Chapter 34: The Edge of the Abyss

"Survival was my only hope, success my only revenge."

~Patricia Cornwell

Naruto had felt fear before, many times. He couldn't say it was an old friend, but it was familiar, even if it was something you never fully got used to. Each fresh wave felt as strong the first. Fear made your heart transform into a racing horse trying to gallop out of your chest. It travelled along every nerve in your body like liquid lightning, like ice and fire burning you at the same time, making you lose all control of the pieces of yourself that you thought you knew so well.

So, what surprised Naruto the most was when none of these sensations appeared. In fact, from the moment he had awoken in this horrific place he had felt…nothing.

Instead of fear, it was like his heart had dropped into some dark abyss. His being filled with a buzzing sort of numbness. His hands shook. His body trembled. Yet there was no fear. No, it wasn't a lack of fear. It was something beyond fear. A terrifying internal silence…and cold. It was so cold.

Iruka's frightened and bloodied face played over and over in his mind like a song on repeat. Blood and fear. Blood and fear. Fear and blood.

Orochimaru's deep voice rumbled in the distance as he spoke with Kabuto. It was nothing but a noise thundering in the backdrop of a world that continued on in another dimension without him.

It was like he had struggled through the hardest levels of a game, clinging on with one life left. Now here he was staring dumbly at the "Game Over" screen. There was nothing left. Nothing that could be done, nothing to hang onto. This was it. The cold, hard end.

He flinched as a warm hand touched the cool skin on his arm raising goosebumps

"Isn't that right, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto looked at the man, but he didn't really see him. He was staring through a portal from an alternate reality far, far away.

"Naruto?" the man questioned. He leaned forward slightly and snapped his fingers in front of the boy's face. No reaction.

"His pupils are dilated." said Kabuto, joining Orochimaru in front of the teen.

He placed a hand on Naruto's forehead. The skin was cool and clammy.

"Looks like he's in shock."

Orochimaru snorted. "Well, that's a new one."

Kabuto sighed, rolling down Naruto's sleeve. "I can't draw blood from him while he's in this state. His blood pressure is already too low. It would be too risky."

"You're saying we have to wait?"

Kabuto nodded. "We have no other choice. If we lose him, we could lose Kyuubi."

"And a whole body's worth of blood wouldn't be enough for you to work with?"

"Of course it would, but what if something happens like before? We're attacked, contamination, anything that could destroy the blood samples. Then we're left with nothing. It's always safer to have a back-up. This boy's body is a factory for the virus until we can create it ourselves, and a fresh source is always the best source."

Orochimaru let out a hiss of frustration. "Fine. We wait."

The door to the barn creaked open and the cool night air leaked in with icy fingers. Kabuto shut it with a slam.

Naruto shivered despite the layers of warm blankets engulfing him. They were brown and itchy. He desperately wanted to scratch his neck, but his arms were strapped down to the gurney. His stomach gurgled, though with hunger or nausea – he couldn't quite tell.

"How are we feeling, Naruto?" asked Kabuto as he approached. "Any better?"

Naruto didn't reply. He flinched as the man put a frighteningly gentle hand to his forehead.

"Hmm. You certainly seem more reactive." murmured Kabuto.

He took his hand away and adjusted the clear, plastic bag hanging on a metal stand next to the bed.

"It will have to do for now."

He walked over to a rough, wooden table covered with lab equipment and a thick, heavy laptop. A large contraption had been set up at its centre – a maze of glass tubes, beakers and Bunsen burners. The clinical equipment looked out of place in the rustic barn where the wooden walls and straw-covered floor spoke of a different time, a different mode of life. What looked like the front of an old combine harvester still sat rusting in the corner.

Kabuto picked up a syringe.

Naruto groaned inwardly. He wasn't sure he could handle another trip. He silently prayed that this time it would kill him. Perhaps this time he could stay in wonderland.

Kabuto walked over to the gurney, the dirt crunching under his steps. He prepped Naruto's skin with an alcohol-covered swab before sticking the needle into his arm in a smooth motion. He dragged the pump of the syringe back, and Naruto watched as it filled with his blood. He shot Kabuto a confused look.

Kabuto's eyes flicked to meet Naruto's suspicious gaze.

"I'm taking a sample of your blood, Naruto."

Naruto cracked open his lips. For some reason, that small movement took so much strength.

"Why?" he asked. His voice came out hoarse.

Kabuto didn't reply for a few moments, and when he did, it was only to parry Naruto's question with another.

"How is it, do you think, that I made the Paradise drug, Naruto?"

Naruto frowned and shrugged as well as he could in the restraints. He wasn't in the mood for Kabuto's pointless games.

"Same way they made Bliss."

"No, no, no. Not at all." said Kabuto. "Bliss and Paradise have similarities, but they are vastly different, Naruto-kun."

Naruto hated the way he said his name. What he wouldn't give to throw the man a good punch in his smug face.

Kabuto smiled, ignoring his patient's less-than-engaging expression.

"You see," he continued in condescending tones. "Bliss is a drug. Paradise is a virus. A virus I developed using your blood as a model."

Naruto glanced at the rapidly-filling syringe in confusion. His blood? But Kabuto had been working on this for so long. How could he have had Naruto's blood?

Then he remembered - the day of the explosion at Orochimaru's headquarters. Kabuto had taken a sample then when Naruto had been strapped down in that interrogation room. Until now he had given it little thought, assuming the blood had been destroyed back then along with everything else.

…Along with Kabuto.

The man in question watched as the realization dawned on Naruto's face.

"That's right." He said in a quiet voice, touching a free hand to his waxen skin. "The explosion you and Sasuke created may have decimated my work up to that point, but I still had your blood. I had to start from scratch, Naruto, from nothing at all – only a damaged sample. I couldn't do much with that alone. You took all of my equipment, all of my research with you in that explosion."

A small muscle twitched in Kabuto's jaw and he let his hand fall. "Can you imagine the humiliation I felt, the risk I took in cosying up with the Akatsuki so that I could develop this virus?"

Naruto flinched in pain as Kabuto pulled the needle out in one rough movement. A small bead of blood bubbled up to the surface of his skin. The man turned, walking over to the table. He put the sample in a circular machine set up like an upwards-facing wheel. The cable from it stretched all the way across the barn to a generator that could be heard humming outside.

"They did not like cooperating with me, no doubt planned to dispose of me once they had what they needed." said Kabuto as he worked, switching on the machine and leaning over to tap some information into the laptop. "But how could they refuse the knowledge I had to offer?"

He stopped for a moment and looked back at the boy on the gurney, "Don't get me wrong, I was never foolish enough to tell them I had found Kyuubi. They might not have known how I developed the virus, but they were more than happy with the results."

Kabuto returned to his work, picking up some beakers and starting up a bunsen burner. The blue flame burned brightly in the dull twilight of the barn.

He let out a small laugh.

"They would search me every time I left that lab. I wasn't allowed a single piece of research on me."

The man lifted up a beaker filled with liquid and examined it against the failing light from the window.

"Then again, they were right not to trust me. Thanks to yours and Itachi's escape distracting everyone, I was able to leave with samples of both Paradise and my research along with it, so now I can freely test my cure against Paradise's new strain. I've made my very own back door to their 'foolproof' virus."

Naruto lifted his aching head as he strained to follow Kabuto's movements.

"But…you made the virus. You want the world to go under. Why would you want the cure?"

Kabuto picked up a dropper and suctioned up some of the liquid from the beaker, transferring it to a small vial.

"Our goals are not the same as the Akatsuki's." he said, "They want to leave this world like cockroaches running from the light. We, on the other hand, embrace that light. We won't run, Naruto. We'll rule. And who is the most powerful in a world of disease?"

Kabuto's glasses glinted in the light as he turned to face him with a triumphant smile, holding the vial in his hands. He lifted it in front of him. "The one who holds the cure."

Naruto scoffed and let his head fall back against the pillow, staring up at the arching wooden-slatted ceiling. "You're as delusional as they are."

"You should be pleased, Naruto-kun. You're completely safe. In fact, you are this future world's most valuable commodity." Kabuto swirled the vial and put it in a slot in the circular machine with a light clinking noise.

"At least," he added, "Until we can synthetically reproduce the effects of Kyuubi ourselves."

Naruto felt his eyes prick at the thought. Safe. Safe in the hands of the men who had murdered Iruka. Men who would kill Sasuke and who would cruelly dispose of Naruto as soon as they had everything they wanted from him. Not only that, but he wouldn't even be able to have the illusion that none of it was real. He'd never be in paradise like everyone else. He'd get to see the world end, to see it crash and burn as a passive observer. Yes, he thought bitterly, 'safe' was exactly how he felt.

"Then again." said Kabuto in a quiet voice coming back over to Naruto's side. "Perhaps Orochimaru may decide to keep you."

He reached out to touch Naruto's cheek who cringed away instinctively, but the man's fingers met his skin caressing it lightly.

Kabuto's face was impassive as he looked down at the boy.

Naruto curled his lip as he returned the unreadable gaze.

"I would rather die." He said with a hiss in his voice.

Kabuto nodded, and withdrew his hand. He picked up a cotton swab from a tray next to Naruto's bed, and taped it onto the small patch of blood on his patient's arm.

"You probably will." he said, adjusting the tape. "He gets bored. Doesn't like it when they get too old, always onto the next younger model."

His face was still expressionless, but there was an edge in the man's voice that caught Naruto's attention.

"How did you meet Orochimaru?" he blurted out.

Kabuto stopped what he was doing and gave Naruto a curious look. Naruto immediately regretted the intrusive question.

"Why the sudden interest?"

Naruto bit his lip.

"I just...was wondering. You must have had a life, people you loved before all...this."

Kabuto's lips thinned.

"If I did, I don't remember them."

"Why not?"

Kabuto sighed, and spoke as if he'd recited the sentence a thousand times before.

"I woke up in a hospital one day with no memories, and no one came to claim me."

Naruto frowned. "So, you've always been alone?"

Kabuto raised a brow. "Alone? Not at all. I lived in a children's home much like you. I had friends and carers."

"And then you met Orochimaru."

"Indeed. He taught me everything I know."

"I bet." said Naruto without thinking. His eyes widened as he realized what he'd said and he snapped his mouth shut quickly.

Kabuto cocked his head to one side examining the boy before him with a dispassionate expression before it melted into one of amusement. Naruto swallowed as the man's face broke into a strange smile, and he drew closer to Naruto's side.

"Do you think he blackmailed me, like he did you, little Naruto-kun, is that it?" said Kabuto. The man reached out a hand and took hold of Naruto's face, applying a painful pressure to his jaw. Naruto let out an instinctive cry before clenching his jaw against the pain. "Did you think he terrorized me with some big, bad threat like a monster in the night?"

He stood above Naruto. His shape blocked out the dull glow of the overhead light, casting darkness across his face. Then Kabuto's smile disappeared faster than the sun behind a cloud.

"I am nothing like you. You want to know why?" he said, his voice now laced with a cold, quiet revulsion. "Because I am a survivor, and you, Naruto-kun, you are a victim, and will always be a victim right up until the end of your days."

He leaned down and whispered into Naruto's ear. Naruto screwed his eyes shut, suppressing the shiver that ran through him.

"You are weakness. You are naiveté. Everything that you value, that you hold dear - that, Naruto, is the real illusion. You've just yet to see it."

He pressed harder, and Naruto struggled to remain calm as his heart rate quickened and his jaw ached under the pressure. He breathed hard through his clenched teeth and tried to turn his head away, but Kabuto held it fast. Kabuto pulled away slightly, but his face was still near, far too near.

"Did you think that we were going to become friends, Naruto-kun?" Kabuto said, his voice silky and teasing.

"Share our sob stories and bond a little?"

Naruto swallowed and shook his head - a minute movement restrained as he was by Kabuto's hand.

"No." he said through clenched teeth. "I just thought...maybe once you were like me. There must have been a time before...when you had hope."

Kabuto blinked. He let go of Naruto and pulled away abruptly.

"Hope? What are you talking about? Of course I have hope." he said. He gestured towards the table stacked with lab equipment. "What do you think all this is for?"

Kabuto gazed down at Naruto with a strange expression, and there was a brief moment of silence before he looked away and shook his head as if jolting off a buzzing fly.

"You seem to think we've suffered, Naruto-kun, but you and I are the lucky ones. If you hadn't been so stubborn, things could have been very different for you."

He tore the swab from Naruto's arm and placed it back on the metal tray. The white cotton was tinged with a small amount of blood.

"You may see Orochimaru as cruel," he said, fingering the bloody swab lightly, "But he has taught you a valuable lesson."

He pushed his glasses farther up onto the bridge of a nose with a grim smile. "The strong in this world are forged by fire."

He strode away then with quick steps, and leaned on the table looking intently at the laptop screen. The outline of his shoulders was sharp against the light of the monitor. It displayed figures and graphs Naruto couldn't hope to understand. Kabuto didn't say anything for a while as he watched the screen, the cold glare of the screen casting harsh shadows on his features.

Finally, he spoke in a quiet voice, as if almost to himself.

"The new world will be different. That is my hope."