Well, you said every problem.
Sequel-ish to 'i will wear a white dress'.
Prompt: "Can you do Kol and Caroline's wedding with every problem you can ever think of happening in it? (like dresses are ruined, there's no cake, rings are missing, Tyler stops the wedding etc) but in the end they get married." –StefQ
"Murphy's fucking law!" Caroline shouted as Kol made the black truck they were in swerve and knock down two zombies to the ground.
"Who the fuck is Murphy?" Kol demanded as he accelerated to get away from the coming tornado, driving in a zig-zag pattern to avoid the rain of fire. "Someone I should know about?"
Caroline rolled her eyes. "It's an epigram, you possessive idiot! 'Anything that can go wrong will go wrong'. And look, everything has gone wrong!"
"All of this happening on our wedding day isn't something simply going wrong, Caroline!" Kol told her. "This is the bleeding apocalypse!"
Kol swerved the car as the ground shook and narrowly missed plunging the truck into the newly-made ravine. Murphy's fucking law indeed.
The day had started badly from the start. Kol had slept in because of the extravagant Bachelor's Party Jeremy had for him the night before and there had been a car pile-up accident earlier on the road that made getting to the church nearly impossible making the groom's entourage have to run to the church, tuxes and all.
Caroline was already there when they arrived, trying to strangle Katherine who 'accidentally' spilled red wine on her wedding dress. Kol had somehow managed to persuade Caroline to continue the ceremony with Bonnie getting the stain out with a convenient spell.
Then Nik and Tyler had stood up to protest before a very pregnant Hayley along with her hybrid army arrived to bring her baby daddy home because he owed her child support. The vampires in the church misconstrued it as an act of aggression and the church quickly became a bloody war zone.
Caroline and Kol managed to sneak out with the priest to finish saying their vows when they realized the rings were still with Caroline's eight year old cousin Calvin who was still inside the church, probably being eaten by then. Kol made a quick trip and snatched the rings from Calvin's bloody fingers. And just after the priest pronounced them man and wife did Agamemnon start.
Hale fell from the sky immediately cancelling the reception at the garden outside as the ice pounded the cake and everything else to bits. Zombies rose from the ground trying to eat everyone in their wake. A giant lizard-like monster dropped down from a spaceship and smashed any near buildings. A tsunami greeted people at the beach. Then the tornado and rain of fire made a debut.
"Why is this happening to us?" Caroline cried out. "Why did everything go to hell because I married you?"
Kol let out an exasperated sigh. "All this didn't happen because we got married, Caroline."
"Are you sure?" Caroline looked at him wildly. "Cause it seems like someone doesn't approve of our union!"
"Don't tell me we're already fighting, it's only been an hour!" Kol whined. "We didn't even get to have our honeymoon!"
"Well, how about hell?" Caroline snapped. "I'm sure it's cold now considering epigrams are on the rage today!"
And just as she said that a swarm of flying mutant pigs passed by, making Caroline scowl more deeply. "I want a divorce!"