Chapter 99: Zoisite Golightly

[Scene: The Midori living room. Neffy, Jeddy, and Chief Midori are drinking beer and eating nachos and watching the game. Chief Midori's dressed in jeans and flannel, but the O'Sama's are wearing tuxedos. ]

[Beryl squeezes out of the kitchen wearing a pair of white capri pants and a crocheted sweater with her hair in a messy bun. Then she morphs into full makeup and a red beaded gown.]

Beryl: I have truly outdone myself this time.

Jeddy: [whispers] Has he figured it out yet?

Beryl: [whispers] He hasn't a clue. I told him I'm entering a fashion contest. [Louder] Zoi, dear, time for your big entrance!

Zoi: [From the kitchen] Promise you won't laugh.

Neffy: Oh, I'm going to laugh! I can pretty much promise it.

Beryl: Neffy. He's not going to laugh!

Zoi: [From the kitchen] Forget it. I'm not coming out there just so he can make fun of me.

Beryl: Do you really think he's going to make fun of you in front of your father?

Zoi: I wouldn't put it past him.

Beryl: You look great! He's not going to laugh! If he laughs, I'll buy you the car of your choice!

Neffy: Take the deal, kid! It will be the easiest car you've ever earned!

Beryl: [raises her hand to Neffy] Stop it! This is hard enough without you heckling him!

Zoi: Dad? Could you come in here and tell me if this looks ok?

Chief Midori: [walks into the kitchen] I'm sure it looks fine. Beryl showed me her sketches and she assured me that – OH HELL NO!

[Chief Midori goes running out of the kitchen]

Chief Midori: There is no way in hell my son is leaving the house looking like a $20,000 a night call girl!

Beryl: What are you talking about? [flourishes at her own plunging neckline] His dress is far more conservative than mine is.

Chief Midori: [glancing at Beryl's abundant cleavage] Yeah…about that–

Zoi: Leaving the house? [Zoi comes running out of the kitchen] Who said anything about leaving the house!

[Neffy and Jeddy's jaws drop. As does the beer bottle in Neffy's hand.]

[Zoi is looking like a beauty pageant contestant during the evening gown competition. A completely flat chested beauty pageant contestant, but it's a good look on him. He is wearing a long, sleeveless, skintight dress of fuchsia silk, slit high on one leg, to reveal silk stockings and stiletto heels. He's also got black opera length gloves, a diamond choker, and Beryl has pinned all his hair high up on the top of his head and crowned it with a tiara of orchids the same color as his dress. His face is made up in a way that makes it impossible to guess he's a boy.]

Jeddy: Wow! Zoi! You look really beautiful.

Neffy: [blushing furiously] Are you as confused as I am right now?

Jeddy: Huh?

Neffy: Nothing.

Jeddy: That's the look from Breakfast at Tiffany's, isn't it?

Beryl: Yes, I knew it would look good on him because he has roughly the same build as Audrey Hepburn. See, Zoi, I told you Neffy wouldn't laugh. And if he doesn't laugh, nobody else will either.

Chief Midori: [ponders] At second glance, I suppose it does look ok.

Zoi: [With his hands on his hips] Where are we going? And why are you all dressed up? And WHERE is Kunzite?

Neffy: Yeah, kid. That's great. Keep talking.

Beryl: We sent Kunzite to get the limo. I wanted you to greet him at the door, so he could get the full effect.

[The doorbell rings]

Jeddy: [rubs his hands together with excitement] That must be him.

Beryl: [pushes Zoi to the door while the others crowd behind her] Go on, get the door. I can't wait to see the look on his face.

[Zoi bites his lip and opens the door]

[Motoki is standing in the doorway, wearing a tuxedo and grinning like a loon. The Crown Center van is visible in the driveway.]

Motoki: [suave] Well, hello, Miss. I don't believe we've met. I'm Motoki Furuhata and my family owns the Crown Center. Is Zoi home?

Zoi: Motoki! Would you mind telling me what the hell is going on?

[Motoki is taken aback at the sound of Zoi's voice]

Motoki: Zoi? Is that you?

Zoi: Yes, it's me, you fool!

[Motoki's grin widens. Zoi shrieks as Motoki grabs his wrist and tugs him out of the house.]

Motoki: Screw prom! I'm taking you to Vegas!

[Zoi tries to pull back but he's not used to walking in heels.]

Zoi: Dad!

[Chief Midori steps forward, but Neffy holds up one hand to block him]

Neffy: I'll handle this. I know this idiot. He's my lab partner.

[Neffy pries Motoki's hand off Zoi's wrist and put his arm around Motoki's shoulder]

Neffy: Hello, Motoki. I'm sorry if there's been some kind of miscommunication, but Zoi is unavailable tonight. To be perfectly honest, he'll be unavailable every night, as far as everyone but my brother Kunzite is concerned. As a matter of fact, he'll be here arriving here any minute, and when he does, you really don't want him to see you dragging his little wifey-boy into your van. [claps him on the back] No offense. Sorry about your evening.

[Motoki mopes away and Neffy aims a pretend kick at his backside]

[When he leaves Zoi is flushed crimson and tears of anger are filling his eyes]

Zoi: You're talking me to THE PROM!

Beryl: Don't be difficult, Zoi.

Zoi: [weeping] Why are you doing this to me?

Jeddy: Honestly, Zoi, what did you think you were doing?

[Tears start falling from Zoi's eyes, Fortunately Beryl has foreseen this as a possibility and magically enhanced the waterproofing of his makeup.]

Neffy: This is completely ridiculous. Why are you crying?

Zoi: Because I'm mad!

Chief Midori: Zoisite.

Zoi: What?

Chief Midori: Humor them. This is Kunzite's prom, too.

[Zoi did not expect that from his father. Especially since he's aware Kunzite's even more of a bad influence on him now that he's a Shitennou. Then again, Kunzite did bring him back from the dead, which has probably earned him a permanent place in his father's good graces.]

Zoi: Fine. I'll go quietly…but you'll see…Kunzite will take one look at me in this ridiculous outfit and he'll call the whole thing off… [wanders back to the house raising his hem]…Look at these shoes. They're deathtraps. How do women walk in these without levitating?

Beryl: Oh stop complaining. They straighten up your posture and make your legs look amazing.

[Zoi turns as a black stretch limo pulls up. The driver's side door opens and Thetis steps out, wearing a sexy chauffeur's outfit. She opens the passenger side door and Kunzite steps out, wearing a black tuxedo with a white rosebud in his lapel.]

[Zoi blushes at the sight of him looking so hot in his formalwear and forgets he's upset.]

[Even Kunzite is blushing at the sight of Zoi. He approaches and takes hold of his hands then gathers him into his arms and gazes into his eyes adoringly.]

Kunzite: [moonstruck] I didn't think it was possible for you to look any more beautiful…

Zoi: You…you like this?

Kunzite: I like this a whole lot.

[Normally Zoi would be upset by that, since that implies Kunzite is more attracted to women than he is to men, and therefore, by Zoi's definition, not actually gay. But Zoi's still too in awe at the sight of Kunzite in black-tie to organize his thoughts at that level.]

Neffy: Ahem. We'd better get going.

Thetis: [sidling up to Jeddy] Someone should ride up front with me.

Jeddy: [climbs in after Beryl] Neffy, go ride shotgun.

[Thetis sighs and closes the doors for them.]