Double Trouble 18

Chapter 18 'Emma's story'

(set in Season 1, episode 1x12ish, after Emma becomes Sheriff but before Kathryn's disappearance)

Last year...

Emma took a deep breath to calm down, trying to psych herself up for meeting the Mayor and keeping her cool through whatever happened this time. Every single run-in she'd ever had with Regina had ended in an argument or a fist fight or a sawn-off tree and she was determined that this time would be different. After all, she was there to offer her thanks and it wouldn't be gracious to throw it in her face after what Regina had done for her, regardless of what had happened between them in the past.

Be nice. Be polite. Don't start any shit even if she does... and no matter what she says, do not retaliate!

Regina barely looked up from her paperwork when she felt someone enter her office and come to stand in front of her desk.

"Sheriff Swan. I'm very busy."

Emma forced her eyes not to roll. "Yeah I know, this won't take long."

"It's already taking too long."

Don't don't don't!

"Uh, I just came to thank you, Madam Mayor, for donating the money for the KidSpace project. It's going ahead now and we really appreciate the support-"

Regina broke in. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Emma frowned in confusion. "You sent me a cheque didn't you?"

"That was supposed to have been anonymous," said the Mayor, unable to hide her annoyance.

"Your signature may be a scrawl but the rest of your handwriting's not..." Emma plucked a form out of the air like it was evidence in a courtroom. "Nobody except you fills out forms like they're royal decrees."

"You certainly don't. Nobody but you has penmanship worse than my son."

"Ok fine, whatever! But why do you want to remain anonymous? The project's only going ahead because of you, people will like to know who to thank. It's important to a lot of us and it's going to be great for the kids."

"I didn't do it for thanks. All good deeds have selfish motives at heart and none go unpunished."

Emma wondered why the brunette was being so prickly over this. "Come on, Madam Mayor. At the very least it'll help your political image."

"My image needs no help from you, Sheriff Swan," said Regina, pointedly looking her up and down.

Emma ignored it, fighting the urge to fidget under the scrutiny. "But if people knew the Mayor was involved it could help our cause."

Regina shook her head slightly. "Aren't you planning to rent that dilapidated hall next to the church on Second?"

"Yes but-"

"Mr Gold owns it. If he knows I'm involved he'll reject your rental application on principle."

"Why would he care?"

"He likes to spite me."

Emma stared at the stony-faced Mayor strangely, unable to determine what was behind this sudden act of benevolence towards her and her pet project. Regina obviously wanted it to remain anonymous for a reason. Maybe she didn't want it to look like a meaningful gesture or anything personal whatsoever... except that it kinda did.

"Sheriff Swan. Don't make this out to be more than it is. I had some leftover money in the budget - that's all."

Emma smiled mildly. "You're lying."

Regina froze, blotting her pen on the page of her paperwork.

"It was a personal cheque," said Emma triumphantly. "Nothing to do with the Town. If you don't want people to know they won't hear it from me... but I know your secret now."

"What secret is that," said Regina tightly.

"You're not all bad, Regina."

Mary Margaret was surprised. "It was Regina who gave you the money for your project?"

Emma nodded. "Yep. Surprised me too."

"Huh. Well that was... nice of her."

Emma grinned slyly. "Yes it was. Turns out she has a soft spot for orphans. After all, she did adopt one."

"Uh, Emma? I think you forgot to mention a kiss?"

"Yeah yeah. I'm getting to it," said Emma, impatient with her mother's impatience. "So. Regina didn't want anyone to know it was her - probably thought it would ruin her ice-queen image - and even though she was pissing me off on a daily basis, I really was grateful. Anyway, so I invited her to the opening day but she had her assistant decline on her behalf saying she had conflicting appointments."

Mary Margaret giggled. "Right."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," agreed Emma. "But she turned up anyway..."

Last year...

Emma was still setting up the tables inside the hall, where there would be tea and coffee and soft drinks set out later with an assortment of snacks. They were intending to have a small informal party to officially open KidSpace and many active members of the community as well as a bunch of teenagers were expected to turn up.

It was still a few hours before the party would start when Emma saw the one person she did not expect to attend standing in the doorway.

Regina cast a critical eye over the place. "I feel like I should burn my shoes after stepping in here, Sheriff Swan."

Emma raised her eyes, trying not to react to her snobbery. "Thanks, Madam Mayor. I'll get down there on my hands and knees with a toothbrush until it's scrubbed to your satisfaction."

"Please do."

Emma rose from her crouch, where she'd been cleaning a suspicious-looking stain on the back of a lounge, and snapped off her cleaning gloves. "What are you even doing here? Your assistant said you were busy and the party's not for hours yet."

"I came to see if my money was being well-spent."

Emma rolled her eyes. "If you wanna have a go at the Playstation it's over there. Can you dance? I'll battle you at DDR later."

"What?"

"Regina. The only way you're gonna get your money's worth is if you come to the party and see how happy all the kids are. Either that or beat me at the game, which is a thing that is never going to happen by the way."

Emma was amused by Regina's evident confusion at the suggestion that there could be something she wouldn't win at. Everything just had to be a competition between them.

A slovenly-looking youth came in and held out a box to Regina. "Er, where do you want this, lady?"

"Set it down on the table."

Emma snorted dryly, watching Regina pay the kid a handful of notes before he slouched away. Of course the Mayor would pay some random kid to haul a box around for her rather than carrying it herself. How imperial. Regina was always flawlessly constructed and so formal in address that sometimes it was like she was plucked from a different era. Not to mention how she enjoyed lording it over the populace and getting her own way. Emma could see why Henry would think to connect his mother to a fairytale queen.

"Did you bring me some toys?" joked Emma, coming over to peer in the box.

"Yes. Some of Henry's old things."

Emma was mortified. "You made him give away his toys?!"

Regina tsk'd crossly. "No. He didn't even remember he had half of these things. I asked him if he had any toys he didn't like anymore and when he heard who they were for, he came up with plenty."

"I'm not taking my own kid's toys away from him," grumbled Emma.

Regina sighed. "Henry has a room full of toys. He won't miss a few. He's outgrown most of these anyway. He's growing up too fast..."

"EMMA! Where is the kiss?!" demanded Mary Margaret.

"Hold ya horses! I'm getting there," said Emma defensively.

"Sorry. You were saying...?"

Emma continued her story. "So, Regina turned up to give me shit about how I was cleaning the place and she brought a bunch of toys to donate - by the way, you should see Henry's closet. It's hard to know where the hell those old toys used to fit because it is still packed full of stuff. I had next-to-nothing when I was his age. Regina has totally ruined my kid, no wonder he's a spoilt brat-"

"Emma!"

"What?! He takes after me, doesn't he? Except when he's being a clever little smartass, that's all Regina, right there."

"Emma." That warning motherly tone again.

"Alright, on with the story," said Emma, sighing. "Regina ended up watching me clean for two hours. I know - it was really weird. We were just kinda talking the whole time and when other people started turning up, I realised how late it had gotten and she was still there..."

Last year...

"I should go," said Regina stiffly, eyeing the small crowd of people already gathering.

"Stay?" pleaded Emma. "Come on, they've already seen that you're here. It'll look suss if you leave now. People will think my party sucks."

"I'm hardly dressed for the occasion. If I'm here in an official capacity I should've worn a suit."

Emma almost burst into laughter, taking in the brunette's appearance. Regina, of course, was dressed impeccably in one of her usual corporate-style Mayor outfits. She'd outshine anyone attending, guaranteed.

"You look fine. Don't worry," said Emma, unable to keep a straight face. "In fact you are way overdressed, trust me. We'll be lucky if the teenagers' clothes are covering their midriffs and nipple rings."

"What rings?"

Oh, you make it too easy, Madam Mayor!

"I'll show you mine if you're so curious," offered Emma innocently.

A tall lanky teen with ears full of piercings reached past Regina for a Coke off the table. He gave the Mayor a sullen look and then scuffed away, jeans hanging down somewhere between butt and mid-thigh showing his boxers.

Regina grimaced. "Henry's going to be one of those one day, isn't he?"

Emma grinned. "A teenager? Yeah, that's kinda how it works ... it's the whole 'getting older' thing. That happens when you feed them apparently."

Henry ran over to them, overflowing with energy. "Emma Emma Emma. Hi hi hi. Hey Mom!"

"Kid, what's up with you?" Emma laughed.

"I beat your high score on Dance Dance Revolution! It wasn't hard cos you suck at it, Emma."

"Hey! I do not."

Henry turned to Regina hopefully. "Mom, can I have a Coke?"

"I said you could have one, Henry," chastised Regina. "You look like you've already had several."

"So I can have one more?" Henry said cheekily.

"No," Emma interjected first. "You're already climbing the walls, kid. Go play."

The boy ran off again heading for the games system, leaving Emma and Regina to exchange rueful shakes of the head. They stood in a comfortable silence for a while, watching their son play from across the room.

"So," Emma shifted her weight from foot-to-foot. "Are you gonna tell me why you donated the money?"

"No," said Regina, maintaining that unreadable expression.

"Fair enough. Is it related to why you wanted to remain anonymous?"

"Yes."

Emma nodded, listening carefully to the monosyllabic answers. She was satisfied that they were the truth, but they still weren't very informative. Even though she was ruled by her emotions, Regina could be the most inscrutable person in the world sometimes.

"So, what were you like as a teenager?" said Emma, casually trying to make conversation.

"I can't remember."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Sure."

"I suppose I was … like I am now. I haven't changed much."

Something about the slight sadness in Regina's tone revealed more to Emma than she'd bargained for in asking that question. She wondered what the brunette could have in her past that would make her sound so … disappointed? As much as Emma enjoyed giving Regina as much shit as possible, she could admit that her son's mother was beautiful and educated and successful... she was Mayor for god's sake, she owned the town. She had power and wealth and could get whoever or whatever she wanted.

What could she have to regret over the way she'd turned out? It's not like she was an orphaned juvenile delinquent like me, Emma scoffed at the very thought. Bet she was valedictorian. And prom queen.

"Well, anyway." Emma half-smiled. "I'm sure I won't surprise you by saying that I was a total hellraiser when I was a teenager. I was always in trouble over something."

"I'm shocked to hear it."

"That's why I organised this place." Emma looked around the room, eyes landing on the battered furniture and the young people hanging around having a good time. "I used to go somewhere like this when I was younger, when I wasn't sneaking into movie theatres that is. I just think that maybe if kids like me had a safe place where they could be themselves, maybe the world would seem like less of the crapsack that it is."

"I'm sure there are worse places than this world," said Regina quietly.

Emma shrugged. "I haven't forgotten where I came from."

Regina looked at her so sharply that Emma changed the topic after that. Not many people wanted to hear about her troubled past or her cynicism (she'd learned that the hard way) and Emma highly doubted that someone as put-together as the Mayor could have empathy for her. If she did, hell would surely freeze over before she'd admit it.

Even though Emma was the host of the party and many guests kept coming up to thank and congratulate her during the night, she spent most of her time talking to Regina. For hours now they'd managed to be civil and Emma found that was actually enjoying herself, not wanting it to be over so fast. She did wonder why Regina had bothered to come and was half-expecting an argument to spark at any moment that would make the brunette leave … but it never happened.

"It was dark by the time the party ended," Emma continued. "Regina had walked there earlier in the day from Town Hall and Henry had come straight from school so I offered to drive them home."

"Smooth," said Mary Margaret approvingly.

"Yeah I thought so too," teased Emma. "Turns out Henry had been scoffing sweets all night behind our backs and he crashed pretty hard. I carried him upstairs so Regina could put him to bed. Did you know there's a whole process to it? You don't just dump 'em in bed, apparently you have to get them into their pyjamas without waking them up and tuck them in with the special whatever-they-have. Henry's is a blanket and he sleeps like he's dead to the world."

"And...?" prompted Mary Margaret, sensing she was getting closer to the good part.

Emma looked down nervously. "I uh, stayed for a while after Henry was in bed. Regina didn't ask me to go so I didn't offer to leave. She got us glasses of wine and we talked and it was... nice and for once we went more than five minutes without arguing."

"Then what happened."

"I screwed up. I wasn't drunk though. I'd only had one glass, I swear. I guess I just got the wrong idea..."

Last year...

"What are you doing to me, Emma?!"

Regina covered her mouth with her hand in shock and leaped off the couch. Her heel scuffed on the carpet and she nearly stumbled back in her haste to put some distance between herself and the woman she'd been in an embrace with seconds before.

Emma stammered, but no words came to her lips. "I - um-"

"Leave. Now."

Regina stalked out of the study, heading for the front door to kick her out. She held the door open and the cool night air rushed in, but Emma had no intention of leaving without trying to figure out what the hell had gone so wrong.

"Regina, please - can't we talk about this? I'm sorry - I thought you might've changed your mind since what happened last time- I know you said you didn't want a relationship but I thought maybe you were just unsure because-"

"I don't care what you thought! I ought to have you charged with assault."

"What!" cried Emma defensively. "It was a mistake okay. It definitely won't happen again."

"Stop shouting at me, you'll wake Henry!"

"Regina, YOU are the one who's yelling," hissed Emma, unable to keep her voice down in the echo-y foyer.

"Get out of my house!"

Emma could feel her control slipping along with her anger and Regina seemed to be having similar trouble, judging by the way her chest was heaving like she couldn't get air. If she didn't know better, the blonde would've said the other woman looked afraid. She'd never seen the Mayor look so utterly discomposed … and over something as simple as a kiss?

"I don't know what the hell is happening here! Why are you overreacting? It was just a kiss, it's not like I intended to molest you. I got the wrong idea and trust me, I won't be trying anything again. Besides, you kissed me back. You can deny it all you want, but I felt it. Both times. You think I didn't notice you practically had your tongue down my throat?"

Regina glared at her, deathly serious. "Sheriff Swan, leave now. If you ever bring this up again or refer to it in any way, the next time you'll be seeing Henry will be through a telephoto lens at his college graduation."

Emma gave her a tainted smile and shook her head. "You always gotta play it don't you, Regina? Your fucking trump card. Well, don't waste it. There's only so many in the deck. You can't keep Henry away from me forever."

Emma heard the door slam shut behind her as she stalked down the path to her car. When she got home, there was no-one she could to talk to about it and so she ended up punching the crap out of her pillow as the tears of disappointment fell.

"That... did not go well," summarised Mary Margaret.

"Yeah," Emma drew the word out slowly. "But I-"

Mary Margaret saw that Emma was still holding back from her, afraid of how she'd react to whatever she had to say.

"Mom, I can't get her out of my mind!" cried Emma suddenly. "I can't stop thinking about her. What am I supposed to do?"

"You have feelings for Regina," asked Mary Margaret gently.

"Yes!" Emma's voice started to shake. "I know it's the most screwed-up thing ever. She hates me. She's tried to kill me at least twice. We can't afford to let Henry get hurt. And it'd never work anyway because of all this stupid fairytale stuff - because of you and her! Maybe I'm selfish, but my whole life I've never had any family and now that I do I don't want to give them up. I can't choose between you and her and that's what it'd come to, I know it!"

Emma stuffed her fists into her eyes and breathed out raggedly. "It doesn't matter anyway. She doesn't want a relationship with me. I don't know why I can't get over it. Every time I see her, I get pulled back in and fall for her again."

Mary Margaret guided her daughter into a hug and rubbed circles on her back.

"Emma. Why do you think Regina reacted that way when you kissed her?"

"She hates me? I don't know! Maybe she felt nothing."

"No," Mary Margaret said softly. "You know Regina only reacts badly when she feels too much, not too little."

"Really?" said Emma in a small voice.

"Yes. I'd be willing to bet that she was overwhelmed by what she felt. I think that's what happened with Em and Ri as well."

Mary Margaret drew out of the embrace and stroked a thumb over Emma's cheek, gazing at her daughter's face like she was tracing out a memory - or trying to memorise it.

"That wasn't even the first time I kissed her," Emma confessed. "I can't believe I was stupid enough to try again after what happened the first time. There was blood - literally."

"The first time?"

"Yeah. It was-" Emma waved her hand vaguely. "I dunno. It's a long story. Another time maybe. She pushed me away then too."

"Did you ever ask her why?"

Emma scoffed. "No. Have you MET Regina? She's not exactly approachable. She threatened me with not seeing Henry if I ever brought it up. What could I do?"

"How did Regina act afterwards?"

Emma shrugged sarcastically. "She acted like it never happened. What else. I was stupid for thinking she might have feelings for me."

Mary Margaret was concerned by her daughter's constant self-deprecation, as if her emotions and thoughts weren't valid or worth anyone's consideration. Sometimes she still sounded like the seventeen-year-old who often termed herself an idiot or a "bad kid". She hated that her daughter must've grown up being told that so many times as to eventually believe it.

"Emma. Why do you act as though you hate Em?"

"Because," Emma paused to exhale slowly. "If I had've been good enough, if I hadn't have been such an idiot... maybe I could've kept Henry."

"It's time to forgive yourself for that, Emma."

Emma gave a tiny nod. "I was afraid of where he'd end up but he did okay. He got Regina. And even though she used to be the Evil Queen, she wasn't that to Henry. She's his Mom."

"You both are."

"Yeah. But you should see this treasure trove she's got of him - photos of him and paintings he did - she kept everything. I think she wanted to be a Mom really badly. I don't think it was easy for them but I'm glad they had each other. I wish I could fit in too. It could never work, but if it did and there was even a chance that it could... it'd be amazing. But there's no fairytale endings for people like me."

"Emma, can I ask you - you don't have to answer - but I've heard Em mention girls but obviously you were with Henry's father...?"

"I know what you're asking. And yes."

"Oh."

Emma's voice was strained and she looked down. "Are you disappointed."

"No! Emma, no." Mary Margaret shook her head firmly. "I was just thinking that it wouldn't have been easy for you if you'd grown up in the Enchanted Forest."

Emma snorted softly. "It's not like it was even easy here."

"I'm only disappointed in the world - never you. There's nothing you could ever tell me about yourself that would change how much I love you, how much I wanted you from the moment I knew you existed."

"Thankyou for loving me back. You know that I forgive you for giving me away don't you? I hope you forgive yourself too - you made the right choice and now we get to be together but - I just wish - it's just that -"

Emma was trying so hard not to cry but she couldn't control the breaks in her voice any longer, "Can you help Em? When I was younger, I could r-really have used a Mom."

"Well, you've got one now." Mary Margaret pulled an embarrassed Emma into her arms. "You're never too old to fit into my arms, my baby girl. But you're right, there's someone else here who needs a Mom right now, someone who's never had one before either... I'll have a talk with Em when she's ready."

After a while, Emma sat back and swiped her face roughly. "What should I do about Regina? Before she left the other night ... I think she was reaching out to me and I really hurt her. She can't possibly have changed her mind can she?"

Mary Margaret patted Emma's hand. "If you are certain that Regina does not and never will feel the same way about you as you do about her... then you should let it go. You can't fight for what doesn't exist."

"But," Mary Margaret tipped her head forward with a twinkling smile. "If you still think there's a chance, don't be afraid to take it. I know you said she's rejected you twice. But don't forget - where we come from, where Regina grew up... you two would've been a brand new story. You said it wasn't easy for you here, maybe it's not easy for Regina either. Things were different last year ... she was Mayor and a single Mom, the curse was still in effect, and she had a lot to lose... I don't think I need to tell you how badly it ended the last time she fell in love."

Emma nodded to herself and blew out a breath. "Ok, I will consider the possibility of maybe trying again... if Regina gives me something of a hint first. I'll try. Even though she could literally shoot me down in flames this time."

Mary Margaret gave her an adoring smile. "That's my girl. Third time's the charm."

"So are all mothers this annoyingly chipper and hopelessly romantic? Or is it just cos mine is Snow White. You're not gonna sing to me are you?"