Okay, not my best work but I'm tired and I had writers block so give me a break! ;) Thanks Kuhane for this title. This continues from INGTYBHTDWY (I'm sorry about that long name, by the way!) I also had no idea what to call Sam's boyfriend so I made up random nicknames for him... Here we gooo! Oh and people who are reviewing saying 'would be better if it was more intimate', you know I would but im only 13 so I don't think I can write stuff like that, so I'm sorry!

~Charlotte~

Day 21 of 100 Days of Seddie Challenge: Ham

My plan was about to take place: I was going to march on over to Sam's boyfriend – is it weird that I don't even know his name? – and ask him as many questions about Sam that I could, if he knew a lot about her then I would accept that he was right for her, but when I find out he knows nothing about her, I was going to talk to Sam about her decision. If she still wanted to be with him after I clear her mind, I would accept that – I only wanted what was right for Sam.

Operation Quick Fire Questions was about to commence in five, four, three, two...

I saw Mr Tall, Brown and Stupid in the school hallway by my locker and I marched right up him.

"Hey," I said to him, looking him up and down. He wasn't that bad, but Sam could do better. He didn't seem like her type of guy; he wasn't dangerous, he wasn't heavily tattooed, he'd probably never gotten arrested and he definitely didn't seem like someone she would normally choose. I know that I was none of those things but I had been her best friend for years and you get used to people that you've known for so long. What was worse is that he was wearing a leather jacket, and I know that Sam didn't like stripes or leather jackets on guys.

"Hey. It's Frankie, right?" Leather Jacket Guy said.

"Freddie," I corrected him. "So I heard that you've been going out with Sam for, what, a day?"

"It's been two weeks," he said to me.

"Right," I said, blowing off the thirteen day difference with the two words. "You know, Sam's one of my best friends," I said matter-of-factly to him.

"Oh right, I know that Sam has mentioned you a few times. It seems like you guys were pretty close," he said, nodding.

"Yeah," I said, nodding too. "And because Sam is a really close friend of mine I wanted to ask you: how much do you actually know about Sam?"

"Urm...some things, I guess," he said.

"What if I asked you some questions about Sam?" I asked him. I wasn't really sure of a better way towards my quick fire round, so I just went with the straight forward.

"Whatever lights your fire," he said. Whatever lights my fire? I didn't even know what to say about that.

"Okay so... What's Sam's favourite colour?" I asked him. This one was so easy.

"Fuchsia," he said. Fuchsia? Sam didn't even know what colour fuchsia is let alone like it! Her favourite colour was so clearly brown!

"Wrong," I said.

"What?"

"That's not right, her favourite colour is brown because it's the colour of gravy," I said to him.

Before he had a chance to retort I fired off another question. "What is her main item on iCarly?" Anyone that knew Sam and watched iCarly could easily know that Sam had her remote that I made for her.

"Her main item on iCarly...Wait, what's iCarly?"

I stared at him with wide eyes. I couldn't believe what he was saying, what was Sam telling him?

"The webshow that she does with me and Carly every week on the internet..." I said slowly as if I was talking to someone foreign who had no idea what I was saying. Or it was like talking to a brick wall.

"A webshow?" he asked me.

"Oh my god, never mind! Next question! What's Sam's favourite food?" If he couldn't answer this one right then I was going to give up on asking him questions and talk to Sam.

"H..." he said. Just when I thought he was going to say 'ham' he said, "Haddock, you know, the fish."

I could have punched him.

"Is that it? Have I passed the test?" Sir Knows A Lot asked me.

I laughed, "No."

I walked away from him on my search to find Sam. I found her outside behind the school, eating food, and I walked up to her.

"Hey Sam, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Oh, hey Freddie. What about?" She looked generally pleased to see me. Weird.

"It's about your boyfriend. I was just speaking to him and he knows nothing about you, he thinks your favourite colour is fuchsia, he has no idea what iCarly is and he doesn't even know that your favourite food is ham!"

She sighed. "He's not a good listener, he's never listened to a single thing I've said, so ten minutes ago I said I was going to the bathroom and then I came here to get away from him. And stole this ham sandwich from that hobo that hangs around outside the school."

"If he doesn't listen to you, then why are you dating him? And he doesn't even seem like your type," I said.

"You really wanna know?" she asked me.

"Yeah, tell me," I said softly.

"It was to make you jealous," she sighed. "I thought that maybe if I went out with some guy that was like you—" I gave her a look that said 'he is no way like me', "—Okay, a guy that reminded me of you by you both not being dangerous, and I went out with him to make you jealous."

"Since we broke up that day in the elevator the only thing that I have wanted in life was to get you back and I wasn't sure that you would ever want me back," I admitted to her.

"When I said that I loved you, did you realise that I actually meant it?" she said looking me in the eye.

"I wasn't so sure when you started to date some guy that I swear no one knows," I said.

"Well, you know now," she said hitting my arm lightly.

"Yeah," I said. I smiled and she smiled in return.

I held out my hand for her to take and she took hold of it.

"Let's go get you some fresh ham," I said to her.

"You know how to treat mama," she said.

I don't like that last line, but what's done is done! Review!