*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*
Willow and I pulled up to an area high school in the Brandon, Florida area for our meeting with other parents that have a child with Down Syndrome or will have a child with Down Syndrome. This is my first time going to the meeting. I feel like I have been slacking off when it comes to Willow and the baby. I should have been there for the last 3 meetings instead of working but sometimes my personal life has to take a backseat to my professional life. It is my job that is paying our bills, putting the food on our table and will be paying for the baby and its medical expenses. I have to make a choice and sometimes my personal life doesn't always win. I feel guilty about it but as long as my family is provided for is all that matters. I have lived the other life when I was living check to check, living off of food stamps and WIC. I lived the life where I didn't think we would get by another day but now that I am making more money and have a much better job sometimes the sacrifice is worth it to make sure everything is taken care of and that we can make it another day. I wish I could be home more but right now that's complicated and I feel guilty about it but at the end of the day I have to do what's best for our family financially. "I feel weird, Willow," I say as we get out of the car. "You're three meetings in and everyone knows you but no one knows me."
"You'll be fine. They are a really nice group of people. They have been extremely helpful. They all felt the way we did when we found out the news. You know it's never easy and they have been where we are or are where we are. It shows we aren't alone. It is a very supportive atmosphere."
"I'm sure it is but I feel like I don't fit in already," I say. "You all know each other but no one knows me."
"They will get to know you," she says taking my hand into hers and lacing our fingers together. "Everything will be all right I promise."
"Okay," I say with a soft smile as I look at her. She's absolutely beautiful and the pregnancy has made her even more beautiful. Pregnancy looks good on her. Her pale skin that is usually sun kissed is still sun kissed but has a special glow to it. Her red curly hair is shinier and brighter and she has it pulled up into a messy bun. Her freckles kissing her nose as she looks at me. I hope our child has her freckles. Her green eyes sparkling in the sunset and her stomach growing more and more the closer we get to our due date. She has the perfect baby bump, it's nice and round as she carries it low. Everyone believes the baby is a girl but she insists it is a boy. We'll find out in a few short months.
Willow and I make our way down the hallway after we enter the high school. I follow her lead and we make our way to a gymnasium on the other end of the school. We walk into the gymnasium and I see chairs set around in a circle and other group members gathered around a table providing coffee, water, juice, soda and snacks. Willow walks over to the snack table to get some snacks and I get myself a cup of coffee and grab her a water. "Willow," says one of the women greeting her with a small hug. "How are you?"
"I'm well," she answers. "How are you? How is Violet?"
"I'm doing well," she says with a smile, "and Violet is doing wonderful. She is almost done with kindergarten. I didn't think we were going to make it this school year but we did. She did wonderful and enjoyed her classroom. I'm happy her year was so great."
"That's wonderful," says Willow with a smile. "I'm so happy to hear that."
"And how is the pregnancy going?"
"Good but I'm ready to meet my baby boy or baby girl. It is a very active baby. It is always moving and kicking. I can't wait to meet him or her. They are going to be so special."
"I can't wait to meet the baby," she says with a smile.
"By the way," says Willow, "I would like you to meet my fiancée. Joe this is Felicia and Felicia this is Joe."
"Nice to meet you," I say shaking her hand.
"Nice to meet you too, I'm glad to see you finally made it to a meeting."
"Work has kept me too busy," I say honestly.
"My husband works a lot too," she says. "Sometimes I feel like a single parent and he often misses the meetings too and I understand why. It's okay. Sometimes work happens." She says it with a bit of haste in her voice like she's not happy that he works a lot. Before I can ask a question the group leader comes in and everyone takes their seats.
There are a group of at least 8 people gathered around as the leader speaks to us asking us about our week and asking if anyone's child has hit any milestone. Willow and I and one other couple are the only ones expecting a baby with Down Syndrome. "I see we have a new member tonight," she says as everyone's attention turns to me. "Please introduce yourself to the group."
I stand up and make my introduction to the group. "Hi, my name is Joe and I am 30 years old. I am Willow's fiancée and we are expecting a child in September that has been diagnosed with Trisomy 21."
"It's nice to meet you, Joe," she says with a smile. "I'm glad you could make it. What we learn here is that support is the biggest thing parents with a child of Down Syndrome need in their lives. You coming tonight shows your support not only for Willow but for your child as well. We are a support group and we support one another through our struggles, our fears and our joys. There are plenty of joys that come along with parenting a child with Down Syndrome but there are also fears and struggles that come along with it too. We have heard Willow's story of how you found out the diagnosis of your child and how she felt when she heard the news but let's hear from you. Let's hear what you thought, how you felt."
"Okay," I say as I take a seat, "but first can I hear what Willow had to say."
"Willow," she says, "would you be willing to share your story again and your thoughts and feelings?"
"Sure," she says. "The day the doctor told us that we were having a child with Trisomy 21 I was scared. I was scared to death. I didn't know what to do. I instantly thought of our future and how it would be raising a child with Trisomy 21, I got this picture of a child that was needy and non-verbal. A child that wasn't independent and depended on us for everything, I was scared of the future and what it meant. I was really scared. I cried. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue on with the pregnancy. The doctor gave us the option of having an abortion and I truly considered it but the more I thought about it the more I realized I was carrying an innocent life inside of me. That our baby deserved to live its life and deserved a chance at life despite the challenges and realized that God doesn't really give us more than we can handle. I had already seen our baby, seen how tiny and beautiful a creation was and while I am still scared of the future I am excited to have this baby. I can't wait to hold it in my arms, hug and kiss it. I can't wait to meet my special baby. I don't know what the future holds but what I do know is that it involves a creation of my love with its father."
I never knew how deeply she felt about the baby. I hadn't heard her say she was excited to have the baby since we found out the news. I thought she had some regret to not having the abortion but now I know the truth. "Joe," says the leader. "Can you give your story?"
"Yes," I say as I clear my throat. "Like Willow said we were given the diagnosis of Trisomy 21 and like her I was scared. I was frightened and to be honest I still have some fear. I fear if I am going to be a good enough parent will I be able to give him or her all the resources it needs to survive or will I do everything right. I am scared I will mess it up somehow. I hate that feeling but it's the truth. I feel like I may screw everything up and not be good enough. I also don't want to make Willow feel like she's all alone in this because she's not but job is demanding and the only thing I can think of is cutting my time down and lose money or keep going the way I am now so that our baby has everything it needs. It's a scary situation. It's stressful," I say, "I was already scared at the thought of becoming a parent again because it has been 8 years since I last had a baby but to find out that our child will have a disability is even scarier because you don't know what to expect. I am happy to have a baby but still frightened at the same time," I explain.
"And that's natural," says the leader as Willow takes my hand and leans her head on my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head. "It is a scary experience finding out news like that. Not one of us knows what the future holds and that's scary but after research and joining groups like this you find out that a child with Trisomy 21 has a wonderful chance of survival, their life expectancy is up and they are able to function well on their own. It is not always easy but raising a child with Down Syndrome is a blessing they are some of the most loving and caring children you will ever meet. Like I said before there are plenty of joys of raising a child with Trisomy 21. Would anyone like to share one of their joys of raising a child with Down Syndrome?" she asks.
A woman sitting across from us raises her hand. "I'm Stephanie," she introduces herself, "and my daughter is 7 years old she was diagnosed with Trisomy 21. My husband and I were just married and 19 and 18 years old when we got pregnant with our daughter Faith. Like you and Willow we were scared to death. We didn't know what to do. We thought about abortion because neither of us really had a good job to get the resources we needed for her. We were set to get an abortion but at the last minute we changed our minds. We couldn't do that. She deserved a chance at life and we were going to give her a chance at life no matter how complicated it may get. She was born prematurely with many issues at birth she needed open heart surgery at 2 days old to fix a hole in her heart and she was very tiny. That was frightening enough. The doctors told us she would probably never talk and if she walked it would be a miracle. They didn't expect her to live past the age of 5 due to all of her complications. We didn't know what the future truly held for her. We went by our faith which is how she got her name and continued to trust in God that he would help us provide for her, make her healthy and help her to be as normal as she possibly could. The biggest joy was when she celebrated her 5th birthday she was never meant to see it according to the doctor but she did and now she's 7 years old. It's scary at first because it is new to you. You don't know how to take care of a special needs child but you get used to it, you learn to take care of your child. Your fear slowly fades away over time and you're filled with complete joy. Every milestone they hit walking, talking whatever it may be is a joyous milestone. It is a blessing to see them take their first steps or hear them say their first words. Ms. Amelia is correct having a child with Trisomy 21 is one of the greatest blessings in life. Faith has taught us how to love like we never loved before and taught us to be a little kinder and love a little bit harder and care so much more. She is one of the sweetest, most loving, kindest children I have ever met. You learn a lot from your child but the most important thing you learn is love. You learn to love them more than life itself and how to fill the world with love. I wouldn't trade my life with Faith for the world. She is everything we could have asked for. I know you're probably thinking your scenario is different than ours and yes it may be but we were where you and Willow were before. We got the diagnosis and we were scared. We sat in the same spot you were not knowing what tomorrow would bring but tomorrow is always brighter than yesterday and today. That's how life is with a child with Trisomy 21 each day is a little brighter than the last, it is another day your child survives and it is another day your child will show the world its love. If there were more people in this world like our children the world would be a much better place. You have nothing to be afraid of everything is going to be okay. You're going to be okay. You probably think today you'll never make it tomorrow but you will. You will make it and everything will be wonderful. You have your good days and your bad days but the good days happen much more than the bad days. I promise," she says with tears in her eyes as I feel my own eyes filling with tears. I look over at Willow and she is wiping the tears from her eyes. The words that Stephanie spoke, her experience of raising a child with Down Syndrome were what we needed to hear if not Willow but me. Her words were beautiful and encouraging. Even though there have been times I have felt like giving up I know that tomorrow will always be brighter than today but the one thing I notice is Stephanie's number one support system; her husband. I realize Willow needs me and I need her we are our biggest support system without each other we will never make it.
"So what did you think?" Willow asks as we are in the car driving home before I have to catch my flight out as there is a rain storm happening that is impairing my vision but I have to get to the airport.
"I liked it," I say. "I think that it was helpful. Everyone seems nice but what is Felicia's deal?"
"Her husband works a lot. He has never been to a meeting that I have seen. I know she feels like she does it all alone sometimes."
"One thing I learned tonight," I start to say as the rain starts to fall harder.
"Maybe you should pull over for a bit Joe until the rain slows down just a little bit."
"I'm fine, I can see, Willow," I say as I continue drive through the rain even though I can barely see in front of me. I make the windshield wipers go faster but they barely help my vision. "As I was saying," I say, "One thing I learned tonight was that our number one support team is each other. Without one another we have nothing and we'll never make it. We need to be there for each other. And I promise I will be here for you as much as I can."
"I promise the same to you," she says with a soft smile. "But I really think you should pull over, Joe. I don't know how you can see. The rain is falling too hard."
"I'm fine," I snap.
"Okay," she says sadly.
"I'm sorry, Baby. I didn't mean to snap. I'm sorry," I say. "I just have to catch my flight out for the show."
"I know but this is dangerous weather," she says.
"I'm fine," I say. "I promise we'll be home in about 10 minutes." I lean over and kiss her furrowed brow taking my eyes off the back road I am traveling on for just a second.
"JOE!" she yells as my attention turns back to the road, "WATCH OUT!" she yells but it's too late the sound of a horn of a truck sliding into our lane sounds out and we hit each other head on. I feel the SUV we are traveling start to flip 2 or 3 times before the world around me goes black.
*A/N: What do you think of Joe finally going to the support group with Willow? Does it show his support? What did you think of Willow talking about her feelings about the baby after she found out the news? What about Joe's feelings do you think he is more scared than anything? Should he be afraid? What did you think of Stephanie's words? Did you find them encouraging is tomorrow brighter than yesterday? Is it brighter than today? Would you agree that children with Trisomy 21 are the sweetest, kindest and most loving kids in the world? Should more people be like them to make the world a better place? Will Willow and Joe learn a lot from their baby? What about Joe driving in the rain? Should he have pulled over? What happens next? Thank-you for reading and please review.