How It Happened

Chapter 8

Grace

I'm watching Christian through the window. He's holding the photograph of his mother and there is evidence of tears on his cheeks, but none flowing right now. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I wish he would talk to me. I wish he'd let me hold him and comfort him…

Dr. Evens, the child psychologist, came by at three to see Christian like she had said. As much as I wanted too, I was not allowed to be in there with him. However, his Friend of the Court representation was. I was very thankful to see it was Jackson Price. He's known Carrick for years and let me know he was on top of this case. I guess Carry let him know our intentions. Dr. Evens and Jackson were in with Christian for almost an hour but let me know there is still a lot to do, and they'll be back the next day to continue. "But does he know she's dead? Does he know his mother is not coming through that door?"

"Dr. Trevelyan, we had a long discussion about that. Well, as much as I can discuss with a child who doesn't talk. But I did address that. It will take time for him to fully understand."

"So how much longer before he is talking? Is it just fear? Or is there more to this…"

"It's called Reactive Mutism. It's a form of Selective Mutism and is almost always related to a trauma of some sort. In this case, being taken from his mother. And I'm afraid that hearing about her passing may have deepened it. Basically, he's withdrawn completely into himself. It's a protection mechanism the brain uses. The good news is you indicated changes in facial expressions and emotions. That means he is allowing himself to feel emotions. Sometimes patients with Reactive Mutism are so withdrawn, there is no change in expression regardless of situations.

She continues after noting my lack of response. "I certainly hope he continues to get help after he's released from here. Michigan will provide some services as he's now a ward of the state, but he will probably require significantly more than the state may be willing to fund. I cannot tell you much more right now. Mr. Price has informed me of your intentions to adopt, but until things are legal, I…"

"I understand." I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I had been holding, for probably about an hour, and try to smile at her. "Thank you. And thank you Jackson. It makes me feel a little better knowing you, and your understanding here."

"Not a problem Grace. Carrick made it pretty clear he wants some extra care taken on this case. After meeting that little boy, I can see why." Dr. Evans excuses herself and I take this opportunity to pry a little.

"Jackson, come on… can you tell me anything? How about as Council to Attending Physician?" I look at him with pleading eyes. I see him almost relent.

"Grace, you know I'd love nothing more than to set your mind at ease here, but I really can't, other than to say that the abuse indicated by the physical marks was confirmed." I look at him with almost contempt. "But I'm sure you already knew that." I shake my head at him. I know he can't discuss anything with me unless it's medically related. Why can't psychologically be part of that this time? "I will tell you that the foster family he's been assigned to will be coming by tomorrow. They were contacted today, and Child Protective Services will be taking him there once you give him the all-clear to be discharged. By the way, any idea how long that will be? We just want to give them an idea."

I cannot believe how nonchalantly he's saying this! He knows we want to adopt Christian and he's discussing someone else taking him home… I'm really about to lose it here… Maybe Carry's right. Maybe I should take some time off right now and just be there for Christian as a mother, not a doctor… But then I'll have to relinquish control of this case and have no control over anything… And then watch another woman take him away from me…

"Grace? Are you alright? You just went really pale. Do you need to sit down?" Jackson is being very sweet, but right now I just want Carrick.

"Dr. Trevelyan? They need you in room 16." One of the nurses brings me back to reality. I have to pull myself together. There is another child who needs me in my professional capacity. How do I put this out of my head? This is going to be so difficult.

"Of course. I'll be right there. Thank you." I give the nurse an attempt at a smile and look back at Jackson. "Thank you for your help, Councilor." I see Jackson's look of concern as I turn to make my way to room 16.

/

Carrick

I received a call from Christian's council, Jackson Price. He was with Christian while the psychologist did her evaluation. He wouldn't tell me anything except about Grace. "Really Carrick, she didn't look very well. She went pale…"

"Thanks Jackson. I'll go pick her up. She's off duty in about 45 minutes anyway."

"How about you guys come down to the courthouse tomorrow and sign the papers. He's not going to be adoptable for a few months yet, but your papers will be in first. No one else even knows about him. Maybe it will help Grace a little to know it's in the works?"

I get off the phone with Price and head out to get Grace. Elliot is playing at a neighbor's house and they agreed to let him stay and eat with them tonight. Grace is not going to like coming home. I know she's going to want to stay with Christian tonight again, but I think she needs to get some rest. This case has her in a tizzy.

When I get off the elevator, I see Gracie looking in the window of his room. I have the clean blanket with me. I hope he's OK with it. I didn't want it to be so different he didn't recognize it, so I just washed it by hand to get the majority of the filth out. I tried something too. I hope it works.

"Hey Baby. Is everything…"

"Shhhh." She silently points into the room. Christian is laying on his side looking at a photograph. He looks so sad. I can see tear tracks on his cheeks, but he's not making a sound. "He's been like that since the psychologist left today." I wonder if she means he's been crying all this time. Has she been in there with him? I can't believe she wouldn't have gone in, but she seems to be staying out of his line of sight for a reason. "She told me they discussed his mother being dead but it will take time. Look at him. That's a photo of his mother. He understands enough." We wait another minute in silence. "Oh that poor baby. I'm going in to him. I need to check those sores anyway."

With that, Grace opens the door. Christian doesn't move. Doesn't even look up. "Christian? I need to check your bandages. Will you sit up please?" Christian doesn't move. Doesn't even acknowledge she said anything. Grace walks to the other side of the bed and sits behind him. I can tell she wants to rub his back like she does when Elliot is upset, but she just touches his head instead. "Please Darling, I need to be sure you are doing OK."

This time he rolls over to her. He looks back at the photo, then back to Grace. He stares at her a minute, then pulls himself up to sit. I see him hand the photo to her and look away. "Do you want me to hold this for you?" Christian pushes her hand and the photo away from himself. "You don't want this?" He shakes his little copper-colored head slowly. I see another set of tears fall silently. "OK. I'll put it away. You let me know if you want it later." Christian continues to look away from her. He sees me in the doorway but doesn't change his expression at all. At least until he sees what I'm holding.

His eyes grow wide when he sees his blanket in my arms. We hear his high pitched grunting as he reaches out for it, almost panicked. "Here, Buddy." I hold it out to him "Doctor Grace asked me to wash it for you." OK, so I'm blaming it on Grace since I know he'd never be mad at her. Me, on the other hand? Me he probably would never forgive if it doesn't seem the same.

He hugs it close, hides his face and rocks for a while. I join Grace and sit on his bed unsure of what to do or say right now. Then suddenly, he pulls back and looks up at me, then to Grace. She asks if everything is OK and he hides his face again. I look to Grace as the expert in this area, but she looks as lost as I am, so we just watch and wait. Finally Christian puts the blanket down, but reaches out slowly to pull on Grace's arm, bringing her down closer to his level. He kneels up to her head and lightly sniffs her hair. Then reaches for and smells the blanket again. Hugging it closer, he lays back down looking up at the ceiling, no expression, but at least he's not crying anymore.

Grace looks over to me with a 'What did you do?!' expression, and silently motions for me to join her in the hallway. Oh boy. I hope I'm not in trouble. In the hallway I see Grace's questioning accusatory expression. "Please explain what just happened in there, Carry."

"Me? How would I know? All I did was just wash a blanket."

"No. I know you. You don't ever "just' do anything. He went from downright despair to smelling my hair for Pete's sake. I'm not mad, I'm just stumped. He's never tried to smell my hair before. What was he doing? And why was he doing it?"

"I'm pleading the fifth."

"Not that easily, Buster. Come on. What did you.."

"OK!" I hold my hands up in surrender. "I washed the blanket like you asked, but then I sprayed that hairspray you use,… you know the one that smells like apples?.. into the air and wafted it onto the blanket. I figured if it used to smell like his house or his mother before I washed it, then it might be more comforting for him if it smelled like you now. I don't know if you've noticed it Baby, but that little boy has some significant connection to you."

Grace looks at me and I see the tears welling up. I hate to see her cry. "Carrick, you are wonderful! Thank you for everything!" I feel her wrap her arms around me and almost knock me over. "I'm so sorry I'm being emotional. This whole thing is just so difficult. I'm never like this… It's always just professional, but this time…"

I know what she's trying to say and I need to get her focused again. Even though she's getting emotionally connected, she's still his doctor right now. "As much as I love your arms around me Baby, maybe we should get back in there. He still needs the bandages changed." Grace moves back, wipes her eyes, and nods. When we re-enter the room, Christian is laying on the other side holding the blanket to his face. I watch as Grace approaches him and gently talks and sooths him as she attends to her duties.