Double Trouble 21
A/N: I know there's a lot of sad feelings around at the moment so I hope you enjoy this, swen. I'll going back to updating twice a week from now on because I hope to have the story finished before S3 starts. Thanks to all readers who have supported this story so far.
Chapter 21 'Everything'
Emma woke up cold in her single bed in the living room. It was the middle of the night and all was silent in the apartment. Em, Ri, and Henry were fast asleep in the beds to her left and right, and Regina was sleeping in Emma's bedroom by herself again.
Last evening, Regina had brought Henry back after school but she must've assumed that she would only be dropping him off before returning to her home. That was until Mary Margaret swiftly recruited her to help rescue dinner because "Emma is as much trouble in the kitchen as my husband".
After the whole family had eaten together, Regina wasn't allowed to leave then either:
Henry pestered her, "Mom! I need help with my homework. It's due tomorrow..."
"Can you have a look at this, Regina?" asked David. "The Acting Mayor sent this memo thing over to the Sheriff's station. Emma said it was full of sh- ah, nonsense- but she says that about all memos..."
"Regina!" Ri pleaded before bedtime. "Can you braid my hair, I can't do it myself yet..."
The Emma's were the only ones not to ask her to stay.
Everything was starting to catch up with Emma now. She was worried about the girls not talking to each other and how Regina was feeling and wondering to herself what was going on between them (if anything). She was worried about whether Henry was coping with this whole screwed up family situation. Mary Margaret's safety still niggled at her mind, as well as what her parents thought of her and what they thought of Em, and then there was this Storybrooke-shrinking time-travel weirdness going on...
She knew it'd all fall on her shoulders to figure this out. Everyone expected her to be the Saviour and it was hard living up to this perfect person they thought she was, when in reality she was a bit of a mess. If she was truly honest with herself she felt like running from it all. Her usual strategy was no longer an option.
"Screw this," she mumbled to herself and threw off her covers since they weren't doing their job.
Emma got out of bed and padded softly into her bedroom. With all the stealth of a practiced thief she opened the door quietly and crept in...
… and then promptly stubbed her toe on the leg of the bed frame with a thump.
"Ow fff-!" Emma gritted her teeth and silently screamed through the throbbing pain.
In the same instant, Regina jerked awake with a gasp. In the dim darkness, Emma saw the brunette's hand thrown out reflexively and feared that she was about to be made into toast.
"Wait! It's just me," hissed Emma in a hasty whisper. "Don't fireball me!"
Regina let her hand fall and breathed out in a relief that quickly changed to annoyance. "Emma. I'm not fond of surprises, especially ones that appear in the dead of night. What are you doing in my bedroom?"
"It's my bedroom. I'm cold, I came to get my blanket."
"With the amount of noise you're making blundering about in the dark I'm shocked you were ever a successful thief," said Regina at a half-whisper.
"I'm not using magic right now. That would kinda defeat the purpose."
"What do you mean?" asked Regina, asking not for the first time how much control Emma had over her abilities.
"I can't calm down. I need my blanket."
"Is it that knitted thing with purple ribbon? Em took it to bed with her."
Emma sighed tiredly. "She hasn't seen it in ages. I suppose she needs it more than I do tonight."
"What are you looking for now?" asked Regina, since Emma was still moving around the shadowy room, searching for something.
"My bed socks."
Regina's smile wasn't seen in the dark but it was heard in her voice. "They're in the bed ... on my feet."
Emma let out a pathetic grumble before padding to the door resignedly. "Alright. Sorry I woke you, Regina."
She heard the covers rustle as Regina sat up in bed. "Wait, Emma, don't go. Is it cold out in the living room?"
"The kids are fine."
"You're cold. This room is warmer and it's your bed anyway."
Emma rolled her eyes, even though she knew it wouldn't be seen. "I'm not kicking you out, Regina."
"I have no intention of moving."
It took Emma a few seconds to realise what that meant and then it dinged in her mind when she did. Ok, that could be a hint couldn't it? she thought. Regina was pretty much suggesting that she should get in bed with her. Or was she? It was hard to tell with the ever-inscrutable woman. But she didn't want to read too much into it in case she got it wrong again, what if this time she-
"Emma! Either get in bed before you freeze so we can both get some sleep or I will fireball you. That'll definitely warm you up."
Sleeping together... that was definitely a hint. Emma's heart skipped with flutters of hope.
In the morning when Emma awoke she was laying face-down and half on top of Regina like a starfish. At first she'd gotten in the bed gingerly and kept to her own side, expecting to be kicked out at any minute. They'd lain side-by-side silently for a while until falling back asleep. But during the night she'd somehow managed to take up most of the bed and the blankets and captured her bed-mate possessively with an arm slung over her waist.
"R'gina, how long y' been awake," Emma groaned into her pillow sleepily.
"Not long."
"Both of y' are freaks. Henry's always up early too."
"He gets up to watch cartoons."
"You ok?" asked Emma. She rolled over to face her, lying on her side and stuffing her hands under her pillow.
"With what."
"Ev'rythin."
Regina paused, seeming as though unsure how to answer. She was smoothing the covers laying across her middle and Emma couldn't take her eyes off her hands.
"Did you get to talk to Ri the last few days? Did it help?" asked Emma.
Regina nodded slightly.
"Good."
"Emma, what did you mean last night. When you said you couldn't calm down?"
"Oh. Yeah, that's weird. It's better this morning for some reason. Sometimes magic builds up and I feel like my control starts to slip away. That's why Em's a bit random sometimes. The blanket usually helps, I don't know why."
"Your mother made it for you didn't she," said Regina.
"How'd you know?"
"I saw the embroidery. It's made of fairyshot, it absorbs the love and care it's made with. What's upsetting you?"
Em raised her shoulders lying down like a shrug. "I don't know what to do about the border shrinking or about Em and Ri. But I feel like I should apologise for what my idiot younger self did to yours."
"Don't be too hard on Em. Ri told me she wanted to be with her."
"Yeah, but she ended up getting hurt. Em went way too far, I doubt Ri was ready for that."
"You have to stop thinking of her as a victim, Emma."
"Huh? But she's about to -"
"Yes, I know what you want to say. But I'm sick of being labelled, I don't want to trade one label for another. Villain or victim - everything I do and think and feel doesn't come back to one thing. It was a long time ago. I don't even think of it that much anymore."
Emma looked at her skeptically, trying to read her face. "Are you sure? It's just - I can't think of you being hurt like that."
"I think you're imagining worse than it was. I didn't really know what it was supposed to be like and it was distressing and I didn't want it but -" Regina's voice broke.
Emma reached for her hand and she was surprised that Regina didn't pull away this time. She felt fingers slide between hers as they were laced together. Was this really Regina talking about some of her worst memories and letting her in? She always seemed to let emotions rule her judgment but at the same time she had a strictly controlled facade of power and untouchability. The Mayor had always given as good as she'd gotten and then some … but here she was now, showing vulnerability instead of that impervious wall.
Emma had never noticed before how small the brunette actually was, lying in bed beside her as they faced each other with their hands joined between them.
"It's ok to not be ok," said Emma softly.
"I was sick with grief over losing Da-" Regina's voice evaporated on the name and she closed her eyes briefly. "Snow was pestering me every five seconds to go riding. My father couldn't even look at me and my mother was making everything worse as she always did. I was so angry all the time, she was driving me crazy. Even after I had the ring and the crown I still couldn't do anything right."
Emma gave her hand a squeeze, pained by the bitterness in Regina's tone as she spoke about the past and the mother who had made her feel like she was never good enough. Thinking of poor Ri having to deal with all of that alone flooded her with sympathy. Emma knew what it was like to nurse a broken heart alone and how much worse everything in life seemed against that as a backdrop.
"Without her heart she couldn't love me," said Regina bitterly. "All she had was power and ambition. It made her dangerous. I never wanted that power but I became like her anyway."
"I'm sorry about what happened to your mother. You're not like her, you know? You aren't heartless."
"Yes, I'm dangerous for an entirely different reason."
"You don't have to be," Emma whispered and stroked her thumb across the back of Regina's hand. "Knowing Ri the way I do now I'll never understand how your mother was ever disappointed in her."
Regina smiled. "Em is a good girl too. I don't know that you believe that though."
"I used to think that there had to be a reason they gave me away, I figured there was something wrong with me and they knew it even when I was a baby and that's why they didn't want me."
"Give your mother some time and she'll get those thoughts out of your head I'm sure."
"I sorta told her some stuff about me that I thought she wouldn't want to hear, but she just listened."
"Did you really expect differently from Snow White?"
Emma chuckled to herself as a Disney vision popped into her head. "True. She didn't really abandon me did she? She was just trying to save me from some evil witch."
"Excuse me?" Regina objected sternly.
"You disguised yourself pretty well as an old hag in the movie by the way," teased Emma.
"That movie was a grossly inaccurate and obscenely biassed portrayal. It ought to be rated M for Moronic."
Emma started to laugh. "Oh I'm DYING to watch it with you just to see your face! Has Henry got it on DVD? Where's his laptop, we can download it right now-"
Regina's hand darted under the covers to jab Emma in the ribs and she flinched away.
"Hey, I was just being a smartass- Ah, stop!"
"No. You deserve it."
Emma tried to stop the uncomfortable jabs. "Regin- argh, cut it out!"
"Make me."
Emma tried to squirm away but there was nowhere to escape under the tangled sheets so she made a grab for Regina's hands to stop the attack. The brunette merely wore her trademark 'I'm winning' grin until Emma protected her ribs effectively by laying on top of her and pinning her hands above her head.
"Whatrya gonna do now?" mocked Emma.
"What do you think," said Regina dryly.
"I think you're stuck where you are."
"Is that so?"
Emma just raised her eyebrows and after a few seconds she saw a classic "oh shit" look spring into Regina's face as nothing happened. She knew the other woman never intended to lose this fight and would probably try to blast her across the room if it came to it but she wasn't going to let her succeed.
"Problem?" said Emma innocently.
"My magic!" gasped Regina. "What are you doing? How are you doing that?"
"Just evening up the battlefield a little."
"I hate your magic."
"Yep. I suck."
Emma saw Regina's eyes dart to her lips and felt all too aware of where she was lying, pressed atop a warm pyjama-clad body and their faces only inches apart. Time seemed to stand still and before she knew what was happening she leaned in to graze full lips with hers. The brief contact sent desire racing through her but suddenly a memory or two cut through the fog.
"Wait-" Emma breathed, a tiny distance away from parted lips.
"Emma-"
"I can't do this."
Regina sighed. "Then get off me."
Emma let go of Regina's hands and pushed her weight off to hover above her. "I shouldn't have - I can't believe this happened again. I'm sorry."
"You will be."
"W-what," Emma stammered. She examined Regina's lowered eyes carefully, expecting to see anger but there was none, she actually looked ... hurt.
Emma's jaw dropped in shock. "Oh my god. You wanted me to kiss you."
The realisation had Emma reeling - Regina wanted her after all. That must be why she was encouraging the romance between the girls, she did want it for herself. But things were always so tense between them, especially after what happened the night of the KidSpace opening party. Regina had practically thrown her out on her ass because of that kiss. Emma hadn't been brave enough or stupid enough to try anything again, but apparently Regina wanted her too.
"H-how long, Regina? I mean, after what happened last time I kissed you I thought - "
"I regretted it as soon as I closed the door."
"Are you seriously kidding me right now? Why didn't you say anything? Or ask me - or kiss me - or - or something! After all this time -"
"I got overwhelmed," Regina admitted. "I felt so much, I couldn't stand it. I wasn't sure I wanted to go through it again, but now I don't know if I can live without it anymore."
"But last year … um, you tried to kill me?"
"It didn't matter what I felt, I had to stop you from breaking the curse. Everything was falling apart. I couldn't lose Henry."
"Yeah, but maybe we could've -"
Regina shook her head once firmly. "No. If we'd gotten together back then ... as soon as the curse broke, we would've lost it anyway. You would've blamed me for everything, for keeping the truth from you. You'd have hated me for it when you found out who I was. I'd have lost you both."
Realisation dawned on Emma. "That's what you meant after the first time I kissed you, when you said we couldn't be in a relationship..."
"Yes," Regina sighed. "It wasn't because of what you thought. I let you believe that. And then when you kissed me the night of the party... well, after two rejections I really didn't think you'd try again."
"So, what does this mean for us now?" said Emma, full of nerves but trying to cover it casually.
"If we … Emma, I can't half do this," Regina warned.
Emma exhaled in relief. "Good, cos I'm an all-or-nothing kinda girl."
"I don't think you understand -"
"No, I do," Emma nodded, feeling the import of what they were considering. "There's so much at stake, it's not only us that we're risking here, it's our son too. Our family."
"It's not just Henry, there's something else -"
They were interrupted then by a little knock on the bedroom door and both women straightened up to put a respectable distance back between them. Emma was instantly wary, wondering if it would be one of her parents and how things would look. She shot a perturbed glance at the unfazed brunette in bed next to her.
"It's Henry," said Regina, recognising the little taps.
Emma groaned just as the door opened and an eleven-year-old poked his head around.
"Emma! You are in here. Mary Margaret said to knock first, isn't that really weird? You were gone from your bed when I woke up. Did you and Mom sleep together?"
"Wha-?" Emma croaked in response.
Regina's eyes darted at her warningly and she shook her head minutely, indicating that Henry hadn't meant it like that. The boy's questions was entirely innocent. Why Mary Margaret was running interference raised suspicions as to what her former enemy knew and how much.
Henry came in and dove over Emma's quilt-covered legs and landed in the space between his mothers. He buried himself into Regina's arms and received a kiss to his forehead.
"Good morning, Henry. Did you sleep well?" said Regina, sounding relieved that he hadn't squirmed away yet.
"Mmhm. Why are you both in here?" Henry mumbled into his Mom's pyjamas.
"Emma was cold," explained Regina, sending her a smirk over the boy's head.
"Did Mom warm you up, Emma?"
Emma's eyes widened and she glared at Regina, who was merely amused by the whole line of questioning. The woman was stunning when she looked like that, even just woken up. Emma longed to mess her up a bit and see some of that perfection disrupted, preferably involving swollen lips and breathlessness and mussed up hair and -
"Yes, Emma. Do you feel warmer now?" asked Regina, all fake innocence.
"I - I think it's time for Fruit Loops," managed Emma. "Kid, you have to get ready for school."
Henry groaned. "We're making birdhouses. Again."
"Then I'm sure you're really good at it by now. I gotta go to work and do y'know Sheriff-y stuff."
"Not today."
Emma frowned. "Why."
Henry lifted his head off Regina's shoulder and peered at her with one eye open. "Cos you and Mom are going to go find the border."