First of all, I know it's been nearly a year since my last update. A combination of unexpected events, unforeseen side effects, and a large case of writer's block have forced me to stop working on this. I can't make surefire promises, but I'll do my best to make sure the next chapter doesn't take that long again.
Anyway, here we go with this way overdue chapter!
Leroy woke up in his trailer once again. This time though, he had a spare shirt on his head. He yanked it off and saw the insides of the trailer. More clothes were scattered about on the floor and the furniture. The refrigerator was slightly open. Unfinished inventions littered his work table.
Confessional
Leroy-"Man, it's only been six challenges and my trailer already looks like a dump! Last season took longer than that!" (sighs) "Looks like it's cleaning time again."
One half hour later, Leroy entered the craft services tent with a large sack behind him. He tossed it into the nearby futuristic laundry chute (which he invented) before coming up to the counter.
"Yo Chef, what's for breakfast?" he asked.
"For you, the usual deluxe meal." Chef replied. The meal consisted of a fried egg with five juicy strips of bacon and two sausages as well as garlic rice and lastly, a glass of orange juice.
"Mmm," Leroy said as he devoured the meal in a speed that could rival that of Owen's. "Okay, I'm done."
Leroy went to the cast trailers afterward. He planted some sort of lock on the doors. Afterwards, he rang an air horn.
Confessional
Leroy-"Chris told me to lock the doors so he give the wakeup call. Anyways," (clears throat) "wanna make sure your home is completely safe? Then get the new LeroyTech Security Lock!" (he holds up the lock that he had just used) "It's easy to apply to your doors, and even windows! It's also remote controlled, so there is no use trying to pick it! The material it is made of is almost as hard as diamond, and it also has a shocking security system if one would try to pry it open! It's like this." (he tries to pry open the lock, but he gets zapped and falls to the ground) "I'm okay!"
Leroy headed back to the craft services tent and entered the kitchen. He saw DJ there.
"What's he doing here?" the intern asked. "I thought I locked him in with everyone else."
"Yeah, remember the alliance I made with him?" Chef replied, "part of it is makin' him my cookin' assistant. Anyways," he cleared his throat and turned to DJ, "okay maggot, I'm gonna ride you 'til your confidence coats the back of a spoon, and your self-respect form de-peached! No more mama's boy, DJ. You've got to learn." He held up a cleaver and used it to chop several disgusting items, including an old boot, an apple core, a rotten banana, and a tin can, all covered in green glop.
"Uh, what is that?" DJ asked.
"Taste perfection, boy." He poured the glop into a pot and spoon-fed DJ part of it. "What you're tasting is pride, son," he said as the brickhouse retched, "the most important virtue in a man's life. Now stir that pot!"
Chef left the kitchen, leaving the intern and the brickhouse alone. "If Chef wants pride," the latter said, "mama's gonna show him pride, with her special flavor blend," he held out a shaker, "Mama's Spice." He began pouring the blend into the pot.
"Um, I don't think Chef's gonna approve of that." Leroy quipped. To prove his point, Chef suddenly reentered the kitchen, grabbed the shaker from DJ's hands, crushed it in one hand, and dropped it before leaving the kitchen again.
"I said no more mama's boy!" Chef yelled as he walked away. Leroy followed suit.
As Leroy arrived back at the trailers, Leroy saw Chris in a policeman's uniform.
"Prison movie's today?" the intern asked. Chris nodded in response.
Leroy heard several poundings on both doors. "Should we let them out now?"
"Eh…" Chris shrugged.
Leroy pressed a button on his remote and the locks on the doors immediately opened. The girls' trailer door was the first to open, letting them all out. He then walked over to the boys' trailer and opened the door.
Big mistake.
Leroy was startled and knocked over as the guys flew out of the door, apparently planning to use Owen as a battering ram.
"Hope you enjoyed your first taste of the gulag." Chris said.
"Gulag? I didn't get any gulag." Lindsay replied as Justin brushed some dust off his pajamas.
"Well prepare for it to get a whole lot worse," Chris continued as he brought out a metal baton, "because today is prison flick day!"
The contestants all groaned at this.
"Lovely," Heather commented sarcastically, "at least we've got the only actual ex-con on our team."
"It was only juvenile detention," Duncan shot back, "don't get too excited."
"Ah prison," Chris began, "the confinement! The claustrophobia! The vile, nasty food! And you're always looking over your shoulder, 'cause Mr. Killer Dude wants to cut ya for taking the last tater tot! And no matter how hard you try, digging out spoonfuls of dirt, year after year, there's no escape! Unless you get voted off, of course."
Confessional
Harold-"Talk about overkill. This place is plenty prison-like already. Not that I'm complaining. I mean, I should probably be locked up for the ladies' sake anyways."
Leroy led the contestants to studio 7C, where the prison movies used to be filmed. Two cell props were on either side while two tables were near them.
"Lockdown, people," Chris said, "let's get this challenge started! Teams, take a prisoner from the competition. And Chef, I mean, warden," Chef entered the room wearing his army outfit, "lock 'em up."
"It's in the bag. Gwen owes us." Leroy heard Justin whisper to his teammates.
"But what if locking her up means she's out of the challenge though?" Beth replied.
"But we can't know, remember?" Owen quipped, "We need this bag!"
"Let's flip a coin," Lindsay suggested, "heads we win, tails, victory is ours!"
The other Grips glared at her. Leroy facepalmed.
Leroy looked over at the Gaffers.
"Remember when Lindsay locked herself in the bathroom?" Heather whispered to them.
"She lost it!" Gwen replied. "Drank everyone's shampoos in case any of them were 'magic potions' and then barfed on herself!"
"She'll crack for sure." Duncan said.
"Choices, Gaffers?" Chris asked.
"Lindsay." Heather flat-out said.
"Yay! I win!" Lindsay cheered.
"Grips. Now remember, this is an important choice. Especially for plenty ol' losers like yourselves."
"Oh, we shouldn't have any trouble beating Gwen." Beth deviously winked.
Gwen gulped.
"Today's first game is," Chris continued, "the prison chal-lenge!" he ripped off a tarp, revealing a dumpster full of revolting and rotten food and junk, with a few flies around it. "Each team of prison Chefs whips up the foulest, nastiest, most barf-inducing slop this side of Alcatraz! Gwen and Lindsay have to stomach as much as they can. Last one to power hurl, wins."
Chef led Lindsay to a cell. "I can't! I'm innocent I tell you, innocent!" Lindsay yelled as Chef closed the door.
"That's what they all say." Chris commented as Gwen was locked in her cell.
Confessional
Gwen-"I know I owe the Grips because of Trent's cheating. But even if we forget Lindsay's shampoo incident, last night she nearly hurled because Leshawna's gum smelled too minty fresh. How am I gonna puke before that?"
The gross ingredients were now set on each table.
"Gross…" Lindsay hurked.
"The reward better be worth it." Gwen muttered.
"Have I ever let you down?" Chris asked. "Wait, scratch that. Anyway, the winning team gets this!" he held up a golden shovel.
"What are we supposed to do with a shovel?" Lindsay asked.
Confessional
Harold-"Everybody knows more wars have been one with the shovel than with the sword. Give a man a hole, and what does he have? Nothing. But give a man a shovel, and he can dig a hole to contain the nothing."
Leroy-"In case you're wondering, the shovel's not made of gold. We just grabbed a shovel and painted it with gold.
"Prisoners ready?" Chris said. "And…cullinate!"
Everyone else scampered to find the most revolting ingredients to put in the bowl.
"Duncan goes right for the roaches," Chris narrated, "Harold tops it off with some slimy anchovy paste and oh-here come the horse lips!"
"Where do you even get these things?" Leshawna asked.
"They're obviously imported, gosh!" Harold replied as the two walked away.
DJ walked up to the concoction. "How's a self-respecting Chef supposed to serve that?" he brought out a can similar to the one used earlier. "Momma's spice. And momma would be proud. I think." He poured it in, but Chef rushed over to him.
"NO MORE MOMMA'S BOY!" he yelled as he grabbed the shaker and crushed it.
"Besides, it's against the rules." Leroy added as he looked over to the Killer Grips. There, Beth gave Justin some dirty hairbrushes.
"Nice work, Beth." Justin complimented.
Beth giggled and swooned, but not before something fell out of her mouth and into the concoction.
"Augh, a whole lot of dead hair going into the Grip's concoction," Chris narrated, "Oh, and what's this?" Owen walked up to the bowl and began scratching his hair, causing dandruff to drop into it.
"On top of spaghetti, all covered in flakes!" Chris sang loudly, "And Gwen has to eat it, 'cause them's just a break! Time's up! And jailbirds, hope you're appetites are primed!"
Justin handed the Grips' concoction to Gwen.
"Feeling queasy?" he taunted.
Meanwhile, Harold handed the Gaffers' concoction to Lindsay.
"We have the brazed horse lips with the got brains fricassee, and the fish gut reduction, topped off, of course, with some toenail clippings." he said. "Bon appetit."
"Horse lips are low fat and low carb, right?" Lindsay asked nervously.
"Are you maggots ready?" Chris asked.
One of the maggots on Gwen's dish giggled mischievously.
"One minute to down that chow! And…dig in!"
Gwen began to take a spoonful of her 'food'.
Confessional
Gwen-"I was imagining every horrifying, barf-worthy thing I could. Drinking the janitor's mop water. The time my brother puked on my neck on the Tilt-A-Whirl. When I was babysitting and the dog ate the kid's diapers and then licked my face. But nothing was working!"
Lindsay reluctantly took a spoonful of her dish and swallowed. "Wow, that's delicious!" she exclaimed.
Leroy and Chef looked suspiciously at DJ (in Chef's case, angry as well), who nodded.
"It's like I'm eating at angel's wings!" Lindsay continued. She devoured the entire dish, much to the Gaffer's surprise.
Gwen continued eating the 'food', as Leshawna and Heather looked on (worryingly for the former).
Gwen suddenly spit out a retainer.
Confessional
Leroy-"Hey, she spat it out. That doesn't count as barfing. They're two different things, y'know?"
"Thanks," Beth said as she picked up the retainer. "My dad would've killed me!"
Beth put the slimy retainer back in her mouth. The sight of it, however, was enough to cause Lindsay to barf. Unfortunately for Leroy, however, he was standing between the cells, where Lindsay's blown chunks were heading. Fortunately for Leroy, however, he saw this and ducked out of the way in time as the barf hit Gwen in her cell.
"Gwen keeps it down for the Screaming Gaffers and wins the reward!" Chris announced. The Gaffers cheered as Leroy handed them the golden shovel.
"Aw, don't worry Gwen," Chris said in a faux consoling voice, "you and the Gaffers have the golden shovel! They'll be thanking you in the elimination challenge!"
Lindsay walked up to her. "Thanks Gwen," she said sarcastically, "so much for our deal!
"What were you and Lindsay just talking about?" Heather questioned Gwen as she passed by her.
"The weather. Windy and cold with an 80% chance of barf." She flicked on of Lindsay's blown chunks on her head.
"You're up to something," Heather said. "and I am finding out what."
DJ ran up to Chef. "Chef sir, did you see that challenge? You were right Chef, pride is everything. Thank you."
"YOU'VE LEARNED NOTHING!" Chef rebuked.
"B-b-but pride, Chef!"
"PRIDE?! Pride and two bucks will get you a cup of coffee! What a man really needs is loyalty! If it wasn't for Beth's disgusting retainer thing, you could've blown it for the whole team!"
"Oh…wow." DJ hung his head in shame.
Chef raised an eyebrow. "I was once like you. Young, weird, kind of ugly, but you got a gift, and I want it. Don't let it go to waste, like I did. Meet me in the kitchen after the challenge. You're on permanent KP3, soldier."
Confessional
DJ-"Who knew Chef was such a softie? But I can't argue with the man. I got the gift." (he brings out another shaker) "More spice. I love my mama." (Chef's hand suddenly appears and grabs the shaker. A crushing sound is heard offscreen.)
Soon, everyone was now outside in the prison yard, with two laundry carts next two them.
"Elimination challenge, here we go!" Chris announced. "No get-outta-jail-free cards here, people! This is escape from Total Drama Pen! Each team must hop in their laundry cart while one member pushes through the obstacle course to freedom! When you reach the wall, get digging! First team to reach the boxcart of freedom win immunity! Convicts, select a pusher!"
"I'll do it!" DJ volunteered.
"Are you sure you can handle the pressure?" Gwen asked suspiciously. "Everything is riding on this. But, if you like being the one who could lose us the whole thing…"
"Huh?" Heather asked in confusion before glaring at DJ.
"I should probably lie down." DJ said as he wiped a sweat of his brow and jumped into the cart.
"It's okay DJ, I'll do it." Gwen said deviously as she winked at the Grips, who in turn, winked back.
"The girl is seriously sketchy," Heather noted, "I, for one, refuse to trust her."
"I'd trust anyone more than I trust you," Leshawna pointed a finger at Heather, "Now get up in that cart and shut it, Ms. Sourpuss-Im'ma-vote you off-next!"
Heather opened her mouth to retort, but Duncan walked past her.
"Seriously Heather, shut it." He said. She could only glare at them.
"So, which of you guys is pushing us?" Beth asked the Grips.
Immediately Owen faked a knee injury. "Oww, dang trick knee's been acting up since that time I uh…pushed it to the max at the uh…sports." He hopped into the cart.
Apparently only Lindsay fell for it, obviously. "Aww, poor thing. Justin, we can use some real manliness here."
"Woah, girls," Justin excused, "The Gaffers have Gwen pushing. We don't want it to look uneven. I think we need a girl, too, to help hide the whole cheating business, and beautiful, the way you took on the last challenge nearly blew my mind."
Leroy, who was standing next to Chris, stared at Justin suspiciously.
Confessional
Leroy- "Something's not right. Could it have to do with that challenge-throwing incident?"
Both teams were in their carts, with Gwen and Lindsay pushing for the Gaffers and Grips, respectively.
"This is it, teams," Chris said, "On you marks, get set, escape!"
Gwen immediately took off. Lindsay meanwhile, struggled to push her cart.
Gwen easily dashed past the first few obstacles, but when she reached the swinging bags, the Gaffers ducked, except Heather, who got hit by one of them.
Lindsay continued to struggle, but only managed to push the cart forward a couple of feet.
"Come on, pump those foxy legs, come on, pump!" Justin said.
"Do you know…how much you and Omar weigh?" Lindsay complained. "I'm doing my best!"
"Wow Gwen," Beth yelled. "You're going even faster than Trent ever could!"
At these words, Gwen suddenly stopped in the middle of the baton statues.
"Is there a problem?" Heather asked suspiciously.
The Grips suddenly passed them, Lindsay having finally managed to pick up the pace, with Justin cheering.
"I demand and explanation," Heather complained. "Why have we stopped?"
"Augh, ooh, cramps! Cramps!" Gwen faked.
"Were they talking about Trent?" Heather questioned angrily. "The guy you were so over? The same guy who happened to get voted off last time? Coincidence? Or did you and the Grips cut a deal?"
"Don't be ridiculous!"
"Oh, I give you serious props for that nefarious scheme, but if it's true, you are a goner."
"I am cramping up, I swear! Augh!"
"If she's got a cramp, she's got a cramp," Duncan defended, "we humans get them."
"I have just the thing for cramps!" Heather raised a fist, "Now get pushing!"
Reluctantly, Gwen resumed her pushing.
Meanwhile, the Grips were smooth sailing, at least, until they neared the wall.
"Lindsay?" Beth asked.
"Lindsay?" Justin asked nervously.
"Lindsay!" Both of them screamed.
Fortunately, Lindsay got the picture, screeching to a halt, only managing to nudge a sleeping Owen's head to the wall, waking him up.
"Huh? I was having this terrible dream," he said, "I was on this show, and we were in prison, and we had to-" he looked around. "Aw, nuts! Err…beer nuts."
"Get digging, Sleepy McBumper-Head!" Beth ordered as she shoved a spoon into his hands.
As Owen began digging, the Gaffers finally arrived at the end, where Leshawna hopped out of the cart.
"Someone's dirt's in my hole! I'm gonna get it out!" Leshawna declared as she began digging rapidly.
"Leshawna, you'll hurt yourself!" Gwen yelled.
"Hmm, would it kill you to offer a little encouragement?" Heather complained again, "Someone who wants to win might do?"
"Sue me for caring about the well-being of my teammates!" Gwen rebuked.
Soon, both teams were underground. Leroy sent two Intern's Eye cameras down their holes before using his jetpack to fly over the wall to the boxcarts, where Chris and Chef were waiting.
Leroy watched the screen, which had split focus on the two teams. He selected the Killer Grip feed.
"Justin, I can hear them way ahead of us!" Lindsay said. While she and the others were digging, Justin was only admiring his reflection in the spoon.
"Chill," Justin assured, "Gwen's throwing the game, remember?"
"Oh right! I keep forgetting!"
"Okay, what do you say we ratchet this operation back a notch, huh?"
"Ah, no…" Leroy muttered as he quickly switched to the Gaffer feed.
Harold cheered as Leshawna took the frontline and began digging.
"I'm starting to like our chances," Heather said.
Gwen looked uneasy, before getting an idea. Leroy saw her fake her claustrophobia, before screaming and grabbing the shovel, then smashing it on Harold's head.
Confessional
Harold- (with a bandage wrapped around a lump on his head) "Classic prison madness. And that shovel thing? Heck, everyone knows: First day of prison, break something over some big dude's back, then nobody messes with you. I'm kinda scared of Gwen now, and kinda attracted to her. Don't tell Leshawna. Or Heather. Or Gwen!"
"Team, we're the Screaming Gaffers," DJ said, "We're gonna win even if we have to dig with our bare hands! Even if we have to eat our way out!" he brought out yet another can of spice.
"Danger Boy, Toothpick, Soul Patch, Puke Breath," Leshawna addressed Duncan, Heather, Harold, and Gwen respectively, "Mama Boy's right. Let's get our dig on!"
Leroy saw a rumbling in their tunnel. A hand burst out of wall before out popped the head of a certain eccentric redhead, who was wearing a camo cap and a few branches.
"Kaleidoscope?!" the Gaffers exclaimed.
"Yup, I'd say that's her." Duncan said.
"I've been living underground amongst the prairie dogs!" Izzy said as one popped out of her branches and raised a fist.
"Aw Butchy, it's okay," she said, "these are my friends!"
"You were a Killer Grip!" Heather pointed out. "One of our sworn enemies!"
"Friends, enemies," Izzy said, "living down here, it changes like, your whole perspective! Follow me, I know a shortcut to the finish line!"
"A shortcut?!" Gwen gasped.
"Isn't it great, Gwen?" Heather taunted. "We're totally going to win, Gwen!"
Confessional
Gwen- "What choice do I have? If my team knew the truth, I'd be toast!"
Leroy activated his jetpack (which was nearby) and flew over the wall, and to the boxcarts to join Chris and Chef.
Immediately after he landed, a part of the ground near him collapsed, revealing a hole. Whichever team came out of it would be the winner.
It was…
…
…
…The Killer Grips.
"The Killer Grips win the challenge!" Chris announced.
Immediately after, a rock moved and Leshawna popped out of it.
"Aw heck no!" she exclaimed as she saw the Grips cheering.
Izzy's head popped out next. "We won! We won!" she cheered.
"We?" Leshawna questioned.
"What? It's way more fun to be on the winning team." Izzy replied as she went to join her former team.
"They actually won?" Gwen asked incredulously.
"Try not to look so upset, traitor!" Heather shouted.
"Alright Killer Grips, high five!" Izzy said as she ran up to her team members.
"But we voted you off!" Lindsay pointed out.
"Uh-uh, you voted off Kaleidoscope."
Leroy gasped as he suddenly had a flashback to when Izzy was first voted off.
"Yo guys," Chris said as Izzy was dragged away, "wanna make sure we keep this ballot in the files as an official record of Kaleidoscope's departure? I'll authorize it. Foresight, that's why they pay me the big bucks."
"So, Izzy's still technically in the game!" Owen concluded.
Confessional
Izzy- "So, that Leroy guy like, really scares me. And I know, because I've never really been that scared for like, since that phobia challenge! He said to me that the show will officially refer to me as 'Izzy' from now on, and that the next time I get voted off, I stay voted off."
Leroy- "My goggles have the ability to, insinuate fear in anyone if I stared directly while wearing them if I wanted to. It's mostly for self-defense, and/or keeping anyone in line."
Both teams were currently in the craft services tent, eating dinner.
"If you were food, you'd be dessert." Owen said to Izzy. "Chocolate-covered chocolate with chocolate sauce and sprinkles. Chocolate ones."
"That is so nice, Owen." Izzy complimented, "You're banana split with like, 26 bananas and a whole lot of split."
Leroy, who was leaning on counter as usual, looked over at the Gaffer table.
"It's so sad that you'll be kicked off tonight, isn't it, Death Mask?" Heather taunted Gwen.
"What makes You Royal Smugness so sure?" Gwen retorted.
"I saw through your little stunt. You threw the challenge. We'd still be in that tunnel if it wasn't for Izzy. You're gonna pay." Heather replied.
DJ walked up to Gwen and offered her a plate of 'food'. "Gwen, here. After all the barfing, running, and digging, you need to keep your strength up."
"Aw, thanks DJ. I can always count on you."
Leroy narrowed his eyes at Gwen. An earlier thought ran through his head, before a devious idea followed…
At the Gilded Chris ceremony, Leroy once again played the theme as the Gaffers, for the first time ever, voted.
"Time's up!" Chris announced. "I'll tally the votes! Duncan, Leshawna, DJ, and Harold," Leroy threw the awards to them in that order, "another award, and, another day to compete. Tonight's final Gilded Chris and another chance at the million, goes to…"
Heather and Gwen glared at each other.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
"Heather!"
Heather walked up to the stage, took her award, and shoved Chris aside.
"Sorry Gwen," she said to the mic, "you're not the winner. You lost, so you're a loser. It's just logic."
Confessional
Leshawna- "Voting for Gwen? Yeah, that hurt. I'm not saying Heather was right, but something must have gone off of Gwen, smacking Harold upside his sweet little head like that. Girl wasn't right. And when you're not right, you're wrong."
Harold- "Thing is, if Gwen had stayed in the game, according to prison rules, I'd either break a shovel over her head, or fall in love with her. Obviously, neither option was feasible."
Heather- "My vote plus Leshawna and Harold's equals the greatest day of my life. Bye-bye, Gwenny!"
Chef slapped a pair of handcuffs on Gwen's hands.
"Dead girl walking!" he yelled as he escorted her to the Lame-O-Sine.
"Leave her, take me!" Duncan said.
"Sure, whatever." Chef said as he prepared to cuff him.
"What? Wait, wait, okay no, I didn't actually mean-"
Gwen grabbed the handcuffs from Chef. "Nice try, Duncan. You're not getting off that easy. Good luck, 'kay?"
Confessional
Gwen- "Definition of lousy? Being a stickler for your word and having to vote yourself off. Whoever's in charge of karma, I hope that counts for something!"
Meanwhile, Leroy smirked as he walked off the stage.
Confessional
Leroy- "I may have slipped the Gaffers a little 'present' showing the sabotage proof that may or may not have influenced their vote. I know Gwen was one of those who broke that bus that I was forced to fix. When someone does me wrong, I don't stop 'till I get my revenge." (snickers)
I just really hope this makes up for my long absence from typing, you know what I mean?
- I. M. Poik