Jesse steadied his gaze deep into Walt's eyes unfalteringly. Walt was stunned and stared back realising that any ounce of innocence that once accentuated Jesse's being had been erased out of him. His eyes were now steely and cold. There was nothing Walt could say in that moment and Jesse's words draped over Walter until he felt suffocated.
Suddenly, Jesse was moving closer and Walt moved backward, uneasy. Jesse crawled onto his knees in front of him and outstretched his arms. He shoved his wrists right under Walt's nose and yelled, "Look! Look at me!" Walt remained upright and stiff and darted his eyes downward, not wanting to look at what was before him. He could tell Jesse's mood was turning rapidly volatile after having made such a stark admission. Walt could sense a bullseye appearing on his forehead.
"You're a coward, the worst kind of wannabe villain. You couldn't even kill me with your own hands. You killed Mike…and you couldn't even kill me." Jesse stared at him and Walt could sense his rage. "Instead of killing me you leave me as a pet for a bunch of Nazi lunatics. You fucking asshole!" Jesse screamed and it was then he punched Walt squarely in the nose, breaking it. He sat straddling Walt for a moment and managed to land three more punches before the steel door swung open abruptly.
"You little bitches! Get off, get off him!" Kenny yelled as he plucked Jesse from atop Walt and proceeded to force him onto the far bunk. Jack and Todd followed into the room and grabbed a hold of Walt, who was still stunned from the assault.
"You boys are going to need to play a bit more nicely for a little while longer, 'cause we ain't cutting your heads off yet." Jack said, grinning. "Kenny, you settle the rat down once we hog tie ole' Heisenberg here."
Jack and Todd proceeded to tie Walt's hands and feet together behind his back using a thick, black cord before exiting the room. It was wholly uncomfortable and now Walt was immobile. He lay with his head to the cold floor exasperated and breathing heavily. He watched as Kenny tightly tied Jesse's wrists to the bunk's support beam. Jesse gasped at the pain. As Kenny began to take liberties with Jesse's body, Walt slammed his eyes shut. He couldn't bear to endure this again.
"Stop, stop it!" Walt yelled, pathetically but in earnest. Kenny barely acknowledged his pleas. Walt's head rolled forward on the concrete. "You can have me instead."
"Do not flatter yourself, Walter White. No one wants a piece of your sorry ass." Kenny laughed. "Besides, my angel wants it."
Walt scoffed and grunted. What was about to happen was yet another low to endure before the end of line. Feeling sorry for himself, he tried in vain to roll over. He was stuck in his current position and about to wallow in it. Suddenly, his intestines began to knot and burn and he felt a hard lump in his throat. He swallowed and his thoughts cleared. How could he lay there and pity himself when Jesse was opposite him experiencing true suffering, he thought. Walt opened his eyes and steadied himself as a revelation took hold of him. He could bear witness; this was the only meaningful act he could undertake. As revolting and disturbing as the display in front of him was, he fought his nausea and kept his eyes open. This would be the one thing he could give Jesse that would be selfless. And what hurt him the most, the thing that tore at his being and made him wish his eyes had been gauged out of his body, was watching the man bring Jesse pleasure. Walt went numb as he watched him climax; he refused to falter in his role but he felt claustrophobic in the tiny space. Within moments, the steel door was shut and the space was returned to Walt and Jesse.
Walt instinctually began writhing against his bondage trying to loosen the cord. He guessed that the whole hog tie element had been for effect given that the cord was loosening with relative ease. After forty long minutes passed, he freed his left hand and was able to untie the rest swiftly. His nose throbbed, still broken and swelling by the minute but he was no longer concerned by his own body's complaints. He grabbed the remnants of the t-shirt he discarded earlier and soaked it under the tap above the commode. He went to Jesse's side and placed the rung-out t-shirt to his forehead. Jesse opened his eyes and looked into him with a stillness that brought a shiver to Walt's bones. They stayed quiet as Walt began sponging Jesse's face and neck. He then carefully untied his wrists and set his arms down on top of his chest. He renewed his makeshift cloth and re-attended Jesse. He began carefully washing him and spoke.
"You don't need to say anything else to me about this, any of this. I mean, you can but you don't need to. I can't say anything to you that would help you. I won't apologise to you because that would be utterly meaningless at this stage. That would not help you, nor would it be believable…I can't tell you that we'll live much longer, or even that we will succumb to death soon, as I know you're longing for." Walt fought to stay composed, clearing his throat. "I won't take your life, even though I know it would be a merciful because something in me is screaming for me not to do that." He paused for a moment and breathed deeply. "What I can say, Jesse, is that I was here. I was here, I am here and I saw it." Quiet tears rolled down his checks and he continued, "I am here with you and I am your witness. Somehow if you get out of here and are past this, and I know you will rightfully hate me and the memory of me if that happens, and I want you to hate me, but in time this may bring you some form of solace…knowing that you weren't completely alone in the end."
Walt sat for a moment and looked a Jesse, whose eyes were still open but now downcast. He moved his hand to Jesse's head and moved away hair from his eyes. "When you're in therapy, you know…right?" Walt let out the tiniest chuckle hoping his levity would be received well. "When you're talking to your therapist in a couple years, you can just say there was this brief moment when someone was there and they recognised what was happening to you. Maybe that'll help…" Walt trailed off having run out of steam. He coughed for a moment and then dropped his hands to his lap.
"I don't get…how's that's supposed to help me," Jesse said slowly, not looking up.
Quick to react, Walt returned, "That's okay, you don't need to right now."
Jesse then looked up at Walt with wet eyes, "I can't come back from this."
Walt looked down at him: his eyes looked small and cold. "You don't, Jesse. You can't go back. You move forward in a completely different direction. Nothing will be the same." Walt stroked his hair as he began to cry wholeheartedly.
Walt decided he would sit with Jesse until he faded into sleep. While he absent-mindedly stroked his head, he surveyed the room and started weighing his next moves. At least once a day, Jack's degenerates would want something from Jesse, so he could be assured of the opportunity to bolt out of the door. However, he wouldn't know when that would occur. Similarly, it seemed rather easy to provoke the men into opening the door through a staged argument. What he would need is some way to incapacitate whoever rushed through the door. He looked to the floor at the lengths of black cord then to the plastic food tray and then back at Jesse. He wasn't sure how he could talk him into doing anything in his current state and he felt conflicted about doing so. If he could just put a plan together that would get them a few steps ahead of Jack and his gang, maybe Jesse would feel something again. Walt hoped that his words would rest in him and maybe make the tiniest of difference to him. Thinking Jesse had fallen into sleep, he put his hands down on the bunk to lift himself off when the a hand faintly grasped at his wrist; it was so light it was ghostly. He looked and saw Jesse's outstretched arm reaching out to him with his eyes still shut. "I'm here," Walt said quietly. He cautiously put his legs up and stretched out while laying his head down. Slowly, Jesse turned onto his side toward Walt and begin to curl into him. As he would with Junior, Walt lifted his arm and placed it around him and Jesse buried his head under Walt's side. He was shocked that Jesse could more than stomach contact with him but he was relieved then suddenly hopeful.