Chapter 16

Sleep was still clouding Emma's mind the next morning when Killian brushed his lips over her forehead, his voice a distant mumble, telling her she should stay in bed. But she didn't fall asleep again, she just kept her eyes closed while listening to Killian rummaging around and then the soft click of the door opening and closing.

And then she was alone. Alone with her thoughts. The memory of the last night and everything that had happened and been said. She was suddenly wide awake, scrambling up and staring at the door with wide eyes. Everything had happened so fast yesterday. Killian suddenly standing in front of her, giving her a lecture, talking about Pride and Prejudice, Darcy and Wickham and then the words that had rendered her speechless, made her mind reel.

I love you, Emma. With all my heart.

He hadn't even given her the chance to say something back, just kissed her as if his life depended on it, and her mind had still been trying to catch up when he'd carried her to their bedchamber. So many emotions had been colliding inside of her head as he'd been hovering over her, asking her if she trusted him.

The words had been clogging her throat, but they just hadn't wanted to come out and then his mouth had been between her legs, his tongue and fingers driving her crazy. Then there was the panic as he lowered himself above her, the past haunting her again, but he hadn't let her slip away into the abyss, he'd helped her stand up and face that last demon, and then he'd finally slid into her, filling her and making her forget everything around her. Her focus had been solely on the feeling of him stretching her, hitting her so deep and she'd just wanted more.

Wanted it deeper. Harder. Faster. Just more. And he'd given it to her.

Everything she wanted. Everything she needed.

She'd wanted to tell him afterwards when he'd looked at her with that lopsided smirk and one cocked eyebrow, his hair disheveled from her hands and a fine sheen of sweat covering his cheeks and chest, she'd wanted to tell him then. But she still hadn't been able to.

He'd pulled her into his body, her head coming to rest on his chest and she'd heard his heart beat steadily under her ear; the sound had been so soothing, the warmth of his body beside her so comforting that she'd just wanted to close her eyes for a moment and relax. She'd fallen asleep instead, and now thinking about everything that happened made her heart beat a tick too hard in her chest.

He told her he loved her with all his heart and she wanted to say it back. So badly.

Emma threw the blankets away to get up, almost falling face-first out of the bed as her legs tangled in the sheets. She barely held her balance, her feet hitting the floor hard and she stubbed her toe on the commode as she reached for her silken robe, her gaze roaming frantically around the room. She needed to get dressed. She needed to get her hair in order. She needed to find Killian and tell him. She needed …

The door opened and Killian stepped in, carrying a huge tray and the smile he sent her way as he walked slowly to the table in front of the windows shot tingles of warmth through her. She loved him so much.

"Killian, I ..."

But he didn't let her finish the sentence.

"Come here, love. I've brought breakfast. I don't know how you feel this fine morning, but I'm famished."

When she sat down at the table and looked over the food he'd brought with him the moment was gone, her courage had left her completely. Not to mention that one look at him in the harsh light shining through the windows told her that his smile had hidden the worry lines from her when he'd entered the room, but she could see them now. And the hint of sadness in his eyes.

They ate in silence, Emma stealing glances from time to time, wondering what had caused the pensive expression on his face. The food formed a hard knot in her stomach the more she forced herself to eat and in the end she let the fork drop on her plate and pushed it back. Killian poured them both another cup of tea before he leaned back in his chair and met her eyes for the very first time since they'd sat down for their meal.

"I need to go back. I need to deal with Milah."

The knot in her stomach tightened and she gulped hard to keep the sudden nausea under control, even managed to keep her voice steady as she asked, "What do you have in mind?"

"I'd like to take the easy way out of this situation. If it's all right with you."

Her heart was almost slamming out of her chest but she curled her hands into fists to hold her temper in check. She might dislike the woman, but that didn't mean she wanted her dead. And right now she couldn't think of any other way to get rid of her, so she was willing to listen to Killian's solution.

"The easy way?"

"Pay her off," Killian replied, sending her a crooked smile in an effort to ease the tension that had filled the room, hovering like a cloud between them. "I'll send her to the colonies, promise her a monthly sum she can well live on as long as she stays on the other side of the ocean."

"You think she will go?" Emma asked, gulping again to get rid of the lump that had formed in her throat. Her stomach was quivering by now, and she pressed one hand against it under the table. "She didn't seem to want to give up that easily."

"It was never about me, Emma." Killian was shifting forward, leaning closer to her, his eyes showing so much compassion that her throat closed up even more. "Love was never something that Milah and I shared. She only wants my money, and I'm wealthy enough to give her that."

Emma knew it was the easiest solution, but that didn't mean she had to like it. It felt like they were rewarding Milah for what she did, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth. She didn't even realize that she'd dropped her gaze to the table until Killian's fingers appeared in her vision and he pulled her chin up so that she had to face him again.

"I'm yours, Emma." His voice was low but full of determination, his eyes boring into hers with an intensity that made her feel dizzy. "I'll be always yours. Tell me you understand that? Tell me you believe me?"

"I understand," Emma breathed, the words she wanted to tell him almost choking her, a barrier in her throat, one she still couldn't get rid of. Her voice cracked as she added, "I believe in you. In us."

"Good." Killian reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before he stood up and walked towards the door. "I'll talk to David and get ready. The sooner I'm in London the sooner I can come back to you."

The door closed behind him and suddenly everything caught up to her. Emma managed to reach the chamber pot just in time before her breakfast made a reappearance and splashed into the pot. Her eyes watered as another spasm shook her, the spasms not stopping until there was nothing left in her stomach.

She fell against the bed when the gag reflex finally ceased, taking in heaving breaths as she fought for her stomach to settle down. Cold sweat had broken out on her forehead and she brushed her hand over it, closing her eyes.

It had probably been too much emotions for her body to deal with in the last twenty-four hours. Heartfelt confessions, panic attacks, and unwelcome decisions. She'd be fine again soon. She just needed to lay down for a few moments.

Emma hadn't seen Killian all day; he didn't even share dinner with her, and her stomach had still felt too queasy, so she hadn't eaten much anyway. But he came to her when the last rays of the sun was shining through the windows.

He didn't give her any chance to talk, just hauled her into his body and kissed her hard and desperate. She didn't really want to talk anyways. She needed to feel him inside of her probably as much as he needed to be in her. But he still made sure she was ready. Biting at her erect nipples, licking over her clit and fucking her with his tongue until she almost came before he was kneeling between her legs and pulled her towards him. The position wasn't comfortable at all, her whole weight boring down on her shoulders while her legs were thrown over his thighs. But it didn't matter when he buried himself deep in her, taking her with sharp short thrusts.

She was bucking her hips against him, urging him to move faster in a silent plea, but the position didn't give him much room to move and with a grunt he pushed her back. She almost whined when he slipped out of her, but he was back between her thighs in an instant, plunging back into her.

"God, I love you, Emma." Another deep thrust, another shiver running through her body. "I love you."

She didn't have enough air in her lungs to reply to his words. He was slamming into her with such a force that she could only hold on to him for the ride, nothing more. Until he buried himself until the hilt in her, and then he suddenly stopped, his body poised over her, his arms trembling as he held himself above her.

"Tell me."

His gaze was fiery with passion and love, burning her. She didn't know what he was asking of her, what he wanted to hear. Though saying the three words back to him now, while her body was aflame with lust for him, didn't feel right. But she could tell him something else. She pulled him back down to her, scraping her teeth over his ear lobe.

"You're mine," she whispered, digging her nails into the muscles of his ass as they flexed under her fingers while he kept thrusting into her. "Mine."

It had been four days since Killian had ridden to London, and Emma started to get anxious. Not about him being with Milah. No, she trusted him completely when it came to the other woman now. But she feared something had happened to him and they just didn't know about it yet.

It was her biggest fear. That she might have missed her chance. That it was too late to tell him. Too late to tell him she loved him. Too late to give him the happy news.

A smile split up her face, despite her dark thoughts, as her hand settled on her stomach. She knew she couldn't feel anything yet, but her hands still went to her stomach more often than before. There was a new human being growing inside of her, and she was almost exploding with excitement to give the news to Killian.

After puking every morning since Killian left she'd finally realized what the cause of her nausea might be and after talking to Mary Margaret and seeing a doctor her suspicion had been confirmed.

She was pregnant. Finally pregnant with Killian's child.

Emma couldn't wait to tell him. About the pregnancy, and about her feelings. But at first he needed to come back in one piece, and with each passing day Emma's fears grew.

She was sitting in the drawing room on the first floor, in a chair directly beside the window, when an exited whicker of a horse draw her attention. She looked out of the window, her gaze immediately falling on the group riding towards the house.

The scarf she was knitting dropped to the ground, and a moment later Emma was out of the door. She almost flew down the stairs, so eager to welcome Killian, and her heart was nearly beating out of her chest as she rushed through the entry hall. She didn't even wait for a servant to open the door, she just yanked at it with all her strength until it opened far enough so that she could slip through the gap, and then she gathered her dress in her hands and started running towards him.

But she only got a few feet past the entrance before a booming noise cracked through the air and she skittered to a halt, her body reacting before her mind had caught up. Her eyes flitted to Killian, a strange sound rumbling out of her chest as she saw him slump atop of Devil.

Gun shot. It had been a gun shot.

"Killian?" she shouted, her stupor falling away, her feet pounding on the gravel as she ran towards him as fast as she could. Killian's body tilted sideways before he caught himself, swaying precariously on his horse and another shout ripped through her throat, "Killian!"