New chapter time! I have another chapter and more written already so I'll try not to make it much more than a fortnight until my next posting :D Hope you enjoy Sam and Dean fighting... lol no one enjoys that, but I wrote it anyway sozzles. End of the chapter is looking up though!

I have an AO3 account called DestielTheShipOfDreams, which I feel nicely encapsulates my obsession with my OTP. I've started moving stuff over and I'll be posting any new stuff there and not here, with the exception of this fic which will continue to be updated on both sites so you guys don't miss out. The community here rocks - you guys are way better commenters than them, the 'kudos' makes people lazy - but the format and layout of AO3 is soooo much better and I do all my reading there, so it's time to make the move. Hope to see some of you there, you know where to find me if you want to read my upcoming new stuff!

And now for my bitter SPN rant which you can feel free to skip!... Welp. All my fears about destiel came true and now it's the usual boring baity mess of angst, betrayal and mind control. I always get super sick of Cas when they do this, it's such a stale storyline now. Give the guy some agency and strength of character, writers! We've seen enough of Dean pining desperately for him, we get the message. Let Cas be a team player hero rather than a disappointment now. The mixtape was cute but didn't make up for the idiocy of the rest of ep19. Ep20 was awesome but I think we all know how I felt about Ep21... Fire. Buckleming. Please. Those assholes are toxic. I was so on board for Saileen and for a reoccurring disabled character and then they pull that shit? OK I know that episode writers don't make those kinds of big decisions but the way they killed her - an invisible monster vs a deaf woman - was just sick. Nope. And now I'm not at all pumped for the finale and I don't even know if I'll be that upset if Cas dies. At least then I can stop watching the show with no regrets. So yeah, that's where I'm at. On the plus side, new season of Sense8 is super amazing so far (I'm up to ep7) :)

There's a lingering silence after Sam makes his exit. Kevin hovers awkwardly.

"OK then," the prophet says, scratching at the back of his neck. "I guess that went well? I mean, Sam will understand once he cools off. In the meantime… yeah, you both look pretty dead. I'll stay up for a bit if Sam needs anything. Go sleep it off."

Dean is still looking crestfallen but there's not much to be done about the rift between him and Sam; certainly not before we get some much-needed rest. I clap Kevin on the shoulder with a nod and then pull Dean out of the room, mind aching with how drained I feel. Dean stumbles behind me and I don't bother to do more than toe off my shoes and shrug out of my overshirt when we reach his room. I step towards the bed and then turn back to see Dean leaning back against the closed door to clumsily unlace his boots. As I watch, he manages to tug them off and then looks up and meets my gaze. I stare at him for a moment. Despite wanting desperately to close my eyes and go to sleep, I never want to look away. He holds my stare as he walks until he's right in front of me.

"I missed you," he says quietly. I blink at him and reply just as softly.

"I missed you too, Dean."

He leans forward and brushes his lips over mine, just once, before taking my hand and pulling me into bed. The mattress feels luxurious as I sink into it. I barely notice Dean prodding me into place so that he's curled around me from behind, one arm wedged under the pillow and the other wrapped around my waist. He sighs against the nape of my neck and I echo him, tired but basking in the warmth and comfort.

And then we sleep.

It's a long, blissful, dreamless sleep. I come into awareness the next morning with Dean breathing slowly and quietly in my ear, an arm flung across my chest and a leg wound around one of mine. I need to urinate, which is what woke me, but it's not urgent enough for me to move yet. I run sleepily over recent events in my mind and come to the conclusion that everything is truly alright. Sam is well. Kevin is safe. The angel in our home is one that I trust and who respects me, rather than a liar who wants me gone. And Dean is here, close and warm, sleeping soundly. We did it! We did it and we're together again. I turn my head and press my mouth to Dean's forehead, smiling lazily.

I feel lethargic and heavy, but not half-dead like I did before sleeping. I'm a little achy but otherwise I can't detect any damage to myself. It seems that the effects of Kevin's spell weren't long-lasting. Really, other than the growing pressure coming from my bladder I feel quite relaxed. I stretch as carefully as possible, trying not to wake Dean. But he's a hunter, and hunters sleep light.

"Huh?" he mumbles, nosing briefly at my jaw before rolling away a little, face screwed up around a suppressed yawn. "Wha…?"

"Nothing," I whisper. "Go back to sleep."

Dean hums in acknowledgment but cracks his eyes open sleepily, peering at me. He smiles. "Cas."

"Hello, Dean."

The smile widens. "Goddamn, it's good to have you back."

He flops on top of me again, slipping his arms around my waist and then rolling backwards once more, dragging me with him, huffing at the weight. I grunt in surprise, ending up clumsily sprawled half over him with my face buried in the pillow. The bladder pressure is spiking with all the movement and I have too much weight on one hipbone; it's not comfortable. But Dean is squeezing me and nuzzling my shoulder playfully and sighing as though he's utterly content, so I give a muffled chuckle and stay put for several seconds before heaving myself away. Dean actually pouts.

"I was comfy."

"I wasn't," I reply mildly, rolling off of the bed and standing up with another stretch. I pull yesterday's plaid shirt on, despite it smelling vaguely unpleasant. It's a chilly morning. "I have to go to the bathroom. I might get a coffee while I'm up. Would you like anything?"

Dean rubs his eyes and hums, which I take to mean that he probably wants a coffee as well. But as I pad towards the door, I hear him getting up too and I turn back expectantly. Dean is trudging after me, eyes still heavy with sleep. "Hang on, wait up, I'm coming. Not to the bathroom, I figure you can do that all by yourself. I wanna check on Sam."

I nod and push the door open. Dean and I part ways silently and easily, but I still feel impatient as I use the toilet and brush my teeth. I want a shower but I want to see how Sam and Hannah are doing more, and as needy as it feels I don't want to be away from Dean for long if I can help it. Not yet.

When I've made the coffees I take them to Sam's room, calling out quietly before nudging open the already ajar door. Sam is sitting messy-haired on his bed in boxers and t shirt, shadows under his eyes but a healthy colour to his skin. He looks young like this. Dean leans against the dresser, arms folded and mouth set, looking decidedly older than usual. The tension in the room is obvious, but I smile politely at Sam as I settle beside Dean and pass him his coffee.

"Good morning, Sam. And Hannah. How are you feeling?"

Sam shrugs easily, but his flinty gaze returns quickly to his brother. "Hannah's fine, she's staying pretty quiet. And I'm… I don't know. Same as when I went to bed, I guess."

Dean sips his coffee as I nod slowly. I open my mouth to speak again but the man beside me shifts and mutters: "Still sulking, then."

Sam's face turns cold and I glare at Dean, annoyed by his lack of patience. "Dean. That's not helpful."

He shoots me an unimpressed look, which I return readily before ignoring him in favour of the younger Winchester. "Sam, I understand your frustration. You were lied to and your privacy was invaded. What Dean did, and what I did in aiding the deception… it was wrong, yes. I apologise. But I know that you understand doing the wrong thing to save your family."

Sam huffs a short laugh, attention on me now. "Yeah, I do, Cas. I also understand that doing that shit sucks. It creates more problems and more pain, and it's selfish. We have to stop this crappy cycle of doing anything to save each other. From what Dean says, I made a choice. And if that choice was to die, so be it. He should have let me go."

Dean is shaking his head beside me. I echo him, feeling lost and pained. There must be some way to make Sam see that what's happened has been for the best, because he's alive. "But you didn't die. You're alive, we're all together. Surely you want that. Surely you didn't want to… I mean…"

Sam must see the stricken look growing in my eyes as I contemplate him possibly wanting to die, because his own expression softens and he drops his head, sighing. "No, of course I want to be alive. I am glad about that."

"Well, then!" Dean huffs from beside me, gesturing angrily. "You want to be alive, you're alive… why is this still a problem?"

"Seriously?" Sam snaps at his brother. I press my lips together, glancing down at my feet. I should stay out of it, this is their business. But Dean is so tense next to me. He hates fighting with Sam, more than anything.

"I just don't get it, man," Dean sighs wearily.

Sam shakes his shaggy head, stubborn. "You can't just say 'hey, things turned out OK this time' and be done with it. What if Gadreel had hurt one of us? What then, Dean? What if your choice got someone in this family killed? Would that have been worth it to save me?"

I bristle defensively, because Sam is essentially asking Dean if he values his brother's life more than mine or Kevin's, which is an unfair and cruel question. Dean looks hurt and cornered, swallowing as he searches for an answer. I should let him handle this. I really should.

"Sam." My voice comes out loud and sharp. Sam stares at Dean for a moment more before slowly meeting my eyes. I narrow my gaze at him. "This conversation isn't going anywhere. You're too angry, and Dean might be in the wrong in some ways but that doesn't make punishing him any less pointless. Now, are you well? Does everything seem to be running smoothly with Hannah?"

Sam scowls at me but after a beat, he nods. I can feel Dean looking at me but I keep my eyes coldly trained on his younger brother, still bolstered by a surge of protectiveness. I don't really care much whether Sam is right, which he probably is. No one hurts Dean while I stand and watch.

"Alright, then," I say, straightening up from the dresser and reaching blindly for Dean's hand. "We should go. I know that you're a compassionate and reasonable man, Sam. Hopefully that will show itself at some point soon."

I start to tug at Dean's hand, turning away from Sam's disbelieving, indignant expression. But Dean resists, lingering. I glance at him to see him staring at Sam with a pinched, unhappy set to his face. He inhales deeply and then slumps a little as he speaks lowly and sincerely:

"I am sorry."

I don't look at Sam to gauge his response to that. I wait for Dean to step after me of his own accord and then I hurry from the room, trailing him behind me. I become aware that we left our coffee mugs behind, still half full, but I immediately reject the idea of returning to collect them. Instead I lead Dean all the way back into our room before I falter and stop, heartbeat thrumming nervously. I speak to the floor, grip loose on Dean's hand. "Sorry. I should stay out of conversations between you and Sam."

Dean hesitates before replying on a tired sigh. "Yeah, you probably should."

I tense up, but Dean sighs again and pulls me around and into his arms, digging his chin into my shoulder. His voice is muffled when he speaks. "Mostly because it's way too easy for me to shut up and let you do the talking. Not like anything constructive comes out of my mouth. But yeah, I don't know if it's a good idea to have you sticking up for me all the time, especially with Sam. Shit, though, it's nice to have you on my side, Cas."

I snake my arms around his waist, feeling warm and indescribably fond of the man in my embrace. "Of course, Dean. I'm heavily biased but I'm willing to argue for your side any time. I'll try to hold back with Sam though."

"Yeah," comes the amused reply, "maybe try that."

There's a short, soft silence before Dean noses lightly behind my ear and I shiver, ticklish. He huffs a laugh. "Your hair needs washing. Actually, you need washing in general. I probably need a shower too though, to be fair…"

I'm pulling back as he speaks and I meet his widening eyes as he trails off, clearly worried about something he's said. "Not that I… I mean, I wasn't saying… you know…"

I frown, hands resting on his waist as I try to decipher his rambling. "No, I don't."

Dean is pink now, rolling his eyes at my denial. "You know, showering together and stuff."

I blink up at him, my interest quickening. "You want to shower together?"

"What?"

I'm confused now. "Isn't that what you said?"

"No, I- well-" Dean looks extremely flustered. I feel my face fall.

"Oh. You don't want to shower together."

"Fuck's sake, Cas!" he huffs. "I do, I mean I'd be fine with that, I just wasn't suggesting it right then. OK?"

I consider that, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "I see."

He's silent for a moment before sighing loudly. "What?"

I peer up at him nervously. "So you definitely don't want to shower together… right now?"

He shuts his eyes in apparent disbelief. "Jesus, Cas, it's too early for your version of communication skills. If you wanna friggin' shower together, say so."

I frown again but reply evenly. "I want to shower together."

Dean opens his eyes very quickly. "Wait, really?"

"Yes."

"Oh." A pleased grin spreads across his face. "Awesome."

I nod and Dean just stands there beaming for several seconds before he hurries into action, grabbing his towel and tugging me towards the door. He's excited and enthusiastic and I trip after him, amused as we march to the bathroom. But once we're in there and he's closed the door behind us, Dean seems to falter. A flush rises on his cheeks when he glances into my eyes.

"Well," he ventures awkwardly, dropping my hand to instead palm at the nape of his neck. "I guess we should… I mean, if we're gonna…"

I realise that he's trying to suggest that we undress. My own skin warms as I consider that to shower, all of our clothes will have to come off. Dean and I haven't quite done that before. Not full nudity. It suddenly seems odd that we've touched each other intimately and brought each other pleasure, but have still never been naked together. I smirk at Dean's sudden shyness, the way he's avoiding my gaze and fiddling nervously with the hem of his shirt. I might be human but I wasn't raised in human society, so I have very little anxiety about nudity. Dean's hesitance is sweet but seems silly to me. I let a long pause develop before I respond to him, amused by his flustered demeanour, and my smile shows in my voice.

"You first."