Double Trouble 33
Chapter 33 'Better'
"Took you long enough," said Em, as soon as Emma and Regina walked in the apartment door.
The teenage girls were sitting closely on the couch together. Em was engrossed in playing some phone game and Ri had Henry's book in her lap. It was Em who first raised her gaze at the adults who had just arrived and were removing their coats and scarves. She narrowed her eyes and gave Regina an appraising once-over as though to check her for any signs of injury or disenchantment after her night with Emma.
"How'd it go last night?" said Em mock-innocently, making it clear she was asking about the sex and not the Council meeting.
"Hi!" Ri chirped.
Emma went over to her to inspect the stitches in the girl's lip. "Aw Ri, look at you. I'd hate to see the other guy."
Ri replied straight-faced. "There was no guy."
"She means you look badass," said Em. "Like you've been in a fight."
"Oh! Well yes, I am a force to be reckoned with," said Ri, nodding. "The book says so."
"Mm-hmm," drawled Em. "Watcha gonna do. Kill us with kindness?"
Ri flipped some of the pages over, perusing the illustrations. "I wear some rather interesting outfits in this book. I didn't know my decolletage could do that."
"Magic," said Em. She glanced back and forth between the two Regina's and when she caught her older self checking them out too they shared a knowing smirk with each other without saying anything at all.
"How are your stitches?" said Regina to her younger self, tapping her own scar. "Mother isn't here to berate you over it like she did me. I had to lie about how it happened. You had someone to take care of you but I expected you to be more upset."
Ri shrugged. "It doesn't hurt anymore but it feels funny on the inside and my tongue won't stop playing with it."
Em cracked up. "That's what she said."
"Who?" said Ri blankly, making Em laugh harder.
Ri shot her a playful frown and crossed her arms in a huff. "I don't know what that means but I know you're being annoying, Em Swan."
"That's not what you were saying last night when we were cuddled up."
Emma shoved her younger self's leg with her foot. "Hey. She's injured. Tell me you didn't-"
"No. What do you think I am?" Em countered. "Tell me you guys did though right? You'd better not have wussed out, Crankypants. I hope you were gentlemanly about it and let her go first."
Emma rolled her eyes.
"Regina, if Emma sucked it's not my fault," said Em apologetically. "I offered to give her some advice."
"So, was it really good?" said Ri eagerly.
Emma covered her reddening face with her hands. "Oh my god, if it's not one it's the other."
"That's because you still haven't answered, Emma," said Regina.
"Why don't you answer."
"You first," quipped Regina.
"I - it was-" Emma gaped open-mouthed, searching for words. "You know what. I'm not telling. No spoilers! They can find out for themselves when they're us one day."
Em raised a lazy eyebrow over her thick black glasses. "I don't wanna be you if I have to wear that daggy sweater. You seriously hoping Regina will want to sleep with you again after seeing you in that?"
"It's not that bad, Emma. Really," Ri said, rather unconvincingly coming to the rescue.
"You're lying, Ri," said Em. "It looks like a multi-coloured sheep orgy."
"Fortunately she looks better out of it," said Regina wryly.
"I bet she does," said Ri, to everyone's surprise. "What are you all looking at me like that for? I wasn't being flippant like Em. Mary Margaret gave me a lot of information and it would've been nice if someone had just told me it was normal earlier. It feels wonderful to be with Em but after hearing things about my future I honestly want to know that it can be good. So please tell me."
"Yeah, Ri. Uh, of course it was-" stammered Emma, stricken that they'd all been joking when Ri really wanted to know the truth. "It was good. Um, really good."
Ri looked sideways at Em and held out her empty palm. "Hand it over."
"Dammit, Emma!" groused Em, slapping a $10 note into Ri's palm. "How could you fall for that?"
"I bet her that I could get you to tell me," explained Ri sweetly to Emma's horror.
"What do you want money for anyway, Ri," said Em.
Ri smiled victoriously and shrugged. "Oh, I don't care about this strange bartering paper. I just wanted to win."
Mary Margaret called to Emma and Regina from the bench where she was cutting up bread and salad items to go with the soup that was boiling on the stove. "Hi, you two. Lunch will be ready in a little while if you're hungry."
"Actually I'm starving," admitted Emma.
Em stage-whispered, "Did you work up an appetite this morning? By the way, you both smell like the same shampoo."
Emma winked at her younger self and then accepted Em's offer of a bro-fist bump.
"Miss Blanchard, where's Henry?" Regina asked.
"Playing on his laptop," said Mary Margaret. "He went for a bike ride to the shops earlier but he's been tucked away upstairs ever since he got back. He's been a bit too quiet actually. He looked a bit sad I thought."
"So where's the Blue Fairy?" said Emma, looking around and wondering why their reason for being summoned didn't appear to be here.
"Why would Blue be here?" said Mary Margaret. "We still haven't heard from her about yesterday's Council meeting that she missed."
Emma was about to get annoyed that they'd come over for nothing. "But Regina got a text message saying she was here wanting to talk to us."
Em threw her hand up like she was in class. "I sent that! The pretty fairy lady went out with David to pick something up."
Mary Margaret finally clicked. "Oh! You mean Astrid. Why didn't you just say so, Emma. They'll be back soon."
That explanation didn't really explain anything. Emma and Regina exchanged a look, each asking the other silently if they knew what the hell was going on. What could Astrid possibly want with them?
Later that afternoon things got even stranger when David and Astrid finally returned with Leroy tagging along behind them. Instead of wearing the drab navy blue outfit of the Storybrooke nuns, Astrid was dressed in a weird pink-white combination of frills, a tulle skirt, and mismatched knee socks. She wouldn't have looked out of place at rollerderby or the Harajuku district and Leroy apparently couldn't stop staring. Astrid bounced into the apartment, greeted them all in her bubbly friendly manner and managed to trip over something invisible on the way in.
"Hi everybody. Oops!" cried Astrid. She fell and landed hard on her knees. Her bag dropped to the floor with a heavy thud.
Leroy rushed worriedly to her side. "Are you ok, Astrid?"
"Yes! I'm so clumsy. Thank you, Leroy, you're very kind to help me up." Astrid blushed and accepted his hand.
"No, no. Thank you for falling right there," said Leroy, trying not to look up her skirt. "So that I could help you."
"You're a real gentleman," said Astrid, sneaking shy looks at the dwarf.
"It was nothing," Leroy said gruffly.
David and Mary Margaret were nudging each other and smiling in that smug-superior-knowing way couples have when they see other couples dance around each other when they are first getting together.
Regina rolled her eyes at the lovesick pair. "Oh joy. The happy endings are returning."
Em nodded in agreement. "Yeah. They've been like that all morning. Kinda sickening isn't it? Just get together already!"
"There has to be a bit of trouble first. Oh it's so romantic," said Ri. "I think her outfit is pretty."
"You would." Em snorted.
Astrid was holding a Barbie-pink backpack which must've been very heavy judging by the way she had to hoist it up to set it on the table. She unzipped the top of it to check inside and as soon as the light hit whatever was inside, it began to throw off rainbows like diamonds in the sun. The display lasted mere seconds before she quickly zipped it back up.
Emma was peering suspiciously at the bag, wondering what was going on with the nun and what the strange new civvy outfit signified. "Uh Sister Astrid? We got a message saying you wanted to see us?"
"Oh you can just call me Astrid now. Not Sister Astrid."
"You're not a nun anymore?"
Astrid hunched her shoulders sheepishly, causing her multiple rows of plastic jewelry to clink together. "No, the Mother Superior told me to leave."
"What!" said Em. "She kicked you out?"
"She said I wasn't turning out to be a very good nun. Don't worry. She said I could still live at the nunnery as long as I needed to but that I had a more important role now. She said 'You have to live the life you were born to live.'"
Em snickered. "Did she sing Climb Ev'ry Mountain and tell you to follow your dreams?"
"No, but I do love that song. Anyway, I'm so looking forward to my new life," Astrid gushed, unable to hide her excitement. "The Mother Superior said there's an opening for a new fairy godmother, which is truly all I've ever wanted to be! I'm not a very good fairy yet so it'll take some time to learn but I hope my new family agrees to take me on."
"That's wonderful news, Astrid," Mary Margaret congratulated her. She sent a knowing smile at her favourite dwarf who also looked over-the-moon by his love's sudden availability for romantic dates. "Isn't it, Leroy?"
"Yeah, wonderful," echoed Leroy.
"I'm sure any family would be lucky to have you, Astrid," said David.
Ri picked up an inconsistency that the others missed. "But only Royal families can have a patron fairy assigned to them. New families are only designated as such when they are the merger of two different lines of Royal blood."
Em thumbed at her parents. "So it must be them then?"
"No," said Astrid. "The Blue Fairy will continue to serve as patron to Snow White and her Prince as before."
"But as our daughter surely that includes Emma as well?" said Mary Margaret.
"Formerly yes, but she has a new family now."
Emma held up her palms. "Ok wait, I'm new to this fairytale stuff. What's going on?"
Astrid bounced on her toes and clapped her hands together looking like she was about to burst with excitement. "I'm to be patron to the Swan-Mills Family!"
Everyone was gobsmacked by the confirmation that Emma and Regina were apparently a Serious Thing now if they were even being recognised by the fairy godmothers. Those who had lived in Fairytale Land were familiar with the concepts but the Emma's had only read about them in twee storybooks and were unaware of the implications of it.
"But they're not married," said Ri. "And they're both women. That never happens."
"The Blue Fairy felt that some of the rules needed updating," said Astrid with a smile. "She deemed them eligible for a patron."
"Provided we agree to it," Regina said shortly. She got up and went to stand by the window, staring out at the darkening streets.
Astrid's face fell. "Of course. It is your choice."
Emma shook her head like trying to clear the confusion. "I don't understand what this means. Do we get wishes or something?"
"One wish for each family member," said Astrid. "Normally a Royal would've redeemed their wish as a child or by the time they were a teenager if they were in need of it. Perhaps someone might make a wish as an adult if they'd saved it long enough but adults don't need wishes as much as children do because usually they have more autonomy over their own lives. Waiting too long to redeem one's wish isn't a good idea."
"Why," asked Emma.
"Wishes go stale when they're not needed," said Ri. "Or they can be stolen by another or forfeited at the discretion of the fairy godmothers."
Astrid nodded. "Yes, that's right. Unfortunately my training is incomplete so it may be some time before I can grant any eligible wishes and I may never become powerful enough for performing anything complex."
"Who cares if we've got the Noob Fairy." Em's face turned over-the-top excited. "I get a wish! This is awesome. I want-"
"Shut up!" Emma hissed, hastily pointing at her teenage double. "Don't you dare waste my wish on something crap."
Astrid held her hands above her head like she was going to catch a basketball. A diamond-edged clipboard with fluttering paper appeared out of thin air and dropped into her hands.
"Let's see. They transferred your paperwork to me," murmured Astrid. "Emma Swan, aged 28, made and was granted the following wish last year: 'I wish I didn't have to be alone on my birthday'."
"Hey!" Em cried at her older self. "You used it for that?"
"I didn't know it was gonna come true," said Emma defensively. "Or that I'd only get one wish in my lifetime."
"Dude, seriously, Invisibility Cloak."
"Er, but I can already get around people without being seen."
"Yeah sometimes I can. But I can't always control it. You should've wished for something good. Like a Nimbus 2000. That'd be awesome."
"Stop wishing for things that don't exist! Henry showed up. That was way better. Apart from the fact that it led to all this magic curse crap and having to fight a dragon. I got parents, my son, and Regina out of it. I found my family. I don't regret that."
"Yeah, but you should've said-"
"Girls-" Astrid jumped in before the Emma's could argue further. "It's not just the wording of the wish that matters, it's the intent. The person must be in true need of help that can come from no other place. The Blue Fairy granted it since at the time she was your patron and you wished upon a star. You were secretly wishing for family and it seems to have come true in full."
"I doubt you'll be alone on a birthday ever again, Emma," said David, smiling at his daughter.
Mary Margaret backhanded her husband in the shoulder. "That's right, David. Her birthday's coming up. We have to plan something. We've got 28 years to make up for."
Emma cringed. "Just as long as I don't end up regretting my wish. Nothing big ok?"
Mary Margaret glanced at her husband. "Circus tent?"
David nodded. "Petting zoo and fire breathers."
"You guys are joking," said Emma, narrowing her eyes. "Aren't you?"
"Here." Astrid handed Emma a sheet of paper. "Could you fill out this Wish Satisfaction Survey, please? It's part of our Quality Control process. Our research shows that 97% of children experience improved emotional health upon granting of a wish."
"Um, sure," said Emma. "I guess you could say I'm… satisfied. With my wish."
"Do I get a wish too?" asked Ri hopefully. She'd been waiting patiently, even though she was dying ask, since she was expecting Regina to speak up first. She glanced at her older self who still had her back to them all.
Astrid flipped through several pages and started to frown as she scanned the information. "Wow, there's a lot here. The Mills Family patron was killed in suspicious circumstances when you were aged three, leaving you ineligible. A full investigation turned up nothing and was subsequently dropped as part of a deal with… oh, it doesn't say, it just says 'Name redacted'. Must've been someone powerful I suppose. Unfulfilled wishes were submitted by Regina Mills regularly from the age of fourteen:
'I wish I knew why Mother doesn't seem to love me, I just want to know why'... 'I wish I would meet someone so I'm not lonely anymore' … 'I'd love to know what it is like to be kissed, just once would be enough' ... 'I wish I could marry for True Love one day' ... 'I wish I knew what it was like to fall in love' ... 'If I have to get married, I hope that I will have children someday'… 'I'd do anything to have Daniel back. Please, I'm so lost' ... 'I wish I knew how to make Henry really love me' … 'I wish it would rain on Miss Swan's white tanktop' … 'I wish that Emma would ask if I-'
"That's enough," Regina snapped. She whirled around with a lethal glare, sending the room temperature down a few degrees.
Mary Margaret said softly. "Astrid's just trying to help."
"I'm done with wishing," said Regina coldly, before stalking upstairs to go see her son.
108 Mifflin St, later that night
Regina was turning down the bedding when she felt Emma come into her bedroom. She could see her out of the corner of her eye, leaning in the doorway with her arms folded in front of her. Watching her every move. It left her feeling even more exposed after having her most private yearnings listed in front of everyone.
"So you're pissed because it's Swan-Mills instead of Mills-Swan right?" said Emma.
"No. It's neither." Regina knew it was meant as a joke but gave one of the pillows an unnecessary slap to fluff it up, preferring to remain in a snit than to be humoured out of her mood.
"Yep, that's right. We're nothing aren't we."
"Excuse me?"
Emma shrugged. "Last night meant nothing to you but sex. The fact that we're in love means nothing to you. You think the three of us aren't a real family. Yeah Regina, you've a right to be pissed. None of your wishes have come true have they?"
Regina stopped what she was doing and glared at her. "Stop being facetious. You know full well I don't think that way. I know what we have together."
"Okay. Then can you please tell me why you're mad? I told Astrid she could be our patron provided that you agreed to it too. I don't get what the big deal is anyway. If you don't want to use your wish then don't. It sounded like Astrid can't do complicated magic anyways."
"You don't understand." Regina moved away when Emma came near her.
"Then help me. I want to understand where you come from."
"What's the point."
"For a start, I want to know everything about you. But I don't really get this fairytale crap sometimes. The reason I don't know any of it is because I had to leave Fairytale Land when I was a baby. Something about a dark curse and an evil witch?"
Regina was not buying the innocence act. "Don't try to manipulate me. You're not very good at it."
"Oh I'm plenty good at it." Emma grabbed her hand and sat them both down on the edge of the bed. She tucked a lock of dark hair behind Regina's ear and placed a kiss on her temple.
"See?" Emma whispered.
Regina crossed her arms and refused to return eye contact. "Fine. I'm angry because you got your wish and I didn't. It's likely that I've missed my chance by now. Wishes expire."
"Uh huh."
It was clear in her tone that Emma didn't believe her. But whatever it was about her, lie-detector power or not, with just a word and a look she had Regina spilling her heart out anyway.
"Emma, you don't understand what it was like for me, how I kept wishing over and over for what I wanted most. I had so much hope that everything would turn out ok … but it was all for nothing. The worst happened and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I tried everything to bring him back. When I asked my father why my wishes weren't coming true he told me our family patron had been reassigned a long time ago. But it was a lie. My parents lied to me."
Regina sighed. "I found out much later from Rumpelstiltzskin that my Mother killed her."
Emma didn't seem very surprised to hear such a thing about Cora. "Did he tell you why?"
"He didn't have to. Mother wanted to make sure that I was completely under her control. I never had the chance to wish myself away from her. Like Archie did with his parents."
Emma frowned. "That wasn't on your list of wishes though."
"Exactly. I wouldn't have used it to get away from her. I loved her."
To Emma it wasn't just Regina's list of wishes that was revealing but the absence of certain wishes. She hadn't wanted to runaway from Cora, she hadn't wished for Snow's death, she hadn't asked for the curse to remain unbroken... Perhaps she hadn't truly wanted those in the first place? Regina had only wished for that which she felt was outside her own power to effect, nothing that she could make come true herself.
All of her wishes seemed to centre around one thing: being loved.
"What was your last wish? You want me to ask you something?" said Emma gently.
"I don't want to tell you that."
"Then how will I know what to ask?"
"I don't know if I truly want you to. Even if it is my wish. I've learned my lesson trying to force people's hearts to change. Someone once told me 'just because you want something doesn't mean you should take it'."
Emma chuckled. "That sounds complicated. Fine, keep your secrets then. For now."
Since that seemed to be all she was expecting to get out of her, Emma left and disappeared into the bathroom.
Regina heard the shower turn on and then off after barely a minute. When Emma didn't return, Regina got up to investigate what the other woman was up to and when she pushed the bathroom door open she had her answer.
"I couldn't help noticing that some of your wishes have already come true," said Emma, with a less-than-innocent grin. "But I thought maybe we could get to work on the others?"
Emma was standing there dripping wet like she'd stepped into the shower fully clothed. She was stripped down to her white tanktop, which was soaked through and revealed a black bra underneath. Her hair, formerly soft golden strands, was hanging wet around her face and there were dewy drops clinging to her nose, cheeks, and lips. The lights overheard left a shine on her well-defined arms and her legs were bare, strong and toned. Regina imagined a flash of a glimpse of having them wrapped around her tightly, with Emma writhing underneath her and moaning with every thrust.
"Your shirt is see-through," Regina managed to say, with her voice at her lowest register.
"It's not rain but it's close enough?" Emma said suggestively.
Regina lifted her hand to smooth the droplets of water on Emma's lower lip. "You'll get cold like this." Her eyes travelled over Emma's form and then back up.
"Not if you warm me up real quick."
Regina took the bottom of Emma's shirt, which was sticking to her skin, and pulled it over her head. The sopping fabric fell to the bathroom floor with a wet slap. She placed her five fingertips to rest lightly at collarbone-height and then let them trail a path down Emma's torso past her navel, raising a shiver and goose-bumps on the dewy pale skin as she went.
"Shall we mess up the bed?"
"Your wish is my command," Emma said gallantly. She made quick work of unbuttoning Regina's blouse and then flung it into the air with a flourish.
Regina pulled her close for a kiss and murmured. "You keep going the way you have been and I may just let you."