Every Thought Captive

Disclaimer: I do not own The A Team movie or television series or any of the delightful characters found on The A Team.

Chapter 63 Murdock's Choice

"Ya said I had t' make a choice. If I chose t' go with ya, chose . . . you know . . . " Murdock gulped at the thought. He'd been close to death before but never this close. Billy had been a shadowy image and soft voice those times. Not as clear as this. He wasn't able to touch him before and the realization he could now both comforted and troubled him.

He tried to say it again but could not get the word out. "Chose t' . . . t' . . . "

T' die?

"Yeah . . . d . . . does . . . does it hurt much?" He hurried on to explain. "I've gotten shot 'n' tortured so I ain' 'fraid o' pain. But this . . . " His voice faded as he looked at his arm again. The light surrounding it brightened even as the breaths his physical body took became more ragged and shallow. The doctor swore quietly and gestured for his assistant to take the patient's vital signs again.

"Keep breathing, damn you. Keep breathing!" he muttered. Murdock heard him and frowned at the urgency in the tone.

Cazador, his gaze intent on what the physician did, sank onto the futon beside Face and patted his shoulder absently. "Doctor Willis is one of the best. He'll keep your friend alive." The pilot detected uncertainty and worry in the businessman's expression.

"63 over 50. His pulse is 120 and still erratic," the assistant announced. She smoothed the blanket over the patient's chest and glanced at Willis, waiting for his next instructions.

Billy watched Cazador and Face for a second, then responded to his brother's question.

This's diff'rent, yer tryin' t' say. It's somethin' ya don' know so it's a li'l scary.

Murdock turned his troubled gaze to Billy. "Yeah. It's th' big unknown."

That's why I'm here, brother. T' guide ya if ya choose t' go with me.

"I . . . I can' leave my friends. Hann'bal said I'm their secret weapon . . . when 'is plans go t' hell, who's gonna give 'im ideas on what t' do? Or fly in t' give 'em air support when they're tryin' t' 'scape?"

Billy gave him a sad smile. Hann'bal's always been understandin' 'bout why ya talk t' me. He's a good man, a good leader, 'n' he seems t' accept ya jus' th' way ya are. He wouldn' fly with no one else.

"'N' Faceman . . . who's gonna keep 'im from gettin' inta trouble with jealous boyfriends 'n' husbands if I'm gone . . . he's my bestest buddy in th' whole world. Him 'n' me . . . we've done some pretty cool scams. Who's gonna be his sidekick if I ain' there?" Murdock scanned the Lieutenant, still sitting on the futon with his head bowed.

He couldn't be sure but he thought the con man might be praying. Beside him, Cazador leaned forward over laced fingers, continuing to watch his personal physician at work. Murdock wished he could let them both know that everything was going to be alright, no matter what he chose.

Billy nodded. Face joins in when ya pr'tend I'm a dog. Even pr'tends t' pet my head. He don' tell ya it's crazy. Th' two o' you 're like you 'n' me. Brothers closer 'n blood.

Murdock swallowed and looked toward the bed. The assistant and doctor had B. A. lie down and allow his arm to be prepared for the transfusion. The black man clenched his fist as the figure beside him wheezed out another breath.

"Hang in there, fool. Hang in there," he growled.

"'N' B. A. . . . who's he gonna threaten if I ain' there?"

Billy smiled and patted Murdock on the shoulder.

He don' ever mean it, brother. You keep 'im from explodin' sometimes with what ya say 'n' do. Yer 'is pressure valve. Keeps 'im from always bein' an angry mudsucker. 'N' look at his face. He's scared ya ain' gonna make it.

"B. A. ain' ever scared o' nothin' 'cept my flyin' but . . . he is scared, ain' he?" Murdock saw the flash of fear in B. A.'s eyes as he turned his head to look at the pale profile of the man beside him.

"Take all of it if that's what'll keep him alive, doc." He glared at the doctor when he shook his head in frustrated silence.

B. A. whispered to the man beside him. "Hey fool. Ya better take good care of all this blood I'm gonna give ya. Ya don't go dyin' on me. Ya got that?" He scowled but Murdock could see the ferocious look covered his worry that what he had to give wouldn't be enough.

The pilot drew in a breath. The knowledge that B. A. cared a whole lot more than his rough exterior would allow him to express bothered him. It was so much easier to pretend he was in mortal danger whenever he got on B. A.'s bad side. The Big Guy needed to keep that invisible wall between them. Maybe he did, too.

Then his thoughts drifted to the woman who had been kidnapped and taken to Dugway Proving Grounds along with him. They had been through some harrowing experiences together as well. "'N' Amy . . . sweet li'l Amy . . . she went after me . . . tried t' stop me from runnin' 'way 'n' nearly died herself."

Billy sighed. Ya got so many people'd miss ya if you weren' here no more.

"But if I choose t' stay, what'll I be missin'? Seein' Ma, Gramma, Grampa . . . always havin' blue skies 'round me 'n' sunshine . . . " He frowned.

'N' ya won' see 'r be able t' touch me like ya are right now. Not 'til it's yer time t' die. Then I'll be back.

Murdock gave his brother a stunned look. "Ya mean I won' be able t' hear ya no more? Not even when I'm havin' flashbacks 'r when th' voices start in 'r when I'm jus' scared 'n' none o' th' guys're there t' help me?"

Billy smiled and shook his head.

No, I'll always be able t' talk t' you long as ya need me to. I just'll be invisible 'n' ya won' be able t' hug me 'r anythin'. Jus' like b'fore.

A wet trickle spilled from the corner of Murdock's eye. He let it course down one cheek and drip onto his jacket collar. "I can' have it both ways, can I? Yer my brother. T' be able t' see ya, t' hug ya when stuff's botherin' me 'r I'm hurtin' . . . "

I feel th' same way. There ain' no sadness 'r pain where I am. So th' hugs'd be jus' b'cause yer happy.

"I wanna stay with ya, Billy. I wanna see Ma 'n' Gramma 'n' Grampa . . . but I can' leave the guys 'r Amy . . . I . . . I'm sorry." He couldn't stop the tears. Billy put his arms around him and squeezed him tightly in an embrace. Murdock sagged slightly against his brother. He felt tired, as if the decision he just made took every bit of energy he had.

It's alright, brother. Yer friends need ya. Someday, I'll be back when it's yer time. Right now, ya gotta get back inta yer body b'fore it's too late. Ya think you can do that?

Murdock glanced at the bed and the two men lying side by side, one muttering ferocious threats and worried reassurances, the other barely breathing at all.

"Billy." The pilot wrapped his arms around his brother one more time and hugged him as tightly as he could. "Don' forget t' come back fer me when it's time."

I won' forget, brother. 'Til then . . .

The light around them slowly faded and Billy disappeared. There was a sudden commotion around the bed but the pilot's focus was on the space where his brother had been and was no longer.

Murdock closed his glassy eyes and let his spirit body fall through the tunnel of light. Bright images, memories, flickered into view, then vanished. The tunnel seemed so long, the time spent speeding through it felt like hours. He wasn't sure he would ever arrive at his destination.

oooooo

B. A. watched as the assistant applied the tourniquet to his bicep and inserted the needle to start the intravenous transfusion.

Murdock didn't sound good. His breaths were shallow, harsh, rattling efforts.

As blood flowed from one man's vein to that of the other, B. A. glanced at the pallid face, sweat beading the forehead.

He don' look good either.

A pang of guilt for every threat he had ever made, every insult he ever spoke, came from nowhere.

What if he don' make it?

He tried to remember the last thing he said to Murdock. Trying to convince the pilot, he said there was no way he'd be in Cazador's plane with him if he were still alive.

Truth is, I trust th' fool more 'n he knows. He's my friend. I don' treat him like it, but I am.

"Take all of it if that's what'll keep him alive, doc."

He's gotta stay alive. Body as big as mine oughta have enough blood in it ta keep both of us goin'.

But what if it wasn't enough?

He glowered at the unconscious man beside him. Tears trickled down the side of the pilot's face.

But he ain' conscious . . . is he?

"Hey fool. You better take good care of all this blood I'm gonna give you. You don't go dyin' on me. Ya got that?" B. A. made his voice intentionally gruff, hoping it would make the other man at least flinch.

There was no response. He would have given anything to see Murdock turn his face toward him and smirk, all the while teasing him about being blood brothers that had to stick together.

For several minutes, B. A. watched the pilot's face for some sign that the transfusion was working, that his blood was making the difference between life and death. No sign came and the Sergeant grew restless.

Murdock's next breath stopped abruptly. For a second, his chest muscles quivered in a spasm and then he was silent, motionless. A faint gurgling sound came from his throat.

"Doc?" B. A. raised himself up on both elbows, his eyes frantically darting over his team mate's face. The assistant struggled to get him to lie down again but he roughly pushed her away.

"Leave me alone." He pushed himself into a sitting position and then turned to the pilot. "Murdock!"

"No . . . no . . . "

B. A. was vaguely aware of rustling behind him. Cazador had the Lieutenant by the arm and tried to get him to stay seated. Face wrenched his arm from the man's grip, snarling an angry "Go to hell" before staggering to the bed to peer over B. A.'s shoulder. Then the Lieutenant collapsed onto his knees, his hand knotted in the blanket that covered Murdock. His face pinched in pain. "B. A., i . . . is he . . . "

"Lay down, Sergeant. Both of you, let us work." Doctor Willis hissed the command even as he desperately searched for a heartbeat with his stethoscope. Cazador came nearer, his horrified gaze on Murdock's face. "Dennie? Is he . . . ?"

"Doc?" B. A. and Face both said the word within a second of each other.

Willis searched through the supplies beside the bed and found a vial and syringe. Filling the syringe with the liquid in the vial, he drew back the blanket from the pilot's right leg.

"What're ya givin' him?" B. A. kept his eyes on Murdock's face. His skin was quickly losing any remaining color.

He ain' breathin'. It wasn't enough. I couldn't save 'im.

"Atropine." The doctor found the place on the pilot's thigh and inserted the needle through his clothing into the muscle. Dropping the syringe on the cloth-lined tray, he once more searched with the stethoscope for a heartbeat.

oooooo

The tunnel of bright light narrowed at the end. He wasn't sure he would fit through it. The very last image he saw was that of Harley McKeever, his father. The man's thin lips curled into a sneer as Murdock approached.

Ya ain' gonna make it, boy. Yer gonna be trapped b'tween th' livin' 'n' th' dead.

"Leave me 'lone, Pa. Billy said I gotta get back there now." He squeezed his eyes shut as the tunnel exit neared.

His spirit plunged back into his physical body. He felt a violent jolt pass through his entire body but he had come to a stop. It stunned him for a second.

Worse 'n any o' my crashes.

He took in a huge convulsive breath before sinking into a black void of unawareness.