*Thank-you for all the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much.*
"To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heavens. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what has been planted, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance," says the preacher as Willow and I sit front row of my family's church in Pensacola, Florida as he holds the funeral for our tiny son; Kekoa Peter Calaway Anoa'i. I wrap my arm around Willow as she sobs next to me as our son's tiny coffin sits before us at the alter surrounded by beautiful orchids and lilies. "A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, a time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate a time of war and a time of peace," he says as the images of my tiny son inside of his white casket dressed in a white tux outfit with his eyes permanently closed as he holds onto the blue stuffed elephant that decorated his tiny incubator at the hospital burns in my mind. Willow has not been the same since the doctor told us the news. She's been lost in the world, crying every day, hating the life we live. I have done my best to comfort her but it's not enough to take away the pain she feels inside. Nothing on this Earth could take away the shattered hearts we bear and the sorrow we are filled with. "Kekoa Peter Calaway Anoa'i made his appearance into the world on June 15th, 2016 and took his last breath on June 22nd, 2016. Kekoa or Koa as his parents called him meant warrior being born weeks before he was set to come into the world he was tiny but he was mighty he fought the odds and showed his mother and father how strong he was. Koa was their little warrior. Although his time on this earth was short his time he left his tiny footprints on this earth and in the hearts of those that loved him. There is no explanation as to why the Lord has called Koa home to be with him and it cannot be explained but now is not the time to ask why but know everything on Earth works in God's plan. The time is to mourn and weep at the loss of this precious baby boy, the answers will come later. It is time to remember his short time on Earth and the imprint he left behind on his older sister Alani and his parents Willow and Joe. Koa reached true healing when he was taken to the pearly gates of Heaven, no more pain and sorrow left to feel. He continues to live a new healthy life through Christ and with Christ in paradise. Healing takes time and is a slow process but know Koa is watching over every one of us, looking out for us and he remains in our hearts. God has not forsaken you nor has he left you. He is by your side and will be by your side as you continue to process and heal after a terrible heartache. We don't know the reason why God chose this little angel to come home so soon or why he had a short time on Earth but it's not the time to ask why it's not the time to question God's plan. Everything works together for the good of our Lord and for everything there is a reason. God has blessed the Earth a short time with Koa and Koa will live eternally through the Lord our God. Everything under the sun works in the time of God and God is in charge of every beginning and every end. He is the creator and the author of our lives. He gives us each a purpose and when that purpose is served our time on Earth is no longer required. Time is precious and life is a gift but it is our faith and our hope that provides us the will to continue each day trusting in God's plan for our lives. God is in control and in Jeremiah 29:11 he says, For, I know the plans I have for you declares the lord, not to harm you but to give you hope and a future. God does not present evil but life lessons and hope. He builds our strength and our faith through trials. God does not intend to hurt us or bring us pain but to bring us hope. Kekoa was brought to this Earth for a purpose and though his time was short his purpose was served and he is safe in the arms of the Lord. God bless this innocent child whom he has taken home with him and God bless his family," he says as Willow continues to sob as I hold her and the tears stream from my eyes. I don't understand how Koa's life could be so short and what his purpose was. I don't know why God chose him and I don't know why we are living without our son. I don't understand but God has a reason for everything he does and it isn't to hurt us.
As I have grown up learning, God never gives us more than we can handle. The preacher calls me up to say a few words before we go to bury our son as he will rest in peace and spend eternity with our Lord. I make my way to the front of the church as I leave Willow in the front pew with her father and step mother. I look out into the crowd of mine and Willow's family and our friends although they had not gotten the chance to meet our son they loved him none the less. I take a deep breath as I swallow back my tears. I swallow back my pain and my guilt. If it wasn't for my need to get to my flight that night after our meeting Koa would still be in Willow's womb. I'll never understand why we have to deal with so much pain and so much heartache. I'll never understand death or the death of an infant child. It's not fair, life is never fair. "First I want to thank all of our loved ones for coming today to support Willow and I in the loss of our son, your presence today means the world to us. I met Kekoa aka Koa on a rainy night in June. He was the most precious thing I had ever seen. He was no bigger than the palm of my hand and my wedding band could fit around his ankle. He was small but he was mighty. He had managed to fight and beat the odds from the time he was conceived. He had everything against him but he stood strong. He was one of the greatest things to happen to me. He was perfect from head to toe and he was beautiful. He had a head full of black hair which I always thought was crazy for as small as he was and how early came to the Earth. It must be in his genes," I say as I laugh through my tears as my family and friends laugh with me. "Willow and I created one of the most perfect beings one could ever imagine and while our time with him was short we loved him with every beat of our hearts. We will never understand the loss of Koa but we will rejoice in the fact that he has a new life in Heaven with Jesus and the angels around him guiding him every day as he continues to grow without fear and without pain. They talk about God having a reason for everything and while that reason is not clear I know God had a purpose for him. There is never a footprint so small that can't leave an imprint on this world. Koa imprinted his footprint on our hearts and will forever live within our hearts. Koa was the strongest baby I have ever met. He gave us hope and taught us love. All we wanted to do was love him and give him the best of the world as we could. His time was short but he lives forever in spirit. I know he is safe in the arms of the angels and they are taking good care of him. I am blessed because I have gotten to know and meet such a wonderful, strong and handsome baby. I'll never forget my days in the NICU with him, holding his hand and talking to him, the days Willow spent in the NICU singing to him and talking to him. His life was precious to us and he was special to us. I continue to thank God for allowing us to create such a beautiful baby boy and giving us the short time we were able to have with him. Time heals all wounds and the heartache fades away but saying we aren't hurting is a lie because we're hurt, we don't understand but right now it isn't for us to know or for us to understand. We love you, Kekoa Peter, you'll forever be in our hearts. Rest Easy my sweet boy," I say before I take my seat next to Willow as she is still in tears. I pull her into my arms and hold her as she cries. I kiss the top of her head as the preacher continues on with the funeral and Jojo from WWE sings Amazing Grace before the preacher says a prayer before our son's tiny coffin is moved and put into a hearse before we all get into our cars to follow the hearse to the burial site.
We arrive at the burial site and everyone gathers around the already dug out grave where my son's casket it will be placed. The preacher says a few words and gives Willow and I time to kiss the casket before it is lowered into the ground. "Let us commend Kekoa to the mercy of God," says the preacher before he says a prayer. "We therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life," he preaches as the tiny white casket is lowered. Willow and I each toss a single white rose into his grave as it lands on top of his tiny coffin. We stand back and I hold her as she cries as our close friends and family do the same. The preacher ends with a prayer before we are dismissed. The hardest thing I ever had to do was bury my son. Willow, Alani and I make our way to the car hand in hand as Willows cries fill the air. I open the back door to allow Alani into the back seat before I open Willow's car door. I lean into kiss her cheek but she pulls away before she climbs into the car shutting it on me before I make my way to the driver's side. The car ride back to my parents' home is done in silence, not even the radio playing. I glimpse over at Willow a couple of times on our drive and she is looking out the window as the sky turns grey and raindrops fall from the clouds. I reach over to take her hand but she pulls it away and places it in her lap. I let out a sigh and look in the rearview mirror to see Alani looking out into the rain as we make the drive home where our family and friends will gather to say a final goodbye to Kekoa.
"Where's Willow?" asks my mom as we are in the living room of their home after the burial.
"She's upstairs," I say, "she wanted to lay down all of this is too much for her."
"Do you think she will be all right?" she asks.
"I hope so," I answer, "I really hope so. She's dealing with a lot of pain right now. I don't even know what to do to comfort her or make her feel better. This is tough for both of us."
"It is tough," she says. "You two have a long road ahead of you."
"I know," I say. "A really long tough road."
"How are you handling it, Joe?"
"The best that I can, the best anyone can when they lose a child. I'm hurting and I'm confused but I know Koa is with God right now. I just we had more with him, more time you know?"
"As would anyone that has lost a child," she says as she places her hand on my shoulder. "I love you two and I hope that you two can work together to get through this."
"I hope so too, Mom," I say. "I hope so too."
"I love you, Joe," she says before she embraces me and kisses my cheek softly. I embrace her back and kiss her cheek.
"I love you too, Mom," I say.
"Hey, Joe," says my friend Dean. "How you holding up man?" he asks after my mom walks away.
"As well as I can," I say.
"I'm sorry, Man. I give you my condolences."
"Thank-you," I say.
"If you need anything don't hesitate to call me," he says.
"Thanks," I say with a nod. "I appreciate that."
"The same goes for me," says Mark as he comes up beside me. "If you or Willow need anything don't hesitate to call."
"Thanks, Mark," I say. "I'm probably going to be packing up the nursery when I get home. Would you be interested in helping me?"
"Of course," he says. "I'll be there."
"Me too," says Dean.
"Thanks," I say.
"Willow resting?" he asks.
"Yes," I say. "It has been a tough few days for her. This has been really hard on her."
"I know," says Mark. "She just lost a child I'm sure she's hurting deeply like I'm sure you are. Give her some time she will get through this. I know it's hard but you two will get through this."
"I hope so," I say. "I really hope so."
"Remember our talk about those things in life that try to tear you apart?"
"Yes," I say, "I remember."
"This is one of those things. You two have a long road together and have a lot to get through. I know it's hard but you two need to get through it together. I suggest that maybe you both get individual therapy and then couples therapy. You're going to feel some things that you're going to want to deal with individually but you two are sharing the same pain that you're going to want to deal with together and get ways to handle this together. It will help you and benefit you," he says. "Be a team," he says.
"We will," I say hoping that we can be a team but in something so terrible and something that hurts us so bad how can we be a team. Willow is handling it all different than I am, how could we possibly work together nonetheless I am worried about her and how she's handling the loss of Koa.
*A/N: What do you think of the support Willow and Joe received from their family and friends? What did you think of Kekoa's funeral? What about the words Joe needed to say? What will happen with him and Willow? Will they both be able to make it through this together or will something like this tear them apart? Can they get through this together? What do you think of Mark's suggestion for them to get couples therapy as well as individual therapy will that help? Do you think Joe should be worried about Willow? Please review and thank-you for reading.