A/N – Chapter 29 was changed and has grown into more than I expected. I got several reviews that said Deeks let Kensi off too easy. I only rewrite when the review strikes a chord with me and I find I agree with them, when I can see another way to approach things that I like better. Some of this was in the original chapter 29 but has been tweaked to meet the new storyline.

jbn42 – thanks for the comment about Kensi's issues with emotions, I agree and tried to put some of that into this.

honus47 – thanks for reading this before I published and giving me your input! I added in your suggestions!

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Chapter 30

Closing the door, Kensi leaned against it, sick with fear that she had just ruined the best thing in her life. How had this happened? She realized she'd never had the chance to tell him that she'd changed her mind about kids. That she would now consider them, if it was with him. She thought back to when she was with Jack. She'd been younger and so much more naïve. She hadn't seen so much of the evil in the world and there had been no doubts about them having kids after they got married. It hadn't bothered her then, in fact, she'd looked forward to it. When did that change? Was it Jack walking away, making her feel like she just wasn't good enough? Good enough to be his wife, the mother of his children? Good enough to help him through his PTSD? Or was it that she didn't want to bring a new life into this world of war and terrorism that she now dealt with on a daily basis?

She wanted to go after him but wasn't sure he'd let her in once she got there. She looked down and saw he had left his go bag by her front door. She knew that he didn't need anything in it but it would make as good an excuse as any as to why she was showing up on his doorstep right now. Pushing away from the door, she squared her shoulders, grabbed the bag and her car keys. She'd fix this, she had to or she didn't know what she would do. He'd filled every corner of her world and she just couldn't imagine it without him in it.

As she approached his building a short while later, some of her confidence drained away. She said out loud to the empty car "Come on Kensi! You're not a coward. You're Bad Ass Blye and you can do this! You've faced down men with guns! Surely you can face down your angry boyfriend?" She was going to fight for him, for them but she needed him to fight with her. She needed to let him know exactly what kind of man she thought he was. That he was a good man. One who was kind, smart, funny (at times), was great with people and who would be the best dad ever.

When she pulled over in front of his place she realized there were no lights on in the apartment and his car wasn't there. She felt a huge let down. She'd been ready to face him and work it out and he wasn't even here? Maybe he'd gone by the beach to think, he usually did when he was upset. She'd wait for him to show up. Taking a deep breath, she texted him to let him know where she was, that she was waiting for him. He didn't respond back and she hoped he wasn't ignoring her.

When several hours had gone by with her just sitting in the car, waiting without him ever showing up, checking her cell phone every few minutes for a text that never came, she started to get angry. She'd gone over the conversation in her head a hundred times and she knew that she'd been in the wrong but that didn't excuse him just walking out. Walking away like every other man in her life had done. He hadn't even given her a chance to really explain, to tell him how she felt. He knew she had trouble showing her emotions and for her to open up to him like that? To tell him that she was scared at just how much she loved him had been a huge step for her and he had just walked out the door. True, he had said he loved her too, present tense, but then he was just gone.

When he didn't show up after another hour of waiting, some of her anger turned to worry. Where had he gone? It was too late to call any of their friends to see if they had heard from him, people he might have turned to. She started the car and headed home. She'd see him at work in the morning and she would find a way to get him alone, to talk this out like normal couples. Everyone had fights. Hell, this wasn't even their first one. They'd gotten through that and they just had to talk this over and figure out a way to make it right, to move on, together.

She tossed and turned all night, switching between worry about him and anger at him. She finally gave up at dawn and decided to get up to go for a run, clear her head. Then she'd head into the Mission and they'd see how the day shaped up. She got to work about an hour before any of the rest of her team; it seemed she had even beaten Hetty in. She started working on the paperwork she needed to fill out for the operation that had ended last night but really didn't make any headway. Instead she just stared at her laptop screen, looking up every time someone entered, wanting it to be him. She was glad of the distraction when Sam and Callen finally came in. Of course the first thing they asked was where Deeks was. She was still trying to formulate an answer that wouldn't alert the two senior agents that she and Deeks had had a fight, when Hetty entered the bullpen. Kensi had never seen her come into work, had she been here the whole time?

"Mr. Deeks will be taking some personal time. He expects to be back here on Monday. I'm sure there is plenty of paperwork that needs to be done for last night's very successful conclusion to your mission. Congratulations on a job well done, all of you." They thanked her and she turned and walked back to her desk. Kensi got up to follow her only to be stopped by Sam.

"Is everything okay with Deeks, Kensi? He didn't mention taking any time off last night."

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine." Kensi replied, adding a silent "I hope!" to herself. "I just need to go check on something with Hetty, about the mission. I'll be right back." She headed over to the operations manager's office, leaving her two teammates to exchange knowing glances. They had talked about the tension that had obvious between the couple when they got off the plane the night before. Something was up with them and it looked like Kensi, although she tried to cover it, had no idea where her partner was or that he hadn't planned to be in today.

As Kensi approached Hetty's office, she tried to come up with a way to ask about Deeks without letting it be known that she was fishing for information. "Hetty, do you have a moment?"

"Of course, Miss. Blye. Please be seated. I was just about to make some tea, would you like some?" Kensi shook her head no and stared at Hetty, still not sure how to find out what Deeks had said without looking like she was out of the loop on something she should know. "You should know, Miss. Blye, that Mr. Deeks left me a very short voicemail stating he was taking today off. He offered no explanation, no indication of where he might be going or what he might be doing. Would you be able to shed any light on his decision? It's not like our Mr. Deeks to be so abrupt."

Kensi looked at her open mouthed. Finally she said "He left a voicemail? I assumed he talked to you."

"Yes, as would I and I find that concerns me. He has my cell phone number, as do you all. I have to assume he did not want to chance talking to me directly. Again, I ask you, do you have any information that would explain his unusual behavior?"

Kensi thought hard and decided she couldn't be honest with her. This was exactly what the others were concerned about when they had started a personal relationship. She couldn't endanger that or their partnership. He was still the only one she really trusted to keep her safe and she didn't want or need a different partner. They would work this out and be stronger than ever. Her thoughts gave her a lift and she was able to smile brightly at their boss. "He had some things to take care of today, nothing major. When I see him tonight I'll be sure to tell him you weren't happy with how he let you know. I'll make sure he calls you directly from now on."

She got up to leave when Hetty said "I believe you asked to speak with me Miss. Blye. Instead I did all the talking. What was it you wanted to ask?"

Thinking quickly, she said "Oh, I was going to request some time off to go away with my mother for a long weekend, a kind of girl's only mini vacation. We haven't finalized the dates yet but I just wanted to give you a heads up. I'll let you know as soon as I know."

Hetty looked at the junior agent appraisingly and said "Of course. Just try to give me as much notice as possible and, as always, all plans are cancelled should we catch a case." Kensi nodded and scurried away, thinking at the least, she'd see him at Laura's house tomorrow for self-defense training. Maybe she'd even see or hear from him tonight, there was still plenty of time. "I need things to work out, I can't lose him now." she whispered to herself.

Hetty smiled slightly, she knew the two had had some kind of falling out. She wasn't happy that it had resulted in Mr. Deeks taking an unexplained day off but, the two had worked very well, better than ever in fact, since their…extracurricular activities had begun. This was the first time it had had a negative impact and she would keep an eye on them, but for now, she had no intentions of taking Miss. Blye's partner away from her. Even between partners who were not romantically involved, she had seen similar things happen. When you trusted your partner with your life on a daily basis, a bond forms, feelings get hurt, fights happen. She had absolute faith that the two would work things out.