Sorry this has been so long to get out. It's the penultimate chapter.
The usual disclaimer applies.
Chapter 14
They took their seats in the restaurant, Rachel was running late as usual, but was on her way so drinks were ordered and the three of them waited patiently. It was half an hour after they were supposed to be there before the diva arrived, sunglasses on despite it being dark already. It still wasn't enough of a disguise to prevent the stares. For once Quinn was glad they weren't staring at her, or not as much anyway. What the Fabray-Lopez family didn't know was that Jesse would be coming as well. A fifth chair was hastily added and a bottle of Champagne placed in an ice bucket beside them.
Quinn eyed her glass of ice water and then the bottle. She gave Rachel a grin and took the proffered flute of pale golden Veuve Clicquot.
"What's this in aid of?" Quinn frowned at Beth wanting a glass and forced the OJ back in her daughter's hand instead. "Not until you are older, B!"
"We're moving in together," Rachel didn't even attempt to disguise the news. She actually wanted to tell everyone, in fact she almost did, most of the restaurant must have heard her.
Congratulations followed and so did more Champagne.
Beth wanted the bathroom a short while after the news and so Santana went with her, followed by Rachel, who wanted to fix her makeup, leaving Jesse and Quinn alone at the table.
"Why do girls always have to go in pairs?" Jesse mused with a grin on his face as he followed Rachel with his eyes.
"I have no idea," the blonde replied, equally amused at the thought. "Most of the time, it's not even to pee."
They chuckled and then Jesse eyed her closely. "Aren't you going to start grilling me and letting me know that I must not break her heart or you will break my face?"
A shake of the head and soft rumble of laughter suggested Quinn was amused at the thought. "I'd leave that one to San, more her style than mine. I'd probably just make life really difficult for you, or maybe just destroy your psyche with biting sarcasm."
"I figured. But just so you know, I'm not going to do that. I promise."
Quinn raised an eyebrow. "You don't strike me as the sincere type, though I don't doubt your ability to act it."
Jesse hung his head briefly. "You know what I did and I have apologised too many times for it already. I won't treat her like that again, I swear to you. She broke my heart as well."
Quinn scrunched up her nose. "She was in love with Finn. It wasn't your fault."
"The ghost of Hudson still haunts me."
Shaking her head in a different way, the blonde assured him that wasn't the case anymore. "He's been laid to rest finally. You can stop worrying about that now."
"I'm not so sure. Can I really compete with a perfect memory?"
"That's not how it was. And he's gone, Jesse. She knows that and although it took her a while to get over him, she's finally ready for something permanent."
"But I get the impression they were kind of soul mates," he countered.
"They were, but there's no rule that says you can only have one soul mate in your lifetime. I told her when we were younger that marrying too young was a mistake, because she had no idea what she would want ten years in the future."
He nodded in understanding.
"You don't think I'm a mistake?"
A wry smile spread across the beautiful candlelit features. "No, I don't. She's thought about this for a while and I tried to encourage her to go out with someone I know; a nice guy actually, but she said no. She needs someone who understands and can live in her world. That's why, soul mate or not, Finn and Rachel would never have worked in the long run and they both knew it. He was happiest in Lima and she couldn't wait to escape."
The smile spread to Jesse now.
"You know, you're pretty wise."
"I'm an old soul," she replied. "I guess I always have been. I really hope it works out for you both."
"Me too. Think we have a shot?"
"Rachel is very loyal and passionate. Don't let her down and she will make you happy."
"I have to admit to being a little jealous of the two of you. You're great friends and she values your opinion above all others."
Quinn shook her head again. "That's because we're polar opposites, but you don't need to worry about me. Rachel and I have never had any interest in each other, that's why we've been able to stay friends through everything. We're best friends, we can tell each other the worst and know it will be okay. She can't do that with you because as much as she is attracted to you, she also wants to be attractive for you. It's the same with San and me."
"I think I admire your bravery, Quinn. I find her a little scary."
Quinn outright belly laughed. "She's not scary, she's just fierce. It's not the same thing. She only gets mad when she cares. If she gets mad at you, it's because she cares about you."
"I'm not going to risk pissing her off," he held his hands up defensively.
They were interrupted by Beth running back over and excitedly pointing out that she now had lip gloss on, courtesy of Rachel.
"She said she bought two new ones and I could have one," Beth waved the tube at Quinn.
Rolling her eyes, Quinn pulled her daughter over and wrapped her arms around her. "No growing up too fast my girl, I don't want my baby getting old before her time."
Beth's nose wrinkled. "What does that mean? I'm not a baby."
"You're my baby and you always will be," Quinn tickled her ribs and made Beth squirm around.
"Mom, stop!" She protested, but not very much.
Santana and Rachel returned.
"Thank you for giving her the lips gloss, Rach."
"It's nothing, really. She was just admiring it and I had a couple of new ones in my bag. You don't mind do you?"
Quinn shook her head. "No, it's fine. For special occasions," she turned and eyed Beth who just grinned triumphantly.
—
August 2012, New Haven, Connecticut
Quinn visited the disability advisory centre as soon as she arrived and received a whole pack of stuff so she could get around. Everyone seemed very helpful and willing to make sure she felt part of the community.
Santana was going to stay overnight and then make her way to Hartford via train. The dorm room she would stay in for the year was roomy and bright. It was more like a large apartment really. Five rooms on the ground floor with a bathroom, kitchen and living room to share. Quinn was a little nervous about it, but she would have privacy when needed, whilst at the same time, companionship from the others in the residence. The only down side was no elevator to the two floors above. Well, she had promised her mom that she wouldn't be partying.
"Here," Santana held out a wrapped gift. "I wanted to give you something meaningful."
Quinn took the small parcel and pulled at the decorative ribbon and then the brown paper wrapping underneath. She took out the picture frame it contained. The photo inside was of her and Santana pushing Beth on a swing at the park. The little girl was laughing and Quinn had the cutest smile on her face, or so Santana thought when she had chosen the picture.
Quinn sniffed and scrubbed at her eyes. "Thank you," she couldn't think of anything else to say. Reverently she took the stand and opened it out so the frame would sit beside her bed. "I miss her already." She ran her fingers over the picture.
Santana dropped onto the bed and tugged at the wheelchair to pull Quinn round to face her. "This will all work okay. You're going to be amazing here and get the best education and then we'll get a place together so Beth can come and live with us. Things are going to be okay,Q."
The blonde nodded and squeezed her lover's hands in return. "I believe you."
"This is the beginning of our lives together," the Latina stroked the soft skin along Quinn's jaw and smiled.
The blonde eyed up the bed. "Well we're here twenty-four hours before everyone else, want to christen the bed?"
"Just when I think I know you," Santana shook her head and then pulled Quinn on top of her, rolling them both into the middle of the mattress.
The blonde shrieked in surprise but secretly loving that Santana was never afraid to be physical with her.
—
Christmas 2020, Riverside, Connecticut
"Oh my God, my butt is gonna freeze off," Santana stomped her boots on the mat by the front door. Clumps of snow fell from the soles onto the coir. She picked up one of Rachel's bags and hit the bottom to remove the slush from around the wheels.
"Thank you for inviting us," Jesse gave her a dimpled grin.
"Not a problem, Rachel's family, so I guess by default you are as well now."
The door swung open and an excited Beth jumped up and down. Rachel dragged her other bag up the shallow slope of the ramp to the door.
"Beth!" The pair shared a big hug and then the girl tentatively gave Jesse a hug too, affectionate as always, but still getting to know the sandy haired man.
"Mom is so excited that you're coming for the holidays. She's been cooking all morning."
They moved noisily into the hallway and Santana slammed the door behind her to keep the heat from escaping.
"Wow, it's warm in here," Jesse started to remove his outer layers.
"That's because of mom," Beth explained, serious all of a sudden. "She gets cold really easily." The girl took his coat and hung it in the hall closet.
"Quinn's paralysis makes it hard to control her body temperature," Rachel shook her heavy wool coat from her shoulders and handed it over to Beth with thanks. "The house is temperature controlled."
Jesse nodded thoughtfully, but made no comment. He and Rachel had talked a little about the accident but he had shied away from details, not wanting to admit that he was a little squeamish.
There was a low rumble of wheels on hardwood floor that signalled Quinn's arrival and after an enthusiastic welcome, Beth insisted on taking Jesse for a tour of the house. He was bodily dragged up the staircase while the rest trailed into the kitchen for hot coffee.
"It's so cosy in here," Rachel parked herself at the end of the kitchen counter, finally removing the scarf around her neck now she had thawed out. "The garden is so pretty covered in snow."
Quinn obviously didn't think much of the weather. "I can't wait for it to thaw out and disappear."
Rachel tilted her head a little sadly. "I guess it's not much fun for you."
Quinn gave a wry smile. "No, the snow becomes slush and I never liked slush," she gave a wry smile thinking about the years of frozen sugary drinks tossed in their faces at school. "Not that titanium rusts, but still it's not much fun out for me unless the sidewalks are clear; I cannot keep anything clean for more than a few seconds. Good excuse to curl up in front of the fire and watch old movies."
White teeth broke through the red of Rachel's lips in response.
"So Jesse?" Santana massaged Quinn's shouldered while quizzing their mutual friend. "Not such a douche it turns out. You moved in together?"
Rachel nodded. "A little while ago. It's actually really nice to have someone who knows me from back home but also understands the pressures of being on Broadway."
"I'm glad you're happy," Quinn reached out and gave the short woman a squeeze on the hand.
"I really am." Rachel could hear Beth and Jesse returning; no doubt the enticing smell of coffee had drawn him in.
"Santana, Beth tells me you designed the house; it's amazing, truly." Jesse's eyes lit up at the carafe sat on the counter.
"Thank you. Glad you like it and congrats on moving in together."
He blushed slightly. "You told them then?" he asked Rachel.
"I tell them everything," she said coyly which made him blush even more.
"Now I'm really in trouble."
Quinn just smiled softly as Jesse wove his fingers in between Rachel's. They made an attractive couple; if things went well, their children would be beautiful. "Stay here a minute, there's something I want to do." Quinn went off towards her studio.
"Mom's getting her camera," Beth groaned.
"Watch it!"
"Sorry, Santi." Beth curried favour with her own pet name for the Latina. It was funny, because she thought of her as a parent, but had never called her anything other than Santana or Santi. She didn't even remember life before then, just like she couldn't remember her mom being able to walk - it was as though life for her had begun after all that. After Lima. Her mom had asked a few times in the past if she could remember when she went away for a while and left her with grandma, but she couldn't remember that either. She could recall the small house in New Haven though. Her bedroom with the old yellow flowery wallpaper and the pine chest of drawers with all her things in it. They didn't have much then, not like now with the house and the nice cars. She always remembered that was where she had been when she was younger and didn't like it when some of the rich kids at school teased the poorer ones. She knew they hadn't always been so comfortable.
Quinn came back, Camera and tripod balanced across her knees. She quickly set it up and mounted the camera, toyed with the settings and then organised everyone together in a group. After checking the screen, she briefly made a small adjustment and set the shutter with a ten-second countdown.
"Quick make some room for me," she rolled over and spun neatly into the middle of the group with a couple of seconds still to spare. The shutter clicked and everyone relaxed again.
—
2014, New Haven, Connecticut
"Sí mi niña, dormir," Santana had just put Beth down for the night. The toddler was suffering from a bit of a cold and wanted her stuffed lion that Rachel had sent from New York. Squeezing the animal against her chest, she snuffled and closed her eyes with a yawn.
Santana stayed a little while stroking the soft blonde hair back from her warm face. She prayed there wouldn't be a nightmare like last night. The Tylenol should have worked it's magic by now and the last thing she needed was to be up in the night with the prospect of an early morning drive back to Hartford for classes.
Ten minutes later, she padded softly back to the small living room.
"She okay?" Quinn looked up from her book. She was studying something technical looking and folded it back over, placing it on the arm of the shabby old sofa.
"Yeah, she was out like a light."
Quinn had little worry lines around her eyes.
"Relax, it's just a cold."
The blonde shook her head. Her mom had always been around before with helpful advice about Beth, only now she was on her own, or she and San were on their own and it was more worrying than she wanted to admit. What if she got it wrong and something serious was brewing.
"It's just a cold," Santana reiterated, reading Quinn's mind.
A puff of air escaped pink lips. "Do you think I should call mom?"
"No, we'll check on her in a little while and make sure she's okay before we go to bed. It's not like this is the first time she's been sick. She's a kid, kids get sick."
Quinn's face paled suddenly.
"What?" The Latina looked at her girlfriend and wondered if Quinn was getting sick too.
"I just realised how mom must have felt when I got sick. God, I'm stressed about a cold, what must it have been like after my accident?"
"Which one?" Santana chuckled. "You gave us a couple of scares, remember?" She dropped beside her and the movement caused Quinn to slide into Santana's chest as the other woman's weight hit the cushions. They wrapped each other in an embrace.
"Being a parent is really scary, especially on your own," Quinn mused.
"You're not on your own any more, Q. You got me now."
—
January 2021, Riverside, Connecticut
Having a doctor as a friend had it's perks. Calvin had one of his colleagues meet up with Quinn and Santana. The fertility expert checked them both out and so they had a choice. It was hard to decide what they were going to do, but Beth's words had struck the Latina. Maybe she should be the one to carry their new addition. It made sense on a number of levels.
"How do you feel about it?"
Quinn smiled and squeezed her hand. "I don't care. If you want me to do it, I would love to, but I had a baby and I don't need to have another. It might be easier, work wise, for me to do it. You're still getting established and I can work from home."
Santana nodded at the sense of it. "I guess that might make sense, but I would worry about you all the time. Especially later on, did you think about that? It would get hard for you."
Quinn shrugged. "Everything is hard for me, but it doesn't stop me does it?"
Santana chuckled. "No, it hasn't. But I do feel something inside me at the thought of having that special something that you have with Beth. I know she respects me as her guardian, but I'm not her mom. That's something special and I think I would like that a lot."
If Quinn was honest with herself, she knew eventually someone as passionate about life as Santana would want to have a baby and there was no rule that said they couldn't have more later on.
"You're right. It would be selfish for me to want that again without letting you experience it as well. I think that's our decision made."
It had been that easy.
—
March 2024, Riverside, Connecticut
Beth trudged downstairs with a frown. Her little brother had put sticky fingers over her math homework; she wasn't happy.
"Mom!" she called out, mildly furious.
"What, baby?" Quinn's worried face reflected the angry tone in her daughter's voice as she appeared in the hallway.
"He did it again. Went in my room while I was getting a shower and put jelly on my homework!" Beth held out the paper with equations of some sort all over and toddler-sized smudged pink marks from strawberry jelly on top of that. "I can't hand this in."
"Can't you just print off another copy and fill that out?" Quinn knew it was inconvenient but hardly the end of the world.
"Of course I can, but it's not the point and it was due in this morning." A heavy sigh escaped the teenager's lips. "I keep telling him not to touch the things on my desk, but he doesn't listen."
"He doesn't understand baby, he's only two and bit. You were a toddler yourself not that long ago."
"Mom!" Beth whined, hoping not to get some sort of lecture about the things she used to do when she was little. "Please just ask him not to mess with my schoolwork."
As if he knew somehow that he was being talked about, a small bundle of energy ran out of the kitchen.
Beth groaned again.
"Hey little man," Quinn intercepted him and tugged his arms to climb up into her lap. He clumsily trod on her feet and clambered up. He was soft and a bit pudgy with baby fat, but getting taller and more agile as the weeks went by. He was also in full-blown terrible-two's mode. "What did you do in Beth's room?"
He looked confused and put his fingers in his mouth and mumbled nonsense.
"Tobes, look what you did." Beth held out the sheet of paper.
He giggled and pointed and then clapped his hands.
"Tobias, look at me," Quinn's face turned serious. "That's not funny. This is Beth's work for school. That was naughty."
The little boy's face fell at familiar words and the expression on Quinn's face.
"You need to say sorry to Beth," she continued to frown at him. They were trying to set some boundaries, but he was cheeky and took advantage of Beth's innate kindness on a regular basis. She wasn't impatient by nature and never resorted to hitting him like younger siblings might when he was being impudent.
He said sorry in his babyish tones and looked guilty, then he did what kittle kids in trouble often did and started crying. A few weeks ago it might have drawn more sympathy, but not now.
"Don't cry Tobias, you said sorry and Beth's not angry with you."
Beth eyed him and shook her head. "Please don't do it again, Tobes." She was upset but he was just a little kid and it was hard to stay mad at him for long, especially with snot running from his nose. "I'll try to wipe it off," she rolled her eyes again. "I can't hand it in like this, but I can scan and email it in."
"Thanks, Beth." Quinn was grateful for the lack of teenage overreaction from her daughter. "Can you ask Santana to bring out a cloth. I'm guessing there's a trail of pink handprints everywhere upstairs. I'll take him to wash his hands, again! I only turned my back for a moment, I swear."
Beth watched her mom depart for the downstairs bathroom with Tobias on her lap and went to find Tana.
"What did he do this time?"
"Got the remains of breakfast all over the house," Beth shrugged. She went to fetch a pack of cleaning wipes herself. "I'm just going to wipe up the mess."
"Let me, you take care of whatever that used to be." Santana got up from her coffee and glanced at the paper. "Math. Sorry, sweetheart. I'll talk to him again."
"It's okay, mom already did. He was still snivelling when she took him to get cleaned up." Beth took a look and sighed. I'm going to try to clean it off so I don't have to write it out again."
Santana had a thought. "Leave this with me. You go wipe upstairs."
Beth happily left the sticky mess with Santana and went to find the trail of handprints instead.
Santana took a kitchen towel and dampened it slightly, sighing. A careful few swipes removed the worst of the mess, but the jelly had stained the paper.
She quickly took out her phone and photographed the four pages of completed work. It was readable thanks to Beth's neat presentation. She sent the photos to her daughter's phone and hoped she would be able to email it to her math teacher or at least print it out.
Finished, she threw it away in the kitchen trash just as Tobias ran back in the room.
"Mama!" He called out with a restored grin.
She picked him up and sat him on the countertop. Quinn followed behind moments later. He was always a little ahead of the blonde now he was running everywhere.
Quinn sighed. "Did Beth show you?"
Santana nodded. "What are we going to do with you, my boy?" Tobias looked guilty again, knowing he was in trouble. "Why did you do that, Tobias? You need to wash your hands when they get messy."
His faced scrunched up. He was a messy child and with asserting his independence, it wasn't easy to keep him or the house clean of late.
"No more going into Beth's room and touching her stuff, okay?"
He blinked big dark eyelashes and there was the problem. He was a bit naughty, very messy, quick at spreading chaos around the place and so damn cute!
"It's just too hard to stay mad at him," Quinn noted. "He gives you the big eyes and cheeky smile or the sad face; both work equally well. He's going to be trouble when he's older."
"I know," Santana sighed yet again. "I'm going to talk to Beth; we need to keep him out of her room. I'm going to see about getting a Tobias-proof handle on her door."
Quinn smiled. The easy, low handles they had put everywhere for her convenience also made them easy for toddlers. Their stuff getting messed up was one thing, but poor Beth was tormented by the little tyke.
Santana dropped him back down to the floor and he went to play with his toys by the window. "No one said parenting was easy, but you'd just think it might be easier second time around." She found an arm wrapped around her hips and Quinn's head pressed into her ribs.
"I don't think it works like that," she chuckled. "And no harm was done, except to Beth's homework obviously. I'll write a note for her math teacher to explain."
"No need, I photo'd it and mailed them to her. She should be able to print it out. Problem solved."
"We make a good team," Quinn nodded.
"Yeah we do," Santana agreed, rubbing circles over her wife's back and shoulders. She was thrilled Quinn didn't say 'despite' anything. She used to do that a lot when Beth was younger. She always qualified every encouraging statement with a 'despite'. They were good together and they were good parents, period.
"I think Tobias is going to be hellish as a teenager. Look at the pair of us. He doesn't have any hope." Santana mused, watching their son play with a small collection of cars on a mat.
"I don't know. Beth turned out pretty good. Where'd she go? Back to her room to sulk?"
"No actually, she came in here and took some wipes to go clean up the mess."
Beth arrived back with a handful of pink-stained wipes. "I think I got them all. He was everywhere, all up the stairs, on my door and desk," she had a pained expression. "Yuck," she threw them in the trash. "How can someone so small cause so much mess?"
"It's a talent," Santana smirked. "I sent you pictures of your work but I threw it away, B. It was wrecked."
She shrugged. "It's okay. I can print it out. Thanks."
"Don't thank us," Santana waved away the gratitude. "We're the ones who inflicted him on you."
Beth wrinkled her nose. "I like having a brother. It will be fun to tease him when he's a teenager."
Quinn chuckled. "You didn't need to clean up his mess, baby. That was kind of you."
She shrugged again. "I like to help. I'm not a little kid anymore." Beth toed the ground. "So I was going to ask, as I'm older and more sensible," her voice took on the bargaining tone of teenagers everywhere, "if I can go to a party at the weekend."
Quinn blanched. Parties beyond those held in front of parents at swimming pools and bowling alleys didn't sit well with her for obvious reasons. Beth was fourteen and it had to happen eventually, but it didn't mean she had to like it.
"That depends on whose party, where it's at and how late home you intend to be," Santana replied. "You're going to have to deal with me on this one; your mom can't act rationally about this topic." A sly grin appeared. "You know how your arrival was somewhat unplanned, B."
Beth paled herself then. "It's not that kind of party, mom, I swear."
The blonde heaved a sigh of relief. "Then we can talk about it," she calmed. "Or maybe San's right, you and she can take about it. I can't be rational about this kind of thing." Everyone had their limits.
—
The invitation came through the mail after Santana had left for work that morning and Beth was on the bus to school.
It was gilt embossed and very fancy, but then Quinn wouldn't have suspected anything else.
She didn't tear it open, instead taking a knife and sliding it along the seam of the envelope. Inside she found the card bearing the information she had known about already.
Hiram and Leroy Berry cordially invite you to the wedding of their daughter, Rachel & Mr Jesse St James… etc, etc.
A big smile spread across the fine features of Quinn's face. It had been a little while since they had seen the pair, though they still talked on the phone and sent messages frequently. She cast her mind back to Thanksgiving last November.
The couple had arrived for a few days and they all sat around the dinner table to celebrate everything good in their lives that year. Rachel had quietly requested her best friends should avoid booking a family vacation in July for a very special occasion. Everyone had gone a bit nuts, waiting impatiently at times, for the couple to set a date. They had been content living together for a while and Jesse in particular hadn't wanted Rachel to rush into something she would later regret; she'd done that in the past and it hadn't worked out well.
They'd seen Rachel at Christmas. She asked Quinn to go to McKinley for a little visit and the blonde had agreed, suspecting that there was someone she needed to talk to.
It had been freezing, and Quinn did not handle the cold well, but let the physical pain be a reminder of how fortunate she was to be alive despite her injury.
Getting to the far side of the football field hadn't been easy. The grass was frozen, though without snow thank goodness. She had to adjust her legs every few yards, because the frozen turf was rock hard and uneven; her feet kept bouncing off the footplate and she had to drag them back on.
Santana would have gone nuts at her for being out there, but Tobias needed someone to watch him, so she had been too distracted to question her about their plans.
As they approached the tree, Rachel had fallen silent and Quinn could just hear her own breath and heartbeat pounding. She had prepared for this; a pack of Kleenex sat in her pocket, though she didn't want to take off her winter gloves to try and open it.
Rachel's faux-fur hat was huge, and very diva, but her friend was actually humble, perhaps more so that she had ever seen before. The petite brunette had on a long, red winter coat buttoned right up to her chin; it went down below the dress and leggings she wore, covering the top of the knee-high boots.
White, frosty breath escaped from Rachel's lips as the milky-white light that was the sun, hidden behind low cloud, tried to break through. That had to be some sort of metaphor for what they were doing right now.
Quinn was out of breath and felt guilty that the noise she made disturbed the silence around them. Pain was burning in the centre of her spine and made her arms ache. It was freezing. She shook her hands, trying desperately to get rid of the ache and hugged herself to try and still the movement of her shivering.
Rachel looked at her for a long while. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you come. It's too cold." She could see the physical discomfort etched across Quinn's face, but found the blonde shaking her head.
"I'm fine; cold but fine, Rach. I want to be here for you."
"We can go and come back another time when the weather is warmer. It can wait."
"No, we're here now and once we go back in, I'll be fine again. Don't fuss over me; I'll live."
Rachel clicked her tongue but knew there was no arguing with the blonde. She turned away then and looked into the pale sun, letting it blind her for a few moments. Turning back to the tree, she took a ragged breath and knelt down. There were a few weeds, white-edged with frost and which wouldn't survive the winter, but nevertheless, she didn't like that they were there. It seemed disrespectful for them to even consider growing there. She plucked at them, tugging hard. They snapped off, which wasn't helpful, but at least they were out of sight now. She flicked her wrist, throwing them behind.
Quinn adjusted her position yet again, trying to find a more comfortable one. She wasn't sure if her discomfort was physical or emotional.
Rachel looked at the tree again. "I don't know why I feel like he's here, when he's buried somewhere else," she mused.
"Because he is here. He'll always be here for us, Rach. He'll always be baby-faced and boyish. He'll always be slightly awkward and a bit clumsy, he'll always be wearing that jacket and sneakers. He'll never grow old to us. He'll just be here when we are, eager, grinning and trying to follow your conversation." Rachel was like a jigsaw right now. Broken in pieces, lying in a box, waiting for someone to put her back together.
Rachel stood. "I don't know what to say now I'm here."
"Just tell him like he's on the end of a phone."
She nodded and took another deep breath, holding it slightly before she started speaking.
"Hi Finn. I miss you still."
It was always heartbreaking. It probably always would be; every time they thought about the waste of a life; of potential.
"I wanted to tell you that I'm getting married. It will be in the summer and this time, planned out properly. I know you didn't like Jesse and I get why, but I always liked him. We understand each other and he's grown up a lot. I think you'd like him more now. I've changed too. I'm sorry you didn't get to see that but I've talked a lot about it with Quinn and she always said that I wouldn't know what I wanted until I had some perspective. I have that now and I think us being together would never have worked in the long run." Rachel's tears ran silently as she continued to speak. "I'm glad we never got to the point where we hated each other or couldn't stand to be in the same room. I think if we'd gotten back together and I pulled you to New York, you would have been miserable. You would never have loved it the way I do and I'm sorry about that too." Her chest rose and fell. "Who I used to be at eighteen will always love you, Finn, but this me loves someone else. I just needed to tell you. Jesse will take care of me and I promise to respect him this time around." She turned back to Quinn then.
"Was that okay?"
Quinn wiped her own tears and threw the packet of Kleenex at Rachel. "Open that for me, I need one and I'm not taking my gloves off for anyone."
Bending to sit on her haunches briefly, Rachel kissed her fingertips and reached out, placing her hand on the trunk. "I hope it's peaceful where you are Finn. Goodbye."
She had her eyes cast down as she walked the few paces to her best friend. "I just needed to tell him." She broke down then. Letting Quinn hold her hand and rub some life back into her. It took a few minutes to calm down, but then she offered to give Quinn a push back to the car.
The blonde shook her head. "I need to move to keep warm, Rach." She started to pump the wheels but stopped abruptly. "You are actually going to go through with it this time, aren't you?" Rachel looked up then and met the quirky gaze. Quinn's lips seemed to be resisting a smile, but failing a little.
"Are you teasing me at a time like this, Quinn Fabray?"
"I might be," the reply came with half a chuckle.
Despite her assurance that she wanted to move herself, Rachel evened out the bumps by helping and letting Quinn adjust her legs without having to stop every few seconds. She didn't do all the work, just kept a hand on one of the handles to maintain the momentum.
They didn't talk much until they were back in the car. Quinn was so cold, it was coming off her in waves.
"I shouldn't have asked you to come with me," Rachel turned the heater up to full blast. The engine was running but it wasn't up to full heat.
"I'll be fine soon," Quinn's teeth chattered.
Rachel took her hands and rubbed them with her own. Quinn waved her off and started rubbing her thighs instead, trying to use the friction to get some heat back into her cold limbs; her legs were visibly shaking, a clear sign spasms were on their way.
Rachel moved the car into drive and pulled out, still not talking much.
Quinn's legs locked out and pain ran up her spine.
The brunette pulled over immediately. "What can I do to help?"
"Nothing," the grimace made it obvious that it wasn't a pain-free experience. "It will stop eventually." Quinn continued to massage her thighs, but her legs weren't cooperating. "I'll be fine. You don't need to stop."
"Santana will kill me if I take you back to your mom's like this."
Quinn laughed despite the discomfort. "Let's go get some hot chocolate instead. Go to the drive thru."
Rachel set off again and though she kept an eye on the road, she also kept an eye on Quinn. By the time they pulled up to the window and ordered drinks, Quinn's legs were just shaking rather than stiff. The spasms had lasted ten minutes but the car was warmer now and Quinn seemed only mildly uncomfortable, not distressed as she had been minutes before.
They pulled into a parking space but Rachel left the engine running so it didn't cool down. "I'm sorry," she sighed, holding the take-out cup to her lips to blow on the liquid.
"Don't be. I wanted to be there for you."
"Yes, but it was too cold."
"So? It was cold and I was freezing, but I'm fine now."
"You are better, but not fine. I don't want you to get sick because of me."
"I'm disabled, Rach. That's not the same as being sick. It always looks worse than it is."
"And you always make light of the pain," the shorter woman countered.
"Yeah well, you get used to physical pain. It's not nearly as bad as the emotional stuff."
Rachel took her right hand off the cup and placed it on Quinn's forearm. "I don't like seeing you in pain."
"That feeling is mutual," Quinn met her concerned gaze, "and me being there today helped ease yours."
The brunette replaced her hand on the drink. "Thank you," she breathed.
"Better," the blonde smiled. "Do you feel better now?"
A nod followed as she sipped the soy-based drink. "I just feel the need sometimes, you know. I don't want to forget him or the past, but when I try to move on, I feel like there's this shadow following me."
"Rach, you have nothing to feel guilty for. He died and you did nothing wrong but feeling guilty for living your life isn't something he would ever have wanted. You said it yourself, he set you free when you broke it off. Finn was a lot of things, but I don't think resentful was one of them. He would be happy for you that you found the person you want to be with. Jesse is that person right?"
Rachel's face lit up at the mention of his name and she nodded readily.
"Then accept that Finn would be okay with this. You know in your heart that he would be."
Another nod followed. "I'm ready now."
Taking the invitation, Quinn placed a magnet on each corner on the fridge door and took the RSVP postcard to her desk.
Tobias wandered over and handed her a model Corvette missing both doors.
"Mommy drive," he ordered.
"We'll go out to the postbox soon, Toby. You want to walk or go in the car?"
"Car," he jumped excitedly and did his little happy dance.
"Do you want to get your swimming things ready?" They had lessons booked for later that morning.
He ran to his room as Quinn took her nicest pen and filled out the card. Hunting for a stamp, she cursed that they had none left.
"Oh, well. Looks like a visit to the store," she mumbled, glancing outside. The sun was bright even though it was still cold this time of year. It felt like spring was finally creeping out from behind winter. "At least the snow's melted."
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