The Aftermath - Chapter 2 - Lauren
I do not own the characters and make no claims to them. They're property of Grey's Anatomy.
Lauren selected End Call and held the phone to her chest. She'd spent the last several months processing what happened in Seattle and had literally swung back and forth between wanting to pursue a relationship with Arizona and wanting to give her time and space.
She found the sway from one extreme to another utterly exhausting. She'd been losing sleep and knew she had to do something quick. She doubled her weekly running routine, hoping the physical exhaustion would give her mind a rest. It did and eventually she felt strong enough to organize her thoughts. Her breakthrough moment came during an early morning run when it occurred to her that she could give Arizona exactly what she asked for, and still wish for an opportunity to continue their connection. She suspected there was something more than an emotional and physical attraction between them and at the same time was terrified that if she made contact too soon, she would not get the result she hoped for.
Lauren managed the state of uncertainty by limiting how much time she allowed herself to be preoccupied with thoughts of Arizona. She also found that when she did give herself permission to think about Arizona, it helped to imagine what she might be going through, rather than how much she missed her. Focusing on Arizona's needs, rather than her own, soothed the dull ache of constant longing. A longing that had she tried to control or disappear would surely have wreaked havoc and sent her impulsive tendencies into overdrive. The last thing she wanted to do was show up on Arizona's doorstep unannounced, something she knew she was capable of doing.
Impulse control was something Lauren had spent a lot of time thinking about since leaving Seattle. She truly regretted coming on to Arizona as strongly as she did. She was so unimaginably caught off guard by the sexual energy between them that she never once stopped to consider the larger picture. Her heart ached at the thought of Arizona hurting her daughter and she felt sorry for the pain her actions caused Callie. Deep within, she wished for an opportunity to go back to that night in the on-call room when Arizona extended her hand to say goodbye. Knowing now, what she didn't know then, she'd have taken it and let Arizona walk away. This is not to say she would have let her attraction to Arizona go, she simply would have found a different way to communicate her desire for a more meaningful connection, and one that wouldn't have resulted in irrevocable harm.
In many ways, Lauren considered what happened between her and Arizona a life lesson. The fact that she was home alone, at this very moment, pressing a phone to her chest spoke volumes. She had no desire to apologize for being a powerful, intelligent, successful, and extremely driven woman, but she did want to acknowledge that she rushed things, when she shouldn't have. Now she is being given the chance to do exactly that.
Lauren smiled, lifted her lithe body from her dining room chair, and walked across her living room to a North West facing window. She inhaled deeply and let out a long slow sigh. She let her mind linger on the softness of Arizona's voice. She mulled over the content of their conversation. She thanked her lucky stars for Dr. Avery's call. Sleep would not come easily. but it mattered none, for she was perfectly content standing there, phone in hand, and reveling in the view of city lights sparkling before her.