Double Trouble

A/N: I felt like posting early. Enjoy :). Thanks for the support and encouraging reviews, I appreciate it!

Chapter 9 'Regret'

Emma and Regina took Em to the family medical practice where the waiting room was rather packed. They did get a lot of curious stares. Seeing the former Mayor and the Sheriff together was weird enough not to mention the Sheriff's apparent identical twin trailing behind them.

Emma flashed her badge at the receptionist and requested/demanded the next available appointment and then she and Regina went to find chairs as far as possible from anyone else.

Em wandered over to the toys with no interest at first but once she saw she had a full waiting room as an audience she put on a show of exaggerated childishness and sat in one of the tiny plastic kiddie chairs to flick through a picture book.

"I see your maturity has maintained a steady level for ten years," said Regina to the woman at her side.

"I know you are but what am I," said Emma, to cover her annoyance at the jibe.

"What does that mean?" said Regina with a blank face.

Emma huffed, realising that Regina genuinely hadn't heard that childish expression before. "Never mind."

After a while, Emma decided to use the fact that Regina was trapped 'alone' with her to her advantage. With everything that had happened since the curse broke she hadn't had much opportunity to call Regina out for what she'd done and all the dodgy shit she'd pulled against her last year. It was still somewhat unbelievable to reconcile the power-tripping Mayor she'd known with the deadly Evil Queen from the story. She'd known one and everybody else had known the other. Was she right about knowing who Regina really was?

"So. Are you sorry you cast the curse?" Emma asked casually, as if talking about the weather instead of realm-destroying dark magic.

"No."

Emma couldn't hide her surprise. "That's it? Just 'no'... not 'sorry for ruining your life, Emma' or 'sorry for ruining everyone's happiness'? I can tell you're not lying, but what I want to know is why."

"If I hadn't cast the curse and you hadn't gone through the wardrobe then we wouldn't have Henry now. I can't regret him and he's tied to the rest of it. If it weren't for your escape you'd still be less than one day old. It was your birthday for 28 years in Storybrooke until you showed up and time caught up again. I've had enough of living that day."

"You're not sorry the curse is broken then?" said Emma, narrowing her eyes.

"You turning up was the most interesting thing that ever happened here," said Regina wryly. "Otherwise, I'd have just killed you a long time ago."

"Well, thanks for holding back on that I guess... for a while anyway. But I'm seriously never eating anything you make ever again."

Regina said quietly, "You should know that I was coming for you. I separated your family but I wasn't going to leave you alone here."

Emma looked at her suspiciously. "And what were you intending to do with baby me?"

Regina shrugged. "You'd have made a nice doorstop."

Emma gave her a sarcastic face and crossed her arms in annoyance, preferring to wait in silence after that.

Em got bored and wandered over to sit with them, impatiently swinging her knees side-to-side. It wasn't long before Em was called to go in but her usual brave face faltered and she looked at Emma and Regina.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" offered Regina.

Em shook her head at her and then looked hesitantly at her older self. "Emma?"

Emma wasn't as surprised as you'd think that Em had requested her to accompany her into the doctor's examination. After all, each of them knew what they'd had been through. Em was embarrassed enough without having to explain everything in front of someone she liked and was attracted to.

Emma got up to follow Em, but before she went she grabbed a magazine off the table and plopped it on Regina's lap. "Here. Lots of clothes in this one."

Mary Margaret and David had finally calmed down enough after their fight to notice Ri's absence. When she realised, Mary Margaret felt a cold dread trickle through her and she started muttering under her breath remonstrating herself and David for their carelessness.

"I didn't notice she left," admitted David with chagrin.

"You know what?" Mary Margaret said suddenly. "We would've been terrible parents, we can't even keep an eye on two teenagers let alone-"

"They're not toddlers who are gonna walk off a cliff or poke knives in power points-"

"David, how could we let this happen? We lost Ri as well! Emma is going to snap when she gets home."

"Yes, probably." David sighed. "Look, we'll find her. She's not street-wise like Em, she probably hasn't gone far."

David was right. The last time she'd ran off Ri had gotten two feet from the one place she knew... this time she'd made it three feet. She was sitting on the edge of the kerb with a large book laid open across her lap.

Mary Margaret recognised it immediately as the book of fairytales she'd given to Henry more than a year ago and she was tempted to snatch it out of the girl's hands before any more damage could be done.

"Ri, honey, w-what are you reading? That's probably a bit young for you, do you want something else?" Mary Margaret nudged her husband in the ribs.

"Uh yeah," said David uneasily. "Pinnochio's not even a very good fairytale... It's the um boringest one."

"That's not a word," said Ri quietly.

Ri swivelled her upper body around and her face was wet with tears. She looked utterly devastated. She held up the book so they could see an illustration of the Evil Queen casting the dark curse.

"It fell open at this page. I thought the picture might be my mother doing magic, they say I look just like she did when she was my age... But it's not, is it?"

Ri took in a shaky breath and sniffled wetly. "She's me and this is my story."

Mary Margaret and David realised there was no point denying it and trying to tell her that it wasn't real, that they were just stories. She was a smart girl, though naive, and she would make the connections easily - she could hardly have missed noticing that everyone including her older self was living in Storybrooke instead of the Enchanted Forest... and now she knew that it was her own doing. She knew the truth, at least partially, of what she would grow up to become.

"It's me, isn't it!" Ri cried desperately.

"Yes, it is Regina's story," said Mary Margaret softly.

"Why would I do this? I hate magic. It makes me feel awful."

Ri swiped at the tears now falling fast down her cheeks and her chest started to heave with tiny sobs.

"Is this why everyone hates me?"

"No-one hates you Ri-" started David.

"Yes you do," wailed Ri. "Don't lie! I can see that you hate Regina. Even Emma hates her. I guess Mother is right, no-one will ever love me as much as she does."

Mary Margaret gave her a gentle sympathetic look. "Your mother didn't treat you very well, Ri. She hurt you. She never let you be yourself-"

Ri frowned crossly. "And who is it that I am? I don't even know so how would anybody else. Everyone ignores me all the time... Why didn't anyone try to help me? Didn't I try to find another way? Why?"

"You must've felt like you had to do it." David suggested, trying not to be so harsh as to say what he'd really thought of Regina's actions.

"But there's always a choice isn't there?" said Ri despondently, with only the appearance of hope. "Can't I choose to be good again? Would you believe me if I said I'd try?"

"I'm so sorry, Ri." Mary Margaret was near tears herself. She was only glad that Ri hadn't seemed to connect her with being Snow White... this was bad enough.

"My mother and father always tell me to be good and I try really hard but it's never enough. I still get in trouble and Mother just gives me that heartless look and tells me to grow up. What can I do? I don't even know what to do anymore."

After the doctor's appointment, Emma and Regina stopped by the pharmacy on the way back so they could fill the prescription for Em's antibiotics. Em was a real pain in the ass though, she followed them down the aisles picking up random products and tossing them into the basket Emma held. Emma rolled her eyes and put each unwanted item back on the shelf as they went, trying not to give her younger self the satisfaction of seeing how annoying she was.

Em grabbed a bottle of vitamins out of Emma's basket and looked at the unfamiliar name. "Folate. Iron. What'sat for?"

Emma tightened her jaw and grabbed the bottle back. "You're malnourished. It's for building healthy cells."... of a baby, she finished in her head.

Em shrugged, happy with that explanation, but it was Regina who sent a sharp questioning look at Emma.

Emma couldn't elaborate with Em in earshot though. She intended to ensure that if Em went back to the past then she would be healthy enough to fall pregnant. She considered it a small amount of messing with the past - surely Em being healthier wouldn't affect Henry's existence adversely? Em was definitely underweight, in fact, she was even thinner than Emma remembered herself being at that age and unhealthy enough to make her astonished now that she'd fallen pregnant in the first place. She was sure that Regina hadn't missed noticing that either.

They headed to the line at the counter to pay.

"Em! Put it in the basket," chastised Emma, finally losing patience with her younger self.

Em shrugged defensively. "What?! You put the stuff back didn't you."

"I mean whatever you've got stuffed in your jacket. Give it here so I can pay for it. How do you think this looks, I'm the Sheriff for god's sake."

"Since when do I care what people think," Em grumbled and handed over a bunch of lollipops and candy bars and a roll of bandages.

Regina frowned at the thin-width bandages. "What do you want that for? That won't be any good for your back."

"Oh god." Emma groaned, and threw the roll away under the shelves angrily. "You don't want to know. Let's go. Now."

Mary Margaret and David were sitting at the dining table feeling rather useless. They'd tried to talk to Ri and explain things and help her understand but eventually she just closed her eyes and stopped them with a weary hand. So they'd brought her back upstairs and now she was just sitting on the couch depressed, thinking to herself.

Ri was going over and over it in her mind. She couldn't figure it out. She couldn't process the enormity of it all and it was overwhelming her to think about how many people Regina had hurt and how much damage she'd caused in the name of vengeance. She couldn't even imagine herself doing these things. She knew that it must be true, though she still hovered somewhere between denial and acceptance of the horrifying truth.

Was she evil already? Was it already in her? She hadn't done the deeds yet but maybe she was born ready for them. Ready to be molded and shaped into the monster that she would one day become. Could she stop it or was it inevitable? Wasn't there always a choice?

People died and it was Regina's fault. Or was it? The story didn't say for sure. Had she been coerced onto the path, forced deeper and deeper, pulled in by the rip tide of magic like she was caught in the undertow? If that wasn't it then she must have let it happen. The claws of magic had become stuck in her skin, they'd pulled her under the surface and every time she rose up for air she was sucked below again. She'd been drowning in grief and this had seemed like the only option for the rest of her life?

It must be why Regina is the way she is. And then Ri realised, yes of course that's why. Her older self had even hinted at it during the lunchtime conversation.

No wonder they are so cold to Regina, she has hurt them badly, Ri thought. This must be what stops Emma from being with her... maybe?

I become someone who is not to be trusted. Like a snake lying in wait to hurt others. I cannot be loved because it is too dangerous. They are right to hate me. I'd hate myself. I deserve no-one. If Em found out she would turn away in disgust -

"Hey, Ri," said Henry, cracking her thoughts like an eggshell. He gave her his cute little lopsided smile and plopped onto the couch next to her.

"Hi Henry," she said softly.

Henry leaned his head against the couch to look at her. "You look sad, Ri."

"It's nothing."

"You look just like her."

"My mother," said Ri in a dull voice.

"No," said Henry. "Yourself. The grownup one. You look just like her right now."

But that just made Ri feel worse. She held back a sob and the tears that threatened to burst out of her chest. She was sick of crying, she'd cried so much already.

"When I was little and I cried my Mom would always give me a hug."

Henry placed his little arms around Ri and pulled her into a hug. Ri wanted to send the child away from her as though he'd be ruined by her touch, but it was too hard and she held fast on to his narrow bony shoulders like he was a lifebelt holding her afloat.

"You're a sweet boy, Henry. Emma is lucky to have you, your mother must love you so much."

"She does," agreed Henry.

Later that evening when the others got home Em went straight to Ri with a huge smile and held her. Ri's arms wrapped around Em's back a little tightly but the pain didn't even register when weighed up against the comfort of holding her girlfriend again. Even though they were far from alone in the apartment the world felt like it contained only themselves for those moments.

"I missed you, princess!" said Em.

Ri smiled weakly. "It's only been a few hours, Em."

"Hours. Weeks. Years. It's all the same when I'm not with you," said Em sweetly.

Ri shied a little under the kind treatment. "I missed you too, Em. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't see you for years. I hope I don't have to find out. For everyone's sakes."

Em looked at Ri in concern. "Ri? Did something happen?"

"Not yet."

"Huh? Ri, you look kinda down. Is something wrong?"

Ri shook her head and hid from her eyes. "Just - hold me? Don't leave me, please?"

Em wrapped her arms around her again. She wasn't sure where this sudden clinginess had come from but she was eager to do whatever it took to bring the light back to Ri's face. She was sorry now that she'd left her alone. Something was clearly bothering her and though she never specifically asked for help she was gonna get it, Em decided.

"Nothing could ever make me want to leave you, Ri."

Em's words were comforting but for the rest of their time in Storybrooke the light in Ri's eyes would always be a little dimmed.