Yay, another chapter! Told you I was going to finish it.
Recap
"I feel stupid," Pein finally blurted out.
There was silence for a moment before laugher filled the room. They could all empathise after all. They weren't the type of people who would invest so much in something vague and uncertain like a relationship. At least that was how it was on the surface. But when it really came down to it, there was someone that they cared about deeply after all.
Sasori thought it strange, how calm he was at all this. He had imagined feeling cornered and suffocated because letting and wanting someone to be a part of your life at all times required an enormous amount of dedication and patience and he never thought that he actually had to capacity to do that. But having Deidara in his life was just different. Deidara didn't make him feels suffocated, not in the way that made him want to run away and definitely not in the way that Chiyo did. Having Deidara by his side was, quite possibly, the best thing that has happened to him. He felt content.
"That makes two of us," Sasori decided to say, not really sure if he actually meant it or whether he was just comforting Pein.
The returning smile from his friends told him that they echoed the same sentiments. Maybe not all of them have found someone they were willing to let into their life yet but the friendship that they had with one another was definitely something worth celebrating. Honestly, Sasori had never thought that it would be so.
Friends were just a necessary part of life because humans were innately social creatures – that was what Sasori thought. Even if he and Itachi were alike and shared the same opinions more often than not, that didn't change anything. In fact, even now, he still thought that feeling so happy about things like relationship and friends and having someone there for you was still sappy and overrated and frankly, even a little bit exaggerated. But that was how he currently felt so he didn't dwell too much about it. He guessed, at the end of the day, it was just that he became more human and he didn't think that that was too bad.
Kismet 26
Sasori stared at the contract in his hands, hardly daring to believe that it was what it really was. He had been genuinely pleased and even exultant. The fact that he was finally being acknowledged and that his life was going to amount to something was enough to make him giddy with happiness and it was the first time that he had ever felt that way. It was oddly exhilarating; it was like drinking and becoming tipsy with the warm pleasant buzz underneath his skin but not yet being drunk.
After the initial excitement wore off, he had suspected that it was a fraud, some mindless scam to cheat him of his money or something. That was plausible, though unlikely. Still, he needed to make sure. Being the cautious (sometimes overly so) man that he was, he called Pein out to corroborate its authenticity and true enough, it was the real deal.
And that was when all the troubles started.
Pein watched Sasori carefully over the rim of his coffee as he sipped at it slowly. Sasori looked as impassive as ever but Pein knew that there was a storm brewing inside him. He could relate. Somewhat.
"Do you want to know what I think?" Pein asked casually, trying not to make the whole thing seem like the big deal it really was. Sometimes a façade was necessary, no matter how foolish it seemed.
Sasori shrugged carelessly, placing the document down and picking up his espresso.
"You should go for it," Pein said simply, wondering if he should have maybe phrased it a less blatantly when Sasori paused, the glass coffee cup not touching his lips. But then again, this was Sasori and he never liked beating around the bush. Well, since he was already being honest. "I mean, it would be brainless not to."
"You think I don't already know that?" Sasori asked with a scoff.
"So what's stopping you?" Pein raised an eyebrow, rather challengingly. He knew what it was of course but that didn't mean that Sasori should give this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity up.
Sasori sighed in frustration, running his hand through his hair in a rare, messy display of emotion.
"You know what."
Pein eyed Sasori and chose his next words carefully.
"I don't think that's a good enough reason."
Sasori didn't respond, just took a sip from his drink and placed it down on the table. He picked the spoon up and started stirring the espresso mindless. He let out a sigh, this time shorter and emotionless. "I know."
Pein's eyes widened slightly in understanding. "You've already made your choice."
"I knew from the start that there was no way I was going to reject something like this." There was true conviction in Sasori's words. No hesitance. No second thoughts. A beat and then Sasori looked up at Pein, face pulled taut into a frown and eyes confused fractals. "Am I being selfish?"
"No," Pein answered instantly because he really believed. No one should give up their dreams, not even for someone they loved, and he told Sasori just that.
"Would you do it?" Sasori asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Give Konan up for my dream?" Pein clarified, leaning back and crossing his arms.
"Don't give me some crap, like she's your dream or whatever," Sasori told him, looking at him evenly, leaning forward and folding both arms on the table.
Pein rolled his eyes. "What do you take me for?"
"Answer the question, Pein."
Pein knew that at that moment, if he said yes, then all of Sasori's dilemmas would be solved. Yet he also knew that it wasn't the time to lie. Sasori was making a decision here that would change his life and it shouldn't and couldn't be based on a lie which, for all good intentions and purposes, was still a fabrication.
"I don't know," Pein said eventually, looking at Sasori seriously as the other frowned deeply, stopping his stirring as well.
"What?"
"I don't know," Pein repeated with a shrug. "I don't think I can give Konan up. She means too much to me."
"And Deidara doesn't mean that much to me, huh?" Sasori sounded bitter and cross, eyes simmering with a slight anger that Pein knew was directed at him.
"Look, I know Deidara means a lot to you but so does this."
"The same could be said of your situation," Sasori shot back, not seeing where Pein was coming from. If the other man could so calmly say that he didn't how to choose, how dare he tell Sasori to basically give Deidara up just like that?
"Yeah, but I'm not you," Pein said thinly.
"Explain."
"I haven't been repressed and prevented from doing something I love all my life. What I'm doing now? I love it. No one forced me into and it's the fruits of my own labour. It's something I take pride in. And Konan is someone I love, who I want to share all this with. Do you understand? I never had to fight to do what I want to do. That makes our situations different. That's why I'm telling you to go for it, because you fought for it and it would be a waste to give up after all this while."
Sasori was pretty sure that he had never heard Pein say so much before but he wasn't very interested in that at the moment.
"I want to share it with Deidara too."
Pein just shook his head sadly. The truth was ugly and he knew that Sasori knew it as well as he did. But he also knew that Sasori needed to be told. "It's not for you to decide."
"I know that," Sasori gritted out.
"It's up to him."
Sasori took a deep breath, eyes looking out of the French windows of the café out into the busy streets of a Friday afternoon.
The pause lasted for a terse, long moment and Pein shifted in his seat uncomfortably. Nothing much fazed him but this kind of tense situations with his friends easily made him restless and annoyed, wanting to do something but knowing that he couldn't.
"If it's worth anything, I think that he'll be happy for you."
There was another pause but it was shorter this time.
"I can give my grandmother and ambition up for him. I can quit med school for him. But," Sasori paused, eyes hardening with an emotion that Pein couldn't place. "But I can't give this up for him. What does this make me?"
"Human, Sasori. And smart. It makes you a smart human."
A smart human.
That was what Pein had called him. He said that it was good that Sasori thought with his brain and not with his emotions.
So why did Sasori feel that he was heartless instead? Well, he reasoned with himself, Pein hadn't said that he wasn't heartless, just smart and being heartless kind of came with being smart sometimes. Sasori would know.
But then again, Sasori felt utterly foolish as well. This was probably the other best thing that had ever happened to him. The other was Deidara. There was no better; they were the same. He couldn't choose.
Except that you already have.
He shut that part of his brain up, unwilling to entertain such thoughts at the moment, not when he was trying to rethink his decision. In many ways, he knew that he would be a complete moron for giving this up. Even Pein could tell that. But more importantly, and this was something that Pein probably didn't know, he knew that if he gave this up for Deidara, he would eventually hate the other man and that was something that he didn't even dare think about.
And there was also the fact that he didn't even dare imagine how Deidara would react.
The blonde was such a volatile being that any reaction on the spectrum could very well be his reaction. He might smile and congratulate Sasori about it and mean it. But then he might do the exact same thing and not mean it. He might ignore Sasori. He might be selfish and tell Sasori to give it up. He might laugh it off and then pretend that nothing ever happened. He might accept it and then disappear from Sasori's life. He might be all smiles and tell Sasori that he already knew that this was going to happen someday. He might…
And this was what Sasori really didn't dare to think about. It was too much to hope for. But if it worked… if it worked, they would be completely free and Sasori couldn't think of anything better than that.
Deidara might snap the hell out of it and decide to pursue art too.
It was too much to hope for.
Sasori almost couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear expecting this to happen only for Deidara to react in a completely different way. Yet, despite that, he still wasn't willing to give this up.
This was everything that he wanted. And it was the perfect chance to show Chiyo that she was wrong and then maybe… maybe she might finally accept him.
There were too many good things that could come out of this and Sasori found himself hating how much that he was focusing on that. The higher the hope, the higher the fall right? Because, as much as there was a chance of everything falling into place, there was as much chance of everything spiraling out of control. There was a chance of him losing the two people he held closest to his heart and he wasn't sure if that was a gamble he was willing to risk. Okay, maybe Chiyo, he was. But Deidara.
He knew the answer before he even thought it.
Not Deidara.
And that made everything so damned, fucking complicated.
Deidara ended his presentation to the sound of applause and his professor praising him to the skies. He barely registered anything and just trudged back to his seat, zoning out the moment he was seated. He wasn't going to pay attention to the next presenter.
"Senpai seems distracted today."
It was a testament to how out of it Deidara was that he didn't even realise that he had somehow ended up sitting next to one Uchiha Tobi.
"Fucking hell," he muttered to himself, mourning his plans of daydreaming. Tobi was too fucking annoying and there was no way the idiot was going to give him a moment's peace. "Fuck off, un," he told Tobi and scooted over to the next seat, depositing his bag in between them.
To his surprise (and utmost joy), the Uchiha didn't try bothering him anymore. Instead, he just turned his attention back to the presenter and started diligently taking down notes, looking more serious than Deidara had ever seen him. Well, as serious as he could look with that half-assed orange mask covering half his retarded face.
Deidara didn't see the point in that mask. It was probably hard to see or even breathe with that thing on. And it definitely couldn't be for fashion purposes. Period. It was just plain stupid. Which fit Tobi just fine then.
What the hell am I doing…
Deidara really didn't know. Yeah, sure, he hated the younger man (who was somehow in all his classes) but he didn't usually spend his time picking on minute details about the other guy. There was something seriously wrong with him. And he didn't know what.
Okay, fine, maybe he did.
Sasori.
It always came down to Sasori.
And honestly? Deidara hated it.
He used to be independent. He could do everything by himself. Before he met Sasori, he could handle not doing art at all. He could handle all the rubbish med school and his mother and Chiyo threw at him. He could handle being bored in class but still finding enough interest to complete his work. But now? Now all that just went to hell.
He couldn't even concentrate anymore. Every time he saw down to do an assignment at home, he would be thinking of how Sasori didn't have to do that crap anymore, how, instead, Sasori would be tinkering away with his tools, creating something from scratch. Deidara didn't know how many times he caught himself just standing at his door, wanting to wrench it open to see Sasori's works but barely managing to restrain himself from doing so just in time.
And it wasn't just at home. Every time he was at a lecture, like now, he found his thoughts drifting to the fact that while he was stuck in an enclosed lecture hall with medical jargon and whiny know-it-alls, Sasori would be starting on a new creation or dropping by the art store. Something that he could be doing too. But he couldn't. Because he was in med school. And he couldn't just quit. Because he was not Akasuna fucking Sasori.
Deidara groaned softly. He didn't want to think like this but he couldn't help it. No, he decided, he couldn't sit through any more of this that day. He had to leave. Throwing his stuff in his bag, he stood up and left the lecture hall. It was lucky that he was at the back and so didn't draw anyone's attention. And the presenter was too engrossed in his work to notice anything else. It wasn't that he was afraid of being caught (as proven from his first day at med school) but he didn't want to deal with the hassle. He was just too tired to deal with anything.
"Senpai!"
And anything included that shithead as well. Damn, he had to stop hanging out with Hidan so much. That bastard's bad language was rubbing off him.
"What the fuck do you want?" Deidara snarled, not bothering to keep his voice down. There wasn't anyone around in the corridors at this time anyway.
Tobi looked crestfallen at being treated so coldly but he soon started bouncing up and down again.
"Why did senpai leave just now?"
"Cos it was fucking boring, un. And also because I couldn't stand your presence in the damned room."
Apparently that wasn't enough to deter the Uchiha for he stepped even closer to Deidara.
"Well, let's go somewhere else then! Tobi doesn't want to stay there either if senpai is leaving."
Somehow, that rubbed Deidara the wrong way.
"What the fuck is your problem!" Deidara shouted, shocking even himself at how ferocious he sounded but he found that he couldn't take it back. "Not wanting to stay there because senpai doesn't want to?" he mocked, pitch rising to a screech.
Tobi looked absolutely petrified (or at least Deidara thought he did) as he shrank back, confused at what it was exactly that pissed Deidara off.
"Gods, are you fucking serious? Or are you just inane? Can't you fucking decide what you want to do for yourself? Why are you making decisions based on someone else? Are you retarded? Can't you even choose what you want to do without looking to me? I'm not your fucking mother! Even if I were, does that mean that you should listen to whatever I say? Don't you have a brain? Can't you use it to think? Or are you that fucking insecure that you can't even trust yourself to do things anymore? Huh? It's your life so why the hell are you wasting time trying to think about what other people want for you? Why can't you just fucking throw them aside and think for yourself instead? Think about what you want for once, goddammit!"
By the time Deidara finished, Tobi was just staring at him and not saying anything. Apparently, the bell had also gone off some time while he was shouting and now there was a crowd of people whispering and staring. Deidara was still breathing harshly from that little outburst and he wasn't exactly calm yet.
"Fuck off, un," he snarled at the nearest bystanders who jumped in shock and backed away slightly in fear.
"Wow, Blondie, that was quite a fucking show."
Deidara counted to ten slowly and tried to control himself from maiming his best friend. But then Hidan grabbed his shoulder and he struck out, hitting the other in the chest with enough strength that the taller man actually stumbled back with a wince. But Hidan didn't look angry, just frowned and rubbed at the skin which was definitely bruising.
"Are you okay?"
They turned around to see Kakuzu approaching, a thin frown lining his brows, the only sign that he was actually worried. His gaze was directed at Hidan who just laughed a little and nodded.
"Sorry," Deidara mumbled, pushing past Hidan and making his way through the crowd.
"Look, I gotta go after him," Hidan told Kakuzu seriously. They had planned to talk about whatever the strange thing was between them during their break (now) but Hidan wasn't going to let Deidara go all psycho-emo on his own. "I'm not gonna let stupid Blondie commit fucking homicide without me."
Kakuzu nodded in understanding and then Hidan was gone too, pushing past people roughly and hurling insults at them from time to time. Kakuzu watched him go while shaking his head, wondering how on earth he ever let himself be ensnarled by that despite the fond smile barely touching his lips.
"Do you think Deidara will be alright?" Tobi asked and Kakuzu looked down to the other next to him.
He shrugged. "I think Hidan will be able to do something."
Tobi nodded before walking away. It was only a while later during his next class that Kakuzu realised that Tobi had actually called Deidara by his name instead of senpai. Shocking as it was, he wasn't really interested in the younger Uchiha and so that thought was simply buried amongst other, more pressing things.
Like how the hell he was going to confess to Hidan.
"Wait the fuck up Blondie!" Hidan hollered, drawing horrified looks from mothers bringing their children back from school while the elders looked at him in a mixture of disgust and dismay. He ignored them all as he increased his pace so that he was finally side by side with Deidara. "What the fuck? Are you on bloody steroids or something? What's the damned speed?"
"Leave me alone, Hidan," Deidara requested tersely, obviously not in the mood for socialising or even interacting with his best friend it would seem.
"Why?"
"Just fuck off."
"Speaking my fucking language doesn't get me to piss off, Dei," Hidan snapped, sounding uncharacteristically serious. "Now tell me what the fuck's up or I'm gonna bother you to the ends of hell."
"Nothing," Deidara replied, changing tactics.
"Yeah, that's why you were using the excuse of scolding the little dumb shit to scold your stupid self," Hidan snorted, noting with some glee that at least Deidara's hackles were rising. "I may not be the most fucking luminous crayon in the fucking box, but I can tell what's going on. Life getting too hard for you to handle, eh?"
"Fuck off, Hidan!" Deidara snapped, eyes ablaze with anger and threatening murder.
That definitely caught the attention of more people and Hidan could care less but some "concerned" elderly citizen had obviously thought that there were two thugs on the loose because that was definitely a cop coming their way.
"Fuck it," Hidan said before picking Deidara up and unceremoniously dumping the blonde over his shoulder, ignoring the stares as well as the screams and kicks coming from his best friend.
By the time he deposited Deidara on the floor of his apartment, he had more bruises that he cared to count and several, feline-looking scratches lining his arms. Thank Jashin he was a masochist and enjoyed pain. And yeah Deidara obviously forgot about that if he thought a little pain was going to get Hidan off his back.
"You're such an asshole, un," Deidara grumbled as he stood up, rubbing at his rear because Hidan hadn't been gentle in placing, or rather, throwing him down. There was no real venom in his voice though so Hidan guessed that all the physical exertion must have calmed him down somewhat. Deidara collapsed ungracefully on the couch and kicked off his shoes before placing his feet on the small coffee table in the centre of the room. "Hey, you replaced it."
"Destroyed the previous one during a ceremony," Hidan said with a careless shrug as he kicked some books aside and sat on the floor, leaning back against the couch. "Now fucking spill. What the fuck was that all about, Blondie? And don't you dare fucking say nothing because I swear to Jashin, I will fucking throw you off the damned building and make you the human fucking definition of bloody."
Deidara had no doubt that Hidan would do just that.
And so he spilled his guts out.
Hidan was oddly quiet as he listened, not even interjecting, something that he absolutely loved to do, even if it was just to piss the hell out of Deidara. He nodded from time to time and hummed to indicate that he was still listening after some probing from Deidara who wasn't used to Hidan being so focused.
"And so yeah, my life is a big fucking mess of rainbow, un."
"I'm gonna be fucking honest, Blondie, but sounds like most of the damned problems lies with you."
Deidara shot him a venomous glare. "I know that, un."
"So what the fuck's the problem? Just quit fucking med school, do your fucking art that you actually love and then have fun fucking Sasori. Where's the dilemma, huh?" Hidan challenged, eyes fierce and burning with an intensity that Deidara had never seen on him before.
"You make it sound so easy, un," Deidara mumbled, lying down onto his back and staring up at the discoloured ceiling. He was pretty sure that red blotch was Hidan's blood. "But it's not. You're forgetting my mother."
"Fuck her," was Hidan's simple solution.
"I can't," Deidara said, sounding pained and annoyed. "I can't just do that."
"Sasori did it to fucking Chiyo."
"Chiyo isn't dying. My dearest mother refuses to continue treatment if I quit med school. I told you."
"She's a fucked up bitch alright."
Deidara hummed in response. "So you see, I can't just up and quit. I'm not fucking Sasori."
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you hate him."
Deidara froze and he slowly turned to look down at Hidan, eyes wide with shock and just a tad bit of fear.
"Fuck. I do, don't I?"
Hidan just nodded with a shrug. "But I get it. He's living your fucking dream life and since you guys are living together, it's pretty much in your fucking face. I'd have gone crazy a long time ago."
"Yeah."
"But it isn't his fucking fault."
"I know," Deidara growled lowly, folding his arms and pouting childishly. "But I can't help it! Like you said, he's living his dream. He's living my dream."
"Jealousy is an ugly bitch, eh," Hidan said with a twisted smile on his face.
"Jealous? You think I'm jealous?" Deidara asked, incredulity marking his tone and face.
"Think? You fucking are. Just admit it."
"I am not jealous. I'm just…" and then it struck him like a freight train. "Fuck. I am jealous, aren't I?"
"Of your fucking boyfriend. Not healthy for your bloody relationship if you ask me."
Deidara let out a long groan of frustration and covered his face with his hands. This was so screwed up. How did it ever come to this?
"It's not something that will go away even if I talk to him about it," Deidara all but whined into his hands as he thought about how he was going to go about with this newfound realisation.
Hidan shrugged. "I can't help you with that, Dei."
"I-"
"Actually," Hidan cut him off rather rudely as the bigger man stood up. "You should fucking stand up to your anal mother."
"What?" Deidara asked, eyes widening to saucers. "Are you insane? I can't just go up to her and announce I'm quitting. What if she refuses treatment? Especially after the thing with Chiyo. I think I have even less chance than I did before and that's saying something."
"You know what, Blondie? You don't have fucking guts. You're too fucking scared."
"Right, and you're oh-so-brave ." Deidara's voice was dripping with sarcasm and he couldn't keep the sardonic grin off his face. "Kakuzu."
"You know what, Blondie? Come with me."
"What the fuck are we doing back in school? Deidara asked in a harsh whisper. He was planning on being a recluse for one more day, just to let the novelty of him screaming like a banshee die down but apparently Hidan didn't care about that.
"Shut the fuck up. No one saw your fucking spectacle here," Hidan snorted as he continued pushing past people who grumbled a little but otherwise said nothing. Hidan was, after all, carrying his scythe around and it was definitely not fake.
"Why?" Deidara moaned softly as he trudged behind Hidan at a slower pace. "Why are we at Accounting?"
But Hidan had spotted his target and so deigned to respond to Deidara.
"Oi Kakuzu!"
Kakuzu looked up from where he was having a conversation with Itachi and frowned when he saw Hidan ambling over with Deidara close behind, the blonde wondering why the fuck he had to bump into Uchiha Itachi of all people.
"Yes, Hidan?" Kakuzu asked quizzically while Itachi nodded at them in greeting.
Hidan ignored them both and yanked Kakuzu forward into a blistering kiss. Deidara felt his mouth drop open while even Itachi let out a small cough of surprise. People were stopping and staring, some even had their phones out as they snapped away. Evidently, Hidan wasn't adverse to PDA, though Deidara wasn't exactly sure it could be called that since Kakuzu was still frozen in shock.
It was only when Itachi subtly nudged him in the back that Kakuzu responded. It was the most awkward minute of Deidara's and Itachi's lives as they actually met each other's eyes and shared an understanding as the two men continued to make out with their tongues in front of them. It was about another minute before they broke apart.
"Kakuzu. I fucking like you. So will you fucking go out with me already?" Hidan asked haughtily though Deidara could sense just that little nervousness in his voice. He wondered what the heck Hidan was worried about; that heated tongue-battle session already said a lot.
"Should have figured you'd be the type to rush things," Kakuzu said with a slow shake of his head but he was obviously smiling.
"Oi, fuck, reply me."
"Yes, Hidan," Kakuzu deadpanned. "I like you too. So we'll go out."
Deidara was pretty sure that Hidan had never smiled that brightly before.
After that, Deidara was pretty determined to talk to Sasori at least. His mother… he still wasn't sure that he had the strength or courage to talk to his mother but he wanted to make things right with Sasori at least. He knew that Hidan was petrified of taking things to the next level with Kakuzu, mostly because he didn't know if it was just a short-termed infatuation and he didn't really know Kakuzu all that well, but seeing Hidan taking the strength to do (and he knew that it was partly for his sake as well) sparked off a newfound determination in him and he never wanted to see Sasori so much before.
When he finally entered the living room, Sasori was sitting on a couch, not doing anything. Deidara didn't see anything wrong with the picture and he happily took a seat next to Sasori.
"Sasori, I need to talk to you."
"Me too," Sasori said and Deidara couldn't help but notice the rigid tone in his voice. Suddenly, he felt the joy sapped out of him as he eyed the older man wearily.
"What is it?" he ventured asking when Sasori didn't say anything.
"I was offered a job at Kismet in New York," Sasori stated simply without warning.
"Kismet? As in that art firm?" Deidara asked slowly. Kismet was quite possibly the best art firm out there, home to more than a few famous artists and with a work ethic which allowed its artists to freely do what they want to. In other words, it was Deidara's dream workplace. An uneasy feeling started taking over him, replacing every happy cell with a nerve wrecking tremor.
"So," Deidara started conversationally. "Are you going to accept it?"
Sasori paused for a moment before he looked straight into Deidara's eyes. Deidara never felt so scared at seeing the determination in them.
"Yes."
And just like that, he felt the floor being pulled from underneath his feet and his world being thrown off his axis. He forgot all rationality and everything that Hidan said. All the negative emotions that he thought he had suppressed rushed to the forefront of his mind and when he looked at Sasori again, his face was twisted with pure fury.
"I fucking hate you, un."
Special thanks to anniegirl132 for giving me the idea of placing the recap at the front!
I honestly didn't mean to put another conflict into the story but well it wrote itself so. xD Hope you enjoyed it! I know I've been bad with updating but please review! They make me very happy. :)
Oh yeah, and I couldn't think of a good name for the art firm so I just used the title. xD
Till next time then! xoxo
~Witherwolf