2.

"What do you think?" Gwen asked, barging into the room unannounced. Jack took in the short skirt, the net stockings and high heels and then the tight white blouse. Gwen had left it half buttoned to show off her cleavage. She wore her dark hair in an untidy bun. Her make-up was flawless, accentuating her green eyes.

Jack let his gaze linger, smirking when Gwen answered the heated stare with a grin. Finally, he nodded. "About the money," he said, "I'm going to dig a tunnel to get underneath the gym. The school building is about 40 feet away from the pin on the map and I'm sure they've got a basement, which the gym won't have. Would be a good starting point."

Gwen finished her outfit with a pair of black-rimmed glasses. "Isn't that a rather stupid plan? I mean, I haven't been in school for a while but I think they won't allow you to just barge in there and dig a tunnel to get the money you stole in a bank robbery."

Jack rolled his eyes. "I'm going to apply as a janitor."

Gwen raised one eyebrow. "Do you even know what a janitor does?"

"Do you?"

"I don't have to," Gwen answered with a grin. "Now, am I the hottest teacher in town?"

Jack smiled. "In the world."

xxx

Jack found an empty parking space directly in front of the school and got out of the car. School was about to start. Several children ran past him. Groups of teenagers were crowded around their mobiles, but most of the pupils were on their way inside. Everyone was chattering, laughing and yelling at each other. It was chaotic and it reminded Jack of why he didn't want children.

He sighed. He really wasn't good with children or teenagers … or people in general. It was a good thing that being a janitor would mean he was on his own most of the time.

"You are not allowed to park there," a girl said to him. She couldn't have been older than eleven and glared at him with the righteousness of a teacher's pet.

He hated teacher's pets.

"Shut up and get out of my way." He stalked past her.

"That's a disability parking space you're standing on!" she called after him.

He considered showing her the finger, but gave her some plus points for the fact that she wasn't intimated by him in the least, and went inside without looking back.

The noise was only worse once he stepped through the doors, echoing off the walls and down the corridors. Jack grimaced and shoved his way through the students.

Locating the door leading to the basement wasn't hard. It was a good thing that schools liked to label things.

He rattled the door labelled Basement – Authorised Personnel Only. It was locked. Jack checked his mobile on which he'd copied the pin from Gwen's. The money really was close. 40 feet seemed realistic. That would put it directly underneath the gym, as already suspected. If he got some long hours in during the night, he would be able to reach the money within a week, he reckoned.

"Can I help you?" someone asked and Jack startled, turning to face a young man standing in front of him. He was clutching a whole load of books and pads to his chest, a clearly heavy bag slung over his shoulder, slightly out of breath. He was also smiling politely.

Jack was struck by his blue eyes and boyish face, the tight jeans and the untucked button-up shirt he was wearing, and needed a moment to get his mind back in gear. He wasn't like John, who enjoyed the kind of voyeurism only prison could offer. So it had been too long for him since he'd touched someone. Since he had been touched. And the young man was exactly his type. He flashed a smile. "I'm looking for the school principal."

"Oh!" the young man said. He tried to shift the weight of his bag and only succeeding in making it slowly slip off his shoulder, and almost lost some of the books in his arms. He grimaced. "Because of the job?" There was an accent on him that sounded distinctively Welsh.

It didn't help with Jack's libido problem. "Uh ..." He nodded carefully. "Yes."

The young man nodded in the direction he came from. "It's that way." Jack made to walk past him but the young man stopped him. "Hey, could you just …?" He pointedly looked at his book bag still slipping off his shoulder. Jack reached out and adjusted it, noticing just how heavy it was. "Diolch," the young man said with a smile, confirming his Welsh heritage, and walked on.

Jack looked after him, noticing a sheet of paper had been attached to his shirt which read Kick me.

"Loser," he muttered. "Pretty, though."

xxx

The chair creaked when Jack leaned back to stretch. He'd been sitting in the bare corridor in front of the principal's office for half an hour now, waiting his turn. He wasn't the only applicant, though the appearance of the others surprised him a bit. They all wore very conservative and fancy clothes. The woman next to him was dressed in a tweed costume that would have put his teacher in elementary school to shame. Her hair was pinned up in a complicated bun. He felt a bit underdressed in his muscle shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

None of the applicants had been called inside yet. The principal – a strict-looking Asian woman who'd introduced herself as Toshiko Sato – had told them that she had to deal with an important phone call first and if they could wait just a bit, thank you very much. A dark-haired woman in a black costume came rushing around the corner, startling Jack a bit in her haste. She was wiping her face which was smeared with something blue – maybe ink – and muttering softly. Without knocking, she opened the door to the principal's office.

"Suzie!" Sato's voice filtered out, sounding annoyed.

Suzie didn't seem impressed. "Tosh, it's about the 10b."

Jack took a second to admire Suzie's long legs in the flesh-coloured stockings. She looked like a model, not like a teacher.

Sato snapped, "Not now!"

Tears mixed into Suzie's voice when she answered, "But I can't take it anymore!"

"Suzie, I'm doing interviews here!"

Suzie slammed the door to the office and stomped down the corridor, wiping her eyes. Jack watched her go, noticing that he wasn't the only man doing so. He chuckled and turned to the tweed woman next to him. "Children, huh? Can really be a downer."

She looked startled that he would dare speak to her and quickly turned her face away.

Jack frowned. "You don't look like you know how to change a light bulb," he said. "Did you do this job before?"

She ignored him.

Angry, Jack asked, "What, are you some kind of elite janitor who doesn't talk to the likes of me?"

She didn't answer.

Jack scoffed and got up, putting a few steps between them. There were fifteen people sitting and waiting. Way too many. He needed to improve his chances.

Two teenagers walked past – a girl in hot pants and a tight top following a boy dressed in jeans and a football t-shirt with a determined expression. She grabbed his arm. "Hey, idiot, you owe me money!"

"Piss off", he answered.

"Son of a bitch."

"You're a son of a bitch," he answered.

"That doesn't even make sense!" she yelled at him.

Jack saw a chance and he never hesitated long when he did. He used his elbow to hit the Amok alarm embedded in the wall behind him. The shrill alarm bell echoed through the hallway, accompanied by a gentle voice. "This is an amok alarm. Please go into a room and lock the door."

The girl started to scream and ran off. Some of the applicants also left, panicked looks on their faces. The rest of them followed quickly when Jack said, "Man, no week goes by without someone running amok at this school."

Sato left her office. "What in the world is going on here?" She zeroed in on the boy who was still standing where the girl had left him, looking around in confusion. "Jonah Bevan, how come you're not in class?"

Jack said, "That little runt hit the amok alarm."

"What?!" Jonah stared at him. "Oi! Miss Sato, I swear it was him!"

Jack just smiled indulgently and shrugged at Sato.

She sighed and pointed at Jonah. "Your parents get a phone call from me, young man."

"But it wasn't me!"

"Back to class!" Sato snapped and Jonah tuned to go, glaring at Jack. Sato went back into her office and Jonah used the chance to hiss, "Arsehole."

"Wanker," Jack answered with a smile.

The alarm stopped and Sato straightened her blouse and skirt, smiling at Jack. "Good graces, what a bad first impression that must have left."

Jack shrugged. "Aw, they're just children."

Sato smiled and looked around. "Well … since you're the only one left, come on in."

Her office looked like she was trying to keep it orderly and failed on a daily basis. A shelve with several screens stood shoved against the wall opposite her desk, showing various CCTV views of the school. The book shelves were overloaded, her desk cluttered and the drawers of the filing cabinets were open. She sat at her desk and signalled Jack to sit in the chair provided for visitors. He dropped into it casually.

"Right," Sato said, distractedly checking the monitors behind him. "Your subjects?"

"Subjects?" he asked. "You mean what I like in school?"

"Well, I figure that's how it works," she answered a bit haughtily.

Jack thought about that. He had hated school, so he needed to find something he could pass off as realistic. "PE," he said slowly.

"English Lit?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

Jack hesitated. "Uh ..."

She tapped her pen against the desk. She seemed to expect a positive answer. Problem was, he had never in his life finished a book.

He cleared his throat. "I can read."

"Good," she answered with a smile. "I pegged you as the type. Finally a man who doesn't want to teach maths."

Jack startled. "Teach? I have to teach?"

"Well, you turned up for the interview as a substitute teacher, so I went ahead and assumed."

Jack's eyes widened. "Oh, actually, I was-"

"I know!" she interrupted him, sorting through some files. "Substituting isn't the safest kind of position but it's all I can offer you at the moment. It would be for the next two months only."

There was a loud click and the lights went off. A peek over his shoulder showed Jack that the screens had gone black as well.

Sato sighed. "What was your name again?"

"Harkness," Jack answered. "Jack Harkness."

She smiled tightly. "Our janitor had a heart attack on Tuesday and we haven't got the budget for a new one at the moment. Unfortunately, all our money this year went into the new gym after the old one burned down … accidentally of course." She grimaced. "The insurance doesn't see it that way." The lights went on again and she smiled. "Which means that we need to fix the odd little things around here ourselves at the moment. City council couldn't care less about us, of course. It's the neighbourhood, not very … prestigious." She grabbed a glue stick off her table and smelled it for a second, then she took a deep breath and relaxed. "Do you like the new gym? I drafted it myself, the architect was a complete imbecile."

"Will I get a universal key as a teacher?" Jack asked.

"You're asking weird questions," Sato answered and then clapped her hands. "Right, let's talk salary."

"Salary's always good."

"2000 brutto," Sato said.

Jack stared at her. He'd never earned that much money with a legal job before. "Seriously?"

"Okay," Sato said, waving him off. "2.200, but that's the best I can do."

"Deal," Jack said.

Sato smiled. "Wonderful. I expect your university degree on my desk tomorrow then and we'll see each other first thing in the teachers' lounge."

Jack smiled, pained, his stomach sinking. "Degree, first thing, teachers' lounge. Got it."

Problem was, he didn't have a degree.

xxx

Jack leaned against the wall outside and used his mobile to try and find a good online template of a university degree that he would be able to print out at the Exotic. It was recess, and there were children and teenagers crowding around him on the school yard. Sitting closest to him were two teenage girls, talking.

"Bitch," one of them said.

"Yeah, did you know that she's wearing push-ups?"

Jack raised his eyes from the display, glancing in the direction the two girls were looking. A pretty blond girl, around 16 years old and wearing skin-tight jeans, was talking to a handsome boy her age, clearly flirting. Jack looked back at the two gossiping girls and could see why they were jealous. One was lanky and awkward and wore clothes that looked like they had been modern decades ago, the other was wearing baggy jeans and a plaid button-up that left everything to the imagination.

The lanky one said, "Hey, there's your uncle." She started to wave.

The other girl cursed and quickly pulled her hand down. "Don't! Or he'll come over ... shit, he's coming."

Jack followed her gaze and saw the young man he'd already encountered before the interview. He was accompanied by another man a little older than him wearing slacks and a button-up – clearly another teacher. The young man made a beeline for the girls. "Mica," he said. "You need to wear your coat when you're sitting out here in the wind."

Jack raised his eyebrows. There was hardly a breeze. That wouldn't go down well. Mica got up and left her uncle in the dust, her friend following her hastily.

"Mica!" her uncle called after her. "Mica, I'm talking to you!"

"Mica," all students in the vicinity echoed, "he's talking to you!"

They started to laugh while Mica vanished inside the building and the young man blushed. He quickly found his balance again, though, when he saw the pretty girl Mica had gossiped about lighting a cigarette. "Jasmine, please put out the cigarette."

She looked at him and provocatively took another drag.

"Jasmine, I'm-"

The young man was cut off when the other teacher grabbed his shoulder. "Jesus, Ianto, leave them be. They don't respect NQTs and they never will."

Ianto glared at him. "Just because I'm in my induction year doesn't mean they can ignore me. Smoking isn't allowed here for a reason."

"You won't stop them from doing it anyway. They copy what they see at home." With that, he got out a pack of cigarettes himself and lit one.

Ianto's eyes widened in indignation. "What kind of attitude is that, Owen?" He walked towards Jasmine, who wasn't the only one smoking by now. The handsome boy had lit one, too. "Who is your teacher?" Ianto asked.

Owen sighed deeply. Jack snorted. The only thing he hated more than teacher's pets where the teacher's pets who became teachers. Ianto probably had graduated from university with perfect grades … he pocketed his mobile when an idea struck him. The teachers at this school had graduated at some point. He just needed one of their degrees to cheat a bit. If he played his cards right now, he would be able to hand his papers in tomorrow with nobody being the wiser. He followed Ianto.

"There are rules for a reason," Ianto was saying while Jasmine and her friend were just smiling in amusement, continuing to smoke. "The smaller children will follow your example."

The boy snorted and showed Ianto the finger.

"Hey!" Jack said, coming to stand beside Ianto. "You apologise right now and put out the cigarette."

"Forget it, old man."

Jack smiled and grabbed the cigarette out of the boy's fingers before putting it out against the palm of his hand. The trick he'd learned in prison apparently had some sort of effect, because not only the boy and Jasmine were gaping at him, but also Ianto and Owen, who had joined them. "I said," Jack repeated, "apologise to your teacher."

"Sorry," the boy muttered and Jasmine quickly dropped her cigarette and put it out with her high heel. They turned and left somewhat hastily, their friends following.

"Wow," Owen said. "And who the hell are you?"

"Jack Harkness," Jack answered. "I'll start here tomorrow. Substitute teacher."

"Substitute teacher," Owen echoed. "We work here, too."

"My condolences," Jack replied. He looked Owen up and down, seeing a self-confident man with a grim face. He didn't make the slightest effort to return the slightly flirtatious smile Jack gave him. When he looked at Ianto, he caught the other man eyeing his chest, and he had an air of inexperience and nervous tension about him that spoke loudly of a lack of self-confidence.

Perfect.

He smiled and focused on him. "I was thinking, because of the schedule and stuff, maybe we could meet up and … chat." He let his eyes travel up and down Ianto's body, cracking a smile.

"Uh ..." Ianto cleared his throat. "Sorry, because of what?"

"The schedule."

"Do you mean the syllabus?"

"Do I?" Jack asked, leaning closer to Ianto who promptly leaned back and avoided his eyes.

Owen snorted a laugh and clapped a hand on Jack's back. "He's got time tonight," he said. "He's got loads of time. And yes, he's single."

"Owen," Ianto hissed.

"Perfect," Jack said, smiling brightly.

xxx

Jack had expected Ianto to live in a flat, but the address Ianto gave him led in fact into a quiet middle-class neighbourhood with neat little row houses.

Ianto let Jack in with a nervous smile. Inside, everything was painfully orderly. Jack only got a short moment to peek into the lounge and the adjacent kitchen while walking past, but everything looked as if it just came out of a catalogue. Ianto surprised Jack by leading him up the first flight of stairs and straight into his bedroom, which not only housed a bed and a closet, but also a couch, an armchair, a coffee table and a small telly as well as several shelves crammed full with books.

Jack frowned while Ianto took his jacket and left it over the back of an armchair. "Wouldn't the sitting room be more comfy?" He'd seen a computer and a printer there.

"Oh!" Ianto said. "It's quieter here." He sat on the couch and poured two mugs of tea from a thermos. "I don't live alone, you know. Owen, the bloke you met with me today, lives here temporarily."

"Temporarily?" Jack walked further into the room and smiled when he saw a laptop and a small printer as well as a shelf with several folders – all neatly labelled. One of them read University. Perfect.

"His wife died," Ianto replied. "He sold their flat because he couldn't bear to stay there so he moved in here about two months ago. It's good, really, because I can use the help with the house and Mica." He cleared his throat. "Sit down. I prepared tea. Or would you like something else?"

Jack dropped into a chair and sniffed the air. The tea smelled a bit too herby for his taste and he needed Ianto out of the room anyway. "You got beer?"

"Uh ..." Ianto straightened and brushed a hand through his short dark hair. "I don't know. I don't drink beer, normally."

Jack shrugged. "Any kind of alcohol will do."

Ianto looked taken aback. Jack smiled as charmingly as he could muster. Ianto wiped his hands on his jeans and tentatively offered, "Wine?"

"Whatever," Jack answered. Ianto left the room and went downstairs. As soon as he'd left the room Jack, got a small bottle out of his jacket, pouring the clear liquid it into Ianto's tea. He'd got the roofie off an old friend who had owed him a favour. Now he hoped that it would work quickly. He had honestly no idea what to talk to Ianto about.

Ianto returned with a wine bottle and a glass. "Red okay?"

Jack nodded and Ianto poured him half a glass before sitting down.

"Anyway, Mica's my niece," Ianto said, sipping his tea. "Not my daughter. Just in case you were wondering."

"I wasn't," Jack answered, gulping down half the glass. Ianto took another swallow of his tea and smiled nervously. Jack let the silence hang, knowing Ianto would either fill it or drink his tea faster to downplay his obvious anxiety. He couldn't care less about his stories but he sure as hell wouldn't share anything about himself and risk being caught.

Ianto finally broke the silence. "It's difficult at the moment. Mica is … it's difficult. I guess it's normal for teenagers to distance themselves but she just seems … more so."

"Hm," Jack said non-committally. "Needs a woman in her life."

"My sister was a great mother."

"Is she dead?" Jack asked.

Ianto flinched. "Yes," he said softly. "As is her husband and … Mica's little brother. Four months ago. We're living in their house." He looked at Jack and drank more of his tea.

"Shit happens," Jack said.

Ianto choked on a laugh.

Jack cleared his throat. "Is the school very rough? The kids seem the tough sort."

"It's the neighbourhood," Ianto said with a nod. "We get many students from the estate, you know. Educationally disadvantaged, poor people. The children suffer and being tough is how they communicate their pain."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Well, if they communicate their pain to me that way, I'll shove it back up their arses."

Ianto stared at him. "Sorry, where did you study?"

"Where did you study?" Jack asked.

"Oxford."

Jack hadn't expected that. Ianto apparently was very smart. At least in some regards. If he would have been really smart, he wouldn't have left Jack alone with his drink. Jack forced a calm smile and a casual shrug. "Me, too. Fancy university, that."

Ianto emptied his cup. "Yes, I could have gone teaching at boarding schools, had the offers, you know. But with Mica needing me ... I didn't want to take her away from what she knows and there was a position open at her school, so …" He closed his eyes and shook his head, grimacing slightly. Apparently, the drug was starting to take effect. "Anyway, youth welfare services will come in a few days to check on our living situation." He looked at Jack who just nodded. Ianto scoffed, but it didn't seem to be directed at Jack. "You're not interested. Right, do you want to get sta ...?"

He groaned and then fell forwards.

Jack caught him before he could hit the coffee table and pushed him to lounge back on the couch. "Finally," he muttered. He got up and went over to the shelf with the folders, getting the one labelled University. He found the degree at the top. "Ha." He slapped the document on the scanner included in the printer and woke the laptop from its sleep mode, quickly scanning the degree. He changed the name from Ianto Jones to Jack Harkness within the document, but when he pressed Print, the laptop complained, telling him there was a paper jam.

Jack checked on Ianto, who was still sleeping, and opened the back of the printer. No paper jam. He saw a memory stick and loaded the file onto that, deciding to print it out at the Exotic.

That was when he heard the door to the house fall shut. Mica was spending the night at a friend's place, Ianto had said. So this could only be Owen.

Jack cursed and pocketed the stick, then he went over to the couch and grabbed Ianto under the armpits, dragging him over to the bed. He dropped him on the mattress and laid him down properly, pulling the duvet over him.

In the hallway, Owen was talking on the phone, his voice sounding slightly muffled through the closed door. "You think the kids are bad, you never met the parents. Stupid wankers."

Jack dove onto the bed just when it knocked on the door.

"Ianto, you there?" Owen called.

Jack pulled the duvet over himself as well and quickly half-draped his body over Ianto's just when the door opened.

It was quiet for a long moment, then Owen whispered, "I don't believe it. Ianto pulled." While he closed the door he hissed, "I don't know, but that new teacher was supposed to come over tonight. Didn't think he had it in him."

Ianto sighed in his sleep and slid closer to Jack, his hands reaching out to grasp him. Before he could get entangled, Jack quickly left the bed. He put on his jacket, made sure he had the stick and left the room.

"What am I supposed to say?" Owen was asking from the room next door.

Jack quickly slid along the hallway towards the stairs.

"The truth? 'You're a miserable excuse for a human being who is unable to teach your kid some manners.' Certainly no … oh!"

Jack turned around. Owen was staring at him. Jack smiled quickly. "He's drunk. Better go check whether he's still breathing in an hour so."

Owen nodded dumbly while Jack was already leaving the house and hurrying to his car, the stick clutched in his hand.