Delia woke following a peaceful couple of hours cradling Patsy in her arms. With a glance over at the clock she saw it was near time for breakfast. The ever present fear of being found by Trixie or another member of the Nonnatus family became the main point of focus for her at that point as she heard footsteps going about their business on the landing. Slowly peeling herself from Patsy, Delia sat up and stretched. Placing a small kiss on, the still sleeping soundly, Patsy's forehead she left the room to dress and get ready for the day.
Following a quick shower and a quick change into a comfortable dress, not the one chosen specifically for the cinema, Delia popped her head into Patsy's room to find her love still sleeping in the position she had been left in. Closing the door gently, Delia made her way downstairs for breakfast. She had been shaken to hear the raw fear in Patsy's mumbled terror last night, Delia knew that she must have been thinking of the internment camp. She couldn't think why it would be affecting her so much though, the anniversaries of her mother and sister's deaths were not for another few months, and Patsy never got particularly emotional when the liberation date of the camp swung round each year; preferring to forget rather than remember.
Reaching the kitchen, Delia found that the place was deserted due to her later than usual rise. Feeling brave in light of Valentine's Day, Delia grabbed a tray and plates and set about sorting her and Patsy's breakfast, complete with freshly brewed tea and coffee. Ducking outside Delia 'borrowed' a few of the small flowers that Fred had been growing, managing to get back inside before being spotted by Sister Monica Joan who was enjoying the warmth coming from the morning sun. Placing the flowers in a small vase, Delia finished the preparations and headed back upstairs.
Entering Patsy's room proved difficult with her arms laden with the tray, but once hidden inside she placed it down on Trixie's bed before kneeling at Patsy's head. Delia smiled at her peaceful features; it had been so long since she had seen her look so contented, it was almost a shame to waken her up. Leaning forward, Delia placed a small kiss on Patsy's nose with her hand reaching to brush the redheads fringe from her eyes. It took a few more pecks before Patsy began to stir, at the first sign of movement, Delia pulled Patsy in for a kiss on the lips, tender and loving as she brought her into the day.
"Hello Pats," Delia smiled, pulling back from their moment of bliss, meeting the sleepy eyes that captured her attention so easily. It was as though Delia was plunged into a deep blue ocean every time she looked into them. She found herself as enraptured as she had been the first time she had seen them.
A disorientated Patsy took a few moments to adjust to the unusual, but not unwelcome, awakening. "Hello Delia," a yawn interrupted her words, "what do I owe for such a beautiful alarm clock?" Patsy gave a lopsided smile as Delia leant back in and kissed her once more.
"I have brought you breakfast sleepy head," Delia said as she gestured to the tray behind her, "I guessed you would not want to waste anymore time of your day off sleeping in bed."
Passing the tray over to Patsy, Delia smiled at the happiness she could feel exuding from her partner at that moment. It was as though they were managing to live the life they had hoped for before the accident. Wakening up together, having breakfast together, being able to be themselves without the fear of discovery. Delia had never been more thankful for Trixie being on shift as she had at that moment.
As Delia perched on Trixie's bed to eat her toast, Patsy grinned at the small bunch of flowers on the tray. She felt they would be a brilliant addition to the pressed flowers she already had in the box beneath her bed. With both girls tucking into breakfast, the silence was comfortable, broken only by the slurps of beverage and the crunch of toast.
"You didn't have to do this Delia," Patsy sighed.
"Yes I did, because I love you, and its Valentine's Day, and we're going to see La Dolche Vita later on all because of your efforts a few days ago. The least I could do was make some toast."
"Thank you Deels, it is very much appreciated," Patsy said amongst mouthfuls, "and about last night…" she began.
"Before you say anymore cariad, I don't need to know if you don't want to tell me. I'm just happy that I could help you." Delia smiled and placed a hand over Patsy's.
Patsy stroked her hand, "thank you my dear, I just cannot bring myself to find the correct words to describe anything I felt. Though I do remember feeling very comfortable sleeping in your arms, you make me feel safe."
"The feeling is mutual Patsy."
The conversation paused for a few moments as Delia gathered the dishes in. Patsy sat up in bed and caught her lips as she leant over to gather up the tray. A soft moan left Delia's mouth.
"I'm going to go for a shower now Delia, you can wait for me in here if you would like." Patsy did not look at her other half as she said this, afraid of rejection.
"I would like to, yes, Patsy. Just let me go and tidy the dishes and I'll come back up and wait for you."
Patsy grabbed her robe and her towel and made her way to the bathroom casting a smile at Delia as they went their separate ways in the corridor. Stepping into the bathroom and locking the door, Patsy let out a breath she did not realise she had been holding. Delia had to see her for who she was, before they could continue this day. Otherwise Patsy felt as though she would be a fraud to allow any progression in their relations this evening.
Stepping into the shower and feeling the warm water heat her body eased the tension that had built through thinking about what she was about to do. Towelling off, Patsy heard her bedroom door shut, indicating that Delia had returned from the kitchen. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Patsy took a deep breath in and out, braved herself with a steely gaze, put on her robe and turned to leave the sanctity of the bathroom.
Upon re-entering her bedroom, Patsy found Delia on her bed glancing at the photos pinned above the headboard, but her attention snapped to Patsy as soon as the door shut over and she was left with the barely clothed figure stood in front of her.
"Delia. I ask you not to interrupt me over the next few minutes, otherwise I fear I might not manage to get through this." Patsy paused and smiled tentatively at the nod she received from the slightly shocked Delia in front of her in response to the statement. Taking a deep breath, Patsy continued, "I love and trust you more than anyone else in this world. I had been alone for so long when I found you, but as per your beautiful words last night, I know that I will never be alone again. It is because of this that I want to be fully honest with you, not that I have ever lied to you about anything. I have, until this point, just found it easier to compartmentalize parts of my life. I now want to tell you the only part that you do not know about me, otherwise I fear it may scare you away from me if I leave it unexplained."
Delia looked ready to voice her disagreement, but Patsy shook her head, "Delia, please." Delia halted her unvoiced protests, Patsy took another deep breath.
"You are the person who knows most about my time in the Japanese internment camp during the war. I am afraid I have not told you the full story so as not to worry you, but I feel I can no longer hide it. I helped in the hospital tent, I saw death and destruction all around. If only that had been the end of my hell, I would have been honest a lot sooner," the bitterness in Patsy's voice was something that Delia had not heard before. She wanted to console her and hold her close, but she heeded Patsy's wish and remained quiet to allow her to continue.
"The guards did not take well to the young red-headed English girl helping around the camp. They thought that I would ignite a spark of hope amongst the inmates," a clouded, dark expression had descended across Patsy's face, "and they could not have that."
"I was a regular victim of beatings. The cane was a particularly favourite weapon of theirs, sometimes a whip depending on the infraction I had 'conducted'. After a while they used cigarettes, as seeing me writhe beneath them brought them pleasure." Patsy's voice broke and Delia pulled her down to sit next to her, holding her tightly, attempting to stop the tears threatening her own vision from rushing down her face. Patsy continued in the dead voice that sounded so far from her usual chipper self, "I wanted to die, Delia, I wanted to die, but instead I watched my mother and sister pass away before my eyes. Emotions were not allowed, so I had to push them down. I didn't want to be hurt anymore."
"That was what I was reliving last night. The dreams are not as prevalent as they once were, but they do come in times of stress or high emotions. I am sorry that you had to witness it, however, I can assure you that what you saw was tame in comparison to the nightmares at the start. The screaming used to wake all that were unlucky enough to be sleeping in the vicinity near to me."
Staring directly ahead, Patsy finished, "I got out of that camp and vowed to never allow such suffering. To never allow anyone the pain I had been dealt. When I saw you after the accident I believed I had failed in my own vow. I swore that if you ever returned to me, I would tell you everything. That is what I am doing now. I need to bare my soul, emotionally, and my body, physically, to you. I am so afraid that you will not want me; that you will be repulsed."
Patsy let out a great, strangled sob and Delia held her close, murmuring sweet words in her ear, switching between English and Welsh until she had calmed and looked at her.
"Can I show you?" Patsy whispered.
"Yes my beautiful angel. You can." Delia's words came out quietly, in fear of releasing her own emotions along with them.
Patsy stood from Delia's embrace and faced away from her, afraid to see the disgust in her eyes. She pulled the cord from around her waist, she let the robe fall from her shoulders, exposing the expanse of her back, leaving Patsy standing in only a pair of knickers. There was no deep inhalation of breath from Delia, no loud remark of horror. Patsy stood, eyes clenched shut, breathing deeply, counting numbers as she so often did to try and keep calm.
The bed creaked as Delia stood and walked closer to Patsy. The scars that interlocked across her back did not require close inspection, they were very visible from the distance where she had been, but Delia wanted to be close to Patsy at that moment. To provide comfort in their building body heat across the small gap. The markings, though now well faded, stood raised against the pale skin of her lovers back. The extent of the torture was plain to see and Delia found herself lost for words. In between the long slashing lines, there were the circular dots where the cigarettes had left their mark. Swallowing hard, Delia tried to compose herself.
Patsy stood unable to bare the tension. Continuing to count, she began to think of an apology, and explanation, anything that might be able to save her relationship from the horror of her disfigurement. Her breath hitched, however, when she felt cold lips placed at the base of her neck at the top of her spine. Small hands traced the lines that expanded across her back, rippling over the muscles that they encased. The hands continued down to her hips, and Patsy felt herself being turned around.
"I love you." Three simple words, spoken many times, though losing no meaning at all. Delia surged up and caught Patsy's mouth with her own. She tried to put as much comfort into that kiss as she could. Tried to voice unspoken words of sorrow, heartache, compassion and support. Pulling back as she tasted the salt of tears intermingled in their kiss, Delia's eyes once again found Patsy's pools of blue.
"I love you too Delia." Patsy sobbed. Delia's eyes roamed the front of her beauty's body, acknowledging the scars that wrapped around from her back. The small circles that were also present here were almost totally faded into the skin on her stomach. Delia's eyes raised up and she found herself staring at the set of breasts that she had yearned to see for so long. The scarring was stretched over them too in an intricate, enticing pattern. Delia took control of her emotions and pushed her inappropriately timed thoughts to the back of her mind. Patsy needed her, there would be time for them later.
Reaching to pull Patsy into a tight hug Delia stood on her tip-toes to whisper in her ear, "you are breathtakingly beautiful; scars and all. Our past does not define us, it does not get to decide who we become and it certainly does not get to determine our future; and you, Patience Mount, you are my future."
Grinning at one another, Patsy felt such a flood of relief. The release of such a load made her feel as though she was walking on clouds. The burden she had once carried alone was now a weight shared and it felt wonderful. Patsy felt Delia release her and was sad at the loss of warmth until she saw Delia head to her closet and begin passing out clothes for her to wear.
"You are unbelievably gorgeous Pats, but if you do not put some clothes on now, I feel our plans for the day will change dramatically. You have no idea how hard I am trying to keep my hands off of you right now. My resolve is not going to last very much longer."
Patsy laughed at the admission from her brazen Delia, "well maybe I want your hands all over me," Patsy teased, biting her bottom lip lightly.
"Oh don't worry, I have plans to fulfil that want for you my love, but first I would hate for there to be two seats unfilled at La Dolche Vita. We have a façade to keep up remember; and plus I might be able to find you a boyfriend there as per Trixie's wishes," Delia winked.
Throwing a balled up nightshirt at Delia's head for her cheeky comment as she exited the room, Patsy had never felt more at peace with the world. Pulling on and straightening her dress, she sat to apply her makeup for the day, pausing to decide which lipstick would look best on Delia when she borrowed it directly from Patsy's lips later on that day.