescannotbemodeledorevaluatedinamathematicalequation.. somehumanchoicescannotbemodeledorevaluatedinamathematicalequation.. somehumanchoicescannotbemodeledorevaluatedinamathematicalequation..
Willow's eyes were growing heavy as her head lowered itself onto the textbook, surely a small nap couldn't be too bad? Her eyes were beginning to lace together, the darkness was patches that were being woven together.
Willow was awoken by a clatter on the table, and she sprung up her eyes wide open.
"I'm awake, I'm awake I promise!" she shouted, briefly unaware of where she was.
"I'm s-so s-sorry," came a small voice, standing right by the desk, a copy of drawing down the moon, clutched under her arm and hand reaching out to pick up the culprit book back off Willow's desk; a history of witchcraft.
"No it's fine," Willow said, rubbing her eyes, looking up at the clock that hung on the far wall. "Oh god is that the time?" She said, her eyes widened.
"Yeah, not m-many people stay past midnight," The girl said, picking up her book and pushing her blond hair behind her ears,
"Ugh midnight," Willow sighed,
"B-big project?" the girl said,
"Something like that," Willow looked up, "I'm Willow by the way,"
"Tara" the girl said with a smile that seemed to light up her face, her bright eyes shining through the blush that spread across her cheeks. She hovered by the table.
"So what are you doing at the library this late, Tara?" Willow said, trying to put off looking at her econ textbook for as long as possible.
"Needed some last minute research for my spell-"Tara's eyes widened, "I mean my p-project on spells," she hurried.
Willow grinned, "So you're a wicca too huh?"
"You're a witch?" Tara's face seemed to light up.
"I mean I don't know if you could call me a full on witch, but I try,"
"H-how did you get into it?" Tara said, before glancing at the pile of books on Willow's table, the hum of her laptop. "I m-mean you're b-busy, you d-don't have time to talk to m-me," she said, her blonde hair falling across her face as she turned on her heel.
"N-No!" Willow said, a little too loudly, and someone glared at her from across the library, "It's not important," she smiled, "Here come sit," she said, motioning to the seat next to her.
Tara smiled, "Well if you're sure?"
"Of course,"
The night passed by, the clock marking time as the hours went by, the two girls talking about anything and everything, about childhood and magic and high school and the last episode of Friends. And all the doubts that had clouded Willow's mind for months, that had seemed lock by chain and key, were out in the open, were greeted with a smile and a nod. And everything that had seemed scary and life-ending and like a cliff fall were okay. Were just more words, weren't shadows, or big bads, were just truths, accepted with a small nod, more facets of Willow.
A couple of coffees later and the sun was beginning to rise, stretching its rays through the high arching windows. Morning. Willow's books laid abandoned on the table, still opened on the first page. It was now a lost cause, and whereas normally the idea would fill her with a pit of dread, a small knot in her stomach, she felt at peace. She wasn't sure whether it was the utter lack of sleep that was clouding her judgement, or whether other factors were at play, but she felt lighter.
"I better get going," Tara smiled, swinging her backpack over her shoulder, her feathered earrings knocking against her cheeks.
"I guess when the sun comes up, that's a sure sign it's too late," Willow smiled, staring wistfully at her textbook,
"For sure," Tara said, lingering by the desk, "see you around?"
"Definitely," Willow said, turning to shut down her laptop, placing it in her case, and putting her textbooks into her backpack. When she turned around Tara had left, and she started making her way back to the dorm room, trying to ignore the small lurking feeling of disappointment, a small dip, which definitely had nothing to do with Tara leaving the room.
The morning light crept through the crack in the curtains, a small drift of light as Willow tried to make her way to her bed. The soft light danced across Buffy and Faith their bodies curled together, Faith's arms draped over Buffy, the pair of them curled in one corner of Buffy's double bed. They both looked so peaceful, so content. Faith opened one eye, smiling at Willow,
"Late night?" she whispered,
"Something like that," Willow whispered back, dropping her backpack and climbing under the duvet in all her clothes.
Tara's face was pressed firmly into her mind, her hair draped in light, like one of Willow's daydreams. A halo, a blurred unreality. A small smile spread across her face. And maybe this wasn't the start of something new, wasn't the start of a new journey. But for right now everything felt a little clearer, and that was all Willow needed right now.
Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading, please leave a review if you can :) Have a nice day!