Note: bleh i don't have a name for this chapter. Also sorry for the rare updates! It's just I've started school again irl and it's terrible and every time I get home i just sleep for a few hours then do homework and by then it's too late to go onto my laptop and start writing. also i'm just a lazy updater in general. But thanks for the reviews and if anyone is still interested in this story here's an update! This story is also on wattpad, if you have a wattpad I would appreciate votes on it but you don't have to seeing as I don't deserve votes for being so lazy xD Anyways, enjoy!

At night, it's always so quiet. Once the buzz of the dorm room has died down, everything goes eerily silent, the silence pausing only for the creaks of bed springs as people turn over and the soft snoring of various people in the room. We don't have many loud sleepers in this specific dorm, but I've heard of other dorms where people can't sleep because of distractions from snoring and sleep-talking. Sometimes girls murmur things in their sleep here, and sometimes they wake up screaming and have to go to the bathroom and calm down before coming back. Nobody ever mentions it the day after. I guess it's their way of giving that person their space. I mean, I'd want the same thing. But I rarely wake up screaming, or talk in my sleep. I just lie there, frozen to the core, and I wake up with sweat running down my forehead and legs and arms, and my eyes wide and some sort of falling sensation in my stomach.

Tonight, nobody says a word. Nobody wakes up in hysterics. Nobody even snores lightly. It's one of the quietest nights I've had in this goddamn place, and I can't get to sleep at all. I don't want to repeat the nightmares. My eyelids grow heavy but I force them to stay open, and for a moment I'm so fixated on keeping my eyes open and not falling asleep that when the girl in the bed next to mine lets out a soft snore, I nearly have a heart attack. I roll over and land on the floor, my blanket cushioning my fall. I try to get up, but my legs are so tired, so I fall limp and defeated. My arm stretches across onto the cold wooden floorboards, and I narrow my eyes. I'm so sleepy, but I can't fall asleep here. In the morning I'll just be laughed at. I force myself back up onto my feet and clamber back onto my bed, and it creaks, making me cringe. I flop down on it and rest my head on the pillow. It's not a comfortable bed. They can't possibly afford to buy thousands of good quality beds for people that have no worth for them. These are horrible, rock hard beds, with the lowest quality of pillows and just a thin blanket to cover ourselves. We can get thicker ones in the winter or in cold weather, but even so people fall ill because they haven't been warm enough.

Our lives have no meaning to them, but if a large number of us died, they'd start trying to help. Nobody wants to sacrifice themselves, though. Since Ainsley disappeared, there have been a few escape attempts by idiots who think that she successfully escaped and that escape will be easier now; they were all caught. Needless to say, they'll never be leaving the large fences that surround the institution now. It's a scary thought, that if you step within five metres of that fence there will be guns aimed right at your head, and if you don't show any signs of retreating, the guards won't hesitate to pull the trigger and end your life.

Then again, what more could we expect from the authorities here? They're cruel, heartless beings. Just like this world, they show no mercy.

It takes a while before I realise I'm wide awake. The thought of what could happen to me at any moment has struck me again and now I know I won't be falling asleep tonight. So I curl up into a ball, hugging my blanket close to my chest. I wonder how these girls around me can sleep so well when we're in such an awful place - maybe they try thinking soothful thoughts to calm them to sleep, or maybe they're strong enough not to care. I wish I could be strong like that. I seem to care too much, even if my initial appearance displays me as some kind of heartless girl, with dull, emotionless eyes who doesn't seem to give a fuck about anyone. I'm not like that really. I see people getting whipped, beaten, tortured, killed, punished for things they have no control over, and I feel a pang in my heart. I'm used to seeing blood and the painful looks on people's faces when they're beaten, and the final look in their eyes before their life disappears in mere milliseconds. But still, every time it happens, it haunts me forever. I can remember all the faces.

Every. Single. One.

I stare up at the ceiling. How many nights has this happened? I have nothing else to think about, nothing to keep me occupied, so my mind trails off to places I don't want it to. It's horrible. I wish this would be the kind of thing I could talk to Tino and Berwald about, but it's not. I don't know where to start. Every time I feel the urge to talk to someone I remember no one's there, and it hurts like hell. I know they would listen, and they'd comfort me and Tino would get that look of concern in his eyes and Berwald would place his hand on my shoulder so I could lean into his chest and cry, but I don't want to bother them. I don't want them to worry about me after I've caused so many problems for them already. With my plan, if the authorities found out they were involved, they'd be executed alongside me. I'd have to watch everyone who ever took part in it die before the very people I'd have made my enemies placed a gun to the back of my head and shot. Or maybe swung an axe at my neck like they did to my family. But then, wouldn't I be able to see my family? Both my Norwegian ascendants and my Canadian guardians.

I would love to see them again, but I don't want to drag anyone down with me. So that means I have to survive.

A few hours pass of just these thoughts, and it's almost too much to bear, but then I can hear footsteps coming up the stairs and I quickly close my eyes, then the door slams open and there's a woman's voice yelling at us to wake up, wake up, you lazy girls and then my eyes open, and I pretend I'm sleepy as I sit up and rub my sleep-deprived eyes. Her hand smacks the back of my head as she does to all the girls who look like they're still half-asleep. It's her way of waking us up. She is a large lady, with an apron and a cap, and dull brown eyes with her brown hair pulled into the tightest bun I've ever seen. Taking that out at the end of the day must hurt like hell. I rub the back of my head and stand up, stretching. I was in that same position all night, curled up in a ball, and my legs feel numb. When I'm done stretching, I feel a little bit taller. I realise I've grown, not just because I just stretched but because I've been growing quite a lot now. I went from 165 cm to about 169 cm in the last few months. We do monthly check-ups on height and weight so they know we're in order. If we get too heavy they force us to do exercise and cut down on our food until we're in the ideal weight area again. I've always been skinny, so I've never faced that punishment. I know a few girls who have.

I get dressed into the usual everyday clothes, and then head down for breakfast. It's one of the few times where I can see Tino and Berwald, so I don't mind the food much anymore. They're the best friends I've made here, no matter what that Romanian idiot says. They're not at the table first today, so I sit down in my usual spot and they arrive a few minutes later, sitting opposite me as usual. We chat idly for a few moments, then go to collect our food and sit back down.

"El- I mean...Lukas. I'm worried. Your plan needs to go into action soon, but...how do you plan on doing it?" Tino asks.

Of course he's worried. I sigh. "I don't...I don't really know myself, really. I guess I'll need some male clothing, but where can I get it?"

"Hey, you can borrow some of my clothes. We're nearly the same height now, so you must be about my size. Berwald here is really smart, he could probably get some sort of fake identification that the guards won't figure out. Trust me, I know the guards there, they're extremely lazy. And-" He paused and waited for a guard to pass by us, and changed the subject to make our conversation sound innocent. The guard soon passed, and he started up again. "If you make sure to blend in, you'll be fine. If you slip up, we'll try and help you out of the situation. I think you might have to go a little shorter with the hair, so do that the night before we leave. It should go fine."

I stare in wonder at him. He somehow remained calm and talked through everything - I admire that. It's a terrible situation that I've gotten him into, but somehow he's managed to look on the positive side. "Thank you, Tino." I nod at Berwald. "Berwald." He nods in return and Tino smiles and laughs nervously.

"I don't know if my idea will work, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I mean, what could go wrong? Other than the fact that we could be executed."

We sit in silence for a few seconds, then Tino laughs and I join in, and even Berwald smiles a little. I've never been able to laugh like this before, and it attracts some weird glances from other tables. A guard stares at us and I think he wants us to be quiet, so we stop laughing and just smile at each other. "Thank you for helping me, you two. I hope you enjoy your day." I've never been so genuinely kind to other people before, since I was a kid and I was happy. Last night's worries seem all but a distant dream now. Today is a day of firsts, and for the first time I've laughed with a group of people, and I've smiled, and thanked people. It's triple the amazement.

I head back to the dorm to gather my sewing equipment for the first class - sewing lessons. But for some reason today I don't feel dread for the lesson, and I actually attend it rather cheerful. Even though I'm planning something that's almost certain to get me killed, I'm happy for now. And I'm going to embrace it. I sew well in the lesson, and the teacher compliments me, as I don't usually do too well. I don't excel in domestic things such as cooking, cleaning and sewing, I don't know a thing about how to take care of children or how to cook a two-course meal, and that's how I know the servant life isn't for me.

I was born a soldier. And now, I'm going to be one.

I hope you enjoyed! A very special character will be introduced in the next chapter~ 3