How It Happened

Chapter 11

As I lay in bed I hear my husband brushing his teeth and I have to smile. I am so glad Carrick suggested the half-day idea. I've been able to attend to my other patients and still have time to spend with Christian. We've had lunch and dinner together several times now and he's getting much better with table ware. We are still seeing unexpected shifts in emotional state. They can happen so fast, without anything preceding them, and that makes them very hard to predict. So, that being said and the fact that he's only four we're waiting a while on the proper use of a knife.

Elliot and Carrick have been in to visit a few times now. Elliot is so good with him, so excited yet patient and always eager to include Christian in whatever game he's made up at that moment. The two of them are coming tomorrow to visit again. Last time the boys did very well racing the cars and rolling them around. Christian was less excited to share the 'flying' toys, but Elliot handled it very well with a simple plan, telling him, "How about you use the hel'copter and I'll use the airplane?" Which went over just fine as Christian seems to favor the helicopter anyway.

Christian seems to be enjoying having someone to play with. He seems to be learning a lot about imaginative play and taking turns from Elliot. We haven't gotten any verbal response yet and really don't get very much emotional response either but every now and then a small bit of happiness emerges. Carrick noticed him look up at Elliot with a little smile once. And during one visit, he even walked over to me to show me the new car Elliot had brought from home.

There have been a couple of times we've had to intervene when Christian has gotten upset or frustrated. He's very quick to hit, not having any other way to express frustration. It's a challenge for Elliot because it is so different from his natural inclinations and from how he's been raised. I noticed a slightly frightened look on Elliot's face last time Christian hit him. It was another unexpected anger outburst and not knowing what caused it or how to react to him, Elliot walked over to me and asked "Can we be done playing for now?"

I'm trying not to make too much out of it. I guess any two brothers would need parental mediation from time to time. I know my brothers did. But all of this is actually very encouraging as Dr. Evens has told me that just a few days of interaction with others has made up for some lost time in Christian's development and his experiences with Elliot are helping him adjust quicker than expected. And I'm sure there will be more issues, and we'll be very busy teaching the boys how to handle their frustration with each other once Christian's adoption is complete.

We haven't told Elliot about our intention to adopt Christian. He still thinks he's just another patient who needs a friend. He's never mentioned it even though we've never involved him in my patients' cases before. We're just too afraid to tell him right now in case a family member is found and it doesn't happen.

That possibility nearly stops my heart every time it pops into my head. The thought that Christian may not… I mean, if they do find family, how much would they really know about him? If his mother was so strung out as to kill herself with drug use, did her family even know she had a child? Once they find out, will they want to take him in as a way to have some connection to their daughter or sister? And that would mean another transition into a home where he knows no one. And if they don't want him, will he know? What kind of effect would that level of rejection have on such a young child? He's already dealing with the loss of his only parent, and then to find out there is family and they don't want you… But then we'd get him, and it all just works me up into a nervous frenzy every time.

I need to take a deep breath.

We have discussed the possibility of our adopting Christian with just about everyone else, though. Both of my brothers are excited to get a new nephew. Our friends in the neighborhood and through church have been wishing us good thoughts and saying prayers. My parents are so excited for us and that Elliot will have a sibling closer to his own age. It was my mother who noted that if we had gotten an infant, the age difference would have been an issue, which is true. I love my parents for all their support of our choice to adopt. They love Elliot just as much as my brothers' kids and they can't wait to meet Christian.

As Carrick climbs into bed, I can't help but smile. "What's that for?" he asks suspiciously.

"Does it have to be 'for' anything? Can't I just smile at my husband?"

He reaches over and tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Of course you can. It's just that I haven't seen a real Gracie smile like that for several days. Well, since before Christian was brought in… Are you thinking about him again? You know I worry about how much you worry…"

I have to cut him off before he's the one getting worked up! "No, I'm not actually." He gives me a knowing look. "Well, OK yes, but not just him. I was just thinking about all of this. Him, Elliot, you, me, us… Things are going well. I'm just… happy."

"I'm happy you're happy, Baby. Can I make you even happier?" He whispers into my ear as he leans over to kiss me. I reach around his neck returning his passionate kiss, thinking quickly that it's been a long time since we've been able to …

"Mom!? Mom! Can you c'mere a minute?!" I hear Elliot's not-so-subtle voice from down the hall. I let out a deep sigh at the same moment Carry lets out a deep groan.

"Just give me a minute. He knows he should be asleep by now. I'll just see what he needs and if it's not life or death related, I'll play the 'mean mom' card." I smile at Carrick and give him a quick kiss. I grab my robe and head down the hall to Elliot's room.

My curly haired son is sitting up with his bedside light on and a serious expression. Which is really rather comical when you know his personality and add in the fact that he's wearing pajamas with cartoon bulldozers and steam engines on them. We don't see this look very often and usually when we do it's because some serious infraction has gone down with where or how his Godzilla or Legos have been handled and we're about to hear about it. Usually I can't keep a straight face.

I walk over and sit on his bed facing him. "What's wrong El? You know this light should be out and you should be asleep by now." I give him a stern look letting him know that I'm not in the mood for a lecture about either Godzilla or Legos.

"I have a question." He just continues to look at me, not even flinching at my reminder that he's in violation of a pretty serious household rule regarding bedtime.

"About what? And it better be important young man." I punctuate that comment with 'the look.'

"Where's Christian's parents?" I'm almost struck breathless from this innocent and totally unexpected question.

Not knowing exactly what to say I reply, "Why do you ask, Darling?"

"Well, I've been at the hospital a bunch now and there's always moms and dads there seeing their kids. Sometimes there's even grammas and grampas or brothers and sisters. But there never seems to be anybody but us seeing Christian." I am struck dumb at the depth of Elliot's observations. Still unsure of exactly how to respond, I take a deep breath and try to speak.

"Christian's parents? Well, um…" But Elliot doesn't seem to be listening to me.

" I wanna' meet them." Meet them? What exactly is going on in my son's mind? I have to rein in my wide-eyed look of shock and try to find some response to his sweet and sincere concern.

"Elliot, you know I usually… Well, doctors don't mix their work with their families. That's why you've never been introduced to any other patients before…"

He interrupts with a puppy-dog look in his eyes. "Please Mom?"

"Why is this so important to you at this hour?" I'm hoping to redirect the conversation to his being awake too late, and get off a topic I feel deserves honesty, but I do not wish to discuss with him right now. Then he hits me with another completely unexpected thought that just about blows me away.

" 'Cause me and him are friends now, even if he is kinda' quiet. But we play good and we have fun. I know he gets mad and hits sometimes, and I don't really like that, but lots of kids do that. When he's done in the hospital I was hopin' we could maybe play again." I must be giving an expression that he doesn't quite understand because he continues in explanation. "I mean, I know he's littler than me, but that's OK. Sometimes at recess the third graders play with us first graders and it's OK. So, can I? Please, Mom?"

I reach over and give my wonderfully adorable son a big hug and kiss his curly blonde head. I want to tell him he is amazing, and how proud of him I am, but that would only lead to more questions I'm not ready to answer. "I'll tell you what." I look into his bright hopeful eyes and add "I cannot promise you anything about Christian's parents right now. But I can promise you, your father and I will do whatever we can to make sure you and Christian get lots of chances to play together when he's discharged. Is that fair?"

"What's 'discharged' mean? It sounds bad, but you sound good."

I have to chuckle. "It means when he's 'done in the hospital.'"

"Oh! Cool!" Elliot smiles broadly and reaches up to hug me. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're very welcome, Elliot. And thank you, Darling."

He pulls back a bit. "What for?"

"For being such a good friend to Christian. And such a wonderful son. We love you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know. You've told me like a million times!" He rolls his eyes to emphasize the extreme.

"Well, consider this a million and one. Now you get to sleep young man." I tuck him in and kiss his cheek. Then I turn out his light and head back down the hall.

Carry has turned off the light and is already lying in bed. I start to climb in softly so I don't disturb him. I only make it to a seated position as Carrick lets me know he's not quite asleep yet. "What was the emergency?"

"Elliot wanted to know about Christian's parents. He wants to meet them."

Carry abruptly sits up and I can hear the concern in his voice. "What did you say? Did you tell him the truth? I don't think at his age he really needs to know about…"

"Relax…" I hold up my hand and can feel my poor husband's heart is about to burst through his chest. "He wants to be able to play with him after he leaves the hospital. I told him we'd do whatever we could to make that happen."

"Oh." Carry runs his hands through his hair; a gesture he uses when he's on the edge and needs to calm himself down a bit. "So you were honest, but didn't give anything away?" Through the moonlight coming in the window Carry can see me nod. "You're a brilliant woman, you know that?" Carrick reaches his arm around me to pull me closer to him and down onto the pillow. "And I would really like to show you just how brilliant I think you are, woman."

"Woman? That's 'Doctor' woman to you, Mister." I have to laugh.

"Yeah, well… 'Doctor Woman?" Carrick slides over to lean over me. "I seem to have some swelling that needs your professional expertise."

"Carry!" I feign shock, but return his amorous comment with a deep kiss.