Disclaimer: I don't own aythin', unless it's Leroy!

In craft services, a mug was placed on a machine that began pouring coffee into it. Leroy grabbed the mug and sipped the coffee.

"That's better." He said. He had finally managed to fix his coffee machine last night.

Leroy walked over to Chef and saw that he was stirring some kind of brown slop. He scooped up some of the 'food' and poured it on Heather's plate.

"Now I know how starlet steak thin," she commented.

"Wish Chef would let me in the kitchen," Harold said, "I got me some mad culinary skills."

"Do you mind? I was talking to my slop." She sat down on a table. She saw Lindsay and Beth and waved, but they instead walked away.

Meanwhile, Justin was sipping juice when Lindsay and Beth walked up to him.

"Justin, look, I brought you bacon." Lindsay said.

"I brought you facon." Beth said. "Tofu is good for your heart."

"Pig's good for his hair!" Lindsay retorted.

"Oh crap, I love his hair!" Beth screamed as she jumped and hugged his head.

"Ladies, please," Justin said, "I accept both your offerings. Join me for breakfast?"

Both girls laughed.

"Aren't you in?"

"When you can gorge your soul on essence of hunk, who needs food?"

Justin winked at Beth, who fainted.

Confessional

Beth-"If only making friends with a guy as gorgeous as Justin was as easy as making these bracelets." (she pulls on one, which breaks apart and sends her to the floor)

Leroy-(utterly confused) "Facon? What's facon?"

Trent was pouring salt onto his plate of eggs until the cover of the shaker suddenly fell off, causing all the contents to spill.

Duncan laughed. "Sorry about the morning as-salt!"

Gwen promptly slapped him. "Third grade called, you're due back in class."

"Real mature." Trent said. "Don't you know it's bad luck to spill salt?" he grabbed a clump of it and threw it behind him. The salt landed in Heather's face, causing her to scream.

"Nothing a little pepper won't fix." He poured the pepper, but the same thing happened and he threw another clump which landed in Heather's face again, causing her to sneeze this time.

Duncan laughed again. "You still gonna finish those eggs, bro?" he ate a piece.

"Are you nuts? Now I only have eight pieces left!"

"Am I nuts? Dude, you are officially capital 'W' weird."

"Which is good, because I happen to really like weird." Gwen defended. She ate another piece. "There, now you've got seven pieces, which is an odd number again. Isn't that kind of better?"

"Abso-Gwen-ly."

Duncan shook his head.

Just as Leroy walked out of the kitchen, Chris entered the tent, blowing a whistle and carrying a surfboard.

"Hang on to your coconuts, players," the host announced. "We're going back to the beach!"

Only Owen cheered.

"Ever seen one of those 1950 surfer movies where the kids get up to need o' fun before the big bonfire twist-a-thon, and the bully kicks the sand castle in the nerdy guy's face?"

DJ shrugged. Leshawna raised an eyebrow. Harold nodded. Heather sneezed. Gwen and Trent exchanged looks.

"Uh, no grandpa, we haven't." Duncan deadpanned.

"Well, get ready to recreate one, junior! Two challenges, followed by a tiebreaker if necessary. So, grab your swimsuits!"

Chef grabbed DJ's shoulder and pulled him closer.

"If the sand castle thing goes down," he whispered, "make sure you're the kicker, not the kickee."

DJ nodded before walking outside.

"Um," Leroy asked Chef, "is this alliance even legal?"

"I don't know," the cook shrugged, "What I know is, he's my ticket to a free pay."

Leroy gave him an odd look before walking out of the tent as well.

"Dang," Leroy thought, "too bad Bridgette's eliminated. She could've easily dominated this challenge."

Later, in a studio, all the contestants arrived in their swimsuits. However, the temperatures were so cold it was freezing.

"When did you guys move the beach to Antarctica?" Lindsay shivered.

"As some of you can see," Chris said, "we're actually in the shooting studio." The host was wearing a white parka.

"And the AC's cranked because?" Duncan asked.

"All the cameras and lights get so hot, they could melt Chef's heart."

The cook gave a disturbingly cheerful grin while waving. He was wearing a green scarf and a small toque.

"Creepy." Leroy commented. In addition to his usual outfit, he was wearing a black scarf that had the same technological design as his shirt.

"And the network told my agent 'sweaty' wasn't a good look for me." Chris continued. Your first challenge: Hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup."

"What did you just ask me to do?" Leshawna said.

"He means whoever stays on the surfboard the longest, wins." Trent replied.

"Exactomundo, groovy cats. So, who's going first?"

All the campers just shivered.

"The team that wins will get a half hour start in the next challenge. And given tonight's reward, you should be fighting harder than Justin's abs over who gets first shot."

"Speaking of rock hard abs," Harold whispered to Leshawna, "have you ever seen my ten pack?" he tried to show the nonexistent muscles as Leshawna shook her head.

Lindsay, in an attempt to squirt out some tanner, did manage to squirt it out, but she was pointing the tube in the wrong direction. The liquid immediately hardened into an icicle and hit Harold in the butt, causing him to stumble forward.

"We have a volunteer!" Chris announced. Harold facepamled.

Harold walked onto the surfboard, which was on a mechanical stand, which was on a large pool.

"Mad surfing skills, activate!" he yelled.

"And please welcome the return of some season 1 fan favorites," Chris announced. "The sharks!"

A shark suddenly jumped out of the water and bit Harold in the butt.

Confessional

Harold-"I'm very protective of my buttocks. They provide me with the low center of gravity that is the key to my many mad skills. You can say that they're my hugest 'asset'. Check it! I can juggle my Magic Steve's Magcal Trading Cards!" (he uses his butt pockets to do just that)

Harold had bailed and was currently hanging on for dear life on the upper beams as the sharks tried to jump out at him.

"My booty and I are out!" Harold said.

"Your booty has an opinion?" Leshawna asked.

"That's a big job for such a saggy, sad little thing." Heather commented.

"I'll have you know this is a selfless act! My lady fans couldn't handle the loss of this perfect behind!"

"And by 'lady fans', he means his mother."

"Hey sharks, look! Bacon and facon!" Harold yelled.

Leroy looked at Owen, who was eating said food.

"Breakfast should last all day!" the blonde exclaimed.

The sharks went to the edge to beg for the bacon and facon.

Confessional

Leroy-(still confused) "No seriously, what's facon?"

While the sharks were distracted, Harold let go of the beam, where he landed rather painfully on the nearby diving board.

"Way to stick the dismount, bro." Chris said sadistically.

Heather laughed as Gwen and Duncan bumped fists.

"Friendship bracelet?" Beth offered to Trent.

Trent grabbed it. "One two three four five six seven eight nine." He tapped his head. "Ugh, much better."

Beth slowly backed away. "Did you ever notice Trent's a little weird?" she asked Lindsay.

"Did you say Tyler's here? That's amazing!" she replied.

"Okay Linds, Tyler is not in the game anymore."

"Oh, right. I must have a dental block about the whole thing."

"It's mental, Lindsay, mental!" Leroy yelled. He looked at a clipboard. "By the way, you're up."

Lindsay went up to the board. As it began shaking, Lindsay had a hard time keeping her balance. It was made worse when Chris changed the backdrop to that of a storm over a farm, then Chef connected some wires to turn on some giant fans, blowing her away and sending her crashing into the backdrop with a splat.

"Okay," Leroy said as he looked at his clipboard, "DJ! You're up!"

When DJ started, he tried to balance on the board, but one of the sharks jumped up and bit off his swim trunks. DJ covered his exposed crotch and ran away, embarrassed.

"The body's a beautiful thing," Chef called after him, "you don't need a suit!"

"Owen, you're next!" Leroy called.

The second Owen stepped onto the board, it instantly broke apart, unable to handle more than 200 pounds. Owen was sent into the water with a huge splash, enough to send the sharks flying and landing on the ground.

"Sorry shark dudes! Really, I'm so sorry!" Owen yelled as he got out.

Chris blew his whistle. "Break time! Union rules!"

"Finally!" Heather spat.

"I don't mean you, sharkbait!"

The sharks sat down on chairs as Chef served them coffee.

Meanwhile, Leroy looked again at his clipboard. "Gwen, you're next!"

Gwen stepped up to the board. "No sharks, equals no problem." She said confidently.

"Oh, really?" Leroy retorted. At that moment, Chris attached a magazine full of seagulls to a launcher.

"I love this game!" the host exclaimed as he began firing.

Gwen tried to cover herself, but one of the seagulls latched to her head.

"Ah, get it out! Get it out!" she yelled as she fell into the lake.

"Beth, you're next!"

Beth went up to the board, but, combined with the seagull launcher, she was not able to last more than a few seconds.

"Heather, you're up!"

Heather was able to last a few seconds more than the others, but still fell in when her head was hit by the seagulls.

"Trent, you're next!"

Trent did fairly well, but fell in as well.

"Leshawna!"

Leshawna did not fare better, especially when she fell out of balance thanks to a seagull.

"Justin, you're up! And sharks your break time is over!"

The sharks threw away their cups and dived back into the water as Justin climbed up and looked at them before stepping up to the board.

"Yay, go Justin!" Lindsay cheered.

"Yeah, go!" Beth added.

"Copycat!"

"Tanorexic! Sorry, friendship bracelet?"

Meanwhile, Justin stepped up to the board and flipped his hair.

One look as enough to make the sharks instantly fall in love.

"So perfect." Chris said. "Almost makes me believe in the inherent goodness of the human race."

Confessional

Leroy-"You may not know this, but I am part on the 1% of people in this world who is completely immune to Justin's charm. I'm very lucky. Even Izzy isn't part of this 1%!"

"…Almost." Chris continued as he loaded another magazine of seagulls onto the launcher.

"JUSTIN!" Beth yelled.

Confessional

Beth-"I wanted to tell him he looked like a surfing god. Instead I said…"

"Your face, watch your beautiful face!"

"Wha-" Justin said before the seagull flew at him. One hit his face as he was sent falling into the pool.

The sharks winced briefly before one of them rushed over to the fallen hunk and brought him to dry ground, then gave him CPR.

"Oh my gosh Justin, are you okay-"

The shark swatted them away as it hugged the revived man candy.

"Love's a beautiful thing." Chris commented.

"Okay," Leroy said, "let's see here…Duncan! You're up!"

"Finally, we have Duncan!" Chris announced as Duncan stepped up to the board. "Try not to get your piercings wet."

Duncan only rolled his eyes as Chris began firing. He easily dodged the seagulls and even punched one down when it came flying at him.

Eventually, Chris ran out of ammo. He looked at some nearby objects.

Duncan barely managed to dodge the chair and stage light that were thrown at him.

"Oww, my head." Lindsay said as she walked up to Chris. The host had a devious grin on his face.

"You gotta be kidding me." Duncan ducked as a screaming Lindsay was thrown and crashed into the backdrop once again.

"And with that, Duncan secures victory for the Screaming Gaffers!"

"Gnarly." Duncan said. The Gaffers cheered as Gwen did a fist bump before hugging him.

"Man, Gwen's team is unstoppable!" Owen exclaimed.

"Try unstable," Trent said, "a ticking time bomb of betrayal! We have to stop them."

"With what? A freight train?"

"…Five six seven eight nine."

"Excuise me?"

"…Four five six seven eight nine!"

"Uh, your secret weapon's being weird."

"If being weird brings us good luck then yeah, I'm weird. Besides, Gwen likes weird." He gave a creepy 'happy' face.

"If you at home like weird, you'll love what's coming up next!" Chris narrated.

"I'm tellin' ya, sometimes being weird is cool." Trent retorted.

"Delusional. So sad. Anywho, Leroy, get the bus ready."

Leroy walked off until he saw the yellow bus in the parking lot. He started it up and drove to the front of the film lot.

"Welcome back to Total Drama Action!" he heard Chris announce. "Where against all advice to the contrary, the player have changed out of their bathing suits! Hope you like swimming in your jeans!"

"Right, because we're totally going to the beach this time," Heather replied sarcastically. "The bus is just late."

Just then, Leroy finally arrived.

"You were saying?"

Confessional

Owen-"Chris actually told us the truth for once? What's next, being treated with actual respect?"

The contestants began to board the bus. Meanwhile, Beth was handing friendship bracelets to her teammates.

"A blue bracelet for Lindsay to match her still frozen lips," a shivering Lindsay took the bracelet, "a green one for Owen because he's a giant human composter," Owen took and ate it.

"*burp* Thanks."

"Watcha got there, Beth?" Justin asked.

"Uh-a whole lot of car sickness," she lied, "I'll blow chunks if I don't get the front seat! Barf! Barf! Barf!" she ran inside.

"Okay, is that everyone?" Leroy asked. "Good."

One second later, the bus disappeared from the front of the film lot. One wild ride and several hundred (if not thousand) screams later, the bus arrived at its destination: near an all-too-familiar shore. Leroy opened the door to let all its queasy passengers out to get some fresh air.

"Ooh, and she got front seat too," Leroy observed as Beth threw up behind a bush.

After that, all the teens lined up beside two sandboxes.

"Yes campers," Chris said, "we're actually back at your old stomping grounds: Total…Drama…Island! If you need to take a moment and reminisce about the great times you had here?"

All the ex-campers just responded with laughter.

"Fine. We'll skip the good memories montage."

"Aww, and I had all the footage ready!" Leroy whined as he stood beside a pile of tapes. He pressed a button and a catapult launched all the tapes into the ocean.

"Screaming Gaffers, you've got a thirty-minute head start on: The Sand Castle Building Contest! To be judged by out resident king o' the dunes!"

Chef put on a prop sand castle tower on his head, covering his chef's hat.

"Make like prop masters, guys, and give me something awesome. I really don't want the tiebreaker to have to go down. I don't think legal's quite approved it yet."

Leroy looked at a dummy under a rock suspended by ropes tied to some sticks. The rock fell and crushed the dummy, then the sticks collapsed, and finally an orange car came out of the forest and crashed into the debris.

Confessional

Leroy-"Where did that come from?!"

"Okay Gaffers, your thirty-minute head start starts…now!"

The Gaffers wasted no time in filling buckets with sand and a bit of water in order to make the best sand castle yet.

Harold was busy making the sandcastle. "DJ! Wetter sand in that bucket! Leshawna! Pack it firmer!"

"Who died and made you Bossy McPushy?" she questioned.

"I'm a bit of a Gary buff. Frank Gary? Greatest architect of our time?"

"And I care about this because…?"

Harold just motioned to his magnificent sandcastle. "Now how about some props for my fine buttresses?"

"Did Duncan and Gwen go to get more buckets?" DJ asked.

Leroy looked around and shrugged.

Sometime later…

"Three, two-" Chris counted.

Chef blew a bugle.

"Thank you Chef. Screaming Gaffers, your thirty-minute lead is over. So Trent, dude, get castling!"

"Water, we need water!" Owen ran.

"I'll hit the mountain stream!"

"Or we could use the lake!"

"Quiet! We need a plan, and I've got one!"

Confessional

Justin-"Lil' Trent man's up! Wow, even I had goosebumps, and there wasn't a mirror for miles!"

Leroy looked at the Grips, who were building a crummier sandcastle than the Gaffers.

""Yeah, that's right." Trent said, "Nine turrets, nine doors, Justin, add one more moat so we have-"

"Nine?"

Trent nodded.

Lindsay noticed a hermit crab crawl past her. She grabbed it, and painted the Killer Grips logo on it and placed it atop a stick on the sandcastle.

"Now we have a flag!" she exclaimed as the crab dropped and crawled away, missing its shell.

"Great, we just need eight more." Trent said as he grabbed another shell.

Owen and Justin exchanged looks.

Leroy looked back at the Gaffer corner.

"The Taj Ma-Harold," Harold presented. "It's perfect!" The other Gaffers seemed to agree.

"Great," Leroy said, "Now we just have to wait for the Grips to finish and we can get on with the judging!"

Back in the Grip corner, Trent was trying to place more flags, even though he already placed eight.

"Dude, stop at three, stop at five! Just-just stop!" Justin yelled in worry.

"It can't support so much weight!" Owen added.

"Just one more…" the sandcastle suddenly collapsed. "flag…"

"Augh, it's over." Justin said hopelessly.

"What if I tie these bracelets around the towers to keep them up?" Beth suggested.

"It's a sandcastle building contest, Beth."

"No, it's a prop sandcastle building contest. Anything goes."

"Oh, I have some anything!" Lindsay said as she held up a bag.

"We can make it even better!"

Lindsay opened her bag and tossed out several magazines.

"Everybody, tear up these magazines," Beth instructed, "I'll mix the pieces with hairspray, and voila! Paper Mache!"

"Crafty." Justin commented. Beth blushed.

"Remember, nine of everything," Trent informed.

Confessional

Leroy-"Hey, Paper Mache isn't against the rules. Otherwise I would've done something about it."

Sooner than later, the Grips finally managed to build a decent castle.

"I dub thee, Casa Gwen." Trent declared.

"Now he's naming buildings after me?" Gwen questioned. "I think Trent might be obsessed."

"Nine moats, nine flags, hahaha, nine wicked jam rooms…"

"At least his number nine is even worse than the me one."

"Four letters in your name," Duncan quipped, "five letters in Trent's, put 'em together and you get-"

"NINE! He can't be doing everything nine times just for me!"

"Dude always does everything nine times." Harold piped up. "I reckon it started when he figured out you might like him."

"One two three four five six seven eight nine!" Trent waved nine times.

"Could say you've uh…sent him to cloud nine?" Duncan chuckled. Gwen punched him in response.

Meanwhile, the Gaffers were having trouble, as seagulls have invaded the castle. The Gaffers tried to shoo them away.

"No, there's birds in my belfry!" Harold said.

When the seagulls did leave, they left behind a completely demolished sandcastle.

"Dang! They busted my buttresses!"

"We have a winner!" Chris announced. "Beth and the Killer Grips clever prop: Casa dos Paper Mache!"

The Grips cheered as Trent made a '9' with his body.

"And friendship bracelets!" Beth added.

Chris pushed her aside. "Which means we need a new tiebreaker! And I was hoping for the evening off. Instead, help Leroy gather ye some wood, campers, for a fire of the bon variety!"

In the forest, Leroy was gathering wood, while Gwen was nearby.

Trent walked up to her. "Gwen, hey, I feel like it's been ages since we had any uh…you know, quality time together."

"Uh…" Gwen raised an eyebrow.

Apparently, Owen was behind Trent, making kissing noises. Trent glared at him.

"Check." he said before running away.

"I kinda wanna talk to you about-Owen! I can see you!"

"Do you mind speaking up? I don't wanna miss all the juicy bits!" he was hit with two sticks in response.

Gwen smirked before looking at Trent. "Are you carrying nine sticks?!"

"'Course, it's my lucky number." Trent replied.

"Listen, Trent, I'd love to stay and chat, but I really gotta go and focus on the game right now!" she ran off.

"What am I doing wrong?!" Trent yelled.

"Getting in our way." Owen replied. "Like I said before, the girl likes winning."

"Y'know Owen, sometimes you're really smart."

Owen farted. "Me like beans." He blurted out.

Later that night, the campers assembled on the beach. Chris clapped twice and several torches lit up.

"Why'd you bother sending us out to get firewood?" Heather questioned.

"I needed some alone time. You think these hands manicure themselves." He shoved his hand in her face. "Which brings us to, the tiebreaking challenge: A Watutsi-twist-mashed potato-dorky-old school dance contest! Teams, choose your best bootier for battle!"

Leshawna immediately stepped forward. "Ooh, you gotta pick me. My nickname back home: Leshaken' it!"

"Okay," Leroy said, "Grips?"

"I vote for Trent!" Lindsay said.

"We heard you got some fly moves." Justin added.

"Okay, I'll do it." Trent replied, "If you all say my name nine times."

"Trent, Trent, Trent…"

After that, Leroy set down his boombox and began the beach showdown music.

"And we're off!" Leroy said.

"Prepare for a world of pain, son!" Leshawna said.

"Bring it." Trent retorted.

The two walked off to a short distance and began dancing. Leroy however, took notice of Leshawna, His eyes widened and his jaw dropped because apparently, the sight of her dancing was just so…appalling. When Leroy looked at the Gaffers, they had the same reaction (save Harold, who was dancing along).

Confessional

DJ-(scoffs) "Yeah, I bet I know Leshawna's real nickname back home: La Bomba!"

Heather-"Prima Balleri-no!"

Leroy-(barfing)

Harold-"Two words: Fun-ky! What? I loved it!"

Trent was faring far better with his dancing.

"Go Trent!" Beth cheered.

"Shake your lady lumps!" Lindsay added. Leroy facepalmed at that statement.

Gwen looked away. Trent looked worriedly at Owen, who shrugged.

Confessional

Trent-"The thing is, if Gwen wants to win, why is it unethical for me to help her? I'm Trent first and the Killer Grips second. Oh, can we erase that? Confession might be good for the soul; it's not so good for the teamwork."

Trent began moonwalking until he saw a stick lying on the ground. Winking at the camera, he purposely tripped and fell down.

"Dude, get up!" Justin yelled.

"Ugh, I think I have turned my ankle." Trent said.

"Do something!" Owen yelled.

Trent writhed on the floor until Chris walked up to him.

"That's not dancing!" the host raised an eyebrow.

"It's modern! It's uh…interpretive!"

"I interpret it as sucking." Duncan quipped.

"Shut it, Duncan!" Gwen elbowed him. "I ignore Trent and now he's lost his will to go on!"

"You're giving yourself way too much credit. If Trent has that many screws loose, you didn't unscrew any more of 'em."

Confessional

Gwen-"I like Trent. A lot. But I don't wanna be responsible for this much mental distress!"

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Chris said, "but Leshawna and the Screaming Gaffers are the winners! And your reward: The greatest beach party ever pitched!"

The Gaffers all cheered. Gwen motioned for Trent to follow her to the forest.

"Anyways, Leroy, go get the bus ready."

Leroy went over to the bus. He tried to start it up, but it didn't. Leroy tried again. It didn't work. Leroy headed back to the beach, where the Gaffers were partying.

"If the losing team can just follow me to the bus," Chris said before Leroy whispered something in his ear. "Which is broken, which means the losers have to stay and watch their rivals gorge on victory, and poi!"

Later, Leroy had started up music for the Gaffers' beach party. Harold was dominating the dance floor until Duncan kicked sand in his face.

"What was that for?"

"Because you actually have mad skills in dance."

"Good thing we didn't need them, thanks to my smooth moves!" Leshawna said as she struck a pose. Duncan and Gwen laughed as Leroy rolled his eyes before walking over to the Grips, who were all sulking on the beach. Owen took a bite out of the prop sandcastle.

"How is it, Omar?" Lindsay asked.

"As good as dirt and crust and magazine can be." He suddenly barfed all over Lindsay's face.

Justin walked over and sat down next to Beth. "Thanks for winning us the sandcastle contest," he said, "especially since I blew the surfing challenge. You really saved my bacon, or should I say facon."

Beth giggled.

Confessional

Leroy-(still confused) "For the last time, what the heck is facon?!"

"Except," Justin continued, "I kinds noticed you gave everyone on the team friendship bracelets, everyone but me. Aren't we friends, Beth?"

"Of course! Here, it's kinda wet, my palm's a little sweaty."

"Red, nice."

Beth smiled.

Confessional

Justin-"Let's just say I'll do anything to win. Anything." (he looks at his bracelet) Ooh, Beth, I love it! I was thinking, Beth, it could be really good for us if we were in an alliance!

Meanwhile…

Leroy was lying down on a doily as he was under the bus, trying to fix it. He got out briefly before motioning for a camera to come over to him.

"If I find out who did this," the intern said angrily, "I'll make sure they'll pay, even if it's the last thing I do!"

A/N: I decided to include a few short scenes with those who weren't seen participating in the surfing challenge. I hope you enjoyed!

Reviews would be greatly appreciated, thank you!