Chapter 8

Emma could still feel the pang of disappointment that had gripped her stomach when Killian had accompanied her to her bedchamber last night and told her goodnight at her door. She'd never really thought about where he would be sleeping when he finally arrived, and she'd realized that part of her had held out hope they might spend the nights in the same bed again. She still didn't feel ready to give her body to him, but she missed having him by her side at night.

"You should join them in their fun, Emma."

Emma startled when Mary Margaret stepped beside her, the older woman greeting her with a warm smile.

"I don't know," Emma replied, her eyes coming back to the men standing beside the paddock.

It was an exceptionally warm day for late autumn, and Emma wanted to be with them, wanted to spend time with Killian, her heart aching with longing for his presence, longing for his smile, longing for his laughter and that twinkle in his eyes that always warmed her from head to toe.

"Let me show you something," Mary Margaret interrupted her thoughts, a mischievous grin on her face as she led Emma out of the kitchen. "I have just the right thing for you."

"You think you can handle it?" David asked, gesturing towards the mare in the paddock who was snorting and stomping, still agitated after a bee had stung her.

"Aye," Killian replied, throwing his stable master a cheeky grin. "I can handle it."

"Killy, what are you doing?" Henry inquired, sending a frightened gaze to the mare.

"Just watch, Henry," David told the lad, throwing an arm over his shoulder and drawing him close as Killian slipped into the paddock. "He is a horse whisperer."

"He is over exaggerating, Henry," Killian said as he turned towards the lad and winked. "Let's just say I have a hand with horses."

He turned back to the mare again, holding out his hands as he spoke softly, "Shhhh, mo deas. No one is gonna hurt you."

The endearment had rolled over his tongue without conscious thought, and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he remembered Liam using it whenever he'd handled a shy horse. Killian had been too young to remember anything about her mother, but Liam had told him stories about how her mother tended to switch over to Irish when she was upset, and apparently the horses liked the drawl of the Irish brogue, so Killian had started to use it, too.

But this wasn't the time to reminisce, and he concentrated on the horse in front of him again, the mare stomping with her feet and throwing her head back, letting out a low whinny when he walked slowly towards her. She let him come near, but she was clearly agitated and he wrapped his arms slowly around her neck and leaned his forehead against her, mumbling soothing nonsense into her ear until she stopped shifting and lowered her head, nudging his shoulder.

"See," he said, stepping back to scratch the mare between her ears. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Wow," Henry whispered when Killian walked toward him and the horse followed his every step. "You have to teach me that."

Killian grinned down at the boy as he stepped out of the paddock again, and ruffled his hair. "One thing at a time, Henry. You need to learn how to ride first." And today was as good a day as any. "How about we're going on a short ride today?"

"Yeah," Henry cried out, throwing himself at Killian's legs. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Wearing men clothes was a completely strange sensation, and Emma felt her heart beat frantically in her chest as she stepped out of the house and walked over to where the men and her son were gathered. David was deep in conversation with Henry, showing him how to saddle a horse and her son looked up at him with pure adoration in his gaze, making her heart squeeze in her chest. But when her eyes met Killian's a whole other feeling rushed through her body, and her fingers and toes started to tingle when his mouth curled up into a lopsided smirk as he walked up to her.

"I like those breeches, Your Grace," he told her in a low voice that shot a shiver down her spine.

"And I like yours."

The moment the words were out of her mouth a blush rose to her cheeks, and she averted her gaze to the ground. He might look insanely handsome in those tight-cut breeches and a shirt that revealed quite a few inches of his chest, but a lady never talked like that. Ever.

A wave of embarrassment swept over her, and she was about to turn around and flee when a finger appeared in her line of vision, and Killian pulled her chin up until her eyes met his. "Are you flirting with me, milady?"

His eyes sparkled with amusement, and his mouth twitched with the effort to keep himself from smiling, and suddenly she didn't feel embarrassed anymore.

"Maybe?" she replied, smiling broadly when he laughed out loud.

"Mommy, look," Henry shouted, and Emma looked at her son, sitting on a horse in front of David. "I'm riding a horse."

"You should come with us, love," Killian said, gesturing towards the stables. "I can saddle a horse for you."

"Maybe another time," she replied. "You just go ahead without me."

Killian eyed her for a few moments before shrugging his shoulders. He walked towards his already saddled horse and mounted it with practiced ease. Tightening his legs around the horse, it started to walk towards Emma, and she looked up at Killian in question as he stopped beside her, but he just grinned down at her and stretched out his hand. "Come on, Emma. You can ride with me."

Before she could over think it she slipped her hand in his, and a moment later she was sitting in the saddle with him, his strong arms enveloping her as he reached for the reins.

"Relax," he whispered in her ear. "You're safe with me."

She heeded his advice and relaxed into him; his scent was wafting around her, a mixture of musk and sweat and horse, and she felt the muscles of his legs against hers as he shifted behind her. She didn't know how to ride, something else she needed to tell him, but he was definitely a natural, directing the horse only with his legs while talking to Henry, and her son's face beamed with happiness when David and Killian urged their horses into a trot. But her hands were reaching for Killian's arms at first, her fingers digging into his flesh as a wave of fear swept through her. But then he shifted behind her and his mouth brushed over her ear, his voice barely audible over the rush of the wind as he whispered, "Relax. I won't let you fall."

The ride was a pure joy after she let go of her fear, and she smiled and laughed as David entertained them with stories about Liam and Killian when they were lads and up to no good all the time. But she was always aware of the closeness of Killian's body behind her and the reactions of her body to this close contact, feeling warm and secure in his arms.

When they rode back into the yard an hour later, she still felt exhilarated, letting out a chuckle when Henry bolted for the house the moment David lifted him off the horse, her son almost falling over his own feet in his rush to get to the cookies David had promised Mary Margaret had cooked.

Killian's low laughter rumbled in her ear, and then he shifted and descended, holding up his arms to help her down. He was holding her closely as her feet hit the ground, his face only inches from hers, and maybe it was the fresh air, or maybe it were the clothes she was wearing, but she felt daring and even though her heart threatened to beat out of her chest she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against her husband's.

A low growl rumbled out of his throat, and his arms tightened around her as he tilted his head. She felt the tenseness of his muscles under her fingers as she wrapped her arms around his neck and threaded her fingers through his hair, a burst of longing sweeping through her as the tip of his tongue brushed over her bottom lip.

She'd only been truly kissed once before, and she opened her lips in anticipation, memories of their wedding day flickering through her mind. Killian accepted her silent invitation without a moment of hesitation and his tongue touched hers, and though he had kissed her like that before Emma wasn't prepared for the sensations that flooded her body as he tangled his tongue with hers. Her whole body was warming, every fiber of her being seemed to tingle as his kiss turned more urgent, and she kissed him back with the same ferocity, her body taking over control and leaving her a wanton mess.

And then the horse shifted behind them and snorted loudly, nudging her nose into Emma's back and breaking the kiss. Her eyes snapped to his as he stepped back, and the desire she saw in them shot another wave of heat through her body.

"I like that, too," he told her in a hoarse voice, and his hands lifted to cup her face, his lips brushing over hers once again in a brief kiss before he stepped back and reached for the horse's reins. "Come on, you little rascal. Let's get you brushed down."

Emma skimmed her fingers over her mouth, her lips still tingling with the sensations of the kiss, and she watched her husband walk the horse towards the stables, a foreign need tugging at her as her eyes followed him until he disappeared through the doors.

She might not have felt ready to share her body with him this morning, but after being so close to him during the ride she couldn't deny that she wanted to get even closer, and maybe she would ask him later if he wanted to spend the night in her bed.

Maybe it was time for her to face her demons again.

Her heart was fluttering in her chest as they were standing in front of the door to her bedchamber, and Killian already turned around to leave her for the night when she stopped him by laying her hand on his arm.

"I don't want you to go," she whispered, avoiding to look Killian directly in the eyes.

He didn't say a word until she looked up at him again, and even then he just studied her intently for a long time before he nodded and stepped into the room. Her hands were trembling when she closed the door behind her, but she walked towards him with determined steps, turning her back and lifting her hair. She needed help to get out of the gown she'd changed into for dinner, and tilting her head forward she asked in a low voice, "Can you help me with the laces?"

He helped her out of her garments until she was standing in only her chemise before him, and the cool air of the room brushing under the fabric and over her naked thighs made her shiver.

"Let's get you warm," he murmured, his fingers skimming over her shoulder, making her shiver even more.

Stepping around her, he reached for her hand and closed his fingers around hers, pulling her gently towards the bed and helping her to lay down. She averted her gaze as he slipped out of his breeches and shirt, her heart slamming against her ribcage as she saw his obvious arousal straining against the fabric of his drawers before she shifted her gaze back to the pillow in front of her. The mattress shifted under his weight as he joined her a moment later, his head coming closer and closer until his lips brushed over hers while his fingers started to skim a trail down her neck, and suddenly his body hovering over hers was threatening to suffocate her, her body going rigid when his palm grazed one of her nipples and she let out a sharp gasp.

Killian pulled back immediately, giving her the space she needed to bolt out of the bed, and she rushed over to the fire place, staring into the glowing ashes while wringing her hands in agitation.

"Emma?" his soft voice came from behind, and she gulped hard, trying to put a lid on the fear still gripping her body tightly. "Are you all right, love?"

Emma knew she needed to talk to him and forced herself to face him. When she turned around he was still lying on the bed, propped up on one elbow, and she could see it in his eyes that he wanted to comfort her, but apparently he sensed that she needed space and stayed where he was, his eyes steady on her as she tried to calm down her wildly beating heart and the cold shivers that still raced over her body.

"I … I'm so sorry," she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. She wanted to be with him, but her past was haunting her and was making it impossible for her to enjoy being touched by him intimately. "I want to … I ..."

"We'll just take it one step at a time, Emma," he said softly, and a lump formed in her throat, his gentleness and understanding still something she wasn't used to. "For now … will you let me hold you."

He opened his arms, and she didn't hesitate; she was so grateful that he always knew exactly what to do to make her feel comfortable with him. His arm came to rest around her shoulders as she joined him, and he pulled her into his chest while gathering the sheet to cover them both, and Emma closed her eyes, listening to his heart beat under her ear until she fell asleep.