AN: I apologise in advance for this chapter, and I may garner some flames for it, but I couldn't help myself. I sat down to write today and had a brain malfunction (otherwise known as temporary writer's block). This was the result. Don't worry. Inspiration came back and I've already started work on the next chapter which will be up later this week or early next week. For now, enjoy...if you can. xD

Warning for anyone who might not have realized - this is not a real chapter! It's merely a pocket of insanity. Feel free to skip.

Red Storm

Chapter Brainfart

"If you fall, I'll be there."
~Floor

"Ermahgerd, Naruter!" cried Sasuke, his deep, dark onyx eyes filling with crystal tears. He threw his arms forward and ran over to Naruto Superman-style whilst making a 'Whoosh!' sound effect. He stopped, standing above him with his hands on his waist and a concerned expression adorning his flawlessly fugly face.

"S-Sasu-chan?" came Naruto's weak, thin, voice.

"Don't worry, baby! I'll save your cute little sexy ass!"

Sasuke picked up the injured blond and whisked him away to hospital.

As he lay his precious bundle in the hospital bed, he gazed down at the sunshine rainbow blond of happiness lovingly.

"You're safe now, my love."

"L-love?" repeated Naruto.

"Oh yes, Naru-chan." said Sasuke. "I love you. I'll be your bodyguard and keep you safe from now until forever's end."

Naruto's deep, light, medium-gray, sea-blue eyes filled with unshed tears which then shed.

"Oh, Sasugay, will we ever be happy?"

Sasuke stroked the hair of his sweet lovely. "I don't know, Naruparupoppsikins. It depends on the nature of our sadistic author and her cruel whims."

Sasuke thumped his chest. "But no matter what, Narupoopforbrains, I will stand by you…unless of course the author kills one of us or creates unnecessary drama and makes me hate you for some reason."

Naruto bit his pillow. "Well, just as long as you don't turn into a completely illogical asswipe like you did in the manga, Sasuprissypoo. Not a single thing you do makes sense any more."

"I know, flibbleflobble, but I'm an Uchiha. Apparently, it's in our DNA to do really, really stupid and unnecessary things. Look at my brother, parents and Madara. Everything they did could have been handled much more sensibly."

Sasuke's lip trembled.

"Oh, Sissyplop." said Naruto flibblingly.

"Oh, Narutard." responded Sasuke pooflingingly as he leaned down.

"Wibble wibble, Snoosyfoo!" came Naruto's reply.

"Snockywocky, Naruchops." said the stoic Uchiha.

Naruto sighed. The simpering look disappeared. "Ok, that's enough. Can we take this bruise makeup off now?"

Sasuke straightened up, his face also turning serious. "Oh. Yeah, sure."

He grabbed a tissue and passed it to Naruto who wiped the blue and purple eyeshadow off his eye. He then swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

"Let's go home until the next chapter comes out. I think our author has gone temporarily insane."

Sasuke pulled back the hospital curtain surrounding the bed. "Truer words were never spoken. Fancy pizza tonight?"

Naruto shrugged and followed Sasuke out the door. "Sounds good to me."

AN: To answer the question that may be floating in your minds, yes, I live in a padded cell.