How It Happened

Chapter 13

Carrick

Jackson came into the room and whispered to me. When he told me the whole situation, I think I actually felt my heart stop beating and I suddenly couldn't breathe. I immediately looked over at Christian and felt the tears building up in my eyes. When I looked over at Elliot, I saw he was worried. I'm sure my feelings were more than evident on my face. Too afraid to speak in front of the boys, I went out to the hall to comfort Grace. She was a mess; sobbing and trembling. Ben and Helen were there and neither of them looked happy about any of this either.

It was decided that Helen would come at nine the next morning. I know Grace will refuse to go home tonight. I don't want to go either, but by hospital regulation, Elliot can't stay overnight. How do we explain all of this to him? Looking at Gracie's tearful face, there is no way we will be able to hide this from him. After a few moments, I decide to bite the bullet and just tell both of the boys the truth.

"Grace? I'm going back in the room. I'm going to tell the boys what's going on. I'll be gentle, OK? You take all the time you need to pull yourself together. Tonight…"

"I'm not leaving, Carry!" She's totally beside herself. "I'm not going to be at home when Christian…"

"I know, Baby. I fully expect you to stay tonight. I wish I could too, but I'll take Elliot home with me. Take your time. It will be OK." I gently push the hair out of her face and tuck a tendril behind her ear. Then I give her a soft kiss on the forehead.

Helen moves to sit closer to Grace and gives me a nod. I know she'll stay with her a while so I can talk to the boys. I stand up and take a few cleansing breaths. I have to look less distraught when I go back in there. Elliot is already a bit shaken from before and I have no idea what Christian is thinking. As I open the door, my heart about melts. Elliot is lying back on the bed next to Christian. He is being careful not to touch, but I hear Elliot's whispered voice saying something about talking to Mom and Dad.

"What about Mom and Dad, Bud?" I ask as I move to sit on the end of the bed myself. Elliot flashes a look of fear at being caught telling secrets. Christian's expression hasn't changed at all. "It's alright. I need to talk to the two of you, as well." I motion for Elliot to sit on my lap. I look at his face, and back at Christian's. How do I do this?

"Where's Mom?" I can hear the concern in his voice and see he is still a bit shaken. This has to be frightening for someone his age. "She left and those other people left, then that man came and you left. Daddy, I'm not scared, 'cause I'm not a baby, but… Christian's a little worried." He looks over to Christian who manages to give an expression indicating his displeasure at that comment.

"I'm just going to tell you two like it is, OK? If anything gets too complicated or too grown up and you don't understand, you can tell me and I will try to explain it better, but it's not a very easy situation." I get a nod from Elliot and Christian is back to his stoic expression. "El? You asked Mommy the other day about Christian's parents; well, he doesn't have any Buddy." I look quickly at Christian to see if he's doing OK with this. No change. "He doesn't have a daddy and his mommy recently passed away. That's part of the reason he's here at the hospital." This gets a muffled grunt from Christian and Elliot's face shows shock and fear. "Are you doing OK, El?" He nods. "Are you doing OK Christian?" He stares with those gray eyes, and I can see sadness even though he's trying not to show his feelings. This has got to be so hard for him to hear. Hopefully, the rest of what I'm saying will make things better.

"Mr. and Mrs. Collier are going to take Christian to live at their house while…"

"No!" Elliot vehemently cuts me off.

"Elliot, let me finish..."

"No! I have a better idea. Christian can stay with us at our house. He could sleep in the other room and Mom could …"

"Elliot stop." He looks into my eyes with the most frightened look I've ever seen from him. Although he obeys, I can tell he is really afraid of what I'm going to say next, so I try to focus on the positives. "I know you and Christian are friends. Mom and I are very happy about that, but right now I am talking and you are listening. No more interruptions, please." I get another blond curly nod, but he is so worried. "Mr. and Mrs. Collier are going to take care of Christian while the police and Mr. Price try to find some other family for him to live with."

"You mean like Gramma and Grampa? They take care of me sometimes." Elliot quickly looks over at Christian. "Is your Gramma gonna' take care'a you?" Christian finally changes expression, but to one of confusion. I secretly hope that means he doesn't understand what 'grammas' are. That would move a stone out of our path to getting custody.

"Well, yes like that. But Christian has to live with the Colliers, and not us, while they look. But here's the best part. We will be able to visit with him and you will get to play together and hopefully…" I this time I cut myself off. I can't mention the adoption yet. I don't want to get any hopes up too high that I'll have to crush later, like my own. "Hopefully, if they do find Christian's family, that can continue. Do you understand?"

I get a nod from Elliot. He wraps his arms around my neck and I can feel how unsure he is of what's really happening. He can tell there's more to this but is afraid to ask. Right now, I'm afraid to tell them anything more. When he sits back I look over at Christian. His expression is hard to define. It's somewhere between fear and confusion. It's so full of emotions and probably millions of questions he can't verbalize.

Just then, Helen and Ben come back into the room. Helen is a bit emotional so Ben takes the reins. "Carrick, we thought it would be best to take a few more minutes with Christian, seeing as he's coming home with us a bit earlier than expected. Would that be OK?" I nod and lead Elliot out of the room. I can hear the Colliers talking about how long the car ride will be. I didn't realize they lived forty-five minutes away from here, in the opposite direction. We chose a house within 10 miles of the hospital so Gracie could get here quickly when needed. Meeting for visits will take some planning, but I know Grace will make sure it happens as often as possible.

Once out in the hall, Elliot sees his mother and moves closer to my side. He's never seen her like this before. I bend down to whisper in his ear, "Mommy's just sad tonight because of Christian leaving tomorrow. I bet she'd feel a lot better if you gave her a hug and a kiss." Elliot seems pretty unsure of this, but slowly walks over to Grace and gives her a gentle hug. I see a new set of tears on Grace's cheeks. I sit next to her and lay her head on my shoulder. "It's all going to be OK. We'll get through this. He'll be alright."

Grace can't speak and Elliot is too afraid to. I can't think of the right words for this situation so we just sit together until Helen and Ben come out of Christian's room. "Grace? Carrick? We need to get going now," Ben tells us. "Helen will meet you here tomorrow around nine." He reaches out to shake my hand. "Then we'll all see each other real soon." Grace and Helen embrace again and then both Ben and Helen shake Elliot's hand as well. We watch as they walk to the elevator. I'm sure Grace is thinking that the next time we see them do that, it will be with Christian; heading away from us. I put my arm around her, and pull Elliot close as I feel my heart break.

I can feel my wife collapse again as she is overcome by a deep feeling of loss, and they haven't even taken him yet. What will it be like tomorrow? "Mom? Dad? Now that those people left, can we go back in with Christian?" I hear our little boy's quiet words bringing me back to reality. Our other little boy is alone and probably nervous and frightened…

"Yes, Elliot. We should all go back in there and be with Christian." Grace looks over at me and I wipe her eyes. I take a couple deep breaths and try to blink away my own tears.

Grace

Back inside the room I look over to Christian and I'm almost overcome with pain again. Somehow I manage and hold it together so I don't upset him. I know Carrick explained things to the boys, but I don't know how in depth, and we certainly don't know how much, if anything, Christian really understands. I mean, he's still dealing with the loss of his mother, and meeting some strangers who are telling you they are taking you home to some place you've never been, and now seeing all of us this upset… It has to be terrifying. Yet, he continues to look at us with the same expression. Almost as if he's trying not to feel anything. Maybe this is part of the mutism, his brain thinks it'll be easier this way.

I take a deep breath again and decide the best way to handle this situation is to make this last evening together fun and special. We let the boys continue to play, I go down the cafeteria and get ice cream… I mean a few more calories and some extra dairy can't hurt. They get it all over their faces but Christian seems to really enjoy the taste.

Carrick and I each read them a story, and the evening seems to fly by. Before I know it, a nurse is coming in to change the bandages. Oh no, Elliot! He's never seen this; never seen Christian's injuries… I have to get him out of here before he does. I move to take his hand but it's too late.

The nurse is already removing the gown. Christian begins to grunt and shake his head wildly. His arms are flailing to keep her away. He is making it perfectly clear he does not want her anywhere near him. In the process, he practically throws off the gown and Elliot sees Christian's injuries before I can stop it. I'm not sure I've ever seen my son so unsure and in shock; now twice in one day… First, Christian's reaction to his touch, now the burns and bruising and this physical and panicked reaction… He is obviously frightened as he quickly moves to his father's side like he did earlier. Carrick picks up Elliot and heads toward the door. My heart breaks as I hear him begin to cry and see him hide his face in Carrick's neck.

Inside the room, I tell the nurse to step aside and give us a minute. I move to sit with Christian and after a few moments, get him to calm down. I offer him my fingers like before. He looks up at my face with those scared gray eyes and I see the tears on his cheeks. I want to hold him and protect him from everything that's happening today, but I'm not even sure what he understands. And I know, both medically and motherly, that this all has to happen; these bandages need to be changed, he has to go home with the Colliers tomorrow...

Stifling my own tears, I put my hands out to him. It takes just about everything I have to get past the lump in my throat, "Go ahead, Darling. I'm right here." Christian looks over to the door, points and lets out a sad groan. I have no idea what he's trying to say… "Christian, look at me." He continues to stare at the door and cry. "Look at me, please." He turns toward me and looks down at my hands. "It will all be over quickly, I promise." For the first time, I see a look in his eyes that tells me he's not sure he can believe me. "I promise. It won't be for long."