"Maybe a fic where Enzo/Stefan/Damon contemplates on the wedding of Caroline and Kol?" –StefQ

This is crack, meant to be taken as pure humor and crazy. Because after rewatching all of Kol's episodes, in my headcanon he is now bisexual.

Set in the same universe as 'i will wear a white dress' and 'you make my heart beat faster'.

Damon stared at his brother's in disbelief, deciding whether Stefan had finally lost it and was having all sorts of delusions or Stefan was taking the piss out of him. But since his little brother had no sense of humor (or a good one anyway), he had to have lost his marbles and was just spouting psychobabble at Damon. Yeah, that had to be it. Where did they have the number for Eichen House written again?

"Damon," Stefan's eyebrows furrowed at him, obviously not liking the contemplative expression on his brother's face. Contemplative Damon was very close to Plotting Damon and that led to a mess usually involving having to dispose of dead bodies. "What are you thinking?"

"That maybe you've followed in the footsteps of our family members and need to be committed." Damon narrowed his blue eyes and tapped his bottom lip in obvious plotting mode. "I can have them pick you up first thing tomorrow if you don't stop rambling."

"I'm not crazy," Stefan rolled his eyes upward as if asking the Lord for patience. "I heard from Jeremy who Kol had proposed to-"

"Ha!" Damon got to his feet, looking manic as he paced the floor. "I knew Mikaelson was gay. I mean his incessant need to call everyone 'darling'. Like, come on, what is up with that?"

"-as practice for when he was going to propose to Caroline." Stefan frowned at his brother who frowned in return. "And she ends up walking in on that. But anyway, he proposed to her properly and they're getting married."

Damon sat back down on his seat, looking disappointed. "Bisexual then."

"Who's bisexual?" Enzo sauntered into the room, obviously in a good mood about something. He must've discovered some mold around the house shaped like a past president or gotten laid. You never know with actual crazy people. "Is it anyone I know?"

"Kol Mikaelson," Damon told him. "But he's getting married to Barbie."

"What?" Enzo jumped down on the seat beside Stefan, making the other vampire bounce in his seat. "And why wasn't I consulted about this?"

"Because you're not the one getting married?" Stefan supplied.

"Well, I'm going to be part of the wedding – hey I killed someone with Barbie, that bonds you for life!- so I should've been consulted somehow," Enzo scowled. "Knowing Mikaelson he probably fucked up the proposal because he's clearly confused about his sexuality."

"He is not-" Stefan stopped himself before he could get into an argument with these two idiots about this. Besides, he was beginning to wonder about Kol's sexuality as well. What was it with the abundant use of 'darling'? "I'm gonna go call Caroline. You two…don't kill someone or burn something down while I'm gone."

But the two weren't listening already making a list complete with graphs and Venn diagrams on why Kol Mikaelson is undoubtedly gay and cannot marry Caroline.

Stefan's phone was in his room so he made the call there and because of his supernatural hearing, he could hear Damon and Enzo talking about Kol's ever changing hairstyles.

Caroline picked up on the second ring. "Hey Stef, what's up?"

"Nothing much." (In the background: "But he visits the salon way too much to be straight!")

"You're calling cause you heard about the engagement."

"Yeah from Jeremy."

"How are Damon and Enzo taking it?

"They think Kol is gay," Stefan told her with a wince. "Or bisexual at least."

"Well, he did go through a phase…"

"HA!" Damon shouted from the parlor, obviously listening in. "I told you so!"

Stefan sighed and prayed for some semblance of sanity in this house. "So when's the wedding?"