How It Happened

Chapter 10- Meeting the Colliers

"Hello! We're looking for room 27, please. Christian Beckett." My ears pick up the jovial voice at the nurses' station, but my heart stops at the 'Christian Beckett' part. I walk quickly to find out who is inquiring about him. I see they have ID stickers which means they checked in downstairs. The nurse directs the couple but gives me a concerned look.

I give the couple a speculative eye before I state firmly "I'm Dr. Trevelyan-Grey. I'm the attending physician for Christian Beckett. Can I help you?"

"Oh, Doctor! It's so wonderful to meet you." I can see I'm about to get a big hug from this smiling, middle aged woman, but take a small step back. I don't even know who this is. If she noticed my avoidance, she doesn't say anything. "We are the Colliers. I'm Helen and this is my husband Ben. We've come by to meet Christian. We've been notified he'll be coming to stay with us when he's released."

"We heard the boy's a bit shaken," Mr. Collier chimes in. "We wanted to get to know him before the big move." It takes a quick moment for me to figure out what's going on here. Then I realize, these are the foster parents Jackson told me about yesterday. These are the people who will take my son away from me… Well excuse me Mr. and Mrs. Collier if I don't jump for joy. That's inappropriate of me. I have to suppress my anxious thoughts here. It's not their fault, and the waiting period to find family will not go away no matter how much I want it to… And really, this is certainly not the first time I've met foster parents preparing to take a child to their home. It's just that this time, it's my child…

"I assume you are the foster family?" Mrs. Collier nods enthusiastically while Mr. Collier responds with a 'You betcha'.' I chide myself for being so abrupt. I can see they are really very loving people and seem very excited to be getting another charge to care for. I note the envelope Mr. Collier is holding which I'm sure is all the right paperwork to have whatever discussions they need to have with me regarding Christian. Maybe they even have rights to talk with the psychologist… "Could we talk for a few minutes, before you see him?" I motion for them to follow me to a more private area. "Mr. and Mrs. Collier, may I see your paperwork please?" I'm not letting them in if even one 't' is not crossed… What is wrong with me? Give these people the benefit of the doubt, Grace.

Of course the paperwork is all there and completely accurate. They are both smiling at me like we're old friends. I want to be polite and welcoming, but am having a hard time getting past civil. "What have you already been told about Christian's situation? There is a lot we are dealing with here and he will need to stay three to five more days, at least." It's actually more on the 'three' side, but I'm giving a couple days for weight gain… and to keep him with me.

The Colliers tell me they are aware of the abuse, his mother, even the trauma-induced mutism. I'm impressed. Mr. Collier adds "We've been down this road before, Doctor. We know it's a delicate situation at first. We just want to get to know him so he's less frightened when we take him home…" Home? No. I want to take him home… You are just a temporary situation…. He's coming home with me… I can feel my heart begin racing and my breath get ragged. I need to separate myself from this one way or the other. Either I'm Dr. Trevelyan or I'm a mother. I can't do both… Dear Lord, help me…

Mrs. Collier gently comments "Doctor, this is not new to us. Although this seems to be one of the more severe cases, most of the children we get have experienced some form of abuse and neglect." Then she says something that puts my mind more at ease about them, and really, this whole thing. "No child gets placed into foster care because they have two loving, caring parents."

I take a deep breath and look into the faces of this very kind couple. I note the irony that a comment like that actually has made me feel better. They aren't just some people who take care of kids with no homes, they really enjoy what they do. They truly care for these children. They get it. "I'm sorry. Of course. Let me take you to him."

I lead them down the hall to Christian's room. I'm breathing a little more calmly as I reach to open the door. I try to sound reassuring, but have to add, "Mr. Collier, please be aware that Christian is not comfortable with men. And he does not like to be touched." I open Christian's door. He's sitting on the bed, silently flying two of the airplanes from Elliot's collection.

I approach him with a smile to help put him at ease. "Christian, there are some people here to meet you. This is Mr. and Mrs. Collier. When you get all better, they are going to…" I realize that I'm still not totally OK with all this, because I feel my breath hitch in my chest and can't get the words out. "Um, they'll be helping to take care of you." Christian looks at Helen and she smiles at him widely.

"Well, hello there Christian! My you are just a tiny little thing, aren't you! You're like a little baby bird. Well. I love to cook and we eat heartily at our house, so we should get some meat on those bones pretty quickly." Christian looks at her without any expression. He watches as she walks over to the chair and sits down next to his bed. "Oh, I see you've got some books here. We like to read books at our house too. I read to all the kids every night. Even the older ones." She looks up to address me now. "Most of the older ones never got read to as small children. It helps all of them in school and it's sort of become a family time. Everyone looks forward to it, don't they Ben?"

Mr. Collier gives another 'You betcha.' But then I get to see what a kind hearted man he is when he addresses Christian directly. "I know you're not real comfortable with men, Christian. So just know, it's OK. We want you to feel comfortable in our home. I'm not a man prone to getting angry. I don't really talk loudly. And if I'm being honest with you, I'm the softy. It's Mrs. Collier here you need to look out for!" I see him give a wink at Christian who reacts with a quizzical look of surprise. I feel myself let out a breath of relief, then have to stifle a smile when I hear Ben continue, "But I do expect you to be respectful and kind with everyone in our house." He and Carrick will get along well. "We sit down to dinner together every evening, we say grace before we eat…" Christian looks quickly at me with a small smile when he hears the word 'grace,' then looks back at Ben. "…and we will expect all the other kids to be kind and respectful to you, too." He then turns to quietly address me directly. "Doctor, you said he doesn't like to be touched? Is that everywhere, or just…? I mean, the paperwork didn't mention him being a victim of…"

It's at that moment that I realize these people are experts in their field. I may hold the medical degree, and maybe they don't hold any kind of degree at all, I don't know. However, they sure are asking exactly what they need to, to best care for Christian. I couldn't ask for better people to look after my son until I can do that myself! "No, Mr. Collier. At least we don't think so at this time. Arms, back, chest… No signs of…" He nods in understanding. "But something may still come out in the psychological evaluation. We're trying to narrow down exactly what kind of touch is OK and what's not. If he touches us, he seems OK. If we try to touch him, there's a problem. Sometimes a big problem. But apparently the nurses can wash his face and I can touch his head. We just haven't figured out the whole puzzle yet."

I stand off to the side while Helen and Ben engage in more one-sided conversation with Christian. He is looking more relaxed with them. However, he has grabbed his blanket and it almost seems to be a shield he's holding between himself and them. He's still not sure about Ben, but that will take time. I see him pull back a couple times when Helen reaches near him. I notice Ben keeps a distance. They talk about the other kids at their house; their ages and interests. There's another boy not too much older than Christian who likes baseball and reading, and a few pre-teens that will love to play with him since they love cars and airplanes too.

While it pains me to do it, I feel it's best to let them have some private time with Christian. He will soon be living with them, for a few months at least. They need some time together. "If you'll excuse me, I do need to get back to work. There are a few other children waiting to see Dr. Grace." I turn to Christian. "I'll be back, Darling. Carrick is bringing Elliot, and they will be here soon to see you." I gently touch his head. I feel him tense up, but not pull away from me. Then I excuse myself from the room.

It's almost an hour before I see the Colliers leaving Christian's room. I walk over to say good-bye for the day. I'm sure I'll be seeing them again soon. "Mr. and Mrs. Collier, thank you for coming by to meet him. I apologize if I was at all abrupt earlier. It's just…"

Ben puts me at ease. "Please, call us Helen and Ben, Doctor. It's perfectly alright. I can see why you were a little more protective of that boy. It doesn't seem anyone else did that job before you. We'll be back in a couple days. We can't make it tomorrow, it's 'Bring a Parent to School Day' and we've got four classrooms to sit in on." He puts his arm around Helen's waist. "We need to get going, hon. The kids will be getting off the bus in about a half and hour."

Helen smiles at him and gently asks "Can you go get the car, Ben? I'll be right down, Just want to cover a few things with the Doctor here a minute." Why am I nervous all of a sudden? Ben nods and heads toward the elevator. Helen looks back to me with tears in her eyes. "It's you, isn't it? You and your husband? You're the couple who are planning to adopt if no other family is found?" I'm shocked that she knows, but the sympathetic look on her face gives me permission to let my guard down.

I nod silently. We just look at each other for a moment. I feel tears well up in my own eyes and can't seem to speak above a whisper. "How did you know? We haven't even signed the papers yet."

"I got an inkling when you were a bit over protective of a patient. Then you referred to yourself as Doctor Grace. I noticed Christian smiled at you when Ben mentioned saying grace before dinner. Then, of course, you referred to him as 'Darling.' Not typical for a doctor-patient relationship. I've spent a good deal of time with a lot of children. I've learned to read the signs when there's a connection, good or bad. Yours is good. Very good." I smile at her wiping the tears with the back of my hand. "The two coming by later that you mentioned? Your husband and your son? Am I right? "

I am in awe at this wonderful woman. "Yes. My son Elliot. How did you…?"

"That boy in there has no other family that we know of yet. Who else would be coming by to say hello?" She smiles at me and gently touches my arm in a gesture of understanding. "Once you get those papers filed, we can discuss visits for you and your family. There are certain rules and guidelines we have to work with, but I think it will help him through all this too." I nod silently. I don't trust myself to speak right now. I watch as she walks to the elevator. I see her enter and push a button to go down. I may be the one dressed in white, but the angel is waving to me as the elevator doors close.