"Christmas eve," Deidara said with a sigh as he collapsed onto the couch.
Sasori couldn't decide if he was being happy or sad. He, for one, didn't really care much for the festival. He definitely liked the atmosphere and the decorations (sometimes) but he didn't care much about the presents and gatherings. That sounded just like the thing Konan loved to do though so he knew for a fact that he wasn't going to get out of it this year. Again.
"Danna, Christmas eve, un," Deidara repeated with more emphasis coupled with a glare.
"What?" Sasori asked.
"I don't know, say something," Deidara replied before slouching back against the couch.
Sasori ignored Deidara. He had figured that it was the way to go when Deidara was being completely weird and somewhat unreasonable. Usually, Deidara would of course start a rant about being ignored but that was easily ignored too.
Just then, Deidara's cell phone went off. He stared at the caller idea in annoyance (that could really only mean a few people) before he answered the call. Sasori watched as the mask of irritation fell away and was replaced by worry and he frowned a little, wondering what was wrong.
"I'll be right there," Deidara said before he stood up and started heading towards the door. "She needs operation, un."
Sasori immediately rushed over to the door as well, barely remembering to lock it before he jumped into his car and started off towards the hospital. He was definitely over the speed limit and he definitely beat a couple of red lights but he was way past caring about that. It was lucky that the streets were empty at this time of the day.
Deidara didn't tell him to hurry nor did Deidara say that he was worry but this was the kind of things that Sasori knew even without asking. Deidara (and he for the record) cared more than he cared to say and Sasori understood perfectly.
He dropped Deidara off at the main entrance of the hospital, somehow getting the feeling that Deidara didn't really want him to be there when he received the news. And there was also the fact that Deidara wanted to be there as soon as possible. After parking the car, he headed over to the waiting lobby. Deidara was easy to spot, what with his striking blonde hair and all, and he was sitting by himself off to a corner of the room.
"How is it?" Sasori asked after he took a seat next to the blonde, watching the other's expression carefully because he certainly didn't want to set off a bomb.
Deidara, though, didn't have any emotions on his face which Sasori supposed was a bad news in itself since at least Deidara was still worried in the car. He looked kind of resigned, in fact, and Sasori could only wonder if this was it.
"They said they'll try their best," Deidara said eventually with a shrug. Suddenly, he turned to Sasori, a serious look on his face. "Am I being horrible? Because I kind of hope that she doesn't make it. Because that would mean that I'm and that would mean she would be free too… I just… am I horrible?"
"Well, if you really wished that the operation doesn't succeed then yes you are," Sasori replied, eyes fixed on Deidara fidgeting with his fingers, something he has been doing ever since he was in the car. "But you don't, so no, you aren't."
Deidara let out a dry laugh.
"Would it be better for me if I were though?"
"No," Sasori said simply, not seeing the need to explain to Deidara because Deidara knew it. It would be better if Deidara just wanted to get out of his mother's grip of course but in the end he would find no true resolution and that would haunt him for the rest of his life.
The next few hours were spent in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Sasori hadn't really thought about this before but if Chiyo was to suddenly go, would he regret that he hadn't been able to mend his relationship with her? They wanted fundamentally different things and were both stubborn to a fault. Sasori certainly wasn't going to give in now that he had finally done what he had wanted to for years and now that he had a taste of what life was like with art constantly in it, he definitely did not regret his actions. Chiyo, on the hand, would not give in because to her, Sasori was the one who betrayed her and who let her down.
Neither of them was going to give in, at least not without a very long and hard fight, and even then Sasori wasn't sure who would be the first to relent if one of them even would.
The surgeon eventually came out of and the smile on her face already told them everything that they needed to know. After giving them a brief summary of the surgery (all the more easier for the surgeon because they were both well versed in medical terms), the surgeon left.
Deidara turned to Sasori with a frown on his face. "I don't know if I want to be there when she wakes up, un."
"I can't help you with that," Sasori said simply because that was almost exactly like his dilemma about whether to go to the supermarket or not and he hadn't reached an answer. But it turned out that he didn't have to decide because Chiyo was walking towards them.
"Hello," she greeted them curtly, barely even looking at Sasori.
For his part, Sasori just nodded at her but didn't say anything.
"No escaping it now," Deidara murmured to Sasori softly even that Chiyo didn't hear and Sasori felt the corners of his mouth lifting up into a tiny smirk. Trust Deidara to make light of the situation like this.
They made their way to the ward, both sides pointedly ignoring each other though Sasori did wonder if it was absolutely necessary for Chiyo to have been informed about this since she wasn't family. But then again she was Iwa-san's surgeon before and she was pretty tight with everyone in the hospital so Sasori wasn't really all that surprised.
"She'll probably only be awake in two hours or so," Chiyo said, sounding more like she was thinking aloud rather than telling the other two people.
Sasori and Deidara exchanged glances. They already knew that because they read Iwa-san's chart from behind Chiyo's shoulders and they could see her stats clearly. But they didn't want to say anything and act like dedicated medical students because that would just please/ displease (it could really go either way) Chiyo and they really didn't want either of that.
Sasori walked out of the ward and Deidara followed suit. Luckily, Chiyo had the sense to remain inside. Deidara shot him a questioning look once they were safely out of earshot.
"I have to bring some stuff over to the art store at 2," Sasori told Deidara, glaring at the clock because he was going to be late if he didn't leave in… now actually.
"Go ahead," Deidara replied with a laugh because Sasori's obsession with being punctual was still really amusing to him. "I'll be right here when you come back, un."
"Will you be alright? With Chiyo?" Sasori asked, feeling a little worried in spite of himself. It was stupid to worry, he knew that, but he also didn't know what Chiyo was going to say to Deidara and it could be catastrophic knowing his grandmother.
"Please, un," Deidara said with a showy roll of his eyes. "I'm not scared of her."
"Not saying that you are," Sasori shot back.
"I'll be fine. She can't get to me," Deidara told Sasori seriously before he quirked an eyebrow. "You seriously want to have this conversation with me? You're going to be late, un."
"Right," Sasori said because Deidara was right and he had to leave now. "See you later."
He hoped that the bad feeling in his chest just stemmed from his imagination and not an actual indicator of something bad about to happen.
Deidara stood outside the ward, staring at the occupants inside in disdain. How could one single room contain everything that he hated? It had medical equipment, medical charts, everything to do with medicine, the two people who made his life a living mess… and a surgeon just walked in. Everything he hated.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, he sat on the chair outside the ward. Going in would inevitable mean having to talk to Chiyo. At the university he could get away with it because it wasn't like he needed consultations or clarification or anything but there was just her and him now and while he was pretty sure that she didn't like the idea of talking to him either, he was just sure that she would say something that would somehow piss him off.
Deidara stood up, all prepared to face the music when Chiyo walked out at that exact moment. They looked at each other for a brief second before Deidara turned away. He had every intention to simply walk past her without a single word but she stopped him.
"Where's Sasori?" she asked calmly but Deidara could feel her slight curiosity.
"He had things to do, un," Deidara replied simply and vaguely because even if they both knew very well that Sasori was a legit artist now, he didn't want her to start on that issue because he certainly didn't have the patience for it.
"Right," Chiyo said.
Deidara supposed that that was that and was about to walk into the ward when he was stopped by her again.
"This is all your fault."
It was a mere mumble and Deidara wasn't even sure if Chiyo had meant for him to hear it. He could choose to ignore it of course but he somehow knew that she was directing it at him.
"What, un?" he asked, turning back around to find her glaring at him heatedly.
She was almost trembling in uncontrolled fury and her face was drawn tight and sealed with a frown. Her hands gripped at her dress and her eyes were burning coals. Deidara would be afraid when he was younger but now things like these just don't affect him. Chiyo looked like she didn't really want to say anything but it seemed that the anger was too much for her to take and she couldn't help but say something. Or everything.
"What?" Deidara asked again and that was when the dam broke.
"This is all your fault," Chiyo hissed, eyes narrowed into slit. "You. All you!"
"Do be specific, un," Deidara said with a roll of his eyes (because he knew that she found that action rude and hated it). He knew very well what she was talking about of course.
"Sasori withdrawing from medical school," Chiyo snapped. "If he hadn't met you, he wouldn't have done such an outrageous thing! And disappoint me and his parents!"
"That just shows how much you know him," Deidara scoffed, feeling his own anger bubbling at the surface. He had intended to settle this peacefully but Chiyo really knew how to push his buttons. "If he hadn't met me, he would still have left. It was only a matter of time. And don't you dare use his parents. He didn't tell me much about them, I admit that, but I know for a fact that they loved him and that they wouldn't wish him to be trapped in something that he loathes!"
"What do you know?" Chiyo retorted. "He used to love medicine so much. He studied all the time. It was all he ever did."
"It was all you ever let him do!" Deidara all but shouted back before he lowered his voice again because they were still in a hospital and outside a ward. "Be honest to yourself, Chiyo. Just for once. Do you honestly think that he would have, for one moment, rather spent his time pouring over science textbooks than creating something?"
There was silence for a moment as Chiyo seemed to be taking this all in. If Deidara had been any more naïve he would have thought that he was actually getting through to Chiyo. With age came wisdom but age also came with stubbornness and someone like Chiyo, who firmly believed in everything that she do, had a lot of stubbornness.
Deidara didn't know what it would take for her to see and then accept that Sasori was just never cut out for the perfect, straight path that she carved out for him. Sasori was an artist and a puppeteer at that. How could he ever be content with such a clear, boring path? And more than that, he would never take the path laid out for him. He was a puppet master. He would carve out his own road and take it, with all its winds and twists, because that was his own creation.
He expected Chiyo to continue lashing out at him, was so prepared for it, that what she said next threw him off guard. Because he didn't expect her to drag him directly into the picture.
"You think you're really talented? That I trained you because you were that good? That you're a natural?" she asked, taunted, her voice steadily calm and more venomous than Deidara had ever heard.
"What are you talking about, un?" he asked, feeling a sinking feeling in his heart despite himself because he really thought that he was talented and that was why she took the effort to teach him personally instead of so many others.
"I used you, you fool," Chiyo spat and the hate in her eyes was as clear as day. Hate that he had never seen before whenever she was talking about Sasori, no matter how much he had let her down. "I had so much faith in you, more faith that I had than even in Sasori, because I needed you to push him, to motivate him."
She opened her mouth to continue but Deidara had already pieced the missing pieces together.
"I get it," Deidara told her simply. He felt strangely calm but he knew that it was really just the calm before the storm. "You trained me to become a perfect surgeon because you wanted to show me off to Sasori, make use of his respect for him to spur him to do better and become the best. I was a tool, the tool, for molding Sasori into your puppet."
Chiyo's eyes flashed and Deidara knew that he had hit bulls eye.
"It's not like that," she said through gritted teeth but Deidara knew that it was. Chiyo could, for all the world, try to phrase it nicely but at the end of the day, that was exactly how it was and they both knew it.
"I'm glad, un," Deidara said in the end with a shrug and a thin smile on his lips.
"What?" Chiyo snapped.
"I'm glad that you chose me," Deidara said and he raised his eyes to meet hers. "Because I would never be the tool to bring Sasori down."
With that, Deidara turned away and walked into his mother's ward. He knew that Chiyo wasn't finished but he was and he didn't want to say anything more to her. He sat down on the couch, emotions all a mess in his heart and his logic wasn't working very well at the moment because for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why there were tears prickling at his eyes.
"Dei…"
Deidara looked up in shock; he hadn't expected his mother to be awake already. He wiped away the tears that have not fallen away in one swipe and made his way over to her bedside. She looked pale and worse for wear but otherwise fine and Deidara couldn't really express how glad he was.
"How are you?" he asked softly, wondering how it was that he could be so calm talking to her when she was severely weak but not when she was healthier.
"I'm fine," she managed, her voice barely a whisper. "I heard."
"Oh," was all Deidara could say. He didn't realise it just now but Chiyo doing that to him, making use of him… it was as good as deceiving his mother as well because she believed in Chiyo's words and judgment too. "Don't listen to her bullshit. I'm damn good, un."
"I know that," Iwa-san said with a small, tender smile. Deidara couldn't remember when was the last time she smiled like that. At him. He looked away for a little while. "You'll show her…"
Deidara turned back to his mother and saw a layer of fury in her eyes. He had been hoping that she would give up after hearing that but it seemed to have the opposite effect.
"I will," he said finally because deep down, he wasn't really willing to let this go without a fight either.
"How's your mother?" Sasori asked later that night in the living room. He had wanted to return to the hospital but Deidara had told him not to.
"She's recovering nicely, un," Deidara replied, trying to sound normal and nonchalant but he knew that he wouldn't be able to fool Sasori for long so he excused himself to his room immediately afterwards, claiming that he was too tired after dealing with her the whole day. He could tell Sasori had questions but he really wasn't in the mood for them right now.
Deidara closed the door behind him and leant against it, heaving out a long sigh. The storm had come like he had expected and he realised that he was more pissed off than anything. Not sad. Not betrayed. Not maligned. Whatever. He was just really pissed off.
And he wasn't just angry at Chiyo. He was angry at Sasori too. He knew that he shouldn't be because Sasori had nothing to do with whatever Chiyo had intended. Heck, Sasori didn't even know that he existed till two years ago. But without a doubt, Sasori was the source and Deidara just couldn't get past that at the moment. He slid down onto the ground and buried his head in his hands.
This had happened once already. He had already blamed Sasori once for something that wasn't his fault and now he was doing it again. He chuckled in spite of himself. How ironic was the situation! He had been annoyed at Sasori previously because Sasori was supposed to be someone he looked up too but in the end the grand plan was for Sasori to look up to him.
Deidara didn't even want to think about it anymore; it was giving him a painful migraine and it had been years since he had those.
"What's wrong?" Sasori's voice came through the door and Deidara almost jumped from the shock. Sasori was on other side of the door in a similar position. He rested his head against the door and got into a more comfortable position; he had a feeling this was going to be a rather long talk.
"Nothing," Deidara replied, trying to sound normal.
"That's why you're sitting against the door instead of being in bed, sure," Sasori shot back.
Deidara kept quiet for a moment. Sasori waited for a little while but Deidara didn't speak up and patience wasn't really Sasori's forte so he broke the silence.
"I know something's wrong," he started slowly, wondering how he should say it so as to not offend Deidara. "It was written on your face."
"Was it?" Deidara retorted and Sasori knew that he was being difficult on purpose.
"To me it was," Sasori replied simply. Maybe others wouldn't have noticed it but Sasori saw it even if it was only a glimpse. He saw the slight resentment in Deidara's eyes when Deidara looked at him so he knew that it wasn't a trivial matter. He was an artist after all; he noticed and paid special attention to the minute details. "You can tell me anything. You know that."
"I…" Deidara started but he cut himself off. He was about to tell Sasori the entire story but he realised that Sasori might be in greater pain than him if he heard about it.
Sasori took in a deep breath. "It has something to do with me, doesn't it?"
"Yes," Deidara mumbled in reply before he asked, "how do you even know that, un?"
"Because that's the only time you don't talk to me," Sasori answered, rolling his eyes in spite of himself.
In the beginning, when they had just met and weren't close to each other, naturally Deidara didn't tell him anything even if something was really bothering him. When they became closer, Deidara started opening up to him and he did so too though he realised that they both weren't really aware of it. In the end, Deidara just started telling him things; he was seeking help from Sasori as a listener, a companion, for advice and he was probably not even consciously aware that he was doing it. But when Sasori had something to do with it, Deidara didn't say anything and Sasori knew that because he just understood Deidara that well now.
"I…"
"I'll be fine," Sasori told Deidara even though it sounded a little like a lie even to himself. He knew that he wasn't completely over the issue with Chiyo.
Sometimes, Sasori didn't know whether he or Deidara was the one who held on to things too much. Because while on the surface he was the one who had chosen to let Chiyo go and Deidara was the one who was still trying to fulfill his mother's wishes, Sasori knew that it was he who was still plagued with thoughts of Chiyo and his parents and whatnot more than Deidara.
But, he also knew that if Deidara didn't get it out, he would just beat himself up over it and suffer in silence and that defeated the point of them being together in the first place. Sasori wanted to be there to help him no matter what. He wasn't going to shrink away and pretend the problem didn't exist just because that problem had something to do with him.
Deidara let out a long sigh and started recounting the tale for Sasori. The older man was silent throughout the thing and Deidara didn't have an idea of how Sasori was feeling because he couldn't even see him. But at the same time he didn't want to go out either… at least not yet because he wasn't sure how he was feeling at the moment.
"She tried to use you to get to me," Sasori concluded, sounding so tired that Deidara felt more than a little guilty even if he wasn't the cause of it. "I'm sorry."
Oh, that, that, Deidara was not going to stand for. He stood up and wrenched the door open. It was lucky that Sasori had heard the sound of Deidara moving and managed to stand up and away from the door before it flew open. He raised an eyebrow at the furious state Deidara was in.
"What the heck, Sasori?" Deidara shouted, never so glad before that he didn't have to bother about disturbing neighbours or whoever. "Why are you apologising? You have nothing to do with it! It's not your fault! And I don't know why you should think it to be either! It's all her doing! You were dragged into this too! You're as much of a victim as I am! Why are you so calm?!"
Sasori sighed before making his way over to the couch, Deidara stomping after him, all the while demanding why he wasn't throwing a fit too.
"Sit down," he interrupted Deidara and glared when it looked like Deidara was about to protest. With a huff, Deidara did as he was told but he wasn't ready to let up on the talking. "Stop."
Deidara glared but he still needed to get one last word in.
"I won't have you apologising for her."
Sasori smiled a little in spite of himself.
"I wasn't," he assured the blonde. "I said sorry because I felt like I had a part to play as well, however small it might be. And more than that, I'm sorry because you felt like you couldn't talk to me about it."
A look of understanding came over Deidara's face for a while, tinted with a little guilt.
"It wasn't like that… I just didn't know how to tell you…" Deidara said, feeling like the world's biggest asshole for even resenting Sasori a little. Sasori, who wanted nothing but the best for him.
"What she did was wrong," Sasori continued with a shrug because it was as simple as that. "No one should be made use of like that."
"Right!" Deidara snapped, feeling his anger returning full-force. "What a bitch!"
Sasori looked at Deidara carefully and noticed how raw the blonde's anger was. It was almost like he could do anything because of the energy that the anger was fuelling him with and Sasori knew that that was dangerous.
"Hey," he said, cutting Deidara off mid-rant and was rewarded with a rant. "I know you're angry."
"No shit, Sherlock," Deidara said, crossing his arms and frowning more.
"But I hope that you don't let that anger control you," Sasori said seriously, watching Deidara closely. "I don't want you to think that you're less of a medical student than you are, than you have always been. You are talented and I'm saying this as a fellow intern and not your friend or boyfriend. I'm saying this as someone who has worked with you and as someone who has seen your work. There is no denying that you're talented and I hope that you don't feel the need to have to prove yourself to others because you don't have to."
He watched as Deidara's expression softened and a small smile appear on his face.
"Thanks, Danna, un," Deidara said in the end. "Really, thanks."
There was a moment of silence before Deidara spoke up again. "Chiyo's plan though… what do you think about it? I mean it was about you too, just that you weren't in the know."
"What I can say," Sasori said before pausing a little. "What I can say… is that it was a good plan actually. In the sense that it would have worked."
Deidara took a moment to consider those words. He was still rather annoyed, especially since Sasori himself said that it would have worked but something else was bothering him and he realised that it was something that had been bugging him for a while already but he had always just pushed it aside.
"Why didn't it work though?" Deidara asked finally, looking at Sasori intently. "Why did you still give up in the end?"
"I decided to pursue what was best for me," Sasori replied smoothly and Deidara's eyes narrowed.
"I'm asking why," Deidara repeated, tone and eyes almost pleading except that he didn't plead.
"Well," Sasori started before standing up. Deidara's eyes widened and he stood up too, hoping that Sasori didn't run away and evade his question. "I guess it was like you put it."
"How exactly?" Deidara questioned, eyeing Sasori.
"You weren't the best choice," Sasori said with a slight snicker and Deidara resisted the urge to punch him.
Deidara was glad hearing it from Sasori because like he said, he really wasn't nor did he want to be the one to bring Sasori down but Sasori was being a little too smug about it.
"Hey, why?" Deidara continued pestering Sasori because Sasori was definitely heading in the direction of his room now and he wanted an answer.
"Because," Sasori said as he leant in the doorway to his room and looked at Deidara. "I wanted to make you happy instead."
And then Sasori closed the door because he wasn't really prepared to see Deidara's reaction and because he wanted Deidara to think through everything by himself first.
Deidara couldn't suppress the smile that blossomed on his face because that was the nicest thing that anyone had ever told him and he never knew that happiness was so easily in reach as well.
Merry Christmas! I hope you guys like this present. XD
That scene with Chiyo and Deidara is something that I had been wanting to write forever but I just didn't know where to put it. I'm glad that it's finally out though. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as well! Reviews are loved.
About that... I haven't been able to get back to anyone but I'll try to reply properly this time around! Sorry about that!