How It Happened

Chapter 16

Carrick

She's been at this for over an hour. I'm trying to just let it alone, I know it's a big deal, but at this point, it's thoroughly driving me batty. I can hear her from the kitchen talking to herself. "What if it's not enough? Maybe I should put in a few more. Elliot will want raisins. Will Christian want raisins? What if I pack them and he doesn't want them, but he would have liked a banana, and I don't pack one. I'll put in a few bananas…"

We were able to contact the Colliers and set up our first visitation with Christian. It's been just over two weeks now. With our schedules and the older kids being in school full days, a weekday was too complicated to schedule. So it's Saturday and we're meeting at a park for a picnic lunch and some time to play.

Grace wanted to take him to the zoo, and I know Elliot wanted to go too, but his case worker suggested we save that one for a while and start with simply playing at a park. Dr. Evans, who's been able to continue on as his psychologist, agreed. It's a little more low key. A zoo would have forced the focus on seeing the animals. This way, while there's equipment to play on, the visit will be more about the interaction between Christian and us.

Helen and Ben will both be there and they're bringing some of the other children. She told us things have gone well, relatively speaking. He's still having nightmares, won't let anyone touch him and hasn't spoken a word. But the bruises are gone and the burns are nearly all healed, although they're going to leave scars. She said he's gained a few pounds too, which is really good to hear. Apparently, meal times are never a problem. If she could only have seen those first few…

I walk into the kitchen to see if I can help my wife pack the picnic basket. I understand she's anxious, but it's just lunch. Hell, from what I can see, she's preparing to feed an army! "Grace? Isn't Helen packing for the other kids?" She nods but doesn't take her focus off her task or even look at me. "Well, Baby, don't you think this is bit overkill? I'm planning on eating lunch today; you know a sandwich, maybe a piece of fruit or some carrots… not my final meal before I'm executed!"

That comment earns a reprimanding glance and verbal response. "I just want to be sure Christian won't have to eat anything he doesn't want. If I have ample choices, then there should be at least something he'll like. We're supposed to give him choices. That's what the visitation list stated."

"Grace, Helen said food is the one area that's been easy. He eats whatever he's given. But really? Dr. Evens said this visit should be about the interaction; it's not about the food. He's going to be so excited just to see you that this isn't even going to matter."

"But that's what concerns me. The list of recommendations included photographs to help the child remember, and Helen and Ben didn't receive the ones we mailed until Thursday. That's only one day to…"

"And she called us last night. What did she say he did when he saw them?" I reach for her shoulder to turn her back to me. Looking into her eyes I can see the tears welling up again. "Grace?" I'm not letting her go until she acknowledges this… Why is she focusing on everything that could go wrong? "Grace… What did Christian do?"

Grace

Once again my husband is being my rock. He's right about the food, I'm just so nervous today. He's right about the photos we sent too. He's not going to let me finish here until I say it… "Alright. He pointed to us in the picture."

"And when Helen told him we would see him at the park?..."

"He smiled. He smiled and refused to give the pictures back to her."

"Now, isn't that a bit of a switch from the other photo in the hospital?" I have to nod in agreement. "He remembers you, he remembers me and Elliot…. He's excited to see us. And now," he looks at his watch. I can tell from his expression that we're getting close. "We need to leave in about fifteen minutes. That gives you enough time to change."

"Me? I was going to suggest you change."

Carrick

"Why?" Just then Elliot comes running through the house. Why is he wearing a sweater, khaki pants and dress shoes?

"Is it time yet? I don't wanna' be late or anything." He is not going to the park like that. He'll ruin those pants, and really? Dress shoes?

"Not until you change, El. Why are you all dressed-up?"

"Mom said." He couldn't he look more miserable about this.

Coming to her own defense, Grace cuts in, "I just think this is a special occasion, we should act like it."

"I agree it's a special occasion, but it's at a park. The whole point is to play. Elliot, go change into jeans and tennis shoes. You need to be able to run around."

"Oh man, thanks Dad!" He takes off and heads up to his room.

"And grab a shirt that can get dirty! Make it fast, Buddy!" I call after him. Then I turn to Grace, "Now you go…"

"I cannot believe you just did that. I told him what to wear and you just undermined me."

"No, I'm making sense. Grace, look at yourself. You're in heels and a skirt. How are you going to play with Christian on a playground? If you try pushing him on a swing, your shoes will sink into the ground." She's not saying anything but I'm not sure she's really listening either. "Think 'low key.' That's what we were told. Something comfy and able to get dirty."

She takes a deep breath and the tears start to fall. "I just want this to be perfect, Carry. This is the first time we're going to see each other in quite some time. I just want us to be what he remembers. You were almost always in a suit…"

"And you were in scrubs most of the time." She takes a deep breath and tries to blink away any more tears. "And when did Christian ever see Elliot dressed like that?" She puts her arms around me. I get a big hug and of course I hug her back. "Grace? Let's go play with our little boy, OK? Play." She nods silently on my shoulder. "Time's tickin'. I know you don't want to be late for this. Go."

I watch her hurry up the stairs and I grab the picnic basket to take it out to the car. There is no way she'll be late. I sure as hell hope not; I'm way too excited to see my son.

Grace

Once again, Carry's right. What was I thinking? Who wears an outfit like this to play in a park? And poor Elliot. No wonder he gave me such a pathetic look when I told him what to wear. I toss my dress clothes on the bed. I'll deal with them when we get home. I grab a much more park-appropriate outfit and throw it on. I pull my hair into a ponytail, grab my socks and running shoes and head quickly down the stairs.

Carrick is coming out of the kitchen with the drink thermos. "Did you grab the cups and plates, Sweetheart?" I may be walking and trying to get my other shoe on at the same time, but I'd hate to forget anything.

"Yes. This is the last of it. Elliot's already in the car, and… Well, now that is a much better outfit for an autumn day in the park; jeans, turtleneck and Michigan State sweatshirt. Kind of unexpected from a U of M med school grad, but…"

"Hey. That was only for med school. You know at heart, I'm pure Spartan. Go green." I give my husband a kiss and a big smile as I grab his free hand and head us out to the car. "Let's go play with our son!"

We decided on a place somewhere in the middle between our house and the Colliers'. I think Elliot has asked 'how much longer' about seven times. The ride takes only twenty minutes but seems like forever. I feel my heart pounding as we park and get the picnic items out of the trunk. I want to just run over to the picnic area, as that's where we decided to meet up, but then I hear Ben's gentle yet firm voice coming from somewhere not too far away.

"I know you don't want to Christian, but this is a parking lot. It's not a choice, you have to hold hands." I think my heart is about to burst through my chest. He's already here! I look around and feel it just about stop! For the first time in two weeks, I see my baby!

He looks bigger and definitely has more color in his cheeks. He looks… healthy. His copper hair is clean and the autumn sunlight reflects off it with bright highlights. It's as unruly as ever. The shirt he has on is still a bit too big but I recognize it as one of Elliot's we sent with him. The pants he's wearing today fit better, but he even looks a bit taller than just two weeks ago, so if he's growing quickly, they may not fit much longer.

"Ben!" I hear Carrick yell, and he's waving. Ben waves back and I see several children ranging in ages, surrounding him carrying coolers and baskets. Ben has Christian's right hand, and that blanket is in his left.

So many thoughts are going through my head; Can I go to him? Can I ask to hold his hand or does it need to be Ben only? Does he see me and know who I am, yet? While my mind is flashing a mile a minute, I see the Colliers walking toward us. I cannot take my eyes off of him but I'm pulled out of myself when Elliot yells "Hi Christian!" At this Christian seems to come to a recognition of who we are.

I see a smile. I only saw a smile that big the day Officer Williams delivered the toys from his house. He looks at Elliot and Carrick and there's even a slight excitement in his walk. Ben walks him over to me. I kneel down to look into those gray eyes. I have missed them so much.

"Hello, Darling." It's all I can do not to wrap my arms around him, but I know that will frighten him and upset this amazing moment. "It's so wonderful to see you again, Sweetheart. We've really missed you. You look very healthy and I'm very glad to see that." His smile is melting my heart. "Are you ready to have some lunch and play?" Without any hesitation, I get an excited head nod. Ben reaches his hand over to mine. "Can I hold your hand? Mr. Collier is right. We must hold hands in a parking lot. Not a choice."

Christian reaches for me. I'm almost breath taken when he actually reaches out to my hand. I stand again as he grabs my finger and looks up at me. The last time he looked up at me, he was scared and unsure. Now, he looks content and even, happy.

We must look a sight, all of us in a mass heading toward the picnic area. Helen and I find a couple tables under a big maple tree. The sunlight is bright and streaming through the leaves. They are changing colors and the brilliant yellows, oranges and reds almost accent Christian's hair. The older girls stay to help Helen set up lunch, while the younger children runoff to climb on the equipment.

I need to set up as well, but I don't want Christian to let go of me. I notice Elliot hasn't run to play. I'm glad in that he knows he is not to run off but I think he's waiting for Christian. I feel my husband behind me and he speaks softly in my ear. "Grace, would you like to take the boys over to play while I set up? Or do you want to hold the reins over lunch?" Carrick is giving me a hard choice. Yes I want to play with my boys, but I know what's in that basket better than he does… Then I think about him and his desire to be with the boys too.

"I got to hold his hand already. It's your turn, Carry." I see an expression on his face that tells me I said exactly what he was hoping for.

"Come on Elliot! Christian, let's go see about that big slide over there!" He's almost a kid himself! Helen tells Christian he needs to leave the blanket at the table. I'm surprised when he actually surrenders it without much issue, but he does look to Carrick with an unsure expression, as if he's asking for assurance he won't need it. Carrick holds out his hands. Elliot takes his left, and I watch as Christian slowly reaches for his right. This puts an amazing expression on my husband's face, as he heads off with the two boys toward the toys. I've never watched the three of them together quite like this, but my heart knows this is the way it's supposed to be.