AN: Whew...I really didn't know how I was going to cope with this chapter. So, instead of doing what I'd planned, I took a slightly different approach! Some of this is taken from chapters 51 and 52, though it's been changed a bit. I didn't want to mess up Kaname's character so I really think this was the best way. You all know how I feel about Kaname…so you know that me trying to write him without a little help probably wouldn't have gone too well…
Disclaimer: Sadly, Hino has not yet given me VK. Until she does, it's still hers. T^T
--o--[Chapter Start]--o--
Forever and ever…
Like the promise… She shut her eyes tightly, hugging her arms around herself suddenly. There was no regaining the elusive future she so longed for.
I will forever go on running away from you, Zero, the words resonated through her mind, hollow and filled with hidden anguish. Until one of us becomes ashes. Until the whole world ends.
"Until the end," she repeated aloud, her heart twisting in agony within the confines of her chest. Within the confines of her cage…
She rolled onto her side, hand falling to brush against one of the many textbooks piled beside her. That morning she had awoken so determined to push forward, to reach out once more towards that unobtainable, silver etched place. And already her determination had fractured and faded to a mere wisp.
"Kaname-sama and I are pureblood vampires, so we do indeed…live on and on, forever…" her voice trailed off, echoing faintly through the room.
Staring at the bloody pledge that slashed around her finger, she felt reassured in her decision for the first time. The red was always there, always present, staining her reality. The silver was merely a blurred tint that she cast over her memories, an insubstantial illusion that she could never grasp. Why was she trying so hard to take hold of it? Dreams could not be grasped…if caught, they would only turn to smoke and drift away once more.
"I am lonely," she whispered, shutting her eyes to blot out the image of that other face, so engraved over her heart and soul. Carefully, piece by piece, she reconstructed it, shifting silver to crimson.
"I do indeed want to be near him…," she murmured, watching the light spark off her finger like drops of blood. "And he's endured so much sadness for my sake… There's so much love and so much sadness…"
In her mind, she pictured Kaname's solemn, sorrowful expression, thoughts far away in a world of pain and solitude that she could never understand. She conjured his calm, mahogany eyes, his dark, soft hair, his pale, beautiful neck…
With that, she felt an answering wave of bloodlust so intense that she gasped aloud, fingers clenching, violently flinging the droplets of light through the air. Her mouth was suddenly dry, desperate for the taste of that sinful liquid. Her throat burned, scathing her from the inside out, and she curled into herself, eyes wide and breathing erratic.
"Are you…rid of all your worries and fears..?"
Zero. His name sang through her veins.
"I only desired your blood, Yuuki."
Zero. Even while thinking of Kaname, even while being drawn to thirst by the sight of him; it was Zero that her thoughts returned to, Zero she longed for...
The silver was closing in again, inescapable.
Her eyes slammed shut, body shaking. Her fingers were clawing against her skin, sharp and painful, yet it was not enough to distract her from the sudden memories rising to the surface of her mind. She could remember all too well the feeling of his arms around her, holding her safe and close… the touch of his lips, warm and soft…the rapture of his body pressed tightly against hers, drinking her in, all of her in…
"Stop it," she begged, palms shoved against her eyes futilely.
The hunger intensified, overwhelming her every sense, but he still dominated every thought, every feeling. She needed his blood, his touch, his presence…his everything. There was nothing in her mind now except the torturous desire and him.
Always him.
"I'm fine even if you are no longer next to me. I don't have anything holding me back now. I can relax and focus on accomplishing my objective. Go be next to…the man who can spend eternity with you... But the next time we meet…I will kill you, Yuuki…"
"Zero," the word fell from her lips like desolation. She trembled helplessly, nails carving bloody swathes into her flimsy skin.
Thirsty…so thirsty…
But the blood she craved was unattainable. It would forever be beyond her reach, dangled in front of the golden bars of her prison. Forever and ever...
Ah yes, I have to study, she clung desperately to the thought, using any excuse to distract her from the relentless craving.
"Study…" she reached for one of the books, realizing belatedly that it lay beyond the stretch of her arm. Just like so much else…
"Yuuki," the word fell like a velvet sword, cutting the blackness of her thoughts.
She sat up suddenly, all too aware of the picture she must present: her eyes vivid, scorching scarlet, her arms dull, bare burgundy, and her finger glinting ruby red.
"K-Kaname-sama," she stared in surprise and chagrin. Her mind had been so wrapped with thoughts of Zero that she hadn't even registered his presence, by aura or blood.
"You shouldn't be spending Christmas Eve like this," his gaze, tinged with red, smoldered against hers.
"I just thought I might get a little ahead in my studies," she explained, rising to her feet unsteadily.
Before she could straighten, however, she felt his arms close around her in an iron lock that swung her up and against him within a heartbeat. The hall rushed past, a haze of air and color, before she was released onto the familiar contours of her bed. Disoriented, there was a long moment before she could register where she was, sitting on her mattress with Kaname's arm firmly around her, keeping her near.
"A vampire's thirst can only be quenched by the blood of their loved one. Do you remember that?" he asked, eyes intense.
"Yes…," she answered quietly, laboring to hold herself back. Her body was straining towards him, taut with blood lust. She could feel her control fraying faster by the second, tempted with the scent of his rich blood. She took a breath, half to steady herself, half to prepare herself for what she would say. "That's why my thirst can't really be quenched all the way. Because even now there's one chunk of my heart that's attached to a link that I can't cut. One chunk of it is still attached to Zero, so…"
His hand brushed against her cheek, lethal and gentle, "I know. But even with that, Yuuki, you are-"
"Despite that, I…is it…is it okay if I stay by your side despite that?" the sentence seemed to be lodged in her throat. "I want to be by your side forever."
Forever…
That was right. Perhaps somewhere in that endless maze of color she could forget the silver. Perhaps the red would bleed across the rest of the tapestry, blotting out all else. Perhaps, somewhere in the vast jumble of the years to come, she could forget that there had ever been another color.
"And here I was wondering what you were going to say," he murmured, catching hold of her wrist and pressing hand against his cheek. "Yuuki, I would never reject you because of something like that. Of course you can stay with me forever. I don't mind that there's one more person in your heart."
He chuckled quietly, "A Yuuki without a heart full of love and compassion wouldn't be the real you, anyway. Even though you feel for him also, you have still said that you want to stay by my side forever. Even though choosing only one would mean you would probably suffer forever… It's precisely because of this, the very proof that you truly love me in your heart…"
He broke off, face now so close to hers that she barely had room to breathe, "You must be thirsting my blood, correct? If you are, then please…take only my blood to prey upon."
Her breath caught, trapped in her indecision. With his words, her body fought fiercely to wrench itself free from her restraints and indulge in his freely offered blood. The thirst rose, blinding her, deafening her, until it conquered all of her senses. Reeling with need, she allowed her will to collapse, giving in to the intensity of her tainted hunger. Clouded by the mist of silver, she drank in the red, hoping that it might blend with and wash out everything else.
Shivering against a sudden gust of wind, Yori slipped her hand into her coat pocket, fingers closing around the familiar metal shape there. She couldn't explain the ominous chill that had touched over her heart. Her thumb slid over the smooth object in the center, drawing comfort from its memorized contours. Then, squaring her shoulders and drawing a quick breath, she pressed on down the snowy path back to her dorm.
The snow crunched pleasantly under their boots as they made their way down the sidewalk. Beside them, the store windows were filled with various wares, all displayed advantageously for the Christmas season. There was a touch of frost to the air, bringing the color out on their cheeks, and the person on the right adjusted his scarf tighter.
"Hanabusa…" Akatsuki's voice drew his attention suddenly.
"Hmm? What is it?" Aidou asked, turning toward his cousin.
"Are you going to tell us about that scarf? You've been wearing it every time we go out," he glanced at the article of clothing pointedly.
"I'd like to know, too," Luca added with a toss of her hair. "I'm ashamed to be seen with you today. It clashes with your jacket."
"Shut up," Aidou snapped crossly. "It's none of your business."
Then, after a moment, "It's just something important, that's all."
"Huh…," Luca stared at him for a moment before exchanging a glance with Akatsuki and shrugging. "Whatever," she let the subject drop, "It's just an ugly old scarf, anyway. It's your choice if you want to embarrass yourself."
Aidou shot her a glare, but didn't respond. Instead, he pulled the scarf further up around his neck, breathing in the soft autumn and lavender scent. A faint smile touched his lips. Luca was undeniably wrong. The scarf would match with any outfit that he wore. She was just incapable of seeing that.
With a slight sigh, he turned his attention to the passing windows. There was still an imposing gap of time between now and when he could finally give Yuuki her next test. And there was always the possibility of her failure. Or, he could just make it absurdly easy… But no, that would be suspicious.
Who would have thought that he'd begin to look forward to these letter deliveries?
He pushed his hands into his pockets, slowing his steps so that he was just behind the other's peripheral vision. Did Yori think of him at all, in the intervals between visits? Or was he merely the means for her to contact Yuuki? He shut his eyes for a moment, frustrated. When had he started to care so much?
Quickening his pace to once again walk beside the others, he tried to block her from his mind. She was only one simple human. Nothing more. Nothing less. All the same…was that one human enjoying her Christmas break? Or was it only a painful reminder that Yuuki was no longer there to share it with her..?
There was no sound. Nothing graced her ears save for the thunderous silence, drowned out by the weight of the promise that would forever loom in her mind. Her footsteps were voids, absent of everything except the darkness that pooled where her feet touched the floor. With each step, she could feel the tendrils of shadow creeping around her ankles, pulling her back, pulling her down, threatening to consume her.
Stumbling forward, her eyes fell about the unguarded window with a dry sob of relief. Her fingers fumbled, searching in the blackness, and impacted the freezing glass abruptly. The emptiness burned through her, and she pressed her palms hard against that impenetrable, yet deceptively thin barrier. Outside, the snow flew past in white sheets, offering only brief, impartial glimpses of the pale and wavering moon.
It didn't matter what she did, how deeply she was drenched in red. She could never remove the silver from her mind. And now she only hated herself for deceiving Kaname.
The silver would always remain.
Forever and ever…
--o--[Chapter End]--o--
AN: Here is your chance to participate in this FF! WOO! 8D It's pretty simple: your job is to come up with a perfect present for Kaname to give to Yuuki. And the winner…will have their present featured in the next chapter! *dancing around*
Zero: That's dumb and no one is going to do it.
Me: Well in that case, I'll be the winner! ^__^