She continued sipping at her drink as Robin began to make friendly conversation. The beer wasn't great, but after the day she'd had she wasn't going to complain. The past day had contained enough emotional turmoil for a full year, and she was exhausted.
She began paying attention again as Robin made another joke about her kidnapping him.
"I'm sorry again about that. But it was the best way to get Regina to come to me so…" she trailed off.
"…So you aren't actually sorry?" Robin said, smirking at her. God she had forgotten how much she enjoyed those dimples.
"I mean I would do it again, given how it all turned out. But I'm sorry if it caused you any discomfort."
"The insults and digging earlier in the day were mildly uncomfortable, but being tied up by you wasn't half bad" he said, winking at her.
She scoffed as she sipped the last of her beer. Was he flirting with her? She didn't know if she could wrap her mind around their relationship right now, as she was still reeling from all the new emotions Regina had shared with her. She was overwhelmed at the joy and strength she felt upon being imbued with the love from all the people Regina had grown close to, but losing them forever within hours of finally understanding that bond filled her with the deep despair. So here she sat in a tavern, filled with the greatest joy she had ever felt, but not happy; filled with the greatest despair she had even known, but not hopeless. Exhausted. That's what she was. And she wanted to stop feeling all of these things.
"Speaking of tied up, is someone going to bring us more drinks or do I need to hunt them down myself?" she said to Robin.
He flagged down a barmaid who came over. "Two more, please?" he said politely.
Regina grabbed her arm as she walked away. "And a few glasses of something a bit stronger as well."
The woman nodded and made her way to the bar, as Robin gave Regina a sidelong glance. "Trying to drown your sorrows this evening, milady?" he asked.
"Trying to drown a lot of different emotions. You're welcome to head to bed; I don't want to keep you up. Of course, you're also welcome to join me."
"In the past few days I've discovered I'm an alter ego, been transported to a new universe, discovered multiple children who may or may not be mine, tried to run away from multiple versions of you, and, of course, been kidnapped. I think I've earned it, don't you?" he replied, leaning close to her and speaking in a low, conspiratorial voice. She was caught off-guard in a memory, and smiled at him as the barmaid returned with a pitcher and two glasses filled with amber-colored liquid.
The conversation flowed easily as the evening wore on and Regina quickly decided that he was funnier than the other Robin. In fact he was uproariously funny at moments throughout the night as he told stories of his encounters with the law and the creative escapes he had dreamed up. But he had an edge to him as well. Perhaps it had been softened on the other Robin by Marian and Roland, but she quite enjoyed it.
For his part Robin was thoroughly enjoying getting to know this woman. Although Robin had seen the other Regina smile, there was always a kind of sadness to it; he had never seen her smile or laugh with the carefree abandon he saw tonight. He found that each time this woman smiled with such genuine enjoyment it took his breath away. What's more, he found that he truly enjoyed her company. She laughed easily but her banter was quick, sharp, and cunning.
But as the night wore on and the drinks continued, they had slipped into a kind of melancholy drunkenness. Multiple hours had passed and Robin and Regina sat at the same table, surrounded by empty glasses and pitchers. Regina had draped her top half on the table, supporting herself on one of her arms, while Robin rested his chin on his balled-up fists on the table. They had been sitting in silence for a minute or two, both contemplating their current situations (Regina thinking mostly about Henry, while Robin mostly tried not to think about the way her cleavage was squarely on display with the way she was folded forward on the table).
"Do you think Henry misses me at all?" Regina slurred.
Robin roused himself from his thoughts and sluggishly shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't really get to know him that well, but he seemed to be an incredibly good young man. I can't imagine he doesn't miss you, as you're one of his mums."
"Regina and I shared our darkness and light, though, so we're really the same now. He gets both Regina and me in her, and there's no reason to miss me."
" You two are far from the same, trust me," Robin said off-handedly, looking past her towards the bar, which seemed to be tilting wildly from one moment to the next. He should definitely stop drinking.
"Really?" Regina said, lifting her head from her arm and looking at him. He sat up as well and tried to remember what they had just been talking about. "You think even after sharing our hearts, we're not the same?"
"I can tell you that sitting here drinking and chatting with you tonight doesn't feel like sitting and chatting with her did." Regina pursed her lips, considering this for a moment. "Is talking to me like talking to him?" he asked.
"No. Not at all." She said without having to think for even a moment. "That's definitely mixed up in the fact that it was more Regina than it was me talking to him, though."
"You don't feel like you talked to him?" Robin asked, surprised.
"I mean I was there. But in retrospect I realize that even then we weren't fully fused as a person. When we first separated I had all of her memories and I did love Robin, so I didn't realize at first that her relationship with him was separate from mine. But now that I know and feel what that love, both given and received, felt like, I understand that my love for him wasn't the same as hers for him. Obviously I was there, but she kept the 'me' part of herself walled up a bit." She trailed off at that point, partially realizing how much she was revealing, and partially trying to get her bearing as the room had started spinning a bit. She definitely needed to stop drinking.
"So you finally feel and understand the love she felt for him now, but also you never get to really experience it because he's gone," Robin mused quietly.
"Yes. It's rather depressing, isn't it?" She said, collapsing back onto her arm on the table. "And not just Robin's. I also have Snow's love, and Henry's love, and Emma's love… just all this love that I feel. And I can't express or experience any of it. Because I'm here."
"Shit. I'd be getting drunk too." Robin said, also collapsing back onto his balled fists.
They were silent again for a minute. "Why are you getting so drunk?" Regina broke the silence, curious but not judgemental.
Robin shrugged again and thought for a minute. "I guess I'm drinking because I can't imagine ever finding the kind of acceptance and family and friends that my better half got to experience. I mean all those people cared for him so much. And he had a full life, with children and a partner and friends and values. I'd never considered what that life would be like until I saw it. And being in his world I realized I could never live up to what he was. So maybe I don't even deserve to find that kind of love."
They trailed off into another silence, both draped over the table, eyes wandering around the tavern. At some point Regina looked at Robin and found he was looking back at her. Each quietly looked at the other, simply considering the broken but beautiful half-stranger sitting across the table.